"Hey. I never post but I’m at my wits end and would like some feedback. My ex & I have a 3 year old together & we share custody. He has him twice a week for a few hours and every other weekend. Recently, our little guy has been diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea and needs to have his tonsils and his adenoids removed. His pediatrician, hisnENT & the ER doctors all have stated that they believe there’s possibly an allergy to his dads house cats are also exacerbating the symptoms. The symptoms include his breath catching while asleep and him waking terrified gasping for air for about 12 weeks now. Our son will have the surgery to remove the tonsils/ads just before Christmas and he cannot see the allergist for actual documentation of allergies until mid January. his dad bought a hepa vacuum cleaner & has done other things to alleviate the pet dander etc. including segregating them to his mothers bedroom pending the allergy results. I gave our son Claritin that was prescribed twice last week when he went for his visit with his dad but I forgot yesterday with the running around after school etc. he had what I think is a definite reaction to the animals but his dad said it was impossible b/c he wasn’t around them etc. Our 3 year old was clearly having a reaction as he told me he “felt bad” pointing to his throat, had red splotchy skin patches and was scratching his back to the point he broke skin and the worst of all he fell asleep 24 minutes after being home & woke up gasping for air screaming crying he couldn’t breathe & vomited just before he woke. Our boy then told me his grandmother just asked him if he wanted to give batty boy a treat quickly before he left their house and she brought him in the room to do so BUT it’s ok b/c he didn’t TOUCH them…, so he WAS exposed and the reaction is evident. Am I being too harsh by refusing to allow our son there until AFTER his surgery and AFTER seeing allergist? I just feel that entire scenario was avoidable and selfish of dad and his mother. They’ve made no mention of removing the animals (3 cats) at any point in time even still. After our urgent care trip last night, asthma is also a concern now. Thanks so much if you actually took the time to read allll of this 
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I think you need to start getting reactions medically documented and speak with your custody lawyer. If he’s allergic to the cats then putting them in another room isn’t going to help. The dander is ALL of the fabrics in the home including the carpets, the air ducts, etc. He would need to stay in a hotel for his parenting plan or move to another place. Pet dander is incredibly hard to get rid of so if it’s a legit allergy then I’d work hard to protect the kiddo bc you don’t know when an allergy goes from allergy meds to something more at each exposure.
If it’s court ordered you could be held in contempt of court for refusing to allow him to go to his dad’s. I would take him back to court, but sometimes you have to have substantial change in circumstances to be able to have your case heard.
If you don’t follow court order time then you will be in contempt. A doctor saying that dander could possibly be causing it will not be enough proof they will want an allergist specifically stating that is the problem. I went through with my daughter dad and his birds that his mom kept at their house.
Is there a way the dad can come stay with you on his times until surgery? Or maybe come to your house and you stay elsewhere. Honestly it depends on how close you two are as co parents but if you can find a way that he can see his kid while being safe thats going to go over a whole lot better than just telling him he can’t see him till after surgery
If the medication keeps whatever is causing this reaction from occurring, then you are equally responsible for what transpired, when you didn’t give it. This is no different than forgetting to give insulin or any other medication. It’s not really appropriate to ask him to give up his companion animals until there is proof that they are the problem. If and when it’s proven, it’s still not a great idea to force him to rehome the cats if OTC drugs protect him. The potential for going to a friend’s house at age 8 and coming into contact with pet dander exists and could be worse by virtue of avoiding it as a toddler. You and your son need to learn medical management instead of demanding lifestyle changes to accommodate the problem you think exists. Jmho…
Go back to court. Have this in your custody paperwork. Let the court see that the arrangement is not conducive to your child’s well being
If he’s court ordered he has to go unless you go and get a temp court order saying otherwise at which point you would need the doctor to write you a note(more than likely) explaining the severity of the situation for the judge to be willing to grant it & even then it can be difficult.
Is your ex willing to do that? Talk to him. I would hope he’d have your sons best interest at heart instead of his own. If he spends a few hours during the week with him, suggest a park or McDonald’s or somewhere NOT at his house. Maybe even let him come to your home (after he changes his clothes from his exposure to the cats) and you head to your room for a while so they can visit in a clear environment. Asthma is nothing to mess around with. People still die from that even with medication. Hopefully y’all can work together for the sake of your son. It’s not that long of a time. In reality those cats are going to have to go and the home deep cleaned to rid it of cat dander or dad will need to find a place of his own. My husband is allergic to cats and has asthma and it’s no fun when you can’t breathe. We choose to have no pets due to his asthma but his health is more important than the desire for a pet. Please try to talk to dad about putting your son first. As a last resort, court may be the only way to protect your son.
Have the doctor write a note .
Just for perspective…my neighbor, who is highly allergic to cats, could tell I had them when we first talked OUTSIDE because his throat felt scratchy within minutes of being close to me. 
No . Im with you on this and if it’s a reaction it doesn’t matter if the cat is in the next room the point is the cat is all over that house. don’t send him !
My baby not going anywhere that make him sick. He can come to your house to see him.
Keep him wth you until hes100per cent fine.your husband would need to shower when he visit him as well.
You have only your opinion and opinions of doctors of what the allergy is. You have zero confirmation that is the exact cause and you won’t until after the new year. No you can’t if it’s legally ordered for the child to go. There’s a huge difference, with courts, between the doctor’s and I think this is why this is happening to an actual test results that show definitively that is what is causing it. Since you have zero proof other than opinions of doctors, which is not proof in court, he probably will hit you with contempt and win. Good luck.
Do either of you smoke, or are around smoke…
Contact your lawyer about your legal agreement. Facebook is not a good place to ask for legal advice.