Do I let grandma take kids alone after this?

I need different perspectives. Am I wrong?

Dating/toxic relationship a man-child that I should of ended it a very long time ago. Or stayed away as he is 8 years younger than me. It is what it is. Been on and off since Nov 2018. He is a narcissist makes me question reality with his lies. Making me question myself. Has lied to his parents about hitting me, sending me to hospital, cheating, drugs, drinking anything you can think of he has lied about it after I caught him with proof. Send proof to his mom and she tells me that I’m lying and I make everything up…. He also plays the I’m going to kill myself card with his parents so they don’t yell at him or act like actual parents instead of his friend. He has been like this since before me probably started freshman year he told me. His mom stated she only knew about the marijuana. He has done these things to prior gfs also and his mom knows bugs and pieces she told me.

Well I get pregnant 2-1/2 years ago. His dad told me not only once but twice all of this screaming at me infront of my children. I am a bad mom. I’m crazy. that I got pregnant on purpose to trap him….Mind you, trap him for what? He was broke and didn’t have any significant property. He started making money after I got pregnant. Really good money. I had an app that told me my period dates and stuff. This is how a lot of woman keep track. It lets you know when your fertile and stuff. I don’t like birth control. I told him prior to us having sex about my app says I can get pregnant. Being honest that it’s a possibility that I could get pregnant. I had an app so his father thinks I was planning a baby…) bad judgment on having kids with him yes I know and continuing bad relationship. Trust me u don’t have to tell me that part. Well he had a big drinking and drug problems prior to meeting me. He had Bad friend group. Not blaming on friends he makes his own choices. Well I had two kids with him 15 months apart.

He ends up going to rehab for a month after he failed his piss test at work. Our second daughter is 9 months by this time. His mom asks me was it your drug test or a work drug test that he failed? I said does it matter regardless??? This is when I called her about it cause he was threatening to kill himself and He was denying to me that he didnt do any drugs post failing his drug test at work. Lying again. I contact them when I don’t know what do to anyone instead of the police. Then they tell me I cause drama?!?!?
He has made me look very bad to his parents and literally nuts telling them I lie. I act the way I do for no reason. His mom then came over and persuaded him to go to rehab. He returned right before Christmas. Tree was full of gifts for kids and him when he returned. Hopes of things were changed. Mmmmnooo…

Well just last Sunday I was cleaning the basement and I noticed the cabinet that I had all hard liquor locked in was broke open. Three bottles were empty. They were not empty when I put them in there and locked it. He was actually honest when I confronted him about it. Which I give him credit for as this is a big problem for him or it was. Then Lastnight he came into room and said I have something else to tell you. GREAT…. He told me in January his father and him got into a argument and he got drunk I guess because his truck wouldn’t start. Junker truck he bought cause he got suspended from his union good job for four months for failing drug test. He asked his dad for help getting it to their house and I don’t associate with his father and he isn’t allowed on my property after the things he has said to me. So he got drunk and was saying he was going to kill himself because he ruined mine and his parents relationship and his family. His mother called the mental facility and I guess his dad yelled in background he has a gun. So the police were sent and he got arrested for firearm while drinking. Mind this was back in January. His mother kept this from me as well. She said she didn’t want Ryan to get mad at her for telling me. I believe I have every right to know something like that. If my kids dads relapsed after rehab and got arrested trying to Kill himself again. I also have custody of my children as I had plenty of evidence against him that he wasn’t well so he signed that I have some legal custody and placement of my children. I have never not left him come over to see them. This is about the safety of my children not about grandma and dad’s relationship.

I am now uncomfortable with letting grandma be alone with kids. Am I wrong to make this decision. What else will she keep from me. She doesn’t put her grandkids first in my opinion if I’m not aware of such a horrendous event. I was just letting their dad watch them for small amounts at a time too. I didn’t know he drank. He told me he hasn’t drank since that January event. which I believe because he fessed up about the other stuff. There is sooo much more to our relationship and insane details.

But am I wrong for not being comfortable with grandma taking them without me around also?! I’m so scared that something is going to happen while they are there and them not tell me about it. With any situation I guess. Trust is no more. I feel I need to have trust for someone to have my kids alone.

Also adding that Dad has improved about 80% since the beginning of our relationship. No cheating. Good with kids. Helps around the house. Teamwork when it comes to kids. I’m just at the point of resentment anger and not wanting to touch him. Depressed. We go to counciling separate and together per what my lawyer drafted up. I wanted us to be able to coparent if we didn’t stay together.