Does my fiance have a chance of getting Full custody of his son? My fiance and I provide everything for his son. OUR son, I should say. He is 11 years old and its been us buying school clothes, shoes, school supplies, medicine when sick. Every holiday we had him and all of a sudden bio mom’s husband is out of prison, and she wants to play perfect mom getting him more and us less, yet we are still providing everything for him. Our son Liam has everything he needs here, and we help provide for him at her house. My soon to be husband doesn’t think he has a chance in a courtroom but doesn’t fill he need to pay child support as she is requesting now for hygiene items for her house. Also, my fiance’s mother provides at bio mom’s house when she needs anything there, for she is not contributing to anything.
The judge will decide
All you can do is take her for custody. Not sure what the current arrangement is. But someone will get visits reguardless…it depends how the the judge sees.things
After 2 years of being out of the picture and if it was bad situation parental right can be terminated…
Why wouldn’t he/you two have a chance? Document everything (especially dates). Go to the courthouse and see what needs to be done or talk to a lawyer-consults are usually free. If you have him like you say, child support should be lowered or non existent. I say give it a roll and see what happens. Good Luck!!
First of all, it’s not YOUR child, it’s your fiance’s. I get that you help take care of him, which makes you a stepparent. Two, your fiance should provide for his child. It’s his child. Are you really petty enough to keep score as to who provided what? It’s for the good of the child. If your fiance feels it’s uneven then he can pay child support instead of providing gifts for his child. Three most courts will side with the mother. You have to prove gross neglect or extreme abuse. It’s unfair, but it’s true. If he takes his child’s mother to court over custody and loses the court will mandate child support unless he gets 50/50 custody.
If he wants any chance under the sun. I suggest keep paying child support and make sure payments stay accurate. Do not let child support go into arrears. If there is a custody agreement and you both agreed that the children stayed with you for such and such time. You probably won’t be able to use that against her in court.
Have yall kept receipts. He is 11 now correct. He can decide where he wants to live. Go to court he has a chance always.
You don’t get what you don’t ask for. If he wants custody he should go for it.
Anything’s possible… Get everything in your life on track and make sure there’s no reason a judge would give him full custody
Honestly sounds like bio mom is a pos! Document it all, as long as there is proof you absolutely have a chance, find a good attorney, and since your son is 11 he is old enough to speak on his behalf as well. Judge will take all that into consideration!! Good luck !
BRING PROOF! Receipts, documents, ALL OF IT! You have to prove that YOU will benefit the child better than the mother. Focus on the child and not throwing lol under the bus, but be prepared! Get a lawyer, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!
He wants to stop paying child support over providing extra at the child’s other house. That’s sad
All these keyboard attorneys really amaze me, i wounder what cereal box they got their law degrees from?
Tell your husband to start keeping every and I meant every receipt when he buys your son anything and tell his mom to do the same. (Talking about your soon to be husband’s mom) that way he and his mom have proof that they are providing everything for your son.
I suggest keeping a journal of EVERYTHING, receipts for EVERYTHING. If the time ever comes he will have to provide proof of what he provides. Does he not pay child support tho. If he doesn’t unfortunately he should pay half of all his needs regardless.
I think he wants to stop helping as much at the bios moms house. Now that he is not getting the child as like he was.
So your fiance doesnt pay support but just buys him clothes? You spend christmas with him? And that makes him your son?
I dont get what shes done that’s so wrong.
He’s not your son. You didn’t birth him. You’re not legally responsible for him. That additude just causes friction between you & his real mother.
Second so you think because your boyfriend goes the extra mile & makes sure his son has what he needs he deserves custody? He chooses to purchase extra. I’m sure she doesn’t hold a gun to his head. He’s being a responsible father. Think about it like this. There’s a lot of moms who pack everything the child will need while dad has them. Clothes, diapers, toiletries, sometimes even food, blankets/sleeping bag & more. She can’t get visitation taken from him because she chooses to provide those things. It’s her choice. Just like it’s your boyfriend’s choice to provide for his son at her house. Now if he wasnt provided for in her home in someway there could be an investigation. If it turns out that she can’t provide financially but he’s been buying it all for years the judge could raise his child support. Or she could be charged with neglect & y,our boyfriend could get custody. However YOU will NEVER get custody.
He can go for full custody or at the least 50/50 and if the boy is certain age not sure where you are but he should be able to have a say
If hes 11 it should be up to the son, not your guys’s wants or needs. Stand down soldier your just a step mom that is all.
Sounds like the dad is a good dad but that’s his choice to pay for everything ECT. No he won’t get custody unless the child is abused or neglect
Babe, it sounds like y’all are ready to fight… So get your gloves on and go! You obviously love this baby enough to claim him, now go fight for him 
Custody issues and child support issues are two separate courts… at least here in New York. Normally parents dont get full custody unless the other parent is neglectful so more than likely they would just order joint custody where he would still have to pay child support based on the state requirements for it
He is supposed to provide for his child🤷I think he can request 50/50 custody and have him more days out of the week. They aren’t just going to take away her rights. Over finances . I think once he turns 12 or 13 he can talk to a judge and say where he would like to live. Every state is different.
Take her to court make sure you document everything and keep your receipt
Have as much proof as you can that you provide for BOTH houses! You guys have him most of the time there’s no reason in hell she would be granted child support! Best of luck to you!
I’ve just gotta say “step parents” are amazing, if it weren’t for my other kids father my little girl wouldn’t have a dad but he took her on and they absolutely adore each other and we ain’t even together anymore, yay for step parents 
Don’t listen to these people saying your “just the stepmom” my stepmom fought and took care of me and I’m grateful for her! You two are amazing parents to your son document everything and provide as much proof as you can. Best of wishes that you get at least 50/50
Course she needs more money… shes got a leach that’s fresh out lol. …
Hopefully he isnt a POS and treats that child decent !
Talk to a local family attorney. There are too many factors including your location.
I can tell you if you go to court with receipts saying you pay for everything and that’s the concern, which the original post doesn’t appear to be, you will look petty and look like this is about money and not the best interest of your child!
Personally I would take bio mom to court for custody of the child. If her now bf or husband just got out of prison and she is unable to provide anything including hygiene products for the child then I don’t think she is suitable to have full custody. She shouldn’t be cut out of his life, unless there is another piece I’m missing! And yes you are his mom!!! Why the hell do people get so bent out of shape of a child has more than one parent. Sounds like “step” mom is taking better care of the child then bio mom who can’t afford hygiene products but can afford to have her bf who just got out of prison. Sorry sperm and eggs aren’t what make a parent!!
He is not your son. At this point he isn’t even your step-son. This child also deserves to have a relationship with his mother.
It depends on what state your in, what lawyer you have and what judge you have. I will tell you that many judges dont really care who is spending what on the child, unless it’s going through the court. You may be able to hold it against bio mom that her husband was in prison. Keep track of everything. Every phone call with bio mom, take notes. Text as much as possible and print out the texts. Keep track of any visits she has, especially any missed. Make a list of concerns. Take it all to a lawyer…the best you can afford.
It’s best to contact an attorney in your state. They can provide much more guidance and correct information concerning your situation and your state laws and recourses better than strangers on the internet. Many attorneys offer free consultations to discuss and explore your options.
Wow!!! The negativity this poor woman is getting! Thank you for being a wonderful bonus mom and stepping up when the birth mother decided to step out! As for custody it will be up to a judge/and the son of who he wants to live with at his age most likely. Try to stay civil and fair. Maybe go to a mediator if possible? Ask the son what his choice would be! Good luck to you and your family!
If you have proof of this tell him to fill for custody…if you can provide a good stable home and it be financially stable then he’s got it! Prayers for y’all!!!
Unfortunately here in the UK they favour the mother we fought for hubbys 2 children after they were removed from the mother and put into our care because of neglect plus other issues we still lost the fight and they were given back to her now she keeps one of them away from us and the other only spends weekends and she NEVER tells dad about appointments school meetings etc then makes him look bad when he doesnt attend but good luck if you take it to court hun I hope it goes in the best possible way for the child x
Start gathering documentation showing everything you pay for him. If hes with you more I would assume he goes to school where you live, you can provide those records as well. If dad is already paying for everything he’ll end up.in court if shes requesting child support. He’ll want to be prepared to prove he already pays more than 50%
PS please dont call us ‘just a stepmom’ I love my partners children like my own I NEVER buy my own children without buying for them day trips we do when they’re down book holidays when we can take them too it hurts to be called ‘just a stepmom’ we’re so much more than that
Ma’am Iam a CPS Foster/adoptive parent Iev spent my fair share of time in a Family court room. NO Family court Judge is going to take a child away from thier MOMMY bc Daddy’s GIRLFRIEND is all up in MOMMY’S financial BUSINESS. Nor is he gonna come off the bench and pat him on the back for PROVIDING for HIS child. Your BF can go GIVE money to attorney (they will surely take it) to tell HIM unless HE can PROVE abuse/neglect he has ZERO chance the Judge is gonna take HIS child away from the MOTHER so Daddy’s GIRLFRIEND can feel validated.
If the dad is providing a good stable environment and in te pro ess of marrying VS a wannabe good mom with an individual with a criminal record… which would a judge prefer. And with the criminal record, I would require supervised visits. The om foes not need chid support if she doesn’t have full custody of child. The bio dad should take the bio mom for custody.
Depending on why the dude was in prison that should be just enough leverage for why the kid shouldn’t be there tbh
You are amazing! How the crap did she just get him after getting out of prison?! Did y’all have custody while she was in? No way do I think y’all should do the extra for her at her house. Good luck!
Don’t EVER say OUR son when he is NOT your kid. NO matter how bad of a parent the other one is ! That is offensive to ALL parents !! It’s up to the courts NOT you. The judge will tell your husband this kids is his and hers NOT yours . DONT ever say OUR child you didn’t carry him !!! Dosent take money to be a good parent !!! Back off
We had the same thing. My husband’s ex neglected their son he would come smelling like cat piss, he brought over flies, the school send him home because he had flie bites all over his body, he said he doesnt sleep in his bed cause there are bed bugs. We pay everything. We go with him to the dr. I stay home with him when he is sick. She want him when she wants to play mommy with her new guy and his kids. He has mental problems we made appointment at the dr she canceled it because she did not have 20 bugs for co payment. The list goes on and on it is heart breaking what this kid has to go through. We went to court and the court gave her custody. If the mother is not abusive or on drugs you will have no chance.
A chance at full, very unlikely. 50/50 would probably be considered.
You haven’t said how often he had been with each parent. The post makes it sound like you guys only had him on holidays. Either way, your fiance is wrong for not wanting to pay child support. That is a red flag to me and throws this whole thing off. Who cares what she needs to buy. Why is it any of your concern if she wants to buy "hygiene " items. The fact that you and your fiance are privy to her hygiene items budget is very off-putting. It sounds like your fiance only wants full custody to get out of paying child support and that’s just plain wrong.
It doesn’t matter if u pay while he’s with Mom. Where I’m from a judge will consider that a gift and something dad did at his own free will. Just because she’s requesting child support doesn’t mean she’ll get it. Unless u can prove she’s unfit as a parent no judge will take her rights. They would now than likely give her supervised visits if necessary.
Why on earth would this child’s dad think he couldn’t get custody when it sounds as if you all have done the majority for him up until recently and the fact that she is just now really taking an interest just since her husband got out of prison seems odd to me and wanting child support for hygiene sounds a bit off the wall unless there is pressing reasons of issues with the other person coming home from prison. If he has spent more time in your home with his dad than he has with his mom and you can prove all of that with school records, medical, etc. there shouldn’t be any issues with him getting custody and her getting visitation. Whichever way it goes his obligation to pay child support shouldn’t be an issue he is his child and regardless if all this was done for his son if it wasn’t court ordered then it would be considered gifts to his son and again shouldn’t be an issue. Since the child is 11 where does he prefer to stay at his mom’s or dad’s? Not sure if he is old enough where you, live to make that choice yet but is something you might want to ask him about as well. Good luck.
I’m so glad that if I need any help that my kids dad has zero hesitation. It doesn’t matter that you’re in a relationship with the father or how much you do or pay. It is NEVER enough when it comes to kids. Sometimes we go through hardships. If my kids father doesn’t have money to pay for their hygiene stuff because he didn’t work enough to make ends meet, then I step in and make sure they have it. It’s what we do. It’s because we do it for our children and we want our children to have what is needed to spend time with the other parent. He’s a trucker and sometimes they don’t work due to weather conditions. Do you think I’m going to hold it against him? No. He didn’t have anything to do with them for 5 years and I could have easily got him for abandonment but I chose NOT to punish my children with it because no matter they still love their dad. He finally got his life together somewhat and now he helps out the best way he can. We help each other because we want what’s best for our ,kids. If he gets a girlfriend then great! Nothing is going to change. We will still continue what we are doing… helping each other. If I’m short on my light bill, I’m going to let him know. We communicate. My point is this… sometimes our life takes a different path after we have kids and there’s time we go through struggles for a few years… we are all human and nowhere near perfect!! When it comes to parenting, nobody has all of the answers but communication and helping each other is part of it.
Keep everything for proof. Receipts, text messages, record conversations, write down the days you have him and the days your ex has him. If there is anything incriminating they’ve posted on social media print it out. That will help your case.
You must prove she is unfit if she wants to be a better mom now that her husband is out let her and if she is putting your fiance on child support then don’t send or by anything else and tell Grandma too some women nomas se aprovechan
Only way to get full custody would to somehow prove the mother unfit. Most courts will probably give is 50/50. Unfortunately, nothing in this post screams at me that the bio mom is unfit. However, keep documentation of everything. Visits, what is bought for the child, and set up some therapy for him just so he can learn how to process everything. As I’m hearing your point of view, I’m unsure what the child wants. Soon he will be old enough to chose for himself if not be able to at least give his opinion now. Good luck. It is good to hear that a step parent does love their step child that much, but we seem to forget that we shouldn’t try to take the child’s bio parents out of their lives unless it’s for a very good reason (drugs, abuse, serious neglect such as starving child and trying to hide it.)
If anyone buys anything for her house b4 she gets it she signs the receipt saying it was bought for her home
As for the “our son” comment he is ur stepson don’t ever try to take her place u will lose that war
That and u unless she has the kid removed the best he will get is primary
Go to court request full custody or at least 50/50 with your fiancé having physical custody and you ask for child support…take all your evidence with you and get a good attorney!
He is not your son, as you are not even married. This is an issue between his ex and him. She may not be a “perfect mom” to you, but she is to her son. Wow!
He cant get full custody for just providing things for him. At least not where I’m from. However IF she is unfit and HE can prove it then he MAY be able to get full custody. BUT I hope you are thinking what’s in the BEST INTEREST of the child. Not YOU! Every father and mother is responsible for their childs needs. If the child resides at the mothers full time and he gets him weekends only I dont think it’s too much for him to help with SOME of his needs while at his home with his mother consuming he resides in his mothers care majority of the time. Each to their own though.
From experience documentation is great. Keep a record of all the days the dad has him and how many days does the mom have him. If they did not agree on the dad paying child support then let the mom take him to court for the child support if she gets custody and I know that when the judge set child support in our case that was it. The judge told my stepsons mother she is required to buy what he needs with that money like clothes and ect since he was living with her and she was the primary custodian parent. Dont get me wrong when he came over to our house he had clothes and other things he needed but his mother wanted the child support and wanted my husband to buy clothes and anything else he needed and the judge told her nope. What you get from him for child support that is it. Save all receipts and document everything. It all depends the state you live in.
He has the right to have 50/50 with his child he needs to go apply for shared custody but he wants primary. Her husband being in jail that depends on charges may help best is talk to lawyer
Lots of courts figure child support by a math formula of the time spent with each parent.the parent that has him physically the most gets the child support. This is probably why she wants him more. Make sure you documents all visits when you have him in a journal and expenses (support) you give the bio mom. This can not include what grandma gives mom unless gm gives you the money. Who claims child on taxes ectra. Make sure you get judge to assign this right too when you go to court. And stepmom support your man’s rights at home cause even though you parent the child you are a parent of the heart not with any legal standing. Bitter pill yes but factual. Here where we live you cant even go in court if your not legal birth parent. Cause it is so emotional. And courts deal w facts and law. Love him guide him support him. Child and spouse. But bio parents will have to come to agreement with judge. Cold facts you and child will have to live with out come with no say. Crappy situation but it’s the way it is. So help your spouse document everything and leave emotions for home loving.
Save receipts messages of when she asks for stuff what you provide for him at her house start yourself a little scrap book documentation helps a lot in most cases
I’m not reading ANYTHING that states that the mom is unfit. Bio dad will get split custody at most.
Step back! You are NOT his mom!!! She may very well be a shitty mom, but she is his mom. You are not. You’re not even stepmom yet, so get a grip. I guarantee your attitude of him being “your son” is a good percentage of the problem as you have most likely let his real mom know of your feelings.
I’m not saying it’s not a shitty situation and I’m not saying he wouldn’t be better off with you and his father, but to be frank YOU NEED TO LEARN YOUR PLACE and it’s not as his mom.
Okay so I’m going to be very blunt but try to be extremely kind here. Now your fiance if he can prove the mother cannot provide or take care of his child then depending on the court system and who the judge is possibly could get custody. If the mother is committing criminal acts that would require prison time high possibility. If the mother refuses to kick her husband out because he’s committing despicable acts against children more likely he would get custody. Just providing things for him will not mean he will get custody the judge might even laugh it out of court. Also depending on the state County area you’re in could be considered a mom state. Unless the mother is willing to sign her rights over to you you will never have any form of custody of the child. It could come across as a future stepmom trying to cause any issues. I get it that you mean well and he want to help try to provide the child a better life but there could be legal ramifications if they see you trying to butt in. But also depending on the child’s age if the child is deemed old enough to make his decision where they want to live the child could choose your fiance and the mother will have to provide things such as child support for him.
Has he been keeping records of everything he buys the kids and every time he sees him? That would go a long way with getting custody.
Who ever can provide the most stability!! It’s that simple fight for what he needs for life!
Not for that since he doesnt pay child support. He’s getting off cheaper probably.
Honestly he will not get full. 50/50 is usually how it goes. Court brings in the ugly I have been through it with my ex. To get full custody you have to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the mother is not fit.
It really just depends what state you guys are in and if you have proof of all of this.
Ask your son who he would rather live with before doing anything
Keep all receipts too for everything
Documentation documentations
i would apply for full custody, u have been taking care of him, and she does not contribute financhily, and he just got out of jail, she didnt want him before he got out, paperwork, reciets, dr. appt, shoes clothing meds school supplys.
Advice and people giving their opinions is nice and all but every state and county is different and laws change ALL THE TIME so no offense to those trying to help you have to take what they say with a grain of salt and ONLY believe the lawyer you are paying because like I said every state and county is different and laws change so what was legal yesterday may not be today. I had a legal battle a few years ago. For us Florida is and was a 50/50 state so thats what they push for and I agree. Both parents should be involved and if they get extra parents cool but bio mom and dad should be involved even if they previously weren’t whatever the reason you should be thankful that his mom wants to spend more time with him likely he missed her and was craving love from her. Kids almost ways love their parents and not as often as you’d think a step parent coult take the role as bio parent in the kids heart… you might provide for him along with his dad but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still crave a bond with his mom and if you love him you shouldn’t stunt that bond on account of whatever angers you about her wanting to see him more now… that’s a good thing… she should have always been involved but so what let her try to better herself as a mother no matter why she is doing it to look good. My ex only entered my daughter’s life to look good for social media but do I care? No I only care that she feels love from him cause it’s about her not me. I wish everyone could put ALL feelings aside when dealing with custody of children and focus on what their best interest is and not what YOU think it is but what it actually is which is both parents unless one of them abuses them of course. Hopefully he had a loving soon to be step mom in his life who encourages more love for him from everyone