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QUESTION:
"I had my first baby at 19 where the Dad and I both decided I would stay home. We also now have a 2 year old and 3 year old. The past year has been a struggle for our relationship, we have separated several times. He makes good money as a truck driver which he has done for the past 4 or 5 years. We both have $35k vehicles. A camper. About a year ago Dad decides he hates driving and would rather do anything else. So he pushed hard that we both needed to get work at home jobs so he could quit his driving job. I didn't graduate, I don't have my GED, I have no work history or experience at all. I still have 2/3 kids at home with me that keep me really busy. That whole situation led to our first separation for multiple reasons. Some being that I felt like he was breaking a commitment he made to our family to be the breadwinner and I had no say in the matter. He wanted to be home with the kids half of the time and I didn't like the thought of that aspect either because he's not all that patient or watchful with them if I'm being honest. So we separated for a few months and he saw the error in his ways and promised he would hold up his end of the agreement and not put so much pressure on me. (He was going to pursue a higher paying remote job so he could make up the income by himself.) Skip ahead a couple more months and here we are again. He couldn't land a higher paying job so the pressure for me to get a work from home job is back so he can quit his job. And on top of that he's pressuring me to sell my vehicle back to the dealer and get cheaper ones. My brother died 3 months ago and this year has been so crappy I don't know if I'm thinking about this situation clearly. If I were to one day decide that I didn't want to be a mom anymore would that be ok? I'm at such a disadvantage not even having a high school diploma and essentially never really being in the work force. I've been applying to remote jobs but haven't gotten any responses. I hope I don't sound like a spoiled brat, I promise I try as hard as I can to be a good person. I'm not even sure if I'm interested in being in the relationship anymore in which case I I know I'd need to support myself. And I'd give my car up, I wouldn't want to but if I had to I would. It just makes me angry because when we were on the lot about to buy the car I was saying maybe we shouldn't and he was promising me I would never have to give it up and I deserve it. I know things change but I'm just so lost. Please be easy on me I'm fragile right now, thanks ladies."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"For starters I would look into taking online classes for your ged, that will help a lot give you a higher chance of a callback. Obviously if he didn’t like his job he shouldn’t stay, but the way he went about was wrong. He should’ve talked to you about it first then tried to land another job & give 2 weeks into the current one. If you’re already thinking about ending the relationship, you need to focus on you so you can support your kids if that happens. Get your ged, find a job and go from there. Apply for assistance & healthcare if you need too. See about staying with a family member or friend to help you save money. You can do it, just take a deep breath!"
"As a stay at home mom myself, I get that you’re stressing right now and probably don’t mean to sound spoiled…but to be a stay at home mom a lot of sacrifices have to be made (in most people’s cases)…I’d say trade the vehicles in for cheaper ones (you can get a dependable car for $10,000), sell the camper, and maybe talk to him and see if he’s willing to give you a little time to get your GED before he quits his job so you’ll have an easier time finding yourself one, or get a weekend job when he’s free? after a few weekends alone with the kids he may change his mind and want you to be home all the time🤷🏼♀️ I work one night a week at a restaurant and bring home at least $300 in that one night and it gives me spending money and money for groceries AND gets me out of the house and gives my husband a night with just him and my son and works great for us. I would also really like to emphasize getting your GED… and maybe going to college online part time and by the time your kiddos are all in school, you can get a good Job doing something you enjoy that fits your family’s schedule/needs."
"My thoughts: He is tired of driving and wants to be home, talk to him into finding a job in your city where he can be way closer. Return the cars and get cheaper vehicles, get rid of the camper, this should clear off your debt significantly and make finances easier on you guys. Start studying for your Ged. Try setting a time aside each day to study even if just a little. You can do it! You guys should consider couples therapy as well!"
"First I would sell the camper. Get online study and get your GED. Don’t give up and keep applying for jobs and even reapply on the ones you did already. It shows persistence. If you can’t get a job working from home then apply everywhere else if you were a single mom you would not have any other choices. Don’t give up and know your value and by the way beeing a stay at home mom is a job in itself. I hope your situation will get better and don’t ever give up stay strong and go get that GED. Good luck to you."
"You can get your GED, go get it (he may have to help you as far as paying for it I think its free in some states not sure I have my diploma) you would have to get a job to help out on bills to help and get your GED, we know you’re fragile, but at the same time if your spouse needs help that is what you do is be there in time of need (for better or for worse), sell the camper, but more importantly get your GED and then go to school for something that interests you at the same time of working a job (of anything as long as ot brings home something to help out)"
"Get your GED. Never give up your education for anyone! You are responsible for your own life at least. Depend on no one for support."
"Contact your local high school or community college they have GED programs. I think at the community college they also have programs to help with daycares and then help you start college afterwards. Don’t depend on him. And why can’t he look into local driving jobs till he finds something he likes? There is a shortage on driver’s even if it’s part time it’s better then him doing nothing. And just keep applying people should be hiring for seasonal help. Give them a call and ask them if they have received your application that way you get their attention."
"Just because you decided at one point that you would stay home doesn’t meant things can’t change and he forever has to be the one to work. I would work on getting your GED. Like it or not he now doesn’t want to be the only one working. If that’s a deal breaker for you leave and see if you can find someone to take care of you. If you decided one day that you wanted to work and make your own money, get out of the house would that also mean you are breaking your deal. Things change and people change."
"As you said, things change. You were both young. He probably gave you those undertakings with the best intentions but he probably had no idea he’d start hating his job. You can’t expect him to do something he hates for the rest of his life because he’ll just become a miserable husband and father. Hope he can find something with the same money otherwise you may have to help. Time to get your education sorted. It’s important for your independence anyway!"
"It sounds like you were both young when you started a family and made promises to each other. Life throws curve balls sometimes so you have to figure out how to deal with the unexpected. Its not easy being an adult and raising three kids. You probably will have to help make money because their expenses only get more as they get older. For example, braces, team sports, etc. Have you considered a trade school? Xray technicians, beauticians, etc make a decent income and you guys could trade off on childcare. Set a goal for yourself, and make it happen, one step at a time."
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