Was I crossing the line? My son was receiving a call on Facebook through my fiancés account on the iPad. So I picked up the iPad cause he wanted to call my son again so I searched my sister in laws name and saw in my fiancés search history was his ex fiancé. he asked what’s been wrong and today I finally came clean and said I saw what he’s been searching. He instantly got angry and began yelling. He complains about not being able to hold a conversation with me but he’s the one who gets right angry and I can’t even talk. Now I’m the bad guy and I’m sure he’s going to bring his mom into this to yell at me also. I’m so sad we have three children together and have been through a lot of hurt both ways already. I thought this year was going so amazingly until now. What do I do??
I mean searching a name doesn’t mean he was cheating or is cheating. Unless you seen proof of cheating
His reaction speaks 1000% words
Guilty people react angrily. That’s all I’m saying.
Nah he crossed the line 
lol get out
You didn’t nothing wrong here. He got mad because clearly he is hiding something.
It was an accident? How does an accident cross a line?
He’s gaslighting you. You did nothing.
sounds like you didn’t chose wisely in a man! break up with him!
Tell mama to mind her own business.
Get Relationship counseling.
RUN!!! I mean why would u be searching an ex? He is totally up to NO GOOD!!!
Run. Classic narcissist. Guilty people stay angry. Do not marry him.
Sounds like he’s a narcissist but I wouldn’t bug out about search history. I look up people from my past all the time including exes.
He’s angry bc he got caught. Not at you. His actions are what’s the problem
Sounds like a toxic relationship. Seek therapy and try to make it work if u are in it for the long hall. But from experience its very draining and damaging. Affects all in the house hold. Keep your sanity and do u and your kids. Healthier enviornment for u and the kids.
You hold your damn own. Don’t let him gaslight you into you thinking you were wrong. He was wrong here, not you! If he got mad it’s because he knows he is guilty.
Well in my personal opinion someone who yells and gets so easily offended and gets mad over a simple question that’s asked is guilty about something not saying he’s cheating but he is guilty of searching it and when confronted got mad o well he needs to learn to grow up…and why on earth would he bring his mom in something like that anyways his ass would be going to live with his mom if he couldn’t respect me enough as a spouse and as a mother to talk to me like a decent human being…
You were doing something completely innocent, not snooping. He’s guilty and attempting to take that out on you.
I would give it a few days to process everything and think if you can get through this it doesn’t mean he is cheating but follow your gut instinct and he was in the wrong if yall have 3 kids and a family he should not be looking up his ex at all. And the. Yelling at you sounds like maybe he is hiding more. Sleep on it a few days and figure what is best for your family.
No matter what happens in a relationship no one should be yelling at the other person. For him to bring his mom in is another level of disrespect. If this is a common occurrence, consider leaving the toxic situation
What does his mom have to do with your marriage? Start making plans to get out. Talk to him about child support and do what you gotta do. Life is too short. For real.
I second what April said. Your SO sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies. If I understand correctly; You picked up the iPad to return a call to SIL meant for your son. While searching her name, you saw he was searching ex-fiancé… and somehow it’s your fault?! Had your SO not been searching his ex, you’d have nothing to find. Second, you said he complains that y’all can’t communicate but instantly goes into a rage. That’s because he was caught doing something he should’nt have been doing. Third? why is his mother getting involved? To stick up for her at the very least, inconsiderate son? 
I would seriously consider ending this relationship citing the above, and your own admission that it’s been a relationship filled with a ton of hurt on both ends. Better question to ask yourself is why you’re still together with him.
Leave. He’s a cheater.
I think you have a decision to make about your relationship…
He’s a narcissist. My ex would do the EXACT same thing. Its pathetic. You did nothing wrong.
Leave and I wish someone’s mom would!!! Check him and her asap
He’s curious? You’ve obviously been in a mood all day since he asked. Instead of asking as soon as you saw it.
You can’t complain about lack of communication when you’re incapable yourself.
Also, sounds like an excuse and you were just snooping. Js.
An honest person won’t be mad about being questioned.
Nah, if he’s not doing anything why get mad? But at the same time I feel like with men they get defensive even if nothing is happening. Maybe give him time to cool off and have an actual conversation. Use “I feel…” instead of you did this or when you do this it makes me x y and z…because then the other person feels attacked. Calmly just explain, this is why I did this… and when I saw this it made me feel this way about why it was there…
If he’s instantly mad its cause he got caught. Boy byeeee
Idk I personally wouldn’t be mad that he looked up his ex fiancés page. I often look at people from my past’s pages just out of curiosity and not because I’m interested in rekindling anything.
Maybe he’s just being nosey and looked to see what she was up to. Just bc he searched her name doesn’t mean he’s out looking for an affair.
If you have 3 kids and he is still just your fiancé….and that you think is mom is gonna come in an yell at you…WHAT???
I’m sorry that wouldn’t be happening- and if y’all live with his mom…. Red flags all over this!!
Stop meddling and pray for strength to put your lives back together GOD is on your side if you will let him in He can help put your lives back together
you are dealing with a child if he brings his mother into it
If he’s not hiding anything he wouldn’t be instantly mad and get defensive. He would answer you and explain.
Tell the mil to mind her business and f off. Tell the husband to get over himself that it doesn’t matter how you came across it, the fact he did it is concerning and ask how he would feel. Personally, I would say this sounds like y’all are over but don’t want to admit it yet. Now it is sink or swim.
Where there’s smoke there’s fire
Walk away if he can’t treat you with Respect!!!
You’re a fool for asking something you already know … leave!
I’ve been married to a great guy for over 40 years and I still search the guy I dated in high school every now and then lol. I think it’s more to see if he’s continued on the balding beer belly path, lol!
Im going to be the devil’s advocate and say just because we look someone up on Facebook doesn’t mean we miss them, or want to be with them or anything. Sometimes we are just curious, we as humans are curious in nature
Hold your ground. If he can’t give you a good/basic reason that he was looking her up…without blaming you…tell him to beat feet. We all get curious sometimes… but we don’t all get angry when asked about it…and most of us are capable of compassion if our actions hurt someone. My guess…you need to make an exit plan. Why live in a situation where there is always hurt back and forth? And tell his mother to mind her own business…and blame her for her son being defective.
People only get angry when guilty Move on and find better…the more you tolerate the worse it will get …
Ppl are curious. Maybe he just wanted to see what she was up to. See if she was happy. If he wasn’t reaching out to her to start a relationship why does it matter that he looked her up? Looking up an ex doesn’t make you a narcissist. Maybe he doesn’t know how to tell you that he just wanted to be nosey. Did you jump straight to him being unfaithful and he became defensive? Y’all both need to work on being able to communicate effectively. If he doesn’t have a history of being a cheater then he was just being nosey. Give each other grace. He can’t tell you how you feel and you can’t tell him how he feels. Try asking questions before making statements. Ppl shouldn’t be so quick to throw in the towel based off of a moment of ignorance.
Usually it’s the guilty that gets that defensive and angry. Just saying
If they dont have kids together no reason to e reaching out to her at all I only. Have kids with my husband so I have no reason to reach out to a ex I dont even accept friend request from an ex my husband will do the same he does have children with 2 other women but there both blocked for reasons but other than that re respect each other
upset for looking at a ex profile?.. i search my exes all the time lol
I wouldn’t have an issue with the searching, but how he reacted is a problem. If it was nothing then he should be able to just talk with you and not get defensive. Also, involving his mom is stupid, my husband use to do that, I finally said her or me. He couldn’t vent to her without her nosing into our lives and that’s not ok.
Why would his mom be yelling at you… man please
The fact he blew up instead of giving you a calm explanation is bad news. If he didn’t think he did anything wrong then why did he yell at you for bringing it to his attention that you saw it?
On top of it why is he bringing his mom into it to “yell at you”? That guy sounds like he’s a jerk
His reaction shows guilt … why would he need to have anything to do with an X! Seems to me that if he doesn’t want to own up to whatever it is he is doing and he turns it around on you that makes him a narcissistic asshole. His defensiveness shows wrong doing of some kind … you did nothing wrong. You only stumbled on whatever he is doing behind your back
It only gets worse. Im so sorry
I’ve looked at exs lfofikes csuse I’m
Past it by no means means I want them
Bsck or I don’t love my husbdnd it simply means I’m nosey 
His mom yells at you? And you have three kids with this man? Don’t marry him.
Accountability is EVERYTHING. I honestly don’t think you’re wrong for looking. It’s like I tell my children, “if you feel like you have to hide what you’re doing, you shouldn’t be doing it.” His reaction to you looking tells a lot. Not necessarily that he wants her back, but his intentions in his heart aren’t very pure and he can’t trust himself.
Wait, your MIL gets brought into your business and yells at you??? That alone is not ok whatsoever. Plus his reaction shows that he’s guilty of something and is just mad that he got caught. Sounds like the MIL and the mommy’s boy both need to be put in their place or left behind
No-one likes to have their privacy breached.
We all have a past.
Maybe he was curious and reminiscing.
Confronting him by asking him why he would be looking her up is not a bad question, depending on how it’s asked.
Asking him in an accusation way, would be why he got upset. Perhaps not necessarily because he’s done wrong.
He has already stated to you that he finds communicating with you, difficult.
He may just need someone to talk to. Did you research his chat history and find anything being discussed that shouldn’t be?
I see several comments from others stating he must be a narcissist but honestly, not every man who gets defensive is narcissistic.
He could be feeling a bit unloved or unwanted. You have 3 kids together and probably don’t have much time together.
Look at the bigger picture.
You could be over thinking the situation.
Ask him why he got angry and started yelling.
Gaslighting you cuz he got caught. Babygirl Walk away he’s wrong but disrespecting you:thinking: tell him sit down clown homie don’t play that 
how would he feel if it were you reaching out to your ex? If he didn’t have anything to hide he wouldn’t be so mad he’s mad cuz he got caught:100:
WALK! He is HIDING SOMETHING!
If he can’t give u a straight answer without getting mad then yes he probably was looking her up for other reason.But if he can have a normal conversation and be like I was just looking to see what she was up to etc.which honestly is still kind of weird to me.It has nothing to be with be jealous etc it’s just respect for your spouse.If u did it be like hey I looked up so and so and they r doing this is T that funny or cool or whatever.It’s hard to tell without knowing the person what advice to give u.If it’s something consistent with him then he could be hiding something
My husband and I both have exes on our Facebook if you can’t trust each other you shouldn’t be together
Do nothing. Let him cry and bitch, he did something wrong not you. He’s angry he got caught. Girl you better pack them bags
Girl, leave. Ain’t no man or his mama about to yell at me, especially because I saw something and asked about it. Bye 
I am filing for divorce after 13 years because of this type of behavior. I literally can’t walk on eggshells another day in my life. My mil thinks I am the devil and her son is the best of the best.
It’s been hard but in the end we all deserve to be happy.
Tell him bye bye 
and good riddance 
He got angry for a reason.
Um. Leave. That man is lying, then making YOU feel like you’ve done something wrong by discovering his secret.
No. You didn’t cross a line.
I don’t get why you would go in his search history. If he and your sil are fb friends then go through his friends. To me doubts like you were spying and that is probably why he is mad. We all search past relationships at one point.
Pretty safe to assume that the majority of those commenting “narcissist” have never bothered to look up the word.
Nonsense… x means outta the picture… walk
Well, you’re aware now. That’s a start.
You have 3 kids and are engaged but not married. Girl, he doesn’t want to make a real commitment. Unless it’s you who doesn’t! Good Luck! I would get out now, but I have my own baggage!
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Was this the first time you looked/found anything and brought it up to him? If it was, then GTFO of there because that’s an over the top reaction.
Now if you’ve done this repeatedly throughout your relationship, he may be mad that you’re always looking for something bad. I’ve been the person who did nothing wrong but got pissed because my ex constantly looked through my phone and social media for something to bitch about. It might’ve made me look like I was hiding something but I was just sick of being untrusted when I genuinely wasn’t doing anything wrong. -
You need to tell his mom to butt the fuck out. Y’all are grown and it’s ridiculous that she involves herself in your relationship.
He’s just angry you caught him.
He’s only mad because he’s guilty.
You’re not in the wrong. He is…
People who are often caught like to get instantly angry and defensive and all “how dare you assume this”… it’s called gaslighting. Google it… seems to be a trend these days for some.
Why are you with him? If it’s because of the kids, think about this…the way he treats you, they will pick up on it, you are letting them learn that treating women like that is perfectly fine. No, you did not cross the line. The very fact that 1) he got angry and 2) he started yelling, shows he didn’t have good intentions.
Also, I noticed you said he’d bring his mom into this to yell at you too. That is NOT ok. You (in my opinion) are in a very toxic abusive relationship/situation.
Nope. You crossed no line. He did, and now he’s mad. Bye, boy. Bye.
First of all it’s not his mothers relationship at all she has NO right to say anything to you! Secondly if he’s acting this way it’s sad on his end not yours because he obviously has issues with communication. Take control girl! If he’s not going to communicate properly then walk away let him argue with himself. As for his mother, tell her to stick it so far up her lol
Yall have 3 kids and hes still ur fiancee?
You if you two can’t hold a conversation about a simple thing without yelling. And he bring his mother in leave. Best advice. I have PTSD now thanks to a relationship like this.
He’s only yelling to try and shut you down bc he’s wrong and got caught
No one should ever yell at you and make you feel bad for sharing what’s bothering you. Especially if what’s bothering you is something they clearly did.
You know, I don’t think I’d care if it was innocent. I spent most of a marriage getting yelled at cussed at and belittled, even in front of God and everybody. I didn’t need anybody else brought in to help kick me. I left and didn’t look back. I live alone with my dog now. Nobody tells me what to do. I control the TV remote. I eat what I want when I want. If I want to sleep in, I can. And there’s no man shoving his “package”into my back in the morning. I don’t have to put up with any crap. And I love it!
Leave him men like that aren’t worth it specially when it’s clear he only cares about his stick, if he didn’t care about his stick he wouldn’t be looking for other women
toxic narcissist!!!
Throw him in the garbage…
He’s mad he forgot to delete his recent searches. Don’t let him gaslight you. Tf he doing searching for his ex ?
Men get angry when they get caught, if their angry, their guilty, they just want you to forgive and forget , and they turn their anger on you, so you wont be angry with them, somebody has to take the blame and God forbid it’s not them!
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You know your relationship better than I do but to play devil’s advocate- some ppl do look up ex’s out of curiosity and just being nosey (it’s me, I’m some ppl). The searching of the ex wouldn’t bother me but his reaction to you telling him about it definitely would.
So not marry him he is cheating and tell his mom mind her down bussiness
I search for people by name at the top instead of digging from friend lists. He could have been looking for an old photo of himself or something simple. His reaction to that does not support the scenarios, in my opinion. Be strong, trust your gut. Do not let us tell you what to do or how your should feel. You confronted the issue, received response that left you hurting. Instead of support from his mother, it sounds like she might be the type that will support her son, “no matter what”.
I do not think you crossed a line, not if the line hasn’t been previously drawn by you and him TOGETHER. If there’s nothing to hide, there should be nothing to be upset about. Think of your children and the way you feel. Only you can decide what your next step is. Good luck
Leave. He’s gaslighting you given he’s the one in the the wrong
Run. Lol he got angry so he don’t have to answer questions. Any therapist will tell u this