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"I have two daughters my oldest is 23 and my youngest is 9. Now I only work a few shifts in a care home, and I’m on universal credit. My worry is my oldest daughter is always expecting the same amount of Christmas presents as what I get for my youngest daughter Now I struggle a lot with Money and I can’t afford to buy her as much as I do my youngest. I feel like she’s an adult now, and she’s already had her turn? But I’m dreading Christmas because I’m worrying and I start feeling guilty but I can not afford to keep spending so much money on her. Am I right not to? Or should I try and get them the same?"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I can see the jealously, but honestly she’s an adult and there’s really no reason for her to be getting the same amount. I’m also in my 20’s & I never expect my mom to get me anything for the holidays, I’m an adult & she doesn’t have to. I know it’s mom guilt but don’t stress over it, she needs to learn to appreciate what she gets. Also, I don’t know if it sounds mean but she had all those years of Christmas to herself… she should want her sister to experience the same."
"I’m the oldest in my family, 26, I don’t expect my mother to spend the same on me as the younger kids. She’s an adult. She’ll be fine."
"I’m the oldest 22 and I don’t expect the same amount as my younger siblings (14 & 11) they’re still kids I’m an adult. And I got to experience all that in my childhood already, they haven’t"
"Your child is an adult and should act accordingly. Don’t feel guilty or put yourself in a bind to appease your grown child."
"I’m the oldest in my family (23)I don’t get the same amount for birthday and Christmas as my 16 year old sister who’s the youngest of 3, but I also have a son who will be 2 just before Christmas who my parents buy for too. I don’t think she needs the same amount of money spent on her as a 9 year old. And at 23 she should realize Christmas is more then just the presents"
"I’m the oldest and spoiled and I expect the same I’m 30. XD You should have a conversation with her 23 sounds like she’s smart enough to understand. I’m just suggesting the conversation because it sounds like she’s used to getting the same amount of presents as her younger sibling and it’s better than Christmas coming and boom 1 present for you and 7 for the little one lol."
"I am 23 and even at 16 years old if my mom said I can’t do much this year I understood… I wouldn’t ask for much so my younger brother could get more just to make sure he had enough. your daughter has a lot of growing up to do. And don’t let her make you feel guilty."
"Give her a dollar amount/limit of what you can reasonably afford. Your daughter should understand, she’s old enough and should have her own job at this point in life."
"Tell her you can’t afford to get her much but that doesn’t mean you love her less"
"She’s old enough now that you should just be able to tell her straight up that you cannot afford a big Christmas this year."
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