Is there a secret to teaching an almost 21/2- 3 year old patience?
Like being asked the same thing over and over and whining for it after you already said you’d get what they want or do it in a second.
My daughter has started this whining for everything all day the past week (mostly with dad or when he’s home) so I guess I’m also asking is there a way to help her speak rather than whine and get her to understand after an answer?
With her speaking My girl is said to talk better than MOST 4 year olds by pediatricians and friends. (I might add she has a little brother but I mean he’s 8months if that effects anything ) I usually talk to her and explain everything like she’s an adult obviously she’s not but what use to work isn’t any more.
Dont give in once she realizes that you wont give in while she whining she will stop it might be hard depends how much u let her get away with it but its worth it my 2yr old had same issue n it worked n we told her stop whining or crying which ever she doin because she not getting anything n we started sending her to her room her vocabulary is great to great lol i might add but it gets so much better this did not happen over night it took about a month because she is our last which is our fault because we babied her
Don’t give in. Whining is normal at that age. Just tell her we can talk about it when you stop whining. Maybe have a place where she can whine like a chair but if she is not there it is not allowed
Sit her down and explain yes no maybe. Yes means yes but if she whines it becomes a definite No, No is a definite No if she whines she will go to time out. Maybe is you have to think about it but if she whines it becomes a definite no. Explain the rules and follow the rules.
Parts of their brain, like self control, are not well formed yet. That is what tantrums are about, the mind triggering the toddler to teach it how to calm itself down.
Just be firm. I understand what you are going thru. My daughter started potty training at 10 months. She knew numbers and letters by the time she was 2. Sounds like you have an intelligent young lady. So just be firm. Tell her it’s upsetting that she repeats herself. It makes you mad and you don’t want to be in abad mood. She needs to be taught emotion. This is a good way to explain them. She’s advanced and that’s ok. Take her to the library and pull books about emotions and I promise , it helps. But just be firm and tell her you will get it sooner that she can’t have it. But, being firm is key. God bless.
I always say that I can’t understand when they whine. Ask them to take a few breaths, regroup and explain what they want or what they’re trying to tell me. We still use the “few breaths” with the biggest ones (8 & 6) when they get upset and it seems to help! Hang in there momma
Ask her what she wants. Believe her, placate her. As you start to notice a pattern, get ahead of it and before she can get whiny, anticipate her need and get what you deem is a healthy alternative. The more parents understand the child, the better the child acts. I would also distract ours (who’s 17 now) when he’d cry or before a true melt down by starting to have him sing with me a kid song he knows well. Distractions at that age just instills positive communication for more pleasant outcomes. They don’t have their minds developed as those of adults. So, lower expectations with their kid perspective communication. With each new age will come a new way to communicate. When kids are upset, they’re unable to easily tell us what bothers them by defaulting to that behavior, unlike adults that will communicate and bypass the crying in normal upsetting circumstances. Kids require a more simplified form of communication. It’s not dumbing down nor will they not be challenged enough. Instead, you wouldn’t talk to your pastor in the same way you would your girlfriends, so understand what a little child needs in their “language”.
Honestly I would gently ignore her. If she wants something bad enough she will speak. And you need your husband to do the same thing with her. Do not give into her antics. That’s all it is, it’s just a cry for attention. I think she’s seeing her brother whine or cry and get the things he needs because that’s the only way of communication for an 8mo. Old.
So she’s trying to get the same attention. Just let her be. If she wants something bad enough then she will talk. Ignore it.
Honestly it sounds like regression with the baby the baby whines and cry’s and it’s needs are met let her know that she’s a big girl and big girls use their words when they need something. Make an extra big deal out of her being a big girl and make some special time for just the two of u
When my kids whine I say " i can’t understand you. Use your big kid voice" and I refuse to answer them until they stop whining and talk.
Also patience is hard for adults too. Sometimes you have to explain like “I’ll get you a snack in a second. I have to finish task and wash my hands. Ok?” Then again once you finish the task say " OK, let me wash my hands and we can get you a snack. Thank you for waiting"
Start out really little, asking her to wait just a minute. Wait like literally 30 seconds and then do whatever it is. Praise her for waiting even if she whined. that way she can start to understand what it means when you ask her to wait a minute. Do this only a little bit at a time because waiting too long is going to be too much for her to understand at this point.
Yes. You need to be stern and consistent with it.
I don’t listen to my kids when they act like that. I let them know right then and there, “stop your whining. I dont know what you’re saying when you whine like that. When you decide to speak to me without whining, I will help you.”
Throw a fit for my response? Time out
At 2 they are still learning self control. If you want him to be patient you need to show by example at this age.
Ie. " I’d love to help you right now but I need to finish… then I will be happy to help you do/ make/ play.
I use “I cannot hear you when you talk like that, please talk nicer” and make my kids calm down and stop throwing a fit or whining before ever giving them anything. Even if I told them they can have it, they now wait until they can ask nice. It takes some time, patience and persistence… dont give in. You show them you cave once it is like resetting the clock because they see it worked.
Honestly it’s unrealistic because my five-year-old is still super impatient. Continue to teach them but you can’t expect them to be completely patient at that young of an age
Maybe when she sees the baby whine or cry for what it wants she just doing same as baby just explain she the big girl now and not to whine but ask then remind her she big girl and praise her when she doesn’t whine idk is
Probably not going to get perfection their brains just are not able to be as patient as an older child but you can definitely work on some of those lessons.
If you figure it out please let me know! My 5 year old son is like this!!! I literally could tell him he can have whatever it is that he’s asking for as soon as I’m done doing whatever it is that I’m doing and he’ll run to his dad and ask him or two seconds later he asks again! So I tell him “I’ve already said yes and if you ask again the answer will be no!” That usually helps but sometimes it doesn’t! They are still young and learning!
I will have mine show me how to wait hands out in front . Or have him raise his hand to talk and then say it’s his turn. I also have said I can’t understand you or hear what you are asking for if you are whining . I also talk to them like adults and explain as much as possible . The other thing I have done is whine back to them they look at me like I am crazy but sometimes it works
I have definitely figured out if they have a action towards the word it helps . Timers help also
Child is pushing you to see how far she can go, to the point you blow or give in…
They are just now learning they have a mind, what they are likeing, and dont like. Main thing you must be consistent with you answer and actions. Diversions can help too.
I explained to my son that whining does not help him get the things that he wants. Please use your big boy voice and mommy would be happy to get it when I am finished…
When my 2 and a half year old son ask for something I say just a min and he ask again right away and I say almost… wait. 5 seconds then give it to him. Now when he starts the whining I say hold on almost and he quits because crying he knows its coming we use this method alot in restaurants because he is so impatient for his french fris lol
No, most adults don’t even have patience so I think it’s a little unreasonable. However, being repetitive and consistent with certain coping skills or distractions while she waits can probably be helpful.
I’m going through the same stage with my 2 yr old. And I tell her and remind her that she is ok to wait a min and that she needs to wait her turn ( i use sign with her as well still) so she sees the visual and she hears it and it helps sometimes but then others it is just a natural stage of being 2 and I also have a new baby that is about a month old so there is a little bit of sibling rivalry going on for who gets the attention right now. Just keep using the positive reinforcement mama you got this!!
Don’t let her whine to get what she wants. Obviously someone caved when she did…it only takes once…and now she probably thinks it will work all the time. Tell her you can’t understand her unless she talks in her big girl voice and be firm about that. Don’t give in. And don’t give her what she wants unless she uses her big girl voice.
Most children that age simply can not be patient. There’s a reason it’s known as “the terrible 2’s” my children where at their worst at around 3. It seems like around age 5 they start becoming a little more patient and independent.
Remember the saying"terrible two s"! Well basically your patience are definitely going to be tried. Don’t have to be a dramatic thing. Tell the child once and then just give directions that a 2-yr.old understand s a two year old definitely are learning through watching the way you are teaching her. Remember two word prompts not a full blown out ordeal
But hopefully the same set up as each time we want them to understand what it is your asking of them.These young ages are definitely smarter than you think. Try keeping them busy by taking time to work with them.go to dollar tree and grab some learning activity books as well as coloring books, reading books( picture books are fantastic too) I taught two yrs.olds and was totally amazed how much they were capable of learning
She may be too young to fully develop enough patience. She may just be seeking attention and children will get it any way they can. They don’t fully understand yet. It is often helpful if you offer her two choices. For example: “You may drink some water from your water bottle right now or wait till I’m done (whatever it may be your doing and hopefully it won’t take that long. Also, start with short tasks, in order to build up her patience level ) I will pour you a glass of juice.” You will need to be ready with some choices(and they shouldn’t be punishments or done with an attitude-just matter of fact and hopefully with a smile)
Also. Make sure you are spending fb enough quality time with her- maybe reading to her at least once a day. The housework will keep. They’re only young for very short time God bless you and your family.
I dealing with the same issue with our daughter, the more she ask the more I make her wait and if she continues to get whinny and throwing a fit I tell her we can find a time out space or we can wait your choice. Works a lil
Not saying this child may be special needs but as a mother of an autistic child, this has worked wonders for us pertaining to patience
For turn taking, or simply waiting for what he wanted, I would tell him what’s going to happen, what I expect of him to do, and once he waits maybe say x amount of minutes (1 minute per his age), without whining, having a tantrum, screaming, yelling, he will get a positive reinforcer. The positive reinforcer is something that he prefers BUT he is only allowed to have it for a reinforcer ONLY so that he’s not confused with always getting skittles so to speak. Skittles would be reinforcers only.
Again, not saying this said child is special needs, this is just something that worked for my special needs baby and others who don’t have special needs children
-Sometimes it happens when kids sees the baby getting reinforcements: feedings/ changing/ attention after they cry or get fussy. Somehow they think that if it works for baby it will work for them.
-Explain to her that the baby only cry’s and gets fussy because he cannot talk and ask for what he wants. Tell her she is able to talk and she has to use her words to ask for what she wants or needs. -When she starts whining say “use your words” don’t give in until she tells you. Teach her emotions happy, mad, sad, excited, tired, etc. The words, and what they mean, what they look like, good ways to express them and what to say when she is feeling those different emotions, so y’al are on the same kinda page. Model those emotions in healthy ways for her and say (mommy/dady is sad/mad/tired/happy because/when you…) After repeatedly doing this it should get easier.
-Do daily activities together where you model patience. Use positive reinforcements when she stays calm, words of encouragement, small prizes, extra time to do a fun activity. We are going to do this or that for however long, then let her know when the time is up.
-Kids don’t have an understating of time at that age, it’s a teachable moment, make her say her abcs or teach her how to count. When she’s keeping track of time have her sing her abcs or count for however long until it’s time to do what she is asking for.
-Buy a timer so y’al can keep count on how long she has to wait and stay calm until you can do the next task if it is going to take a while, when the timer rings we can do so and so.
Some things that used to work with my sister’s kids.
My mom always played “dumb”. She would say “I’m so sorry but I can’t understand you when you’re whining” or “what did you say? I can’t understand you because you’re not talking like a big girl”
As far as patience goes, you have to lead by example! Make sure your child knows that they are heard, and if she asks again, then calmly remind her that you heard them and will grab the object after you finish your task. If she whines about it, you can’t understand her! This worked perfect for all of the kids I babysat!
Tumultuous, terrible twos! As annoying as kids are at this charming phase - they’re absolutely not able to rationalise emotions or time frames as an adult would.
This is the time she is learning she is not just an extension of mom and dad. But her own little person with her own little wants. Waiting for those wants to be met isn’t in her range of processed and learned behaviours yet. Sadly…there is no magic sentence to say that she’ll comprehend as having been asked to wait a few moments. You’re going to rinse and repeat the same pattern 2000 times - you literally cant do more than you’re doing. Explain you need a moment to finish the task you’re busy with and see to her when you’re done. She has to learn patience by exercising the waiting period patience requires.
Parenting is HARD work. There is no hard and fast track way to get small lessons to sink in. You just keep doing them until it does. I know you’re frustrated…but this too shall pass, eventually
Having a baby around May be a contributing factor as she may just be seeking validation and comfort that she’s still seen and heard. All you can do is make sure you cuddle, kiss or even run your hand over her hair in passing as often as possible. This physical contact gives her a sense of security.
When my son whines for something, I keep my voice calm. I tell him we have to learn how to be patient. Ive told him enough that when he gets impatient, he tells himself “be patient” its so cute but really just a calm voice & telling them repeatedly. Also, tell her until she is patient & stops whining, she cant have what shes asking for. But the key is for you to always be calm in this approach! it seems kids calm down when they see you being calm, even when they are crying or whining. You have to do this day after day & soon you will see a difference!!
So I’m in the same boat as you, my son is 21 months old and also gets very frustrated when I say I’m busy and I’ll help you in a minute, frustration then turns to anger and then he throws a temper tantrum, I just ignore the tantrum so he can see that it doesn’t work on me, unfortunately the same isn’t said about my husband or grandpa, they immediately leave whatever they’re busy with and give him what he wants…
I also have a 5 month old and it seems just impossible to do anything… Hopefully the phase will pass soon.
Sometimes when I tell him I’m busy he whines for a minute and then goes off and plays…
So I just keep doing what I’m doing and tell my son see mom is doing this when she is done ill do it. He gets mad or whatever but I don’t jump or stop.
Yeah, ignore the whining and make her use her words. Tell her “when you calm down and talk to me I will listen.” Also ignore her if she tries to interrupt you, tell her she needs to wait and if she whines after that just tune it out and continue doing what you were doing and then tend to her after. You have to teach her that her whining doesn’t get your attention, right now it does and she knows that.
Kids do not understand patience. With that being said, I have always told my daughter that she was going to have to be patient and then not give her what she wants. She understands patience now that she is 5. Start now and she will learn
So what you’re going to do is listen to her the firsts time fully
Then stop and say listen I cannot understand you.
Let’s slow down and try again without whining.
If she continues to whine then say stop and count to 10 with her. Get the whine out.
Then try again.
If you understand a word or two be sure to make it clear you understood those words but let’s take our time and figure it out.
I tell my 2yo to use her words. Tell mummy what you want, I don’t know what you want if you’re just whining. Or if she’s whining trying to do something herself, like get her shoes on, I remind her to ask mummy for help. Mummy will help you. She usually will calmly ask for help and we continue on with our day.
KEY word–PATIENCE-- on your part too. you can’t expect adult actions from a 2 year old–you say you talk to her like she’s an adult. nothing wrong with asking her to explain what she needs–but keep in mind, she is just 2–not 10-12-or an adult.
You start as soon as the are born. When they wake to be fed wait a bit to pick them up. But talk to them before picking them up even if they are fussing. Pick them up and smile to assure them you see them and slowly change and clean them gettingv ready to feed however you feed. If you need to warm a bottle hold them while fixing if you feed sit a bit and snuggle to let them feel comfy before feeding, but make sure you have all you need next to you. Soon they will learn that when they hear you talk to them you will soon appear and they will usually stop fussing and get excited when they see you. It is something you need to start early.
For the older child, wait a bit to pick them up and be happy when you do. Help them know that sometimes it can take a bit longer to get them but you will. Talking will help at any age but with an older child it will take longer for them to learn. Use unexpected moments to teach, like when waiting in line talk about how long it will take to get what you are waiting for and be patient yourself. Good luck. Be patient in teaching.
Start with little things of short duration. Like she asks for a drink. Tell her to wait until you do xxx for like 10 seconds. Do xxx and give her the drink. Then thank her, “Thank you for waiting while I did xxx. That is a big help.” Gradually increase it. She will catch on that while other things and her brother demand your attention, you have not forgotten her and will make time for her.
Big thing is explaining it in her words! Have you ever explained what it is? So maybe people just say be patient! I learned to say something like can we be good at waiting?
And honestly, being understanding that they will be repetitive and being able to say that to what it is the same each time.
I believe right around 2 is when kids start testing boundaries. Yes, I understand you want your little one to learn patience, but testing boundaries (for example, “if I ask for this one more time will mama say yes?”) is an equally important part of development
I think asking a two year old for perfect patience is probably asking too much. With the whining I always told my kids “I can’t understand you when you speak to me like that, so talk to me like a person and I will be able to understand you.” With the patience thing I would just hold ground, but be forgiving! She is very little still!!
Just talk to her. Tell her you don’t understand what she is saying and than ask her to say it nicely. Tell her if she talks nicely you will understand her. Sometimes they learn from other kids. So you just have to talk to her
I tell my son that I don’t understand whining and have him take a deep breath to help calm down. But time wise, we were having the same issue. I showed him the numbers on the clock and use those to tell him how long he has to wait. If he needs to wait 5 minutes, we talk about what number the clock is pointing at (the minute hand) and what it should be pointing at when it is time for whatever he wanted. It helped to minimize the repeated asking.
I tell my girls to find their patience.
Have them check their pockets, purses, backpacks, behind the ears…
Distraction long enough until I’m ready to do or get whatever they’re asking for.
Sometimes it works well, sometimes not.
I let my kids know I heard them and understand. I will ask them what I am doing currently (mamas doing the dishes, mamas making dinner) and then let them know they can expect that I will do whatever it is they wanted as soon as I am done with that thing. I offer for them to help me with it or stand there with me to chat. We also have a patience song we sing that helps.
" Have patience have patience don’t be in such a hurry. When you get impatient, you only start to worry. Remember, remember that God is patient too and think of all the times that others have to wait for you"
It’s normal… They grow out of it. But when mine did that I ignored them until they stopped whinning and asked in thier big boy voices that werent whiney. It takes time and patience… It also takes time for them to learn patience. I know adults who still dont know how to be patient.
Just remind her to use her words. Tell her you don’t understand crying and whining. Once my nephew started talking more, he got more calm when wanting something because he could communicate well.
Unfortunately most kids at that age are just too young to understand patience and listening. I have 4 girls and only 1 of them ended up not going through that,and is most definitely my well behaved child😂. They do grow out of it in time!
I sing this song “Be patient, be patient, don’t be in such a hurry
When you get impatient, you only start to worry
Remember, remember, that God is patient too
And think of all the times when others had to wait for you.” Make sure she’s getting enough positive attention. Negative attention is better than no attention to kids.
My son is pretty young still but I tell him “I don’t understand whining. Use your words”… We did that with my step daughter and it seemed to help, so hoping that my son gets used to hearing that and understands as well… However I do think it is completely normal for them to whine at that age
I believe you need to be firm with your answer to where they understand what’s being said and they understand the rules. If you said we’re not going to do XYZ until this gets done or until this time it means getting down on their level and explaining what the plan is and if they ask again it’s not going to happen. You have to be firm and parent. You lay the ground rules, kids don’t run s#!+.
the baby whines and cry’s and it’s needs are met let her know that she’s a big girl and big girls use their words when they need something. Make an extra big deal out of her being a big girl and make some special time for just the two of u 
hands out in front . Or have him raise his hand to talk and then say it’s his turn. I also have said I can’t understand you or hear what you are asking for if you are whining . I also talk to them like adults and explain as much as possible . The other thing I have done is whine back to them 
they look at me like I am crazy but sometimes it works
- they’re absolutely not able to rationalise emotions or time frames as an adult would.
it seems kids calm down when they see you being calm, even when they are crying or whining. You have to do this day after day & soon you will see a difference!! 
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