I have a question I have two little ones and my fiancé feels like I need to ask him for help when I have clearly expressed that I need help. I don’t feel like I should have to ask for help when he is the father then he goes and says how I ask everyone else but him when he’s the one who says he’s overwhelmed when I literally do EVERYTHING I cook clean work from home while being a SAHM. No babysitter just me. I’m sooverwhelmed and he pretty much was just telling me how much of a P.O.S I am because I’m overwhelmed. Please no rude comments I have feelings and this is the only place I feel like I can vent to. Thank you Hon’s
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I really have to ask my fiance to help me? - Mamas Uncut
He’s guilt tripping you into feeling like you the bad guy. All dads should know their role in their children’s lives!
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Sometime you just have to lay it out there love. Even if you have to write it down what you need from him from the time he gets
home until the kids get to bed. Continue that routine until it becomes regular motions in your house.
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They’re his kids too no? Definitely should not have to ask for help. But with that being said hw sounds like the average guy unfortunately they don’t understand how mentally drained being a SAHM is, on top of working from home. If anything make a bet with him and leave him alone for 24-48 hrs on his day off with no help from family, then when you get home tell him you do what ever he did plus your own job everyday see how he feels or how soon he calls with a question.
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It is overwhelming being a SAHM, raising little people and doing all the housework. Your doing an amazing job whether you feel like it or not.
As for your partner… mine was the same… like asking him to babysit his own kids… and every time I asked for help he made me feel awful for it… stand your ground and don’t feel bad for asking for help… it’s a never ending job being a SAHM you don’t get to clock on and off like you do with a job. Look after yourself.
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Ex fiance unless your a glutton for punishment…
.
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Kick him out. You’re basically with a man child. He wants you to ask for help because he wants you to rely on him then your reward from him in the end is him complaining about you asking for help or him helping. I learned a long time ago not to even bother asking someone for help who puts me down or complains about it because those type of people are toxic.
You shouldn’t have to ask no man to help with his own child and if you have you need to decide whether it’s truly worth the headache or not.
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Eh, men aren’t socialized to be intuitive. You have to specify in detail what you want, and prefers turn it into a regular habit, like
“7 pm you give the babies a bath in the bathtub using X brand soap, the blue and green washcloths, and the Johnson’s baby shampoo. Dry them & their hair & get them into their pjs (top dresser drawer, left side for name and 3rd shelf, right side for name. Have them brush their teeth—cups, toothbrushes and toothpaste are [location, brand, colors]. Have them in bed by 8. They can watch the Disney channel until 8 pm if their hair’s dry & their teeth are brushed. Read them a story from the bookshelf; we’re on chapter 4 of “Wind in the Willows” [or whatever book]. Sit with them 10 minutes after lights out.”
Tell him in the meantime you’ll be cleaning up the dinner table, putting food away & taking a power nap to recharge from your day & are to be disturbed only for emergencies, then define what that is. Look for soap on your own, bleeding head wounds it’s OK to wake you.
Time after 8:30 is your time to relax & be a couple & talk about your day.
Or decide with him what chores he’s going to do daily and weekly so you get a break, what days you do fun stuff as a family, and what days (at least once a month) are for date nights. Also leave him alone with both kids periodically while you are out so he knows what you deal with.
Expand your supp
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Well I was gonna say until men get use to it a lot of the times they do need reminding a lot about things a or told/asked to do something. Idk why but I feel many men are like that. That said, after I read to the end he’s just a p.o.s for saying that to you.
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get kids in day care n make him pay for it
I would rethink this marriage thing
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I never asked ex husband for help. Not once cause he’d come back at me with well your the sahm and I work and go to school… blah blah notice I said ex husband. I had two with him who were 23 months apart… (Divorced for his cheating and getting my best friend pregnant)… I have two babies with my current (the babies are 3yrs and 2 days apart) I don’t have ask for help for baby duties (or toddler but she talks so she tells us things or who she wants to do the thing she asks.) But he’ll say I got it or whatever. Like she’s playing on floor she did her I need a diaper change noise and he stopped his video game told his team just a min baby needs a change. And did it…
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My boys are really good dads, very involved in the day to day care of the children. But, My DIL’s TELL my boys “it’s your turn to watch the kids” if they need extra time for something and then leave the room! I am perfectly okay with that!
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It’s his kids and he should help and realize he needs to help without always being asked. He needs to be responsible. If he isn’t doing it now it won’t change once you are married.
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Needs to get off his butt and become a REAL man. That would give you too some special time together. Be of love and prayers for you and your family.
I’d be walking away… he should get off his butt and help you wether you asked or not. He’s an adult. He should grow up and act like one
First things first. You are NOT a SAHM. You are a working mom, who just happens to work from home. Being a SAHM, you don’t have to focus on kids the house and a job. Being a SAHM is just the kids and the house.
Being a parent is overwhelming. Being a working parent is overwhelming. Being an adult is overwhelming. These days, being a human is overwhelming.
You should not have to explain to him what you need help with. You shouldn’t have to hold his hand and lead him towards what he should be doing as a partner, an adult and a father. If you have to do that, you might as well do it yourself and if you’re going to do it all yourself, you might as well be by yourself.
You’ve obviously addressed this with him and he isn’t grasping it. Unfortunately, a lot of times, men are like that. Their mothers did for them growing up and when they’re grown, they seem to believe their partners should pick up where their mothers left off. That’s not how you have a happy and healthy relationship. You share the responsibility. Since he seems clueless as to what he should help with, I would suggest chores for you both. Sit down together, and go over what needs to be done daily in the house and with the kids. List everything out and give each of you chores.
If you cook dinner, he cleans up. If you wash and dry laundry, he puts it away. If you’re doing bath time, he does bed time. If you’re cleaning the kitchen, he cleans the living room. Any variation of that, where you’re both helping. If you both work 7-3 or 8-4, then from say 4-8, you’re both doing what needs to be done around the house. Kids in bed by 8, then the two of you have time to relax together.
You both have to be willing to work together.
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Ok a few questions. Does he work? What kind of job? What kind of shifts? Like how many hours in a shift? Is he paying ALL the bills? What kind of help are you asking for? See I’m the odd one out. When I didn’t work for 5 months and was a SAHM homeschooling my son along with ALL the cooking and cleaning I didn’t expect my BF to help. He works overnites 12 hr shifts 5 days a week and was paying ALL the bills including sports cost, bday and Christmas for MY son, not his.
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Unless he’s blind he should be able to see when you need help
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I think you need a day off away from the house and kids. See if anyone can watch them for even just a couple hours to just reset. It’s OK to ask for help.
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You should not have to ask for help. He should see that you do.
He has no excuse. Should be stepping up as they are his too. If you were to leave he’d have to do what you do on his own on his time with them. Honestly, I would not marry him. Doesn’t sound like a good situation to be stuck in. Tell him what you need and kids need him to do. If he doesn’t, then it’s time to go.
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Everyone carries stress differently and most men carry stress differently than women. A lot of mean are just plain dumb when it comes to noticing their significant others need help. I say to just tell him to you need help and to tell him what help you need. Sometimes my man thinks the things he’s doing is helping, when it’s not the help I need at all. Lay out what you are looking for when you are asking for help. If he doesn’t step up, that’s when I would say there’s a bigger problem to be addressed.
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Communication is key. Don’t expect him to just know what you need or want, tell him
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They’re his kids. You don’t ask for help, he just DOES IT. Sad piece of 
“man” that is…
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Closed mouth doesn’t get fed!! I get that he should “just know” but if all has saying is for you to ask him… then just ask him! Pick your battles!! If after that he’s a dirt bag who doesn’t help, make a new post and I’ll bash like everyone else 
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I think the problem is that you ask him to help you. Asking him his way just insinuates that these are solely your responsibilities and he is merely a helper once in a while.
You need to sit down with him and tell him he needs to start pulling his weight because you aren’t happy and you need him to be a partner.
Sit down with him and write down all the things that need to get accomplished daily weekly and monthly.
Assign each task to one of you so everything is divided equally.
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really, why do some men think that taking care of their children is not part of their job too, I just don’t get it, if it needs to be done just do it
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Well, some men need a brick wall to fall on them. They don’t think like women. You kind of have to point out what you want done… and don’t hold your breath getting them to do it. A lot of them think that what you ask is your job if you don’t have a job outside the home. In some cases that’s true, unless you need help herding children when you’re trying to cook or something like that. A lot of housework is routine. Setting your chores up to be done at certain times on certain days and trying to more or less stick with it unless there’s an emergency. This holds true for child care. Try to get the kids used to eating at certain times. Getting educational stuff done at certain times. Free play at certain times. Naps at certain times. Baths at certain times. Clean up. And bedtime at a reasonable hour. Then you get to collapse and take stock of what might have gotten put off for a weekend day because you didn’t catch it today. If you can, try to put the outside work on the fiancé. My first husband pushed the yard work on me when I had little ones. That wasn’t fair. I had to cut grass with one little kid watching one in a playpen as I was outside. Then I dragged the playpen outside while I trimmed hedges and used a sickle to do the trimming because we didn’t have a weed eater. I also had to wash and wax the vehicles. It wasn’t so bad in summer. In late fall and early spring if sucked. About the only thing he hired done was having the house trim painted. And he only did that once. Anyway, try to get him to do the outside work.
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I have a partner that is always willing to help but he doesn’t see what I see and gets distracted easily. I simply ask for him to take out the trash, do the dishes, take care of our child so I can shower or breathe. He never tells me no. We both are under a lot of pressure with a new child. He works and goes to school. I work a full time job at home and watch our child while going to school online. We try not to measure who does more- it’s not healthy and not a contest. My advice is admit work is a lot and so is taking care of a child full-time. Ask for the help and don’t get mad unless he refuses to help when you ask. Men suck at reading our minds. I look around and see everything that needs to be done and I’m sure you do too. I really think they just don’t see it like we do. If you can come to terms with that and ask for help or will make your relationship 100 times better. I hope you both can work things out.
Some people are not intuitive. Obviously you fiance is one of them. Why hasn’t he married you yet? Y’all are acting like married people. If not married you have very few benefits
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If you have to ask he’ll use it that you are telling him what to do.
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Sadly, you do have to ask. Because most men simply do not see the need to help. They don’t perceive things the same way we do. What seems obvious to us does not look that way to them. So by all means ASK. I promise, you’ll be glad you did. And BTW you’ll always have to ask. Every single time.
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To be honest he probably needs help in some areas too that your not helping with so it’s natural that he doesn’t know what you need try sone open communication and Hopfully won’t end in a fight
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Some people just don’t get it. Sorry your going through that. I’ve been there before and it’s not fun. Try talking to him and asking him if you made him a list of things for him to do when he gets home would he do it. He could come home do his list and then get to doing what he wants and you could get your help.
Your not his mother!
I repeat you’re not his mother.
He has a brain . He knows what needs to be done. His not a child he has responsibilities to the house hold chorse, his children and his wife. Step up dad and pull your weight.
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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MALE AND FEMALE
i say im out of milk, what goes through your mind when i say that…a female considers how do i go about getting more milk
A man doesnt think like that…he will hear it as a fact…no milk…he will not read more into that…
Never assume he knew you were hinting…you have to be clear and kindly say…honey we are out of milk and it would make me happy you could grab some on the way home
That being said ask him for help everytime you need it dont take for granted he should know you need help…
You are suppose to be a team try to communicate more often…things should be equal like i cook you clean , you cook i clean, he watches the kids while i run errands
Open communication is the key to a successful relationship…
.i wouldnt even think if marrying him without it…do you really want to marry someone who calls you a pos
you should be sharing responsibilities and working together as a team
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Do NOT marry that P.O.S. and take BC for the remainder of your relationship.
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Well if he says ask then ask……a lot. Being a mom is no easy task.
Make a list of things he needs to do to help you. No confusion when written out clearly 
Plz don’t expect him to read your mind, that’s am absolutely unrealistic expectation yes you need to vocalize and communicate your needs, no he shouldnt just know what you need help with
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It’s so sad,many men think that kids are women’s duty.If they made their kids they must be responsable for them and do their duty too.
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You already expressed to him you need help why do you need to ask him again. He is showing you who he is. He will never just help you on his own. He is not going to change. He is treating you like the help. Stop doing everything and maybe he will figure it out when u stop cooking for him and doing his laundry
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