Hi, can you post this for me? So, back in November, I found out the father of my children had been having sex with an older lady, made a Facebook, Snapchat & was talking to all his exes & saying I wasn’t in the picture (we have three kids together). Yes, we were broken up because I ended up getting addicted to alcohol & it pushed him away. But I guess I’m just wondering if I have a right to be sad? He didn’t tell me anything about any of this. We live together; I do everything literally for him; he made it seem like we were gonna work on things & then I found all that out… I fell into a really bad depression. And I understand him being hurt by me drinking so much, but I also had been with him since I was 17. I’m 24 now. He told me he did it because he was angry & confused. That it was a mistake
Focus on your sobriety.
As a recovering addict, focus on that first. When you have true addiction there are multiple personalities and many time your second one isn’t the favorable one
You have a right to be sad, but you also have to put things into perspective. There’s a huge gray area on boundaries here… but you were broken up and he was no longer entitled to share his endeavors with you… but you absolutely have every right to be sad and establish clear cut boundaries. You do not have to stay in that situation. If he was saying he wanted to work things out then he wouldn’t be messing around with other women, but you have your own serious issues to overcome and it sounds like you two need to work on yourselves first, perhaps consider counseling… before you come together to work on things romantically. Focus on individual goals and coparenting, re-learn how to be good friends and re-establish trust. That’s my best advice.
You can be sad. But please get sober for your children.
Focus on sobriety and keeping yourself in good shape for your kids… If he wasn’t going to support you while you were struggling or getting sober then you need to be prepared to not have him in your life. My fiance was there while I struggled with addiction and was there while I was getting sober. I had managed to get sober before having out kid. Our kid was 3 when we finally married and I had gotten a grip on a relapse a year prior.
Move on with your life. You can’t blame him for moving on and he can’t blame you for your addiction. Your child and your sobriety is what you should be focused on. And just because things ended it doesn’t mean that you both can’t get along and raise your child. Wish you the best.
You have every right to be sad.
Now, for some hard truths. Your an alcoholic. He is a cheater. You two probably are NOT good for eachother right now, or possibly ever.
Cry your tears. Mourn your loss. Admit and accept your part in all of this. Make peace with what you did, and what he did. Then pick yourself up and get yourself, and your life, straight for those three beautiful kiddos who are trapped in the middle of this.
Work on yourself. Work on your kiddos. Make the best life you can. YOU DESERVE THAT. Your kids deserve that.
Yes, you have the right to have emotions. But your focus right now is your sobriety. You have kids. Worry about that and if the relationship forms again, great, if not you’re ready for your next phase.
As much as it hurts he has a right to his happiness as well.
You have a right to be sad, yes. But don’t let this affect your sobriety. Your kids need you. Trust me, my mom is an alcoholic and has been for 30 years I wish she had your strength. Keep pushing, you got this. I’m rooting for you and hope everything works out in the end.
To be fair, y’all are broken up, he’s free to do what he wants. Focus on becoming and staying sober and your children.
Of course you can be sad. It’s another level of loss. Mourn it and move on
Idk about either of you, but I do know your children have a right to be sad. Why are you living with someone you’re not with? It’s easier to work on yourselves apart, and then come back together to work on your relationship. Nothing can be worked on if you’re worrying about him wandering when you’re not even together.
Dude, fr…for the sake of the kids, get out, get straight, get into a relationshipwith yourself, THEN worry about getting on with someone else.
Now is not the time for any of this.
Just focus on you and your sobriety! And your kids!
You have every right to feel whatever you are feeling. They’re your feelings to feel.
I would definitely recommend contacting someone about your unhealthy coping mechanism (drinking), but do it for yourself and your children. They need you more than he ever will - especially with all of this happening. Give them a stable parent and a happy childhood they don’t have to recover from.
People make mistakes. You guys have been together a long time. I’d try to rekindle and see if he still sees you as the one he wants and try to think positive. If he seems to not care then I’d leave.
Also maybe focus on you too, don’t stress too much about him right now.
It wasn’t a mistake. It was a choice. To actively seek out and maintain multiple relationships he was involved. You are 24. You don’t need a man in your life and sometimes trauma and heartache is too much to deal with and he wanted out. So that being said you may have had a plan that he was going to be waiting for you once you sober up but that’s not HIS plan. Having 1 kid or a 100 his relationship with them is a separate thing from yours. You need to talk about what you want with him. Does he want a future with you do you w one with him? People change and grow and maybe you have outgrown each other. Talk to him and if he’s all in try couples counseling.
You have a right to feel sad. You don’t have the right to his every move or conversation. You’re broken up. No idea if it’s because I’d your alcoholism but I’m sure it didn’t help. You have to realize there may be damage done that cannot be fixed with you getting sober and he may be done.
You have a right to be sad but y’all weren’t together
You always have a right to feel how you feel and don’t have to apologize, feel bad about, or downplay your feelings. It’s good you can put your finger on how you are feeling in order to cope, deal, and manage them rather than suppressing them and having them build up and then be acted out on in other unhealthy ways.
You can be sad. He moved on very fast & so easily. That would make me question your relationship. But he didn’t do anything wrong.
You have a right to be sad more than him. Also you need to leave him. Sounds all too toxic.
Everyone has the right to feel however they want. People cope with things differently you used alcohol he used women for the affection he wasn’t getting from you. Maybe couple counseling.
Take a hammer and un confuse him
Believe what you see in people’s behavior. You’re 24. I promise you there are about a gazillion better choices out there than this guy. Be sad and while you are sad, make this jerk dead to you and move on.
Mistakes do not just happen, he made a conscious choice to sleep with someone else. He made a conscious choice to create a Facebook, Snapchat etc and contact his exes and whoever else. He made that choice on his own. He had plenty of time during the process to say “hey this is wrong” but he didn’t. If you feel like it’s something you can move past I suggest couple counselling but if you feel you can’t forgive him then I suggest just cutting all ties and work on yourself. On a side note I think you deserve better. He sounds toxic af. Know your worth and never settle for less just because you have kids together. Someone out there is willing to love you the way you need and deserve to be loved. Stay strong 
You’re entitled to have whatever emotion that you feel and those feelings are completely valid. You’re hurt because you still love him. I can actually really relate to this because I went through something very similar
You have children with him, he has no right to tell people you are out of the picture especially when he’s sending you mixed messages and living with you. He can say you are separated, that’s probably more accurate. You absolutely have every right to feel sad. You obviously cared deeply for him. Him being around confusing you and having you question yourself on where you stand is not healthy. Focus on you and the kids. Love you and the kids. Be strong for you and the kids.
Well he can’t be a support system for you and your sobriety then he needs to go. You don’t need that and you do have a right to be sad. 2 wrongs certainly don’t make a right here. Just take care of you and your children and ask him for an official separation. He cheated you drink too much. He’s just as in the wrong as you are. If he doesn’t see that and continues which would be hard for you because at your hour of need he wasn’t there for you. I already don’t trust him.
You were not in a relationship when this happened. Weather you guys lived together or not you were not a couple. Its a shitty situation but he did not do anything wrong. I’d be hurt that he moved on so quick but its honestly up to you if you can put it behind you.