Help! First-time mom and wanting some advice on what some of you did/ said to not resent your SO after having a baby? I’ve been feeling overwhelmed like I do 99% of the work, and he just comes home and avoids holding the baby or help. I never wake him up in the middle of the night so he can get more sleep since he works and goes to school right now, yet he has the nerve to complain when he holds her for 10 mins and then puts her down, and she starts crying… my baby is only a month old right now. Please tell me this won’t be forever.
28 Likes
Talk him girl. Don’t attack him. Just tell him you are struggling and you need him to step it up and give you the support and love that you need. It gets better dude. Some people just don’t realize they aren’t doing enough.
6 Likes
Dad’s can go through post partum as well. Just talk to him and express how you are feeling. Babies are a big change for both you and dad. Stay strong mama!
2 Likes
It will be like this forever 
sorry girl. Specially if you’re a stay at home mom. I work and we do things 50/50 I’ve been off work on sick leave due to some medical issues for the last 2 months and now its me doing 90 he does 10 but im good with it as he’s working and im not. We have 3 3 and under so its a lot he works 10am til around 9pm so its like being alone all the time plus doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, diapers, chasing 2 dogs around, clean the litter box, wake up with the baby at 5 or 6am… its part of not working tho. When I work we really share most of the responsibilities of being parents I just dont think he has to when he’s working all the time
1 Like
My experience is that this will continue untill the baby can walk and talk then he will be more intrested, not sure why but men are afraid of them till they are older
1 Like
Most guys are not taught how to take care of a baby, think about how girls are encouraged to play with dolls and treat them like a real baby. Your SO might not know what to do and he probably feels very insecure about doing baby care, you need to talk to him about how you are feeling, and ask him to be in charge of the baby one hour a day on the days he works and has school and 2 hours on the days he has neither. Let him know you NEED his help and how you are feeling resentful and hurt that he doesn’t want to help.
1 Like
My husband has been SUCKING lately. Normally he kills the daddy game. Not lately. I could kill him.
2 Likes
Talk to him. Tell him what you need. That’s the only way he will know
Holy shit that sucks! You are a team 50/50 with baby talk to him! You guys are new parents it will be ok! Communication is so important!!
Ya you just need to tell him as her father he has an important role in her life and needs to be bonding with her. I also used to tell me husband that when he helps me parent I’m a lot better wifey (not too exhausted at night for some loving) because YES you will resent him and it will only get worse
I have two kids and a baby on the way. Be grateful that he is there. Some do it all on their own without help from anyone.
1 Like
It gets better but also my SO doesn’t know our baby the way I do so I offer advice (pat her or rock her, check her butt, get up and walk) you can probably tell what the baby needs quicker and most men imo dont like not knowing how to help but dont like to ask. Talk to him.
You’ve got this momma.
It will get better. It’s hard at first and babies scare men at first. Once your baby sleeps more, you will get more sleep and all will be okay.
You both are just figuring it out, make sure to communicate without getting overly emotional, reason with him and talk things through. Men don’t think like we do, and they are not mind readers.
You need to tell him exactly how you feel. I told my husband that I was about ready to stab him because he wasn’t helping and he starting picking up the slack. You aren’t meant to do everything and if he makes you feel like you should then leave his ass.
Most men don’t get the same parenting instinct like us momma’s. Once the baby is a little older it wi change. My hubby and I got into a huge blow out about him helping with our new borns he he broke down and admitted that he was scared to hold them like he would break them or something. Just let him know you could use a little more help and that you need a few mins of you time even if it’s just going for a walk or taking an uninterrupted shower. You got this girl stay strong
This phase wont last forever as much as its a huge change for u it is for daddy too. Communication is key goodluck
Talk to him and tell him how you’re feeling and ask him if he can help out a bit more in someway. Also remember you guys were a partnership before you had the baby so just try and spend some one on one time with each other. Even if it’s just watching a movie or something while bubs sleeps
He is an asshole. Get out.
Tell him it’s his child too and he needs to help. Doesn’t matter if he works. I mean I understand you taking more of the load but a break would be nice!
4 Likes
He helped make it he can help take care of it. You need a small mommy’s break since you do it all day long
3 Likes
You might as well leave as you’re basically a single mom now. It won’t get better unless you step up and address the situation head on.
6 Likes
Tell him To shape up or ship out
3 Likes
No it won’t last forever men go through post pardom too they get over whelmed
sorry ur feeling like that. but u can either talk to him and hope he helps more (with a better attitude) or try and figure out a schedule to do everything like if ur single.
theres not much u can do to not resent him. its sad but this is why my opinion to every girl is be sure YOU want to have the baby because guys have the ability to leave at any point.
i get it u have to be understanding BUT he did decide to have this baby so he cant just help whenever its good for him.
I feel like this a lot. But here is the thing, men don’t always know exactly what you need. Trust that he loves you and your baby. Tell him what you need. If you are feeding the baby and need some water, ask him nicely to get you some. Tell him that you need to take a shower alone. Let him find his relationship with his child and he will. Have faith that while it seems a lot on your shoulders let him carry some. Be willing to let him help.
My ex did this, and now we’re getting a divorce. Never helped with anything, including a diaper change. ~ He never ever got better about shit, and never helped. Done played that game, and never will again.
Men do not know what we want or need unless we tell them directly. Also, most men are terrified of newborns. It will get better as they get older, but most definitely let him know how you are feeling.
1 Like
Keep your last name for that baby
1 Like
4 years later and it still happens. Got into a 10 min argument last night because i asked him to brush our sons teeth
1 Like
Give him the baby tell him write the instructions and time when to feed her and make an excuse to go to the store a man will man up when he is left with no other choice but responsibilities
On my 2nd with my s.o and my daughter is 7 months and he does shit he don’t feed wash out bottles help clean nor help with our toddler he’ll drop dead if he has to hold her just so I can shower
It’ll get better so long as you speak up, wake him at night for a feeding. Have him change the baby when he is home each time. Give him a set amount of days a week for bedtime routine.
Sounds like he has decided the baby is your job and doesn’t believe he should have to help with her. From experience, no…his lack of help will not change.
4 Likes
He hasn’t bonded with the baby. That needs to happen first. Try making plans where you can’t take the baby and have him stay with her and figure it out.
My husband was like this at first and a lot of it was nerves. She’s definitely a mommas girl now but at 14 month she’s definitely coming into their own and growing closer and closer.
A lot of it was the communication gap between my husband and the baby he was struggling. The more she’s starting to communicate the more he’s Involving himself and tryin. When she’s a stage 5 clinger to me he will try and help with other things and that helps a ton as I work full time and so does he on top of the 14 month old and we each have a side projects for extra cash
Put your foot so far up his arse and tell him to cop on.not fair.you work all day too.has to be 50/50
Yes I started resent my boyfriend after our son was born
I know deep down I love my man
It’s ok it hate them sometimes
I believe my son made me love my man more when he was in my belly
Well I guess I have the most awesome husband in the world, I had to beg him to go home after I had our daughter, plus we had two younger sons at home. He did everything, he was a awesome father. Then when I went back to work 6 weeks after, we spilt everything down the middle. We’ve been together 46 years now. Women these days go for good looking men, wrong, you get a man with heart. Those are your white knights in shining armor. I can’t imagine my life without him.
Not all men are natural parents and newborns are…boring to a lot of them 
He may sleep through the night feeds, but his sleep is still probably disturbed and - as you say - he works and has school too?
I would sit him down and say you’re bothered by his lack of interest in your baby and go from there
1 Like
Some men need a bit to adjust to fatherhood. Some never adjust at all. It’s hard to say without knowing him personally, but communicate with him and set clear boundaries for what you are willing to accept in your relationship. He either steps up or you move on. Don’t waste his time or yours if you feel like it isn’t working.
2 Likes
I mean you’re going to have to have a real honest conversation with him. Tell him how you’re feeling. Listen to his concerns and feelings and figure out if he truly will change and be a father. If not, then leave him. You don’t want your kid growing up in an home where her dad doesn’t care for her
4 Likes
I think that every Dad and couple go thru this with a new baby in the house. I know my husband and I did. One or both parents lacking sleep and don’t have time for one on one mommy and daddy time. A new little bundle of joy def takes a lot of the love and attention. Those long days and nights seem like forever sometimes but before you know it your little one will be on a sleep schedule and things will get easier. Talking with your spouse is the best thing this is a new experience for the both of you. Just breathe you guys will get thru it.
1 Like
Talk to him. He’ll never know there are issues unless you communicate. Some men go through depression after having a baby. If you bring up the issues and he makes no moves to change or seek help, I’d move on.
2 Likes
You need to say something now. Don’t come at him rude with attitude but let him know this is a team effort and he needs to help as well. Because if you let it slide and stay quiet then he’s gonna think its okay. Communication is key. But you both made the baby so he needs to do his part as well
4 Likes
I’m not going to lie, I resented my SO for a few years. You wrote he, so I’m assuming a man. Men don’t process things like women, they never think about the mental workload. And, they think mothering a newborn is somehow just ‘easier’ for women. Have you tried talking to him? Maybe ask what he is thinking? Maybe he’s scared, or resentful of the baby who is probably your new number 1 priority. Good luck!!
2 Likes
Oh yes the first 5 months was horrible it took my daughter being hospitalized for 3 weeks with an infection in her kidney and almost DYING for my husband to step the fuck up and assume his position as her father . I really hated him because I looked at it like if you couldn’t be bothered with her why should I bother with you but Luna getting sick really hit him and brought him into reality and he saw I can’t do it all alone
2 Likes
Thats a dangerous game. Some men take time to get in the swing of things, but more often than not, it doesnt change. Sit him down and have a heart to heart. If he comes off as not caring then it may be time to re evaluate your relationship.
2 Likes
You have to find a happy median that you both can agree on. Some men are more hands on with their newborns than others. And if this is the first baby for both of you, it may be a little harder to get into that routine.
Men do not have a bond with small children as women do. I remember feeling the same exact way. Try to rest & take baths & get as much u time in as u can while babies sleep. I know you feel frustrated at the moment, it’s hard adjusting to life after baby sometimes. Schedules help too! It really won’t be like this for long hun. I promise you. Much love 
1 Like
I would say talk to him about it and be honest. Also come to him calm and be sensitive to him. I nursed and when my hus and held our son when he wkudk start to cry he would give him to me because more than likely he wanted to eat. He felt that there wasn’t much the baby wanted than his mom at that age. Once he got to three months it got better. We talked and he helped with dinner and laundry. As well as diaper changes and allowing me to shower and get ready some times. Flunds ways to help him get more comfortable around the baby.
He should be helping with the baby you didn’t have her alone. I’m sorry it wouldn’t fly w me. Good luck momma
Sounds like it’s going to be forever, girl. Talk to him. But watch and listen to how he reacts, his tone of voice, body language, his eyes amd his jaw. You’ll be able to tell right away how much he is listening and how much he is understanding and more than anything…how much he actually cares. Then, if it isnt favorable, you are going to have to ask yourself how many more years can you maintain that before it becomes a toxic, bitter, resentful environment for you and your child to be in. I’m a single mother and I love it. I’m totally alone doing it. No family around. Don’t “stay together for the kid”. You want your kid seeing that’s how a man treats a woman and child? You’d be better off alone. You’re already basically a single mother.
1 Like
Totally normal. I remember I had one honest girlfriend who told me it’s normal to feel that way, and she promised me eventually you wouldn’t hate that person anymore. She was right. 
If you don’t figure out how to communicate about it now, you will end up with so much resentment that you won’t be able to get past it. Me and the father of my kids are friends now but it ended our relationship. I was so angry with him I couldn’t figure out how to communicate about needing him to help me. I felt like I was drowning trying to to do it all myself. You should have a sit down with him and explain how you’re feeling and hopefully things will for better.
3 Likes
You need to put your foot down cause when you start pushing him aside and he finally wants to start being a dad your not gonna want to let him. Cause your used to doing it all on your own. And thats just something you can avoid just try to communicate with him and start putting your foot down.
Say something now. With my first it was like this. Then I went and had another with him and it was even worse… like breastfeeding one and changing the other ones diaper at the same time while their dad just sat there… needless to say I’m not with him anymore…
A lot of men don’t do the newborn stage to well but get better when they are a little older. Also you have to tell a man every move to make. Example I need you to help exclusively with the baby while I shower every night
Tell him all the things he needs to try
Walking rocking burping etc
It gets better 
1 Like
Mine was the same way my son is a year old now he started havin alittle bit more to do with him once he started crawling he felt like he was gunna break him i guess but he still dont play alot with him probably 1-3 hours through out the day
This is true, you can’t change a man. Did you guys discuss your roles as parents before baby? Like what does he expect? Are you a stay home mom now? The way I see my role at my home as a stay home mom is I take care of all motherly duties all housework cleaning food shopping cooking taking care of babies and in exchange I get to stay home with my kids do all school functions and totally be involved with them husband brings home the bacon to pay all house hold bills and takes care of outside house like yard and cars! It’s my opinion and I love it.
I had the same problem with my husband : (. He never really changed either. He like 2% of the kids work I did all the rest alone.
Not gona lie this is how it was w my kids and their dad and if he’s over 25 sorry to tell yah he’s not gonna change. 2 kids later and I’m a single mother who had to put him on child support because he abandoned us. Just be careful. They usually don’t change.
If you dont have a honest conversation with him and express your desire for him to share more of the new baby/parenting load, then this WILL become the “accepted status quo” (from his perspective), and your resentment (and the inequity) will persist and/or grow.
Yup can’t stand him ,I have no advice except dump him and make him pay ,baby or not you can’t change a man
It will b if u stay in this relationship 4ever. Get out!
Don’t have another one. It only gets worse.
1 Like
I resented his useless nipples.
Hum. Dont throw the baby out with the bathwater, if you know what I mean. Communicate. Tell his ass. You need help. Put it to him in the firmest of terms. Do not accept anything less than him helping. My husband got up every other night with his first. Shared child? Shared responsibilities.
Growing up has never come the easier way. It comes with lots of challenges like lost marriages, lost love, financial and job problems and so many more, but still there has always been a solution to every challenges that we face in life. Life has been so difficult for me these past few months and I had given up on myself knowing that I will not find love or true happiness again. Two months ago I found out I was pregnant and I was so happy and excited to have my own baby and I didn’t even call my boyfriend. I just wanted to take the results to him and show him face to face and share the good news together. But when I reached his flat I saw his car parked outside and knew he was home so I went straight to his room. When I knocked, he allowed me to enter because he wasn’t expecting me at the time, but when i opened the door I nearly fainted because I caught him ready handed with another woman in his house. I looked at them and closed the door and ran away, he followed me saying his sorry and the woman is just a friend and nothing else but I knew he was lying and I walked away. I reached home and cried a lot until i told my best friend everything and she told me to fight for my man and not loose him to another woman. She gave me Sir Marere contact +2348109805184 email is: marerespells@gmail. com and told me Sir Marere will bring back my boyfriend to me and love only me. So i contacted Sir Marere and told her everything, he made a love and binding prayers for me and in 1 day of the prayers my boyfriend came to me with that woman I saw him with and knelt down and begged for my forgiveness and told the woman that am the love of his life and he doesn’t ever want to see her again. The woman walked away and that evening my man came back with a baked cake and gifts and flowers and asked for my forgiveness again and promised never to hurt me again and I told him that we are having a baby, he cried and smiled with joy and happiness. We are back together and so much in love and waiting for our baby to arrive. Thanks so much Sir Marere your prayers indeed work. You can call or whats-app Sir marere on +2348109805184 Email: marerespells@gmail. com incase you are passing through the same situation. Don’t be discouraged by what people may tell you that even don’t know the situation you are going through, all that matters are the results so feel free to contact him.
U need to communicate with him. Have an honest and open conversation. Hes getting mad because it not been clear that’s the expectation. U have to set ut boundaries. Sometimes we forget that just because we are natural nurtures doesnt mean our partners are. Sometimes guys dont know how to be involved and when u start pushing things on them it just doesnt work. Or its rocky.
Talk with him tell him how ur feeling. Say I know u work and go to school but would love u to get some bonding time too…
Let him move forward with the information u give him. The decide how u respond based on his actions…
Welcome to parenthood. It’s hard u will struggle but u must communicate.
3 Likes
If its consistent enough that you are being annoyed by his actions, say something. Sometimes guys don’t realize what they are doing is hurtful to us.
Luckily my husband did it all while he was on leave the first couple weeks then I stayed home and did everything all day for our daughter. Its frustrating and stressful. Just say something
3 Likes
It won’t be forever!! They feel totally helpless right now and like they can’t do anything right!! I had to constantly catch myself when I would correct him because he wasn’t doing it the way I would do it. It doesn’t matter if he does it exactly like you like it to be done!! I had to remind myself to say encouraging things like “oh she loves it when you hold her like that” or “let’s see if you hold her higher on your shoulder if she will burp for you” because he would always get really discouraged when he couldn’t get her to burp because I would lay her on my boobs and get her to burp and he didn’t have those. It was hard for the first few months until he felt more comfortable with her!!
2 Likes
It will last till u get thru to him that u need help aswell. He may do stuff outside, but he can relax, take breaks, and go slow. U cant! So call him out, and if he doesnt change, u have options. My fav is the bare minimum to survive one. When they get home and house is filthy, they soon click on how much u actually do! Before u know it u have a toddler so just focus on the baby and urself and let him realise ur not his mum aswell!
1 Like
Some people have no idea what to do with a new baby. My husband isn’t very hands on until about 4 or 5 months. That’s when he feels more comfortable holding them and playing with them. He is an amazing father to both our girls ages 3 and 7 months. It just took him a few months to figure it out.
Well being a woman is difficult. Especially postpartum, your body is so different than it was 11 months ago. The best you can do is take care of yourself AND your little one. You should def communicate with your SO. Let him know how your feeling, and just try to explain yourself from your own heart, but keep it simple. The best to do with resentment is to express yourself, but focus on being the best mom you can be. :).
It doesn’t last my daughter is 6 months and my husband finally started helping me and letting me sleep thru the night. But I’m sure it’s only because its extremely easy now she stays sleep while we feed or change her diaper and is back to sleep instantly
oh i remember them days. my husband wouldnt help as much as i wanted him to. i breast fed, so he told me he felt helpless…bc all she wanted was the boob. it will pass. mothers are more in tune with thier newborns…i think anyways
1 Like
I agree with previous comments. You should probably say something. Even though he works and goes to school he can still hold her and take care of her. You need breaks from doing it all. My oldest is almost 20 yrs old and I still do it all but their dad is not a good guy. So I’ve given up on him ever helping me out.
My husband is just not a baby person and after I had our daughter I grew a big resentment but she’s 6 now and they are the best of friends. It does get easier love if you feel it’s worth it stick it out better days are ahead
I definitely had resentment after baby was born… part of it was PPD and part of it was that I wasn’t giving my husband jobs he felt he could do. Instead of helping at night he did naptime. He does bathtime. He helps change diapers I just had to ask… I also asked him to make dinner 2x a week and to help with dishes. I still do the bulk of the baby stuff but after discussing ways he can help it got better. I think men feel intimidated by a new baby. Maybe ask him what jobs he feels comfortable contributing.
You might as well leave and do it on your own and save yourself the heartache and the headaches he ain’t gunna change !
Wish I could but you might as well know the truth. He’s not gonna change.
Get strong girl your baby really needs you.