Why don’t you take your ex to lunch and see if his ok with that 
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He would be kicked to the curb
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No respect is a sign of you deserve better!
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Nothing wrong with being friends with exes. The deleting messages is an issue. He may simply be doing it because you have an insecurity on his friend choices. He should not be deleting anything, especially if there is nothing to hide.
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nah he shouldn’t be deleting those messages if nothing was going on
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Well um my hubby still friends with some ex’s and I’m friends with them with as well . Been married going on 35 years in January . We lost our oldest 2 years ago he had no life insurance . They helped pay for his cremation and all .
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He’s hiding something obviously. No I wouldn’t be ok with it
Im still friends with a lot of my ex’s, then again, I’m polyamorous, so I still love each of them to a point.
One of my ex’s could be the father of my unborn child. And my hubby knows it. 
I’m just the odd one out of all the others I guess. I’m just different.
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I did but it didn’t work my ex had all his exs and girls he slept with on Facebook and wouldn’t delete them at all after 7 yrs I gave up and walked away I was tired of being put aside for them
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Maybe he needs to be in a relationship with his ex and not you
They can be but deleting messages is a huge red flag!!!
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Girl don’t be stupid please.
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Delete him from your life. He is the problem, not her.
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I’m friends with my ex on fb. And in real life. They are exs for a reason. I mean…I’m not deleting messages because it’s strictly just friends. So that would be a red flag. But other than that…yes u can be friends with an ex.
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I’d ditch him just for using the phrase “cooked in the head”. Even if he does delete her he will still talk to her if he wants too. You’re never going to stop someone from doing what they want to do, or talking to who they want to. Express your feelings and move on, if he continues to do it then you’re not the one.
The friends on FB thing? Excessive because it’s just social media. I’m friends with exes, ex-FWBs, my dead baby daddy’s friends from HS, and a bunch of other random connections I’ve made over the years.
The hiding and deleting messages should be your issue here. Not “friends” on social media. This man would contact people even without FB so please don’t let it give you a complex for future relationships just because he used it as a tool to do wrong
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I’m not friends with any ex like why first of all and my husband’s is the same we dont talk to exs its a respect thing
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Throw the whole man away. 
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Deleting messages is the only issue I see. Men & women are allowed to be friends with ex’s. Adulthood is recognizing that you can be friends with someone you dated & it not be a bad breakup. I’m good friends with my oldest daughters dad, he lives 3 doors down, works with my fiancé’ & they hang out at least once a week. Kid or not, man or woman-They can be friends. Sit him down & ask him if you can tag along, not to delete messages, involve you as well. If he refuses then you have a valid reason to evaluate if you want to stay in said relationship.
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It’s fine. They can still be friends. They have a history and that’s okay as long as there is nothing romantic left. You either trust your partner or you don’t. If you trust them you have nothing to worry about. If you don’t then why are you with them?
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Ehh it depends. I’ve stayed friends with 1 of my ex’s and there is no romantic feelings there. At least on my part. But the whole deleting messages sounds concerning
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I have my exes on my Facebook instead as my husband. But they aren’t doing anything more than casual liking of each other‘s pictures sometimes. Same here. If they asked me to munch I’d decline and if it kept going I’d block them. He’d probably do the same.
The fact it bothers you so much and you had to ask him to delete her says a lot….
#1 he gaslighted you when he said you were cooked in the head. Had he not said that and been deleting messages…wouldn’t think much of it. But he feels the need to gaslight you and hide things…throw the whole man away. I unfriended my ex boyfriend because he has every woman he ever slept with on his fb page…and then treated me like a buddy… some guys use social media like notches on a headboard…Im not going to be a notch on some dudes social media account.
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Very childish. I am still friends with some of my exes. My husband is still friends with some of his exes. As a matter of fact, I am even friends with some of his exes. We are mature enough to realize that we both had a past before one another. We are both secure and confident in our relationship to know that we can all still be friends.
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I dont see anything wrong with him having a ex on facebook. I have a couple of ex on my fb and I would never delete them. I agree with ur bf. If you dont like it break up with him.
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How you childish but he’s out here deleting messages 
then said you cooked in the head why because you on to his bs 
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Friends on Facebook yeah, but saying that you’re cooked in the head and him deleting their messages are big red flags! Calling you that is verbal abuse and that could get worse and why delete messages unless he’s hiding something 
Just know your worth and don’t tolerate less than you deserve.
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Deleting messages is an issue. It isn’t right. You have every right to confront him and discuss this fully. He should also not be gaslighting you, calling you names etc for raising a concern - just or unjust. You’re in a relationship, the two of you should be able to talk and discuss anything, safely.
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SMH. Y’all be doing too much. Why not? Are they flirting and trying to get back together?
I have a high school ex of mine as a friend on fb. I never talk to him. I’m more concerned he’s hiding things from you than her being a fb friend. And what he told you is gaslighting. If he respected you as a partner he wouldn’t have tried to make you sound crazy.
Deleting the messages are the only issue I see.
You can’t erase history. Everyone had a life before you. I’m an adult and I’m still close with my ex, it wasn’t all bad.we don’t mess around. He’s one of my best friends. I don’t think its fair for either side. How can you take away someone’s memories?
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Nope! Because why would I wanna see what’s going on with my ex 
kids or not just text me the pictures 
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How would he feel if the roles were reversed?
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I guess it depends on what the relationship is like and if it ended on a good note or not. in your case if he’s doing these things maybe sit down and have a conversation with him like a normal adult.
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All these posts you can’t keep a man that don’t want to be kept if he can’t respect you and there are red flags leave
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I don’t think you are over reacting. I am 73, a retired gynecologist, and I don’t trust any man any further than I can throw him. I think by the time you get suspicious, he’s already made a fool of you…but that’s just me, speaking from sad, bitter experience.
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Messages deleted? Never a good thing. Leave now because he’s hiding something from you. You don’t delete anything in a relationship.
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I think the biggest problem.here is deleting messages and what appears to be a complete disregard for you’re feelings.
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I know many people who can stay friends with exs and I know many that cannot. That would all depend on the trust in y’alls relationship. If he has ever given any red flags To question his loyalty. Deleting messages, big red flag, If you have to hide something from your partner you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
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Nope sorry not happening! Ex’s are ex’s for a reason…they don’t belong on our friends list and won’t be tolerated but that’s for me and my husband…idc what anyone thinks. If they have no kids together then not a way in hell I would allow it. Just recently dealt with one of my husbands ex’s friending him, he accepted it, and as soon as I noticed it I straight up said “Nope not happening. I don’t want her on your friends!” My husband respected that and she got deleted immediately:person_shrugging: it’s disrespectful! If your husband is deleting messages, planning lunch, etc with said ex then I would suggest leaving if it doesn’t stop.
If kids involved then absolutely fine, if not then no it shouldn’t be happening💯
(Our past relationships were bad…both got cheated on constantly, his ex’s said horrible things about our 2 boys, etc)
I never had kids with my ex husband and we remained friends until he passed away. So yes, you can be friends with your ex.
This issue really depends on the dynamics of your relationship. However, I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. Or maybe try counseling to get to the bottom of the issues
Umm no. He’s deleting messages and she’s asking to go out together for lunch. Nope. Not gonna happen. Block her. If he doesn’t, then he clearly wants her around for a reason.
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My ex did that… 2 years later i found out he was sleeping with dozens of females 
Let him have the ex and dip
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Become the new ex 
if he’s deleting messages, he’d hiding something FOR SURE. You don’t delete anything you’re not hiding.
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Them being friends isn’t the issue I see…the deleting messages is a big issue though
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Delete him from your life
Is it OK to be friends with ex’s on Fb, yes. Is it okay to delete messages from them. OH HELL NO! He’s hiding something. It might not be cheating though, maybe he deleted something he complained about you to her.
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Realisticly, the only truly suspicious part to me is him deleting the messages. The rest of it seems like normal shit, but I’m the type of person that never understood why you can’t learn to be friends with or on good terms with someone just because you broke up. To me, the absolute need to cut someone off completely after breaking up (excluding toxic situations) shows that you’re not truly over that person.
He has ex’s on fb. I have ex’s on fb. Hell, I even have some of his ex’s on here lol. Trust.
If he is deleting messages and doesn’t consider your feelings it’s time to move on!
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Okay we aren’t in high school. Not every ex is toxic and not every relationship ended on bad terms. My fiancé is friends with his ex wife on fb. I’m friends with a few exes who I am still friends with. Grow the hell up honestly. Omg. Social media destroys people. This proves it. Don’t have social media if you wanna act like a child.
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are the monogamous ok?
Nope i asked my fiance to delete his ex because it made me uncomfortable that she would heart all his pics with him and my son so he said done and done and blocked that bitch
Deleting msgs mean u have something to hide. It’s an issue if he doesn’t understand that there will be no change on his part so its up to u to make the change
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My bf is friends with his ex’s but he doesn’t talk to them. The fact he doesn’t care about your feelings and hides his messages is a big red flag
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Why are you with him if he admitted to not caring about your feelings?
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Get rid of that douche bag he wants his ex okay have her then .
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You have to trust your partner. I know I’d be upset if someone was telling me who I could or couldn’t be friends with.
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I am friends with a few. These are exes from my teenage years. No flirting no anything. If anything we tag each other in memes or make fun of the relationship lmao. Not friends with my adult life exes. He should delete her if she has asked him out for lunch.
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What exes? There’s only me
If he doesn’t care about your feelings… dump his a**.
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She feels comfortable enough to ask him to lunch and he’s deleting messages, something is clearly going on between the two. He doesn’t respect you or your relationship enough to simply delete her which probably means he holds her in a higher regard than you. The whole man needs to be tossed out. Don’t play yourself or your worth, trust your gut.
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They can be friends. But, a line has been crossed when messages were deleted. What is he hiding?
Hiding messages is a big no but being friends on fb not a big deal I am friends with my husbands ex on Facebook no big deal
I’d leave if it makes you uncomfortable and he can’t respect that then you deserve better
I’d be his most recent ex. If he refused to separate himself from the previous ex, given they have to parental bonds.
I won’t be friends with my ex. No reason to unless there is a child involved. What thus mantis doing is all she needs to make her choice. It is out of line for an ex to have lunch with a married man. People find this to be okay but that’s inappropriate and as a married woman what business do I have going out to lunch with an ex? I don’t get the logic behind that. Wtf not even in my mind at all. He’s an ex for a reason which means ALL ties are cut. I stopped talking to an ex and friend and we couldn’t stay friends because I thought about my future and my future husband.
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You are not over Reacting at all
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Straight up disrespectful and making fun of your mental health on top of it is a maaaajor red flag. I’d leave him in the dust, see how he feels then. I bet he comes begging 
but he’s still not worth it.
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Been there done that and nothing good ever came of it…me or the exes, period.
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I see nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. I am friends with most of my exs and have the good ones on Facebook. No we don’t talk regularly at all.
It all depends on the situation, boundaries, how long ago they were together.
My best male friend is my ex from 12 years ago. We talk pretty much every day.
That’s a narcissist, get rid of him.
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I don’t see a problem with them being friends on Facebook. Him deleting messages is a bit fishy but it doesn’t mean there is something going on.
But there is definitely a problem with him disregarding your feelings as if he doesn’t care and there is definitely a problem if you don’t trust him enough to be friends with an ex and remain faithful…
So seeing as you don’t trust him and he doesn’t care about your feelings… seems to me there isn’t really a solid relationship to begin with.
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The deleting the messages and going out alone together that’s a little sus.
If you all spent time together and saw nothing sus about the relationship that’s different.
My partner is more then aloud to go on my phone and read my messages. I have nothing to hide.
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He hiding something leave him
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As far as the Facebook friends thing goes, I completely understand your perspective here. If he’s not willing to make any adjustments to help you feel more secure, he ain’t the one sis.
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He can be friends with who he wants and so can you. Just because they didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends.
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No your not overreacting
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Your not overreacting at all and if he’s erasing the messages he is hiding something
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Tell him stick his ex up his rectum bye or here’s one ask your man if he mines you and your ex joining him and his ex for lunch
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Y would she ask him to lunch?? N especially Deleting mssg …u are not overreacting Nothing 
run
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Go talk to your ex lol see if he likes that
Sounds like insecurities,your bitterness is only going to hurt your relationship with him.
You’re not hurting her any.
I divorced my 1st husband 40 yrs ago+his wife is like you.
I’m not any threat to their marriage.
She’s just been sabotaging her own happiness with him with insecurities,just as you are with your man.
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He cares more about her then you.
Trust your gutt, It never lies. The heart does.
I’d bet. He’s emotionally having an affair. The fact that he is saying you are childish is concerning. Gaslighters often try to make you think “you’re crazy”
Read up on Narcissists.
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I’d be telling them both that “I like lunch too!”. Eff that. Interject yourself riiiiiight into that situation. Invite her over for supper one night. Tell her she’s more than welcome to bring herself a date to accompany her.
Beat that bitch at her own game 
I dont care if my husband has exes on Facebook or even text them. We don’t delete messages and basically the rule is, if you feel the need to delete messages for any reason other than space on your phone, then its not ok. We tell each other if anything is said that shouldn’t be. He shuts that crap down. If he didn’t then I would consider it dishonest and a precursor to cheating. We’ve also been together 12 years and married 10 so I guess that could be a part of it. I knew I was a lot more worried and so was he earlier in our relationship. Honestly it sounds like your guys communication isn’t as good as it should he for being friends with exes. He sounds childish to be honest.
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I’m going through the same kind of thing. My bf tends to be friends with everyone he’s had sex with and still talks and text them and then deletes it all.
If a man doesn’t care about the way he’s making you feel, he isn’t the man for you 
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He’s a narcissist, most likely.
Leave him.
If you’re not allowed to have lunch dates with your male friends, but he is… narcissist. Absolutely. And you should leave immediately.
If it were me I’d break up with him. That’s probably what he wants you to do anyway so he doesn’t have too.
What reason would he have to delete messages….
I was like yeah you can be friends with an ex. Then you mentioned him deleting texts. That’s suspicious. If they’re just friends why not friend you to & be open? Then you described gaslighting. I bet he says things all the time that makes you question yourself. RUN!!!
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Exs being friends isn’t a problem , everyone needs friends. But deleting the messages is not acceptable, asking out for lunch, I would just go with them and all have lunch together.
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If it was innocent he wouldn’t delete the messages
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If I were you I’d leave. He’s obviously not validating your emotions
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I am friends with my ex on FB. We are good friends we just can’t be married. My current husband and he are also friends. We all need to get along and co parent.
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Talk to one of your ex’s see how he likes it. Better yet go for coffee with him, bet hell see your point of view then. Let him do as he pleases but when you do the same he better not cry or fuss.
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Thats a huge no go for me. If he’s deleting hes hiding something. If there is nothing connecting them other than being ex’s, honestly there’s no reason for them to be talking. Its a respect thing for a relationship. It makes you uncomfortable and he should respect that. I would be walking away.
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