I feel lonely, unseen, undesirable, and unappreciated in a relationship! The relationship is fairly new and with a man that I truly admire as an individual as a whole. We were close acquaintances for years prior to starting a relationship so the future looked bright in the beginning. Fast forward some time later and the relationship and the bed are cold. I communicate very well and he just says he is not the type to give a compliment, to be emotional, or affectionate. I am the complete opposite, and I feel that I am turning into a stone spending time with him romantically! Prior to entering a relationship with me, he was single for many, many years. Thus, initially, I felt intrigued and special that he chose me. I grew to feel that a relationship is just a checkbox that he wanted to be able to check! He has a very emotionally demanding job, so he relaxes by playing games on the phone! I wish he got lost in me, us, as much as he does in a virtual world! We do not live together and I would like to work toward that with a significant other but he seems to be comfortable with the way things are and just seeing me once or twice a week. Pros: we are extremely loyal and trusting people, so we are able to lead social lives outside of a relationship without unhealthy jealousy, financially stable, big hearts, we both make sacrifices to make quality time for each other, he neither initiates or avoids spending time with my kid. I am the type of person who works on her relationships and I am seeking advice on how to improve a relationship with someone like him or should I cut my losses now & try to phase this relationship into a possible friendship? We are both in our late 30s and wasting time on a relationship that has an obvious expiration date is not an option for us. THANK YOU!
Sounds like you have specific needs in a partner he is unable to deliver. Life goals seem doable, but do you want to accomplish those goals with HIM, or with SOMEONE. Sounds like you enjoy the idea of him, but the reality isn’t living up to expectation.
I think its still very new and you are still learning each other but keep in mind that you cannot change and things start out as the best
You already know the answer to your question - you don’t need Facebook validation , leave
You’re an FWB. (Friend with Benefits). Sounds like that’s he wants
Before making a decision, bring it up to him. Tell him what you need. Maybe he doesn’t see it as being an issue. If he cannot fulfill your needs then it is time to go. But make sure to bring it up
Walk girl. It won’t ever work. I’m sorry.
Why would you waste your time on someone like that,get out and find you some one else !
if u are asking that you already know its over
Myself I would leave
He isnt giving you anything you want. Why are you scared to be alone? Who cares that he picked you, choose yourself.
Move on sister, you Are beating a dead horse
I think friendship is what’s best.
It sounds like you are two different people and handle relationships differently as well. Neither is right or wrong but if you cannot accept him for who/how he is and the same goes for him about you, then you are only denying the inevitable. You must not fall in love with someone’s potential but rather who they are at this moment in time, even if they never change. Anything less than acceptance will only lead to disappointment and an inability to meet each other’s needs.
I relate to having a very demanding exhausting job and value my alone time to decompress. My husband is a very needy person in the relationship. He values connection, time spent together, and physically touching, even if it’s just cuddling on the couch.
These particular differences between us is what causes most of our “problems”. If you cannot handle what is being offered and know that it probably won’t change, I would suggest moving on.
Do not expect someone to change because it doesn’t fit into your ideal.
Just because someone’s a good person doesn’t mean they’re good FOR YOU
We all love differently. His love might not be bad but it doesn’t sound like it’s the love your heart craves. I would find the love you want deep in your soul or you will never feel fulfilled.
Time to tell him how you feel and see where it goes
I’m sorry but since you have a kid please find someone who takes an interest in both of you. I met my current husband when my daughter was 4 yrs old and I can honestly say he enjoyed her company and invited her on most of our dates together and fell in love with her and that made me fall in love with him faster… because we were a package. It’s not just you and then there’s the kid. The man better be prepared and willing to take it all on and show the [email protected]#$ up!!!
Love your self do what yours hearts telling you to do.
Late 30’s and he acts like that. I’d leave. Honestly it doesn’t seem like he is trying but at this point I think he is just gunna be like he is now for a long time
Hun, he will not change. He seems to be fine with how things are. You on the other hand don’t seem to be and you probably will not be until you are love the way you want to be and there is nothing wrong with that! You deserve the kind of love you long for, don’t settle. Also girl if your asking this, you probably already know what ya need to do, hun. Good luck.
Maybe play games with him? I understand gaming after work,it’s an escape from the responsibilities of life. Or try spending time with him doing things that make him happy, talk to him, explain your “love language “ and make it a point that both of y’all are considering the other
You cant change him. And im sorry, but im a mother of three. My kids had a say as to who i was with. They had to like him…and he also had to like them. Bottom line. Go now before too much more gets involved. You deserve that not only to yourself, but to your child as well. Good luck!
He sounds like he has a fear of committing. If you want more than what he’s giving you, talk about it and if he doesn’t plan to change, move on.
He was single for many many years … that tells you all you need to know
A few things…
First, not everyone communicates the same way. We all have different love languages.
My husband is not a die-hard romantic. He’s really not into telling me how much he loves me and why…or waxing poetic. It used to bother me a lot. We’ve been together going on six years. First, if I’m feeling a little insecure or needing verbal…I simply ask. Do you love me? Why do you love me? Ect. When asked he answers.
Second, he tells me every day how much he cares by little things he does. Filling my water bottle at night before bed. Making sure my phone is plugged in and charging before bed. Covering me up with my favorite fuzzy blanket if I fall asleep uncovered. They’re arent grand gestures…but they matter every bit as much and maybe even more than words or grand gestures.
Take a second and look at his actions, not just his words. You might find he’s been “telling” you how he feels all along, even though he’s not using words.
Second, EVERYONE should have a hobby or something they do just for themselves to unwind or chill out. My husband has gotten into forging. He’ll spend hours out there. Not to stay away but because he loses himself in it and loses track of time. It’s ok. When I want attention from him…I say so. I read or write or craft. I loose myself in it sometimes. He jokes around that the house could burn and I wouldnt notice. Rather than being irritated he finds it an endearing part of me most of the time.
I would take some time and think about things from the perspectives I’ve mentioned before making a decision. Then decide if it’s enough or not. If not then yes you should end it. It’s not fair to either of you to continue.
Walk away … Your children come first… I t seems he doesn’t care for you or your children .
LOSE THE MAN! He is wasting your time and seems like a major setback in your life. Wait for the right one that will woo you, love you, respect you, appreciate you and make you feel like you are the most sublime person on this earth and in his life.
He is not the one for you, be strong , leave now before this destroys you.
Leave now. take it from someone who has experienced it first hand, it does not get any better. The fact that he does not take an active interest in spending time with you is one thing, you have a choice in that but to not take an interest in your child is something your little one doesn’t get a choice about and it probably doesn’t feel very good for your child.