Has marriage counseling helped anyone here? We haven’t even reached year 1 of being married, and I’m so fed up. I really do have a love for my man, but when we have a disagreement, it turns into a huge fight. I really want to just put all my problems out here, but it’s a novel story. He suggested counseling, but then again, he was drunk and soppy when he said it. We have a son together and we finally got his daughter here, who I love so much. I want this to work, the counseling, but now that he’s sober, he’s just quiet about it. I just need reassurance
16 Likes
How old are you guys? My husband and I have been together since we were 16 and 17 were 28-27 and I have to tell ya our relationship was pretty toxic in the beginning. We had a lot of growing up to do and our relationship had to grow or go 
sometimes the hard conversations are worth it. I told my husband (then live in boyfriend) that if he wanted to work it out then let’s work it out. Life is too short for toxic people/ relationships. We didn’t go to counseling but I think it would’ve helped. Just have the conversation and make that choice together. I hope it works out!
2 Likes
Counseling is definitely good for anyone. But you have to fine one right for the both of you.
If you guys are having a disagreement and it turns into a fight, stop. Agree to disagree. Cool down. Try to see each other’s point of view and revisit the topic when you both are cooled down.
We do “No fight time” which is were we are just simply expressing how we feel or what we think is wrong or disagree with. Get it out there, then separate and re-group.
Another thing, try writing to each other. Sometimes in a disagreement you aren’t listening to the other person, you are thinking what you are going to say next.
Good luck!!
2 Likes
No, but my ex also wasn’t very invested in it, didn’t put in any effort, doesn’t believe in counseling, put everything on me, refused to take responsibility for his short comings, and all around didn’t care. It takes both people being committed to fixing things, good communication, and actually wanting counseling to work to be successful.
2 Likes
Yes marriage counseling helped us. I was 23 and my husband 27 when we got married. 31st anniversary this year. Heaps of ups and downs.
If you’re both invested in it then yes it can work well. They often say that even if you dated for a while and lived together the first 3 years of marriage are some of the hardest. Relationships will have major ups and downs but a key I’ve found is to have the tough conversations. To at some point talk about how you both want a conflict to be resolved. Men and women have different needs and perceptions for many aspects of life, love, conversation, conflict and it takes time to really figure out how to incorporate what each person needs. Some issues just take time to sort out and move on from too.
I think that counseling is a good idea whether it helps save things or not. It truly depends on the couple and where you’re at. But, the perspectives that can be gained are 100% worth it.
My ex and I were together from 2005-2019. We were 18/19 when we started dating. And, we have a young son together. Divorce was not the outcome either of us wanted/expected. But, I feel like counseling helped us realize that we were better friends and coparents than a married couple. It helped us navigate the decisions that needed to be made.
Having a neutral, third party there makes all the difference.
1 Like
I was young and naive when I got married,had two kids, when we were married three years my husband told me to leave, I had to move in with my parents,I grew up really fast and raised my kids.now it is fourth two years later and he will call me and tell me it was all his fault and wishes he had me back,but once someone tells me to leave I just leave, I wish they had counseling back then,
It only works if both want to try .
Marriage counseling did us wonders. I think every married couple should do it honestly. It took us a couple different counselors to find the one we liked but once we did it was so so worth it. We also went right after our one year anniversary
It help me decide I do not want him
34 Likes
I’ve been to counseling for myself…she gave me tips for our relationship but he won’t attend with me. So I’m following your post to see other responses as I’m torn between walking away or trying to work it out. 12 year relationship…1 daughter…married for 7 years
1 Like
There are worse things than divorce, constantly fighting and not sorting out issues will destroy your marriage and you as a person as well as the kids
21 Likes
I want to try it but my man isn’t a big talker in the first place. Doesn’t really open up to anyone pretty much ever so i know the battle getting him to talk to the therapist would just be exhausting
As long as both parties are committed to solving the issues in the relationship. Your happiness and well-being comes first. Relationships are a lot of work, but don’t force it to work.
3 Likes
Yes it helped my husband and me. I honestly feel like it just gave us different perspective, reality check, and tools for healthy communication. I’ve found that it helped w my marriage and all my other relationships too.
3 Likes
The first year of marriage can be really hard. It was for us. Going to counseling and having a supervised conversation and given ideas about how to communicate better really helped us, and we learned so much about each other and the things we struggle with. Sometimes there are just fears and other things under the surface that need to be talked about, and it opens your eyes about so much in your relationship. It’s okay to get help, and it’s also okay to come to the conclusion that maybe you don’t work as romantic partners. Counseling just gives you the tools you need to do either one of those things gracefully.
3 Likes
I’m currently in counseling with my fiancée and it’s helped so much. We have learned how to communicate and not just argue but instead have a conversation about it. It does take both parties wanting to make it work tho
First year of marriage is rough after the honeymoon faze, add in drinking and that spells disaster. Sounds like theres a lot of growing up to do. Counseling could very much work if you’re both invested, but if not then no it wont. You both need to talk to one another, tell him what you need and he tell you, talk through whats going wrong so you can work towards fixing it, He needs to stop drinking. You both sound like you need to work on yourself, as well as the relationship. Don’t think because you have children its better to stay together, what you have right now is toxic, and its toxic for the kids so if you can’t work through your difficulties and you don’t seak help you need to take a break, not just for you but the kids. They need to learn what a healthy relationship is so they grow up seaking that kind of connection, and not a toxic one. Good luck to both of you! 
2 Likes
It takes two committed to their marriage plus GOD on a daily basis to make a marriage work.
Counselors give suggestions and ideas but IF they do not point a couple to CHRIST, there are no lasting results.
Even with CHRIST as the Head of the home, IF both spouses are not committed to Him, each other, marriage can still fall apart.
One spouse cannot do all the work towards a GOD-centered marriage alone.
Children in the mix NEED healthy lives!! A whole and loving relationship with parents who both have same.
GOD created and married the first couple. His way, works.
Check Dr. James Dobson. He also has a Facebook.
4 Likes
My husband and I are going to counseling and it is absolutely phenomenal what it has done to our communication. We still have to work at it outside of counseling obviously, but counseling is always a good thing as long as you find a therapist you both like
It really helps cut through misunderstandings and helps you see how the other person sees things. We tend to make a lot of assumptions and see things through our own filters based on our personal experience; others have different experiences and filters.
Marriage counseling shows you your unproductive ways of dealing with things and gives you ways to do better, but you still have to do the work. It is always valuable to know more about what makes you and your spouse tick, even if it doesn’t save your marriage.
We found we loved each other but expressed it in different ways, and misunderstood a lot. Often we’d come to a problem from different sides and in the middle of arguing we’d realize that we actually agreed on the conclusion/outcome, but for different reasons. We could look at the same things and situations and see two (or more) completely different things.
Something most people are bad at is listening and hearing. It is often helpful to give the speaker an object to hold. As long as they are holding the object, they can speak uninterrupted. Then at a completely different time the other person gets to speak uninterrupted. After mulling over what each other said without responding, each person states what they think the other one said and asks if that is correct. The other person says yes, or corrects it. The first person then restates the interpretation and the process goes on until the other person is satisfied that the person understands what is intended (not that the other person has to agree or anything, just so they understand what the other is saying).
It’s a long process but will pay off. After each person feels heard and understood, then you can start with saying you understand the other person’s emotions and point of view, even if you approach things differently. You can then begin negotiations with “I feel ____ when you ___. Please ____.” statements. Keep narrowly focused on each individual aspect and nothing else until you achieve consensus. If there are sticking points, agree to think on it for a day or a week and then come back to it with new ideas. This takes lots of practice but is useful to every area of your life. My husband wanted me to pick up the house. The counselor said that was too vague and overwhelming for me. He then said to pick up the living room. “Too broad, be more specific” said the counselor. “Hang up your coat when you come in the house,” said my husband. Yes! That I could understand and do, and still do, to this day. The next session we could each ask for something else really specific from each other. This is how you go from arguing to getting what you want/need.
Most of us are too quick to react and argue and forget about listening to what the other person
2 Likes
As long as you both actually admit there’s an issue and that the issue is with BOTH of you. Not one or the other. My husband and I had therapy and he didn’t see a problem but said he’d go to make me happy. He went to the first 2 then stopped. Good luck
Counseling doesn’t work people fight me and my husband do everyone. Do i just ignore him are u starting the fight like are upset he didn’t do something what sets him off
Im not married to my partner but we did counseling at one point and I believed it helped alot. Yes it does depend on your counselor but having the right one helped and made us learn how we were talking to each other. Also our counselor had us read a book called ‘the 5 love languages’ by Gary Chapman. No matter if your in a relationship or not it’s actually a really good book to read. You discover what type of love you need to grow and it helps figure out the love language of your partner too. I hope that things get better for you and your partner 
Its not going to work if he doesn’t man up and change take it from me .we we’re married for 8yrs divorced 3yrs still did not change.
Counseling together and separate is good. Will teach you a lot of things
You both have to try. My husband and I are doing separate counseling to work on ourselves and it’s amazing how much that has improved our marriage.
Sounds like you need Alcoholic Anonymous along with marriage counseling. Keyword here drunk
1 Like
You have to both want to want the marriage and counseling to work. I feel like you’re going to do marriage counseling, do individual counseling as well. You learn so much about yourself and the other person.
Go for the counseling ! It is quite helpful !
Only if both people are willing to put in the work and do what is required for a healthy relationship.
Regardless if they will do it with you are not therapy I think is a benefit for anyone who is open and willing to do it. And don’t let 1 or 2 therapist that you don’t vibe with discourage you. Find one you really click with And a good therapist will have their own therapist.
as others have said, as long as both are wanting the marriage to work–but also if there is no abuse. Also if he is an alcoholic he must deal with that before counseling can work.
It will not be helpful if he continues drinking. I learned that through a relationship of 7 years and 1 child. We seemed counseling and while I tried to imply the advice to him at home while he wasn’t drunk it turned into a fight and all fingers pointed my way regardless. When I tried to apply them and he was drunk they worked to a certain degree but it depended on his level of intoxication. Sometimes he’d get heartfelt and admit wrongs others it would get physical bc like you I was fed up. I agree with some on this post though- he should seek individual counseling before marriage counseling and the same for you. Sometimes having a one on one with a Dr can help a person get to roots of a problem faster, easier and allow them to reflect more. So perhaps both of you should seek self counseling and focus more on growth personally for your children vs each other first.
You guys need to mature and learn how to communicate. It’s okay to disagree, but there’s no reason to be yelling at each other. As grown ups and spouses, communication and understanding is huge.
Both of you sit down and talk it all through. Stop the yelling.
My husband and i are in marriage counseling. We have been married almost 5 years amd in counseling for about 6 months. Its helping. Some days/sessions are hard and make us not speak to each other but then when we do again its better. I have noticed a huge difference in the way we communicate.
Been married 20 this August. We did counseling about 12 years ago. It helped but it only helps if you follow the steps.
Yes, do counseling and find a way to properly communicate and express problems. Let a counselor help both of you with issues and ways to solve/speak now before things get too bad.
Been married 10 year and done marriage counseling twice and it did not help us at all. For us it just turned into more drama. With that being said, I’d always encourage you both to give it a try and see if helps.
Yes… if he suggested it that means he is probably willing to give the counselor’s advice a real try. Your man is telling you he wants to be with you but he’s not sure how and he can’t remove those barriers by himself…so listen to him and give it a try.
I’ve never been through marriage counseling but I have been through therapy and doing AA. It’s up to you. See how he is sober and give him time…getting sober is not easy. I’ve been married almost 8 yrs and after the first few months of sobriety my marriage has never been stronger…but like all the other women have mentioned it’s up to you. I would personally bring it up in a positive manner and express how you want to do it to strengthen our marriage. Once the honeymoon phase is over it does become difficult. I wish you the best of luck dear
Well one of the big killers is women overthinking everything. Try to leave stuff alone.
Oh honey in my opinion if you’ve just been married a year it’s only going to get worse. I would suggest that each of you see individual counselors and then see a counselor together.
2 Likes
I don’t see how it could hurt. I would atleast try it, if It doesn’t work atleaat you tried right
It helped us, but it took us finding the right counselor. Just because someone claims to be a marriage counselor doesn’t mean they are any good. We finally found one that is specifically a marriage counselor and he has helped us a lot, but it took us seeing two other people and me saying this isn’t helping, it was just vent sessions and I would leave so mad… we need someone else who can get to the root of our issues jot say something nice to each other every day bc that wasn’t enough
3 Likes
I’ve never been married but I know a lot of people personally who fought and argue and dealt with a lot of crap. And they’re still together. The first 3 years of marriage are the absolute hardest. My parents met in high school, had a kid (me) while still in school and working, complete opposites, they moved in together after they both graduated. They then both moved to Missouri where they had my brother and mom was a SAHM and dad worked nights. Eventually moving to the east coast and back to the Midwest years later. They say lots of fighting and arguing. Now they’ve been married for 20 years after lots of commitment and working things out. They’ve never took marriage counseling but they went to marriage seminars and conferences. Even after they starting working it out and started having that perfect marriage. I think no matter what you do if it’s only 1 sided, it’s never gonna work. But if both of y’all are invested in making it work then it will 100% work. But it could take years. But don’t ever give up. Mom says just cause you start having that perfect marriage doesn’t mean you stop trying to make it work or stop going to the seminars. Just cause you can cook certain things doesn’t mean you can cook everything. You’re always trying new recipes and different things. My parents would go to the ends of the earth for each other as it shows. To us and everyone around them. Newly married people ask how they got their marriage so perfect and they say by hard work and dedication. Marriage is definitely not easy. But it’s worth it. I hope nothing but the best for y’all 
4 Likes
If he’s willing to go and put in the work, GO!
My husband suggests counseling whenever we fight and he thinks its my fault but if I bring it up he says what for so I’m in a similar situation
You both have to want to work at counseling. We found a wonderful Christian counselor that saved our marriage
I’ve always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Idk if it’s true or not but that’s what I’m told. I would say it’s worth a shot, but therapy only works if you’re willing to accept the help
3 Likes
Every person would benefit from counseling and every marriage would benefit from counseling. Its just beneficial period.
It helped us tremendously. Finding the right counselor however, took a bit of luck
2 Likes
Some times it’s hard for people to communicate face to face, have you tried, writing a letter and getting him to do the same, and or bring up serious topics through text, sometimes it helps … people communicate differently.
1 Like
Yes, absolutely! The best thing we could have ever done for our relationship!
1 Like
I’ve been with my husband 6 years married almost 2. With 2 kids (one who isn’t born yet out of those 2) in my opinion if you both want it to work you don’t need a third party telling you how to fix it. You just have to learn to communicate without disregarding each other opinions. It’s hard work but me and my husband finally did it. Here and there you’ll have some snippy comments and stuff but it will get better.
Been married going 10 years strong. Yall need counseling asap if fighting like this. Unfortunately its worse trying to make if work for the kids if yall are already in this state. Let go if he won’t go to counseling asap. Sometimes co parenting happily is better than parenting being miserable. Trust your instincts. Love really isn’t hard and it took me 2 marriages to grasp this. Also it took me to understand to not take relationship advice from other single or divorced women. Just saying. Not trying to be mean its just that a professional is always your best bet , other than that just trust YOUR INSTINCTS
When was the last time you went on a date, made time for each other