Can I Set Those Boundaries and Not Come off Like the Biggest Jerk in the World?

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"I have two kids of my own who are almost grown. I was ready to be kid free and travel and do amazing things with my life. For about a year now I've been dating this guy who I absolutely love and he has three kids. They are all pretty young and way out of control. We only have them every other weekend and every other week in the summer. I don't want the responsibilities of raising these kids. I feel like I did my time raising kids already. I had my oldest when I was 18. I've been raising kids for 18 years now and I'm ready to be done. Is it possible for us to stay together without me taking on the "step-mom" role? Can I set those boundaries and not come off like the biggest jerk in the world? What would you guys do? I know I dhould have thought about this in the beginning and I did. I've just recently started having anxieties about this. I don't know what to do."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"You look like a jerk just asking the question. Let him go find someone who will love his kids they way they deserve. When you date someone with kids, they’re a package deal. You should have told him from the beginning how you felt about kids. But then he probably wouldn’t have started dating you in the first place."

"Um… no. Either leave or accept them all. That’s a package deal."

"Nope. If you don’t want to be a step mom find someone without kids."

"How would you have felt if someone had these feelings about your children when they were his childrens age? There are plenty of men out there without children. Go find one."

"Imagine someone saying this about you with your kids when they were young smh. Let him go so he can find someone with enough love for him and his kids, you’re wasting his time."

"You knew he had small children when you started dating him. So yes you would be the biggest jerk it’s a package deal. How would you feel if that was reversed. Sounds like that single dad deserves better. If you didn’t want to have to deal with someone else’s kids date someone with no kids or suck it up and step up"

"Sounds like maybe you should reconsider your relationship and find someone with no kids to make you happy"

"I dont talk to my dad because his wife never treated me the same as her own. She’d go out of her way to make me feel uncomfortable as a kid. Please do yourself a favor and love those kids or walk away."

"Please leave that poor guy he doesn’t need someone who is not willing to be there for him and his kids. You don’t seem like a bad person I get what you're saying but just know that he is not the one for you let him move on and find the right person and you as well."

"Then don’t be with someone who has kids. Just like he should accept your kids, you should accept his, or find a different partner. Your relationship with him won’t work because you don’t feel like this kids should be a part of your life but they will always be a part of his life."

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