Fk him off!!
Why delete messages if they were innocent? 
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Nope nope nope not ok I’d be gone there is no reason for them to be friends ask him if it’s ok you go out to lunch with your ex I bet the tables soon turn xx
Dump him! He clearly doesn’t respect you or your relationship with him, do not wait around to find out just how far he’s willing to go to just respect you or your relationship, I say this from experience, dump him now.
It’s time to move on… he has no respect for you or your relationship. Neither does she!
I’m friends on FB with my ex husband and a couple of long ex boyfriends. We’ve all moved on, but we’re still friends - nothing more.
I would personally break up with him bc he either is cheating on you with her or is planning to and with a child I have no time for that bullshit I’d rather be a single momma in a happy home then some bullshit like that
Hell No but most do…Rather you know the ex or not…Believe that. Even if it goes back to Highschool sweethearts.
So he can delete messages but not the girl? Hmm yep I’d leave.
I mean deleting messeges is suss asf.
But in saying that if he didn’t delete messeges and they were only friends for the kids you need to accept that they have children together they need to co-parent I don’t see any harm in being friends
leave him there’s something still going on I bet
Noooope. Not overreacting. I would leave.
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Leave him. He’s playing with your head
The real question is, “why are you putting up with it?”
Why delete messages? 
I’m a firm believer in giving people a taste of their own medicine if they do me wrong and then see no wrong with what they do. People don’t like it when you do to them what they do to you.
From experience I would dump his ass. I trusted my partner of 16 years and recently came to find out through his own admission that he had a 2 year affair with someone I trusted him with. He was with his less than attractive co worker the entire time I was pregnant with our son. I knew he wasn’t a very kind man but certainly didn’t think he was that big of a piece of shit. I’ve been proven wrong and everyone who cared for me and told me to get away from him quickly , was right.
I’m not saying your man is screwing her buttt I wouldn’t put all my trust into him when he is showing such lack of concern for your feelings and trying g to turn it on you by saying abusive things like “ you’re cooked in the head”. Sounds like an ass.
He’s a narcissist! The ex is not the problem she’s a decoy for who he’s really talking too…
Leave if there was nothing going on between them he wouldn’t delete messages and telling you your crazy is gaslighting like a mf. Two big red flags. Drop his ass and go find some one that you truly deserve.
I’d kick him to the curb.
Nope! Follow up sis. That ain’t right 
No you’re not over reacting. Leave his ass because he is cheating on you with his ex. No need to delete messages if he were innocent!
Add your ex on fb 
The fact that messages are deleted is a huge red flag and I don’t think your over reacting at all! If there is no kids involved, there’s really no reason he should be in contact anyway…it’s called respect and he should respect the fact that your having these thoughts and shouldn’t have an issue with dropping her 
You should come first and you deserve so much better than that! 
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Red flags he still has feelings for her. And that bitch should back off
You are not over reacting. If they have no connections and no kids. They have no reason to talk. It sounds like he is keeping her in his back pocket. Leave him!!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Do you think it's okay for your partner to follow their ex on social media?
Being friends I have no issue with, my partner is friends with one of his ex’s and I still talk to most of mine.
But the fact hes deleting messages shows he has something to hide x
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My feeling on this is he is trying to gaslight you as he is doing something that is inappropriate and dosnt want to lose you as an option. I don’t know you or your partner so I don’t really want to say too much. But if you have a feeling it’s wrong tell him and if he dosnt respect your feelings it may be a good idea to look at your future together. I had an ex do this and I later found out he was seeing me and his ex and would say the same thing to the both of us.
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It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. You have boundaries for yourself and your relationship. If someone isn’t happy to accept those boundaries or at least talk about them then that isn’t OK.
You both need to sit down and make your boundaries clear xx
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I didn’t see an issue with it until he started deleting stuff. Deleting is first sign of breaking your trust. Need to communicate this. If not… You already know the answer by asking the question.
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Sounds like he is trying to turn it to you being the bad guy. If he has nothing to hide he shouldn’t be deleting messages, should be showing you to prove his point and gain trust. I feel like he should also be willing to delete her knowing it bothers you, she shouldn’t be such a big deal to him. He should delete her. You don’t just gain trust you earn it.
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I’m friends with a few of my exes on fb. My husband is friends with one of his, that I know of for sure. I trust him so I don’t need to know if he’s friend with more 
My exes wife was also the officiant at our wedding 
We trust each other so it’s not a big deal.
The fact that he deletes messages is odd. And telling you are cooked in the head is disrespectful. That’s no ok. If my husband was doing that stuff it would be a different story
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So I’m friends with my ex. He is friends with a few of his ex’s. Only one b**** I don’t like and he fully deleted her off. We talked I told him how I felt and the reasons why. We communicated. We see his ex my favorite of his ex’s all the time. She is amazing. But if something feels fishy trust your gut
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My partner has some of his exes on Facebook. He made it clear at the beginning of our relationship that they don’t talk or haven’t even communicated for a while before we got together. They haven’t spoke while we’ve been together so it doesn’t bother me. However if an ex reached out to him like in your situation then words would be had. If he doesn’t delete then I will! Or if he went along with it and spoke to her then he can move along!!
Make him communicate. Ask him why he deleted them if there’s nothing to hide. I have exes on mine but we don’t talk except for the occasional “your kids are cute” on a fb post. They’re married, I’m married. We all know that. I also have 1000% trust in my husband and he in me. If something feels off you need to communicate that. Relationships are all trust and honesty.
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If ur questioning it then something has happened to make you question this. Trust issues are already in play and there are insecurities about ur relationship. Follow ur gut, you wouldn’t feel this way for no reason.
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No kids together and going out for lunch is a bit much… Mabey set your boundaries see how he reacts.
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Them being friends on Facebook isn’t the issue, it’s him deleting the messages and gaslighting you that is a huuuuge indicator that something wrong is going on there
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He is gaslighting you and manipulating, the issues isn’t him being friends with the ex. Its the lack of transparency with their friendship. A partner should never want to make you feel that way, time to let him go. Find a man who values your feelings. 
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Mental affair and possibly physical affair. If nothing was going on, he wouldn’t need to delete the messages and would respect his marriage vows.
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I’m friends with my ex on fb and it’s not an issue. But at the point he invited me to lunch it would be a problem.
That is not right at all. Tell her if she gonna be that way and delete messages then u deserve better then her
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Nooo that’s not ok!! Your definitely not over reacting. I’d be acting the same way. Something is goin on there if he won’t delete her. Especially if he’s deleting their messages. Hmm.
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He is hiding something. Trust your instincts.
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As long as it’s ok for you to text your ex’s, delete the convos, and meet them for lunch. My ex did that stupid shit with me. Over his baby mama and always said it’s “for his child” when liking her stuff, talking to her all day and sharing my personal life, and him buying her flowers has nothing to do with it. After him and I had a baby he damn sure didn’t do none of that stuff “for our child” I got delete, blocked off everything, he wouldn’t see our new baby and refused to even answer a call. Nope next.
Sounds like some long lost regret, been there done that.
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Run girl… he’s cheating
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Ehhh, I’d be upset especially if messages were missing. My ex was friends with his ex on Facebook but they had kids together so 
In my mind if they don’t have kids together what is the reasoning for them being friends on Facebook. It’s great they can get along and all, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them being friends.
Lmao I was in a similar situation a long time ago. I was drunk one night and I got on her messager and I told her how I felt about her. I still feel the same way about her as I did back then. But made my feeling be known and she went and told my hubby and he looked at me and started talking to me and said i was not being nice. And i looked at him and said i don’t have to be nice to her after everything she did to me .
My sons father was the same way.
I’ll be honest, I contacted this woman myself.
She had no idea he was with me or had a baby on the way.
Normally when guys are friends with exes(I’m not saying all the time) and deleting messages. They have involvement with them. They usually like casual sex or casual dating. In his mind, you’re still an option. Not a priority. He calls you crazy because you’re spot on. All cheaters say that when you observe their behavior and your suspicions are in the right track.
This is where you either talk to her yourself or leave. It’s not worth it if it bothers you. Trust your gut, I knew to and I’m glad I spoke to her. She showed me their messages and there was definite flirting and him telling her he was single.
She blocked him after I showed her the ultrasound and our messages and pictures together. Now I’m currently in a custody battle. Man is narcissistic as hell.
Just leave. There’s other men out there that respect how you feel. And don’t talk to exes.
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Go with ur gut it never lies time to walk away
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Deleting the messages is the red flag.
Deleted messages is weird
Uhm him deleting messages and saying those things would have me packing. Plus he doesn’t care. Who wants to be with someone who doesn’t care how they feel? You know you aren’t overreacting. While it’s possible for exes to be friends, if you are uncomfortable with it then he needed to quit if he wants to be with you or loves you. You know what you need to do. Do it before you have a child with him, because behavior like that won’t change.
Why don’t you take your ex to lunch and see if his ok with that 
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He would be kicked to the curb
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No respect is a sign of you deserve better!
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Nothing wrong with being friends with exes. The deleting messages is an issue. He may simply be doing it because you have an insecurity on his friend choices. He should not be deleting anything, especially if there is nothing to hide.
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nah he shouldn’t be deleting those messages if nothing was going on
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Well um my hubby still friends with some ex’s and I’m friends with them with as well . Been married going on 35 years in January . We lost our oldest 2 years ago he had no life insurance . They helped pay for his cremation and all .
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He’s hiding something obviously. No I wouldn’t be ok with it
Im still friends with a lot of my ex’s, then again, I’m polyamorous, so I still love each of them to a point.
One of my ex’s could be the father of my unborn child. And my hubby knows it. 
I’m just the odd one out of all the others I guess. I’m just different.
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I did but it didn’t work my ex had all his exs and girls he slept with on Facebook and wouldn’t delete them at all after 7 yrs I gave up and walked away I was tired of being put aside for them
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Maybe he needs to be in a relationship with his ex and not you
They can be but deleting messages is a huge red flag!!!
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Girl don’t be stupid please.
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Delete him from your life. He is the problem, not her.
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I’m friends with my ex on fb. And in real life. They are exs for a reason. I mean…I’m not deleting messages because it’s strictly just friends. So that would be a red flag. But other than that…yes u can be friends with an ex.
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I’d ditch him just for using the phrase “cooked in the head”. Even if he does delete her he will still talk to her if he wants too. You’re never going to stop someone from doing what they want to do, or talking to who they want to. Express your feelings and move on, if he continues to do it then you’re not the one.
The friends on FB thing? Excessive because it’s just social media. I’m friends with exes, ex-FWBs, my dead baby daddy’s friends from HS, and a bunch of other random connections I’ve made over the years.
The hiding and deleting messages should be your issue here. Not “friends” on social media. This man would contact people even without FB so please don’t let it give you a complex for future relationships just because he used it as a tool to do wrong
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I’m not friends with any ex like why first of all and my husband’s is the same we dont talk to exs its a respect thing
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Throw the whole man away. 
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Deleting messages is the only issue I see. Men & women are allowed to be friends with ex’s. Adulthood is recognizing that you can be friends with someone you dated & it not be a bad breakup. I’m good friends with my oldest daughters dad, he lives 3 doors down, works with my fiancé’ & they hang out at least once a week. Kid or not, man or woman-They can be friends. Sit him down & ask him if you can tag along, not to delete messages, involve you as well. If he refuses then you have a valid reason to evaluate if you want to stay in said relationship.
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It’s fine. They can still be friends. They have a history and that’s okay as long as there is nothing romantic left. You either trust your partner or you don’t. If you trust them you have nothing to worry about. If you don’t then why are you with them?
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Ehh it depends. I’ve stayed friends with 1 of my ex’s and there is no romantic feelings there. At least on my part. But the whole deleting messages sounds concerning
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I have my exes on my Facebook instead as my husband. But they aren’t doing anything more than casual liking of each other‘s pictures sometimes. Same here. If they asked me to munch I’d decline and if it kept going I’d block them. He’d probably do the same.
The fact it bothers you so much and you had to ask him to delete her says a lot….
#1 he gaslighted you when he said you were cooked in the head. Had he not said that and been deleting messages…wouldn’t think much of it. But he feels the need to gaslight you and hide things…throw the whole man away. I unfriended my ex boyfriend because he has every woman he ever slept with on his fb page…and then treated me like a buddy… some guys use social media like notches on a headboard…Im not going to be a notch on some dudes social media account.
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Very childish. I am still friends with some of my exes. My husband is still friends with some of his exes. As a matter of fact, I am even friends with some of his exes. We are mature enough to realize that we both had a past before one another. We are both secure and confident in our relationship to know that we can all still be friends.
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I dont see anything wrong with him having a ex on facebook. I have a couple of ex on my fb and I would never delete them. I agree with ur bf. If you dont like it break up with him.
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How you childish but he’s out here deleting messages 
then said you cooked in the head why because you on to his bs 
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Friends on Facebook yeah, but saying that you’re cooked in the head and him deleting their messages are big red flags! Calling you that is verbal abuse and that could get worse and why delete messages unless he’s hiding something
Just know your worth and don’t tolerate less than you deserve.
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Deleting messages is an issue. It isn’t right. You have every right to confront him and discuss this fully. He should also not be gaslighting you, calling you names etc for raising a concern - just or unjust. You’re in a relationship, the two of you should be able to talk and discuss anything, safely.
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SMH. Y’all be doing too much. Why not? Are they flirting and trying to get back together?
I have a high school ex of mine as a friend on fb. I never talk to him. I’m more concerned he’s hiding things from you than her being a fb friend. And what he told you is gaslighting. If he respected you as a partner he wouldn’t have tried to make you sound crazy.
Deleting the messages are the only issue I see.
You can’t erase history. Everyone had a life before you. I’m an adult and I’m still close with my ex, it wasn’t all bad.we don’t mess around. He’s one of my best friends. I don’t think its fair for either side. How can you take away someone’s memories?
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Nope! Because why would I wanna see what’s going on with my ex 
kids or not just text me the pictures 
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How would he feel if the roles were reversed?
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I guess it depends on what the relationship is like and if it ended on a good note or not. in your case if he’s doing these things maybe sit down and have a conversation with him like a normal adult.
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All these posts you can’t keep a man that don’t want to be kept if he can’t respect you and there are red flags leave
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I don’t think you are over reacting. I am 73, a retired gynecologist, and I don’t trust any man any further than I can throw him. I think by the time you get suspicious, he’s already made a fool of you…but that’s just me, speaking from sad, bitter experience.
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Messages deleted? Never a good thing. Leave now because he’s hiding something from you. You don’t delete anything in a relationship.
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I think the biggest problem.here is deleting messages and what appears to be a complete disregard for you’re feelings.
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I know many people who can stay friends with exs and I know many that cannot. That would all depend on the trust in y’alls relationship. If he has ever given any red flags To question his loyalty. Deleting messages, big red flag, If you have to hide something from your partner you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
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Nope sorry not happening! Ex’s are ex’s for a reason…they don’t belong on our friends list and won’t be tolerated but that’s for me and my husband…idc what anyone thinks. If they have no kids together then not a way in hell I would allow it. Just recently dealt with one of my husbands ex’s friending him, he accepted it, and as soon as I noticed it I straight up said “Nope not happening. I don’t want her on your friends!” My husband respected that and she got deleted immediately:person_shrugging: it’s disrespectful! If your husband is deleting messages, planning lunch, etc with said ex then I would suggest leaving if it doesn’t stop.
If kids involved then absolutely fine, if not then no it shouldn’t be happening💯
(Our past relationships were bad…both got cheated on constantly, his ex’s said horrible things about our 2 boys, etc)
I never had kids with my ex husband and we remained friends until he passed away. So yes, you can be friends with your ex.
This issue really depends on the dynamics of your relationship. However, I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. Or maybe try counseling to get to the bottom of the issues
Umm no. He’s deleting messages and she’s asking to go out together for lunch. Nope. Not gonna happen. Block her. If he doesn’t, then he clearly wants her around for a reason.
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My ex did that… 2 years later i found out he was sleeping with dozens of females 
Let him have the ex and dip
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Become the new ex if he’s deleting messages, he’d hiding something FOR SURE. You don’t delete anything you’re not hiding.
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Them being friends isn’t the issue I see…the deleting messages is a big issue though
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