Does anyone have in laws that buy you too many things?

Material things don’t get you anywhere :person_shrugging:t2: Sure, I appreciate that my mom actually buys wipes or diapers but clothes only if absolutely necessary. Other than that, I just want them to actually enjoy their grandson.

1 Like

Create an amazon wish list of useful items she would like… It helps when I buy for my grandkids.

2 Likes

No one buys anything for my kids so I mean…

4 Likes

Start leaving the toys at there house :joy:
I don’t think it’s bad to ask that you want less things for them, you have to use and wash the stuff.
I usually give people an idea of what it’s needed for bubs or my toddler. Of course I’d be greatful for anything but it can become to much at times

1 Like

My in laws are super generous too. Sometimes I think I’ll use it sometimes I don’t. They just made us a table for our backyard but even though I think it’s ugly my mom says it looks like a $500 antique at the furniture store. They’ve gotten us a water cooler, a steam mop, Christmas tree even though I don’t care about Christmas, and a few other things. That’s why when the holidays roll around I feel like we have to spend hundreds to make it even. I hate holidays where we are forced to give presents

2 Likes

First world problem complaints​:unamused::roll_eyes: Be lucky your child has active grandparents that love to spoil. Not many get that for their children. A simple thank you and donation is all that’s needed

16 Likes

Just be grateful you have in-laws alive. inlaws that love you and your child wanting to buy for you. There’s alot of people out here that don’t have that relationship. Also its their grandbaby let them buy for the child.

1 Like

So many weird comments. It’s totally normal to be overwhelmed with constant purchases especially if you don’t have the space. If they refuse to stop overbuying, thank them for the gift and tell them it can stay at their homes for when little one visits. :slightly_smiling_face:

22 Likes

I would just work with your kid as she gets older like “ok grandma and grandpa just bought you some new clothes how about we take 10 things out of your closet for other kids that need clothes.” same with toys and such

4 Likes

Yes, we had people who did the same.
Then they were upset when we passed the items not needed or used on!! Or didn’t use them as had too much excess.
It is a no win situation.
You aren’t ungrateful for feeling how you do.

1 Like

They won’t be around forever. Let them love and spoil her while she has them.

5 Likes

Yes this happens holidays and birthdays! They can’t just bring one gift either. It’s like they have to out do the number of packages. Every year I saw they just need one gift. I am trying to pull way back on what we spend ourselves and the kids are ok with it. They want to give more than receive now.

Just say thank you and sell it then

3 Likes

I had people give stuff so my house ended up being like hoarders and my shed was so so full. Honestly it was such a headache as I couldn’t get rid of it all. It just turned into a massive huge problem and I had to in the end just be kind of mean and say no more things. Alternatively they have to keep the stuff at their house! I felt so ungrateful and horrible. But honestly it was so sooo stressful getting stuff and having to give it to charity or even to the dump! Also it took away my precious time with my baby because I was spending time sorting through stuff! Now if people don’t listen I just give it to charity quickly so it doesn’t build up. But I have told people so they are fully aware!

You can be grateful and still know it’s too much. There is only so much room and only so much she can use at once. Maybe take the gifts and donate them if it’s too much? You can always pass it on it doesn’t have to stay there or keep some at their place when she goes to visit. I’m speaking from the impression that you have already told them it’s too much and they don’t listen.

2 Likes

We politely teoonour family what we will not use. For example we don’t use plastic toys much at all but instead of telling them not to buy it for them I had told my family about how as a whole we are trying to use less plastic and are getting rid of all of that in our house and how many toys we had to get rid of that were plastic. That way I was sharing with them what our family does and they may keep that in mind when they shop. I also just tell my family to let me know if they need any ideas of what the girls need before birthdays and Christmas of they would like any ideas. People love to buy things and that is a way that some people show love so we let people buy what they want and we leave a lot of stuff at families that we frequent. All of their grandparents and great grandparents have to boxes all their house and we generally leave any toys they buy them there. One less thing to bring when we visit and I think they enjoy watching them play with what they got them. Otherwise we re-gift, donate, or return items. :blush:
I know a lot of people say it’s ungrateful but I understand not wanting all the things that come along with getting gifts. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to have a lot of things or have people ask where certain things are they bought that you no longer wanted or got rid of because there was such an excess of things. My kids focus better with less toys. :blush:

LMFAO NOPE knew right out da Gates, I wasn’t worth a Yankee candle

Say thank you and then sell or donate :joy:

Start donating things you know you won’t use or give them away on Facebook I’m sure there’s plenty of moms who would love that stuff

1 Like

Let them love and spoil her. They will not be around forever and be grateful you have active grandparents/family in your child’s life. Whatever she don’t use or can’t fit in donate it to kids who need it.

4 Likes

My mum is like this… buys my son thing’s all the time and makes him things.
But I’m just grateful for it. I’m a single mum and as much as i work to provide all I can for him, there’s some things I can’t get him. It’s nice having a loving, caring family that has my back.
Anything he grows out of or we don’t use… we share amongst other children in the family… lots of hand me downs.

3 Likes

Pay it forward and give to less fortunate.

1 Like

Not an inlaw but my mom does it. Yeah its a little overwhelming but I just try to let it go because I know it makes her feel good to do for them what she couldn’t for her own kids.

1 Like

I just usually pass whatever I don’t use, on. :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:
I HATE clutter and appreciate them thinking of us but like, ask what would actually be useful and helpful to us instead of random stuff. I am lucky to have people who want to spoil my kid but as someone who went from being brainwashed that material things were everything to now just wanting basic useful things in my house… it actually causes me to have panic attacks. It’s not a negative thing! I’m just at a point where I would prefer things that are helpful and useful. This comment section is weird. You are allowed to feel bombarded and overwhelmed. That’s why I chose not to have a baby shower. Which obviously made it an easy choice thanks to covid. :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:
I’m 36 weeks and I’m overwhelmed by it all. I dont have a ton of space in my house. So I just want basics. Baby isn’t gonna need much the first 3 or so months anyways! :slight_smile:

2 Likes

My bff has this problem. She ended up asking them to limit it to 1 small gift and to put the rest into their kid’s education fund. They seemed pretty receptive to the idea.

1 Like

We sell all of the things we don’t use.

If they want to spend money, them to put it in a college fund. And that you would let them know if the grand baby needed anything.

I would ask them if they could put that money towards experiences for them. The stuff is so thoughtful, but yeah it does get overwhelming.

4 Likes

My mother in law wasn’t a very nice person at the time so yeah try to be a bit more greatful. Mine went to prison for hurting someone.

1 Like

See if there’s a local mums group like st Kilda mums and bubs you can donate stuff too :blush:

I’m still overwhelmed. Mine are 6&7 and we get hand downs from multiple people (all of course gratefully!) and sometimes so much that I feel sad I can’t buy something for them. Like just a sweatshirt… because we amazingly have more then enough. But sometimes waaaay more then enough (yes we pass on and hand down just as other have for us<3)

The comments about being ungrateful & it being ok to spoil children make me sad…love shouldn’t just be about material things. That ONE special gift, time, & experiences mean a lot more. Gifts lose their value real quick when there are so many that your child is completely overstimulated & ready to leave whatever holiday gathering it is just to get a break. Then you get home & it happens all over again because your house is overrun with stuff. We’ve taken to donating the excess because some can’t seem to limit their buying & you can’t control how others spend their money. Not everyone likes that we do that, but it’s what our family needs…we need space to play with our daughter & her favorite toys, not just trip over every item that seemed cute at the store. There’s nothing wrong with wanting quality over quantity & standing up for what works best for your child. :black_heart:

5 Likes

I started asking them to gift experiences, they all benefit from that and I saved the expensive unworn things for when they have kids to remember their sweet grandparents. My kids get to spend time with them now, I didn’t get much time with my grandparents, and they have awesome memories!

Is she their only grandchild?

Just say you don’t want anything and thank you. Leave it at that

Or just say give you the money they gonna spend :woman_shrugging:t3:

Be grateful and give back to others what you don’t need, pay it forward

7 Likes

Maybe donate what you don’t want

3 Likes

Yes! We have told them not to buy anything for our kids or to donate in their name to someone that is less fortunate. One of these years they will actually do that! In thr meantime we save the toys and donate to Toys for Tots or to whichever charity needs the things they get. Of course, we send thank yous to them but afterwards we donate.

1 Like

My MIL is like this always wants to buy a huge toy for her for Christmas or her bday, I’ve told her that I appreciate the gesture but would prefer her to purchase things like books, or even just something simple like her favorite yogurts or take her on an all about you day to the park and ice cream bc at the end she only wants to play with the big empty box it comes in. At first she didn’t listen but once my husband agreeded and told her the same thing she stopped. Try just communicating with them and letting them know everything is appreciated but you’d prefer for them to purchase things that you as a their mother will know get more use out of.

All parents are different some will understand some might not but regardless at least you’ve let them know you appreciate everything.:woman_shrugging:t2:

I wish I had this problem. My kids hardly have anyone in their lives.

5 Likes

My kids grandparents wouldn’t buy my kids a bottle of water if they were on fire.

3 Likes

Thats honestly amazing ! I would pass the items along to family members who may need them or to friends or even just donate them. Nothing wrong with that at all :woman_shrugging:t2:

1 Like

We have started asking for experiences. I also made it abundantly clear that we do 2 clean-outs a year and any toys/items/etc that aren’t being regularly touched, will be donated. It has significantly slowed down how much is purchased because they don’t want to waste money on something I may ditch at a thrift store in 6mos.

2 Likes

Start bringing over big potted plants as gifts every time you visit and see how fast they get annoyed with the gifts :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye::ok_hand:

3 Likes

Everyone has a different love language, it’s not always about the gift or the monetary value, but the love in the act of choosing a gift and the feelings and memories created when the gift is given/received. Teach your children about gratitude, acceptance and how to handle differences graciously.

2 Likes

Yes, after a bit I donate stuff. We don’t need it. Some might have nothing.

1 Like

I’m the opposite they don’t bother with anything. I’m lucky if they can be bothered with a phone call to check on them :woman_facepalming:

2 Likes

mine have done this and if it still has the tags on it i try to figure where it cam from and return it usually my family gets stuff from walmart so since i don’t have a reciept they put it on a gift card and i use that to buy diapers or whatever else the kids actually need

Better then a family that does nothing for your child. Suck it tf up and be grateful, not every child has family who cares.

We had this problem for a couple years on both sides of the family :joy: we literally had unopened toys or duplicates after every Christmas or birthday. I was regifting, donating, returning. After the first year my husband and I looked around and put a limit on what we buy for the kids and have stuck to it for the last 10 years. I’m not going to tell someone not to buy stuff for my kids. Especially when they enjoy it so much. It’s slowed down some with the adding of more grandkids but not much.

2 Likes

Designate half as “grandma (& grandpa) house clothes/toys” for them to keep at their home so they can see how it all piles up at their place & explain how you just don’t have the room for all of it.

Ask them to take at least half of what they’d normally spend & put it into a 529 college fund. People just have fun buying baby stuff, so you won’t be able to completely steer them away from it. Maybe encourage them to buy for Toys for Tots or shelter kids if they can’t curb their buying. Or tell them you will take half the presents to charities since it’s all too much for one child & there are so many children who have nothing.

2 Likes

Sounds like you’re jealous that your child is getting lots of gifts and attention. There is nothing wrong with spoiling your Grandchildren. Be greatful they have them because many children don’t even have both parents, much less Grandparents!!!

2 Likes

My brother and his wife were the first to have kids in our family and my parents were like this. First off, you don’t sound ungrateful or jealous of your children at all I know they weren’t. They had to honestly sit my parents down and ask them to stop. My first nephew was starting to associate my mom with presents and they didn’t want that happening. It was rough at first (my mom would complain to me) but over time they started to realize the situation and how there was just too much “stuff”. They decided to make experiences their “gifts” like going out together to the zoo, or taking one child (there’s 3) on a cute lunch date with ice cream. I think communicating your feelings straight out is the way to go! Good luck!

1 Like

I probably wouldn’t complain about having that type of support. Some of us get nothing.

2 Likes

Donate it to someone less fortunate :blush:

2 Likes

You can always give to a children’s hospital. I’m sure the kids would love new outfits and :teddy_bear: toys

1 Like

If yous have to much you could always go through stuff and donate. We get clothing for our little guy passed on from 2 different households. We keep some and pass the rest on to others who could use it. You wouldn’t believe how much clothing and toys I have for my little guy even with passing stuff on.

1 Like

Accept everything and donate or sell what you don’t need.

1 Like

It’s called being :sparkles:ungrateful​:sparkles:

Grandparents have a short amount of time some will never get to watch them graduate college, get married or have a family of there own, life is short and precious don’t begrudge them for wanting to make your little ones smile.

1 Like

I didnt read it as shes ungrateful i read it as they are giving her stuff shes not going to use. Donate it!

I wish I had this problem :joy: lol enjoy it while it last

Yeah dude. We had to limit stuff. 3 presents from them on holidays( cause otherwise oh my goodness) they can’t help it its out of love. We set boundaries and they respect them.

Just donate what you dont want. It’s a good lesson for your daughter too, to give when you can. I would love it if my kids’ grandparents wanted to be a part of their lives. It’s been over a year since they’ve seen my kids and we live in the same town. Maybe they dont know hoe to connect with the kid in any other way. Maybe suggest an activity your daughter loves to do instead of toys.

Not in-laws but my sister! She doesn’t have kids so she doesn’t understand practical :woman_facepalming:t3: everytime she comes over she brings huge stuffed animals, ball pits, gigantic expensive toys that I have nowhere to put in my tiny apartment. she watched my daughter for a day and sent her home with not 1 but 2 hamsters (my daughter is 2!!!).

3 Likes

My in-laws haven’t bought anything for my son

1 Like

In laws do it as well. Its not that we don’t appreciate it. Its the fact that I don’t want my daughter to grow up thinking gifts mean love- my husband was brought up this way and I love him but every Christmas he had big expectations on what I bought him. :-/ now he’s more appreciative but it was something that kinda had to be taught .

Money and gifts do not buy love

Alot of people have in-laws that ask for money and have to be kept up themselves. Be grateful, find a friend that is struggling to provide for a child similar in age/size and pass it along.

I’ve been telling my family for years to stop buying me stuff and now stop getting my daughter so much. I’m a single mother in a small 1 bed apt and it’s so cluttered from my own stuff and then my mom a bed for when she stays along with gifts. I dont understand why people never listen. They want to know what you want or need but get stuff that THEY like. Please, I understand people like to get gifts and such, but no means no.

I’d have to have a serious talk with them and if they continue the don’t accept their gifts. It sounds mean or harsh but they’re not the ones living in or cleaning your home nor are they the ones raising your child.

My whole dang family. Lol . its to the point where we,the parents, only buy 3 or 4 presents a piece for each kid for holidays and birthdays bc of the amount they get from everyone else. Most will ask before hand what they NEED. But others ,it doesnt matter what we say…they are buying whatever.

No problems with this when my children were little. Especially after the first one.