I woke up to being SA. I won’t go into the details. However, nothing is being done about it. I have to accept that it happened and then sweep it under the rug. His mother told him “It was a mistake” and “Nobody was mad at him”. I’m now seeing a therapist. How do you just accept what happened? How do you move on? I feel like damaged goods. I feel broken on the inside in ways only people who’ve experienced a situation such as this understand. Nothing is being done. And now, I’m just another statistic of a woman who immediately reported what happened, yet nothing was done. How do I cope when I feel so let down?
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You press charges. Don’t listen to the Mom. She’s going to protect her son.
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I was sexually assaulted my junior year of high school. My family helped his family sweep it under the rug . After many years of therapy, I’m still not okay and it was 10 years ago… press charges and please get therapy
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Hmm, no it’s NOT okay. You go to therapy. See a therapist that specializes in women’s issues. They will help you through it. You did NOT ask for that to happen. You were violated. It is NOT okay to assault someone else period. It will take time. You will move on. But, it was not okay or right.
Go report to cop asas
Report it, what about the next victim. Something like this happened today to my son. Waiting for the schools Report just waiting to report!!
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You dont. I dont care who he is you report it to the police. Continue with your therapy but if you sweep it under the carpet you’ll never get through it and he will attack again.
Press charges… the worst thing I ever did was not report what happened. I regret it every day
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If you feel comfortable and safe enough to press charges, then you should push them to do their job. If not, please know it wasnt, in any way, your fault. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are a warrior. You are worthy. And last but certainly not least, you are LOVED.
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In your post it says you reported it.
If the police aren’t following up on it, call every day. EVERY. DAY. And demand an update.
Don’t let them get you off the phone or out of the station without an update.
If they truly have nothing to give you, demand a time frame. If they can’t or won’t, go up the chain of command. Ask for the chief’s contact info.
Keep going to therapy. I know it sucks. I know it’s hard.
Try to stay positive and remember that you’ve got an entire population of people like you behind you.
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You can try to press charges if you want.
Your not damaged gross or anything like that. I know how mean we can be to our selfs. I’ve tried to scrub him off me it didn’t work nothing did.
The only thing that helped and it happened 3 different times 3 different people. Was time I suppressed a lot of it as first two times I was 13 and 15 then again at 20. Time was the only thing , I have ptsd . Most days it’s easy but I also had to learn my triggers. Which wasn’t easy.
Nothing honestly makes it better one day you’ll be okay and maybe the next your losing your mind. Remember it wasn’t your fault, none of it
I had a hard time getting people to believe me. Then when I found out I was pregnant I hated myself. Hated everyone. The worst part is when I told the person that I was pregnant they made it seem like it was my fault. Like I wanted it. The feelings don’t go away. Reporting it. Gets you nowhere. The best thing is talking it out and trying to move on. Its not your fault. You didn’t ask for it.
I was assaulted and never reported it. It is something that still bothers me to this day and it has been 20 years. I wish so much that I would have said something instead of just forcing myself to keep my mouth shut and just live with it. Please report it and press charges, I still have time where I am very hard on myself for not saying anything not even to my Mother and it has affected my mental health greatly!
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If the cops ain’t doing anything, go over their heads. Go to the state police headquarters an get something done to this sicko.
YOU are NOT just another statistic. YOU ARE, HAVE ALWAYS BEEN, AND WILL REMAIN TO BE, MORE THAN JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC.
It is the hardest thing to come to terms with but:
- His behavior is a reflection of him, and his upbringing - not you or your worth.
- You are not “damaged goods”. You are not an item on a shelf in the clearance section of a store. Do not treat yourself as such. You are whole, intact, and a complete person. We all have baggage and trauma, but it is NOT the same as a damaged pot on a shelf.
- Find a “trama specialized” therapist. I’ve been to a dozen therapist, and eventually I had to get a degree in psychology to understand that the help they were trying to provide was not sufficient because they were not trained to help victims. Find someone who will definitively help you overcome this, not just try to plaster a band aid over it, or at the very worst encourage you to blame yourself. At nobpoint in therapy should you feel you are to blame.
- Understand, entirely and completely, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. No matter how the events transpired, you did not give consent. Simple as that. no matter what anyone says or tries to convince you of, the ONLY requirement for such an act is honest, sober, and intentional consent. YOU did not provide that in the moment, so he had no right - morally, legally… how ever you want to chop it. There was no consent, then it should not have happened.
- Find support. It doesnt have to be friends and family, but find people you can talk to, who will help you regain your footing emotionally and mentally. Don’t drown yourself in it and don’t let it take over your identity. Make efforts to process, grieve, and move forward. Do so with intention and purpose.
- Take all the time you need. Dont completely give up on life, but take all the time you need to process what has happened to you. You have experienced something traumatic. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, and process yheough those feelings however you need to. My teacher explained that Anger can be the most useful emotion in times like this because, when harnessed rationally and responsibly, it can be funneled into acts that work in your greatest good. And if you cant be angry, find someone who can be angry on you behalf.
- Find comfort. Find safety. Recognize what makes you feel comfort and safety. Hold on to those feelings. Create them if you need to.
This is the only advice I have. I hope you never experience anything remotely similar ever again. I hope you over come this completely. I hope you live a beautiful, fulfilling life despite this and that you see your true worth and value regardless of this.
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Press charges and get therapy straight away. As a victim of SA that is the best advice I have to give.
I didn’t press charges and get therapy straight away and I closed up and kept it all to myself and I’m still having issues 9 years later.
Press charges, I was and didn’t follow up because i was 14 and he did it to other younger girls and I felt responsible. If it’s not for you (sometimes we blow thing off when it’s us and we feel like we’re bring dramatic) think of the next or what if this is something he does and no one said anything yet you can end the chain 
besides that focus on yourself, give yourself time to heal. Allow yourself to feel and process the emotions but don’t stay to long. I found that bettering myself helped me. After a traumatic experience I would do something to better myself, enroll in school follow my dream, make sure I know that that didn’t stop me
Try to press charges if you can and want to.
Therapy.
If you believe in God, pray, look into spiritual healing, resources, etc.
confide in a family member or close friend who can be your go to when needed… text, phone call’s and video chats your going to need a lot of support to get through this but YOU CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS. You are not damaged goods. Something terrible happened to you out of your control and you will never understand WHY it happened and WHY it happened to you… but you are strong and brave and you are going to get through this. you need support… and I hope and pray someone can help you through this.
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Your all saying to report it but yet as she said she is now another statistic of someone who reported it immediately but nothing was done therefore she has reported it. You lot should read this carefully before jumping in with the whole report thing. Now I’m sorry to say this to you (the author) but to start with it doesn’t get better. But as they say time heals and with this I found time has helped x yes I still have days or weeks where I feel like trash or worse but I just go for a walk x you will get there x I promise you x it might be tomorrow, it might be next week, it might be in a few years time x but you will get there xx
I’m sorry this happened to you. You are not alone and it is not your fault. I’m praying for you
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Women need to stand up to this, we can’t tolerate it anymore
Stand up for yourself & every other potential or past victims. Make a difference, go to the police, DA, whoever will listen.
Sending you all my love. I am truly sorry you experienced this.
I’m sorry this has happened to you x
Press charges. I listed to my ex and his family and didn’t press charges on his brother. Haunts me to this day. If you don’t press charges he will do it again.
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Charges charges charges … no one will hold him accountable but you darlin
I had to walk away from my family for the betterment of my health I now have a husband of 32 years 2 kids and 2 grandchildren. I was raped twice infront of my own mother in my bedroom I was passed out and all she did was laugh at me according to my friend that was living with us at the time.
None of this is ok. Nor is it your fault. Do not sweep it under the rug. You tell his mother, that yes, people are mad, and it most definitely is his fault. He needs to practice self control and restraint. She is not doing him any favors by coddling him and making excuses for his actions. It will only perpetuate his disgusting and vile behavior. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you, but there is certainly something wrong with him. You are going to be forced to live with what he did for the rest of your life. He should have to face the shame of it for the rest of his. If he did it once, he’ll most likely do it again. If he hasn’t already done it in the past. You were violated and deserve justice. He needs to take responsibility and pay the consequences for what he’s done. His mother has to accept part of the blame as well. She probably made excuses for him his entire life, which directly contributed in creating the monster he’s now become. This is what happens when parents don’t hold their kids accountable. They grow up to be adults who know no boundaries.
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His mother can only speak for you if you allow her to. (Another words it’s not her place to speak for you, as to whether or not he is forgiven, because she feels it’s was a mistake and no one should be mad at him.)
You need to do what’s best for YOU, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I wish you the best of luck, during your healing journey. I truly hope you find healthy ways to work through and cope with what you’ve been through.
(PS- by the way you said the mother spoke… makes me wonder if this was a youngster, or someone with a mental disability. Not that I’m saying that either is an excuse.) I know you said you won’t go into details, and that’s fine, but was just an observation as to why the mother may have stated what she did, maybe to get him to talk/admit…?)
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Press charges, leave, go no contact and start a new life.
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Press charges. It will help you get justice and ensure that he doesn’t do it to anyone else!
It is not okay and don’t let people speak for you! Press charges get a restraining order whatever you need to do to feel safe. I have been in your shoes it happened to me when I was 16 and to this day it still haunts me. The person who did it to me was only sentenced a year in county jail and has to register as a sex offender I felt like justice wasn’t served for me because he may of lost a year of his life but this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. But one thing I can tell you do not let this take your happiness away karma is a bitch and he will get it one day. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself it’s hard at first and you feel so alone in this situation because no one knows how it feels unless it has happened to them. But over time you will learn your happiness is what’s important and as time goes on you will heal you won’t forget but you will heal. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to! I pray you get justice in this shitty situation.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT IT AND SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG!!! Sis, do the exact opposite of that. It’s terrifying and has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with but it is also giving me strength. If you need to talk my inbox is always open. You’re not damaged good even though I completely understand you feeling that way. Please know you’re alone either even though that’s probably how you feel. This is not your fault, you’re are not damaged goods or broken. I love you
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Press charges and don’t let it go
Don’t let them push you aside
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I reported it and was told because of how it happened they couldn’t legally say it was r*pe. So nothing was done about it. It’s definitely a revictimization from the people who are supposed to help you. Honestly I truly believe that you are doing the right thing by being in therapy. It takes time to heal from it unfortunately and I won’t lie and say it’s easy. You will never be the same and as much as you want to put it behind you you need to go through it first. It’s been 4 years for me and sometimes I still struggle with it. Distance yourself from him/his family if possible. Just know you are NOT alone and karma comes around to people and he will get what he deserves. It does get better though and again therapy is IMO the best thing. I wish you the best and you are stronger than you know even when it doesn’t feel that way.
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Get a lawyer and push for full charges to be pressed.
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I’d keep reporting it and if one precinct doesn’t accept it, go to another. Press charges. Speak to a lawyer and, if you can, the District Attorney.
Sexually assaulting someone isn’t “a mistake”. No wonder her son turned out to be a r/apist. With a mother like that
Please stand up for yourself and seek justice!!! I’ve been through this myself and I regret not pressing charges. I am not forcing you too but I am highly encouraging you do to do what is best!! I wish I could hug you right now! You are STRONG!!! don’t let him get away with it! Too many men get away with it. Be THE VOICE !
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Report it asap , and anyone who allowed this to happen or covered it up . This person adult or not needs to be responsible and made to register.
Definitely courage you to pess charges. Go to the hospital and get a rape kit done if possible. Push for justice because it is his fault. I’m extremely angry and sorry this happened to you. And hope that something comes from this event.
Reporting it is the best thing u can do. His mother is just as bad as he is. She knows the difference and telling u to sweep it under the rug to protect her son. Well she should be charged with knowing it and not saying anything. There is Sexual Abuse hotlines that u can call and get help. If the police don’t charge him shout it from the rooftops until u get justice sweetie. You r not damaged goods hold your head high and scream until they charge him. How would that mother feel if it was done to her daughter.
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Report and then call them ongoing till something done if not ask for there big boss or ombudsman n take it further
Ok…so this cannot be swept under the rug. You need to address him and explain that that was beyond wrong. He needs to address what made him even come to that extremely inappropriate action. He may have a problem, then for you to go to therapy and say you have to accept it…you made him believe he didn’t do wrong and thats not ok. You need to feel secure in your relationship if you continue to see him. You should both talk separately then come together. On the other hand if you choose to no longer see this person, it needs to be addressed in some manner. That could possibly happen over and over to not only you but someone else.
Contact RAINN, National Sexual Abuse Hotline: 1-800-656-4673, 24/7. You may also want to contact #Me Too, metoomvmt.org. They can help, sympathize and help you strategize.
Find friends or family who will pester the police and their superiors endlessly if you get tired of calling. The more the better. Are you dealing with the rank and file officers or a special victims unit or similar division? Are you dealing with a woman officer trained in sexual assault cases? If not, demand it, even if you have to bring your case to another jurisdiction.
Did you go to the hospital and ask for a rape kit? I’m guessing not, but could be useful if you did. You may have to pester the lab to get on it if so. I know the first instinct is to shower endlessly and wash or burn your clothes, but anything you might have with his DNA on it would be useful.
Painful as it is, write down everything you can remember about what happened, who said what, non verbal signals, etc.
Confirm any testimony you might have from anyone you told and have them write down what they remember you saying or how you were acting immediately after or even later. Could be handy for police & in court.
Ask around discreetly if any other women he knows, especially ex-girlfriends, have been victims of non-consensual acts. See if they will testify on your behalf also to establish a pattern. If the police ask why this other person/s didn’t report anything, keep a log of the lack of concern and action the police showed you and confront them with that.
Look into what a lawyer can do for you. Me Too is supposed to have funds available if you can’t afford one.
With luck the perpetrator will be labeled a sexual predator even if he isn’t put in jail. His family wants to protect him and their reputation. Consider them dead to you now. They have proven they are a-holes.
I’m so sorry. Maybe classes in martial arts or meditation or even axe throwing can help you regain your power. You are like Xena, Warrior Woman, and you will triumph.
I’m sure it’s hard to think clearly in the moment. If you feel someone is going to attack you, start screaming as loud as you can. Pretend you’re in a horror movie. Pee on them. Mace/pepper spray could also be useful. The girls in France used to carry pins to poke the nether regions of men grinding on them in buses and subways.
You can also say loudly, “Are you trying to molest/assault me?” Or “I don’t recall your asking for consent, and the answer is NO!” This might take practice until you are comfortable taking charge of the situation. As women we are socialized to be nice and polite and so often that works against us.
I pray you come to understand your own power and worth and strength and persistence. If someone gave you a black eye or broke your arm at random, it would be all the other person’s fault, you would expect them to apologize and pay to heal your injuries. This is similar. You are not the problem. He is. You are the shining star you have always been. You have just been through a trial of fire and lived to tell the story. I hope your family is supportive. If not we are all here for you.
Press charges.
Then, you work to accept it’s not your fault. Then, honey, you’ll have to forgive him.
That doesn’t mean you forget. It doesn’t mean you’ll be friends. What it does mean, he will have zero control over you. You can only be a victim if you live like one. Don’t. Take your life back.
It takes time. It’s a process.
I promise, you aren’t broken; even thought every breath feels like it.
When you’re ready, one day, write to both of them. Get it all out. Write a letter, rewrite it 100x. It’s mostly for you.
One day, when you’re ready, mail them.
But, when you do that, release the pain back to them.
Screw his mom. Screw him. You can only control how you move forward. Stay in therapy. Put yourself back together bc you are worth the work…the journey…and the result.
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I’m so sorry. When I was 17 I went to a party and I got r*ped by 3 different people. NOTHING was done about it.
The scars don’t magically go away. They don’t just stop. The pain and guilt and anxiety doesn’t just stop.
What worked for me was self defense classes and group counseling with other survivors.
WE ARE NOT VICTIMS!!! WE ARE NOT TOYS!!! WE ARE NOT BROKEN!!! WE ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS!!! WE ARE NOT EMPTY!!!
WE ARE SURVIVORS AND WE ARE FIERCE!!!
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I went threw being r#pe too. He got away with it . The cops believed him over me . He slit his wrists and I took him to er I felt bad. On way there he ask to put his cards in my cubby hole I said yes . Well little did I know it was part of his plan . After he got released I went to pack my clothes. He push me on bed and did it. I screamed and no one came . He made me shower and douche me after wards. He then said I could stab him if I like. I was crying i said no your not worth it . I drove to my mother’s and collapse in driveway. Then I woke up in er. My kids and family seen the after affects. The man was put in jail but not for me but probation violation. He got away with it he told cops I stole his cards . They believed him over me. Even though his DNA was there . And because a few days before this I went back to my now husband. So the cops thought I was a wh#re. He admitted to his cell mate he did it he called me and admitted it .he never was charged . I had to forgive. But one day I will confront him I’m not scared of him anymore . Sad part is he is around children right now . Please make sure u get therapy and have 1 person u trust to talk to . It will get better . I got married and moved on from it . It takes time . This happened to me Dec 5 2012. I can even be someone for u to talk to . I will listen and help any way I can your not alone .
Press charges and punch his mom in the face.
Report it. Follow up a million times. Make them hear you. I know you probably dont feel like you have it in you to fight right now after going through that but you do! One day at a time love. You got this.
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Report it, keep reporting it, blast his ass on Facebook and all over social media. Take it to the news. It’s not a mistake. Hell just do it again
His momma needs to. Nevermind I don’t need banned.
Stand up for yourself however you feel comfortable doing so. Always remember it was not your fault, you do not have anything to be ashamed of. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how YOU choose to react to it. Never let anyone make you feel like you did something to ask for it or to deserve it. The road to healing is long and painful but forgetting about it will cause the damage to rear it’s ugly head when you least expect it.
My sa was from 2yo till I was 9. It is not easy but you got this! Pm me if you ever need someone to talk too.
I was under the impression a therapist must report a sexual crime?!? Please contact RAINN .org it’s a confidential 24/7 hotline. I tagged the fb page… DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!!!
Im so sorry this happened to you. You could have went to the hospital and got a rpe test. My granddaughters boyfriend rped her they had been dating for about a year. After he did this, she was crying, he told her he was sorry, and that he loved her. And would not do it again. She believed him and did not break up with him. Will he did again a few months later, He told her the same thing, Im sorry I love you. She again did not break up with him. She finally told on him, To his mother she said he would not do that. She raised him better than that. She told us and her therapist she reported it to the D A’s office they did an investigation. And said because she kept going to his house and did not do a r*ped test. That they could not prosecute him. She is now so depressed and has anxiety. She gets upset about everything. She cry’s if you say anything wrong or out of the way. If you mention her getting a job she gets upset and cries. She doesn’t like being around alot of people. I do hope you get some Justice. God bless you
You make sure something is done, don’t give up.
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I’ve had it happen by 3 separate occasions… It never really goes away, it just get more and more bearable… All I can say continue therapy if it’s helping… Go one step at a time…
You are not damaged goods you are better than him tell whoever will listen and get help for yourself
Great information. I hope it helps.