My brother in law mad me feel uncomfortable and i dont know if i should say somethign to my husband or let it go…we were all drinking an dmy husband got up to go to the bathroom and his brother (who he has a troubled past with which is why I dont want to say anything as they just started getting along again…) came up to me and got very close to me, too close for comfort telling me how lucky my husband was and how beautiful I am…the rest of the night i kept watching him stare at me and now i feel so awkward about being around him…should i say something even though he tehcnically didnt do anything? just made me feel some type of way?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do I tell my husband how uncomfortable his brother made me?
Try avoid him. Tell your husband the truth. You can’t hide anything from your husband
I would absolutely tell your husband.
I will definitely tell him about it
I think you should tell him because his brother disrespected you both.
I would tell your husband what happened. He needs to know.
Yes tell your husband.
There’s no real reason NOT to tell him. If you’re uncomfortable around him it’ll continue to be that way. You could tell him and he might take it badly but there’s really nothing that can be done unless you just choose not to be around him.
If the roles were reversed would you want to know? Then that’s your answer!
I would tell your husband. And if ANYONE gets in your bubble (personal space) ask them to step back at least an arms length and explain the concept of personal space politely. I can’t stand a close talker- especially a drunk one
Let it alone. He didn’t really do anything. Just stay away from him.
Tell your husband. Brother made you uncomfortable and he needs to be told to back off. Plus, he may think he’s getting away and may one day try something.
Yeah tell your husband because why keep secrets if you’re married. Everything that happens in the dark will eventually come to the light. So if you keep this from him and he somehow finds out he’s going to be mad at both of you and it’ll cause a rift between you and your husband. Do you really want to cause issues in your marriage by keeping this from him?
It may be the drinking! I would tell husband anyway! Make sure you are not alone with him.
Yes tell him. You should always feel comfortable talking with you spouse
I’d say something to the brother in law along the lines of “know thy lane and stay TF in it” if it goes further than that say something to the hubs
You could always tell your husband that you were uncomfortable with the fact that his brother is a ‘close taker’. That it has nothing to do with who it is, it’s just that you are uncomfortable with it and would prefer not to be left alone with that guy.
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It’s so normalized to leave men alone because they’re “family” when they sexualize us. “Leave them alone” is what they “normally” say. Nope stop that generational trauma and open up to your husband about it and tell him everything. Us women need to put a STOP to this. Staying quiet is not the answer. Speak up even if your voice shakes.
Bring it up in a non telling way, say one day hey even your bother said you were lucky or something so it’s no accusatory but still you told him
Tell him. Cause that’s some crazy sh**. Very scary. Don’t let that man have some kind of something over you. Tell your husband so he is aware. Just add you don’t want any problems and he is family and family sticks together
You should be comfortable telling your husband anything. I would
I had almost the same happen to me with my ex’s brother after they had just started to get along again I chose to keep my mouth shut as I knew it would do no good at all but it made me feel so gross and hated being around him but it didn’t happen again and they fell out again anyway they are always bouncing back and forth! I’m glad to not be dealing with it anymore lol
You should have called him out right in front of your husband when he came out of the bathroom and made him tell him what he said to you, or if you think it’s just the drinking then let it be just don’t get yourself caught up alone with him
Absolutely. Your husband should be a safe place for you. And if anything, someone else is aware and can protect you. If need be
I would keep this one quiet but if it happened again definitely No!!
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Stop drinking with him n u shouldn’t have any more problems.
Tell your husband so he can stop it now. If you don’t the brother in law will continue to do this or even more.
That’s a big ew I had a situation with one of my friends and I didn’t tell her that her husband was making me feel uncomfortable to the point where he blatantly said he would cheat on her with me and I regret not saying anything right away trust me it’s the right thing to do before he thinks he crossed a boundary and you let it happen it will get worse. Really screwed my friendship up with a kind person because I didn’t say something sooner. Her husband is a freak liar but it’s also my fault for not ratting him out asap. Learn from me.
I do not believe that what he said was inappropriate. Perhaps the getting too close was a little over the line but most drunk people tend to get too close for my comfort level just being drunk and unaware or uninhibited by “personal” space when inebriated. I personally think if it wasn’t serious enough for you to address in the moment… that dredging it up again would do more harm than good.
I tell my partner everything without a Thought. so yeah tell Ur husband
Yes, your brother makes me feel uncomfortable and this is the reason why. Because next time he may try something and tell your husband that you were trying to start static between them.
The longer you wait to say something, he might wonder why. Brother doesn’t respect husband so why hide the fact
I would have told my husband as soon as he came back from the bathroom. Actually I probably would have went to tell him. I tell my husband everything.
Be honest. Tell him.
Yeh defiantly tell your husband and if it happens again put the boy on his place
No don’t say anything. Nothing happened.
You should tell the brother his behavior towards you is unacceptable and if it continues you will be forced to tell your husband. I went through the same thing and it stopped after I confronted him.
You do what you think is best for your situation. Baby no body tell you what to do because at the end of the day IT’S YOU.
No but I would say something to the brother. You could firmly tell him to back up and reassure him you are as lucky to have his Bub. Set some boundaries with brother in law, if it continues then tell hubby. But no I wouldn’t say anything with alcohol involved and emotions high.
The second you felt whatever… Should have told your husband and made sure in public his scummy brother was brought to light. The fact you’re like everyone on this page asking strangers for help means you have no spine to handle your private issues. You have 2 choices leave our be be quiet and deal with it.
Just tell him straight up to keep his distance it’s uncomfortable for you.do it now before it gets out of hand.
I think it’s nice that you want to protect their relationship, but I worry that not bringing it up leaves you vulnerable to BIL accusing you of hitting on him and would make it harder to get help if he takes it further next time…
Plus, does your husband need someone who acts like that in his life? It was predatory behavior towards the woman he loves…
If you don’t say something the brother might think you’re ok with it and try more next time. And it made you uncomfortable. I’d probably tell mine.
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Yes… definately tell your husband… if he’s had a troubled past with his brother… there’s reasons why he did. Your brother in law crossed the line. I have no secrets from my husband and confide in him with everything. If he does things like this again and your husband finds out and your brother in law says it was you coming on to him… your husband is going to ask you why didn’t you tell him. The sooner you tell him the better… this will only fester in your gut… and you will never feel right around him again. Be strong… you can do it
Stand up for yourself, tell the bil to behave and set boundaries.
I would have set the brother straight right there and then… sounds like a troublemaker. Let him take his trouble somewhere else !!
I would start by telling him you don’t want to drink with his brother anymore because you didn’t like how he was behaving.
I would ABSOLUTELY tell my husband if this happened to me. Without hesitation. Part of our husbands’ job is to protect us, and we shouldn’t interfere with that role by making it so that he can’t by withholding information.
Don’t say a word and STAY AWAY FROM HIM
Im just wondering why you kept watching him stare at you? Maybe he got the wrong message.
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Personally I wouldn’t of let him get the chance to stare at me. If it was my BIL my husband would be coming back to his brother having a black eye and having to explain himself. If it made you that uncomfortable (and from what you said I’d feel that way too) say something to your husband now and say he’s not to be around you if he’s been drinking, or at all. BIL is more than likely gonna say he doesn’t remember or it was the alcohol that made him say/act that way. Stop watching this post and over thinking it. If BIL had any respect for you or your husband he wouldn’t of said/done that.
Uh yes. You need to advocate for yourself this is how bad stuff happens because we don’t stand up for ourselves
I would have made it loud n clear the minute he’s brother said that to me. U should have set the bro straight u gotta stand for ur self sometimes
Tell your husband right away.
Definitely tell your husband about it. Wouldn’t you want him to tell you if a woman did the same?
Tell him. What if he makes a physical move next time? Then it we’ll come up “we’ll, the 1st time he did say such and such”
Hubby will say “ why did you not tell me?
Tell him. My husband’s nephew made me uncomfortable one day and I told him and it has not ruined their relationship, it just changed things to where his nephew will never be alone with me.
Open communication is a must in my relationship. If I were in your shoes I’d communicate that to my husband.
Tell him to stop and if he dont let him know that you are going to tell his brother do this immediately because he might the wrong message thinking you like him. Do it now
Old saying, if you see someone is staring at you, it also means you were staring at them. Just an FYI, you probably should avoid offering someone like him with problems a drink. Give him a soda or water the next time he visits.
Right then you should have said loudly Yes your brother is and so am I !!!
I would have told off the brother, saying, thank you but that’s inappropriate. I’m married, stop staring.
Yeahhhh you need to tell your husband
Honestly you should of just been like thanks so much and just loved on your husband more sometimes men to that to see how you react I don’t think it’s to much of a big deal if he does it again then tell him personally your getting to close to me back up that’s it
Your a big girl don’t involve your husband tell your bil yourself to back the f off
Say something. He may have been drinking, but that doesn’t mean he‘s not a creep.
Uh but he did do something… He made you uncomfortable. Tell him
U should’ve told him right away. So this way ur hubby will know not to invite him over when he isn’t there .
Eww yes say something. This will only get worse
He’s testing the water. Put him in his place. If that doesn’t work, then tell your hubby.
Tell your husband unless you want to keep feeling uncomfortable everytime he comes around.
We’ve been conditioned to be “nice” to people that make us uncomfortable and to just laugh it off as a compliment and that in it’s self isn’t right. If you are uncomfortable, say something. His past has nothing to do with what he did that night. Talk to your husband and tell him your feelings. It will not stop unless you do. I know women that will tell the person directly and I know other women that are even more uncomfortable with confrontation and they rely on their husbands or partners. I fall in between; sometimes I’ll tell someone that while I appreciate their sentiments, that’s where it ends because I am happily married and nothing or no one is going to change that and then are times where I’ll tell my husband exactly what’s going on and ask him to speak to them.
Say something. That is gross and disrespectful to both of you. Look, your husband is your partner, he should also have your back.
He did do something. He made an unwanted sexual advance towards you.
Yes you absolutely should. If my sister and I rekindled and she pulled that on my husband I’d definitely want to know so I could boot her right back out. Family is NOT everything. No one needs toxic family, absolutely no one. He deserves to know his brother is still a D-bag.
Also it’s so nice of you being willing to take one for the team, but the team sucks and your husband deserves better from his brother. I just wanted to acknowledge your niceness though, not everyone would think of the husband and brothers relationship like that.
Yes, absolutely tell your husband!
If you tell hubby it’s probably gonna cause alot of trouble. Try telling bil first and if it continues, then tell hubby
If it feels wrong, it’s wrong. I would tell my husband, personally. But I literally tell mine everything
I would tell my husband should ANY of his male family members made me feel uncomfortable. Let him know you’re not doing it to start any animosity between them, but you thought he, as your husband should know.