Could you please make this anonymous ? My question is … "my daughter is 11 , when she was 3 her dad booked a flight behind our back back to another city/island because he wanted his old job back , in the end the relationship didn’t work out , since then he has done absolutely nothing for her especially when he got his new partner (they are no longer together) , maybe a outfit here and there if you’re lucky , literally moved overseas with his then partner without saying goodbye to our daughter or even saying anything , he hasn’t seen her in 2 years in Feb , been in trouble with the law etc , there’s so much more to add but we don’t have all day lol ! I have always left the door open to him when it came to our daughter , he just never chose to walk through it . I never had any line of communication with him for years because of his then partner . I was always respectful on the odd times I did see him for my daughters sake , it got to the point where I was making more effort for him to be a dad than he was , I always had a good relationship with his parents who WERE actively in my daughters life , so what I’m asking is , every once in a blue moon he will contact my daughter and ask if she wants to see him and shes always clearly said no , and now has just asked if she wants to go shopping with him ? If after 2 years of not seeing your child , would you be okay with letting your child go ?
I understand how you feel but at 11 I would let it be her choice. If she wants to go and find our you didn’t, it will make her feel as though you are keeping her from him. Easier and best in my opinion course of action would be just to let her decide.
Only let her go under two conditions: she really wants to see him and you go along. Don’t let him hold her hand and walk in front of you. I would be worried he would take her even if I was there. If he takes her overseas you may never see her again.
No he might run away with the child if he wanted any thing to do with her he would have done it years ago
After 2 yrs of not seeing her, no not without supervision. I would talk to her and let it be her choice. And If she wants to see him then as her mother I would help make that happen, BUT she wouldn’t be going alone and it would be supervised either by myself or someone else that I trust. And if he had a problem with that then the visit wouldn’t happen. After not being in her life for that long he wouldn’t have access without supervision.
I’m all for fathers rights. Fathers absolutely deserve a fair shake at parenting. HOWEVER in this circumstance, there is NO way I’d be letting my 11 year old go anywhere unsupervised with him…I’d be terrified he try and pull something- take her and not return her. I’d also let your daughter make the decision on whether or not she wants to see him. You don’t sound like your pushing her by any means- my oldest her dad walked out when she was 3 days old and never looked back. We’ve had talks about her biological father- and she’s made it very clear she never wants to meet him/speak to him (and she’s 12). Make sure you’ve got court documents stating full custody etc.,
Does she want to go?
When I started reading this post, I thought it was going to be something more longterm. Like he wanted to fly her out to where he lives over her school break or something. But if it’s just a shopping trip in your area…
If she wants to go, I would let her. I’d make sure she had a phone with her, with your number saved and clearly/easily accessible, just in case something happens or she gets uncomfortable.
Maybe they’ll have fun and reconnect, maybe they won’t…but she deserves the chance to find out, if she wants it.
I would definitely let her make that decision… if she decides to have some type of relationship with him, I would start off slowly and make it somewhere she is comfortable with. See if he becomes more constant in her life…
She’s old enough to choose however make sure you have legal documents saying you have full custody and if you feel he is an unsafe parent tell the court.
I didn’t meet my dad til I was 9 my mom left the choice to me if I wanted to see my dad. It was rough I didn’t want to see him much but I eventually got over it. Here we are 18 years later and he’s still in my life.
In my opinion No if he wants to see her he can file through the court like a good dad would do. It’s abandonment what he’s done
Ohhh tricky you should let her go if she has a phone make sure she has it on her at all times let her know that you will pick her up if she calls and ask depending on what phones y’all have Apple use find my android use life360 or you carriers app if they have it make sure she knows that you trust her
She has made it clear she does not want to see him.
No unless the grandparents are going to be with them.
I feel like it’s a bribe to take her shopping. Like I don’t provide shit for you but here let me take you on a shopping spree. How about he just sent you that money he’d have spent and offer lunch. I’d go if I was you. He’s not taking her anywhere alone. Not just because he could steal her but you don’t really know him anymore.
Is there a custody order? If not I would make it supervised.
Eh if you don’t have a custody order in place, he can take off with her. I’d be paranoid about that. If that’s not a concern, I’d say let her decide.
At 11 I’d say it’s her choice but the mama protective urge in me says possibly see if one of the grandparents can go too, for no reason other than your daughters comfort and care since her father is practically a stranger to her.
1: Are you currently in a relationship?
2: do you have court ordered custody and child support, obviously not, so many young people have baby daddy’s, and baby mamas, but are too lazy to secure their child’s future thru the court.
3: since you don’t have court ordered custody and child support, if you let him take her, he can turn around, leave the country and there ain’t a thing you can do about it. Now ask yourself this…you really want him back don’t you…
Could/ would I let my child go? HELL NO! First of all, you said your daughter clearly says NO. There it is, your question is answered. 
I would also work on relinquishing his parental rights. Because if he still has his rights, he can take her and disappear. The law will not look for him because he’s the father.
I went through similar and left it up to my daughter. She learned early on how he was but still wanted a relationship with him. I allowed her to choose…she would go when it benefitted her lol. Good luck
Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you have no dad than see him periodically and then he ghosts you, leaving you heartbroken or angry because you’re reminded of how little he cared for you for so long. I’d also be suspicious of his motivations after all this time.
Yes I would allow them to get together. If you have any concerns about her safety, I would not her safety is upmost of importance. Bless you both during this difficult time
She’s definitely old enough to tell you if she wants to go! He is a stranger to her, she probably doesn’t feel comfortable. If she says she wants to see him, maybe you go with!
If she wants to go, I would BUT I would make it a location where you can take her and I wouldn’t leave that location. I would make sure she has a cell phone with her to call you/her. “Introduce” them before leaving them.
If she doesn’t want to go then I wouldn’t make her.
I also like the above mentioned about making sure you have court papers or something along those lines for custody. In a lot of states if you don’t have papers stating that the other parent can take/keep the child and it’s not against the law.
See an attorney get legal papers. Don’ just give her to him. Legal papers who has sole custady. Has he ever pd support for her. Can he take her out of the country etc. Make him get att & pay. I wouldn’t trust him at all!!!
I would ask her if she wants to go, however, my fear would be that he wouldn’t return her, if she is worried about that I’d be asking her if it’s ok if she wear an apple tag so you can track her if he doesn’t bring her back, a level of security for her and you. I don’t know, this is a heard one because she is old enough to decide but with his situations over the years he doesn’t seem like a responsible person. I’m on the fence on this one.
I’ve been here. My advice is to let her decide. If she’s good you should be good. Time is something none of us have promised.
It’s your daughters choice at this point. She’s old enough to k ow what she wants to do. She understand the person he is. She’ll understand more as she gets older.
I would let her go, never be the reason he wasn’t there and let him make those mistakes. She will form her own opinion and she will never place unwarranted blame on you in the future if he fails her. I know you want to protect her from pain but you need to leave that door open for him to do on his own. Let him fall on his own sword and never be the person she believes kept her away.
Let her pick but if she says yes put an apple tag on her!
He needs to have a few visits at your place or with you there at a neutral place. You should go with and just be there but back off and just be the support.
I wouldn’t want her to go but maybe it’s best that she decides
Let your daughter choose. She’s old enough now to learn what kind of person he is.
At 7 my child has the option to go or not with her sperm donor who was wishy washy.
Absolutely teach her about self worth in these moments and let her choose.
Nope! Supervised visits through the court and only if she wants!
I’d leave it up to her. Let her know her Dad wants to spend time with her and you would like her to decide how she feels about that. She’s old enough to decide for herself and then you won’t ever be the bad guy.
If hasn’t been around for 2 years hasn’t attempted from beginning I wouldn’t let get especially unsupervised. Or at all
She is old enough to decide