Hi, I was hoping to get some advice, this my be a trigger for some. And may be a bit long.
I have two boys 3&6. I’m at a loss I dont know how to Discipline my 3yo. And my 6 yo won’t listen. I can’t keep them in time out. (Ppl say be persistent, and I am) spanking worked with my oldest never had to spank him. Much. He figured it out. My youngest is completely different, it doesnt work. Plus it seems retarded of me to spank him and say “No, you dont hit” i feel it’s the most stupid thing I could do.
Time out seems to be the better for both. But I can’t get them to stay in a corner or in their rooms. And I put them back. And Time doesnt start until they are staying put. And they fight me the whole time. So I keep putting them back over and over they won’t stay. I dont give up either, so it will be an all day thing. Than daddy gets home. “Let them out” and “I’m so sick of you being mean to them having him in his room all day, it isn’t right” so daddy let’s them off the hook and It drives me nut. Then when hes home the boys dont listen to anyone. Than when I start hollering dad blames me!!
I can feel the boys playing us, but hubby won’t listen. If he wouldn’t let them off the hook all the time the would listen better. And another thing im home 24/7 my house is never clean. But I clean constantly. I’m the only one that does anything. I can get the boys to pick up their rooms sometimes. It’s almost soal crushing, every day the same messes. I feel like I’m drowning. I dont know what to do. I’m begging for help. And understanding.
So really I need
•Advice on my children.
•And on my house.
Please help me!!
Leave him with the kids for a week. Go take a mini-vacay.
Hubbs will catch on.
I spank my kids and dont really have this issue. My kids no better. I’m a single mom as well so it’s just me.
If spankings dont work and you arent comfortable with it. Make them sit at a table. take all toys away, strip their rooms down to just the beds, take everything they know to life away from them till they do as you say and learn respect. If that doesnt work I would be the mean mom, but my kids know crossing a certain line will land them cleaning the whole house and the yard and my cars and washing my cars so they dont push me.
Leave your husband alone with them n see if it adjust him. N the kids are doing it n not listening bc of what ur husband does. Onceu can present a united front it will get better
There is an amazing book I found so helpful, its ‘creative correction’ by Lisa Welchell (not sure of spelling). I’ve read it about 6 times for the changing ages and stages of my kids. Trying making them wear winter gloves if they hit, makes everything challenging and they will have it! For cleaning up, its constant reminding. Nothing new gets pulled out or started until everything is picked up. Do it for every transition of the day, ie snack time, meal time, tv time, etc. Its usually smaller more manageable messes and less overwhelming for them.
I have seven kids. I would love to know how to keep my house clean. My 2 yr cleans up better then my older kids.
i have a 3 year old a 13 with adhd and odd and a 13 yr old special needs. i feel for you. my house is always messy and chaotic. my 3yo can be a real terror sometimes. I too feel lost at times. I try to hire a house cleaner when I can
I look for someone local who only charges $15-25 an hour or an hs schooler looking for extra cash.
My almost 4 year old listens really well and never really gives me an issue. Now my almost 3 year old most of the time is horrible. Nothing works on him honestly. I’ve tried everything but everyone keeps telling me he will grow out of it so maybe. & I’m a stay at home mom of 2 plus I watch my niece everyday and most of the time my house is a mess but I clean up every mess they make 50 times a day it seems. It will get better.
& tell your husband to watch them for a weekend and clean up the house and see if he likes it lol my husband can’t handle it lol
Read books to them every night with them with there full attention ask them y they choose to be disobedient eye contact and love
Take everything away except their mattresses. Let them earn it back. Or, do the opposite and sit them down and explain that from now on bad behavior means you take away toys/games. And stick to it. When they misbehave take a bag into their room and load it up. As far as dad goes, start leaving him with the kiddos more. When he gets home go to the library and kill a couple hours. Go to Target on the weekend and stay away for the whole morning. Also, try a book called Love and Logic. It’s good.
Ok, so. Few things here.
First: you gotta find a timeout they can’t leave. Close the doors, put a gate up, whatever just so they can’t just walk out.
Invest in a flyswatter. When they do walk out, pop that thigh and tell him to go back. If he doesnt, pop again. It won’t take long, and the flyswatter doesn’t hurt as bad as they like to think, it’s the action of you popping them they don’t like
Personally, it makes total sense to me to pop you for hitting someone, but not in the way you look at it.
In my house, we have a “what you do, you get” policy.
You bite, I’m a bite you.
You hit, I’m a pop you.
You pinch, guess what??
obviously don’t draw bruises and blood on your child, you shouldn’t punch your kid or bite a chunk out, just a light nip to get attention*
When hubby gets home and he’s mad about it, tell him from the moment he gets home, it’s his turn. He wants to be superdad, honey, go for it.
Grab yourself a glass of wine or a smoke or a movie, whatever you wanna do, and let the kids run hubby wild, don’t even intervene and when he starts calling for you, tell him “well dear, I would help, but you don’t seem to like my parenting, I thought we would try your way?”
Game. Set. Match.
We strap into their car seat. I go get it from the car.
Every kid is different. For some kids, you have to use spankings sparingly (like for safety issues, such as running away). Kids really respond well when there is redirection (reduce the use of no, dont, not phrases and tell them what to do instead— “You can say help please”). Make a really big deal praising your kiddo when they are making good choices and following directions. Specific praise is really good too, like"I like how you picked up your train and put it away." This will help to increase the behaviors you want to see and decrease the ones you don’t want to see. Another thing to keep in mind is that behavior is learned so when you are teaching appropriate behavior, it will take some time for your kiddo to consistently alter their behavior. Also giving them lots of choices is also helpful so they can have some control.
P.s. Before SAHM, I was a behavior therapist
Threenager! Idk about your 6 year old maybe the 3 year old feeds off of him but my 3 year old is a terror majority of the time and you’ll feel like a broken record cause they just don’t care or want to do anything you tell them too! Wish I had some advice but I know it’s just the age. And apparently other moms would agree, seeing these comments!
My boys are 9 and almost 6. Both adhd, odd and anxiety. I’ve always had problems with my youngest the most. Time outs were the worst. I dont spank my kids. He just finally started staying in time out. He doesn’t help with cleaning his room. Yesterday was the first time he helped with cleaning the house. He took the vacuum out of his dads hand and vacuumed the living room. He also did the same thing with the mop. But it does help to have a partner who helps with cleaning and discipline.
You can try every discipline method in the book, but none of them will work if your kids know that daddy is going to bail them out. All that they need is the endurance to make it until daddy gets home. Sit down with your husband and come up with a discipline plan that you are both comfortable with and let him know that continually undermining your parenting in front of your kids only makes the problem worse for everyone. Sometimes acting out is a cry for more individual attention. Carve out time in your day (30 min to an hour) for 1:1 time with each child doing something that they like and allow the other to do a quiet activity or watch part of a movie or a TV show. This shows your child that they are each important on an individual level and that you care about their interests. Unfortunately there is no blanket discipline method which will work perfectly for every child, it has to be trial and error (spanking never worked for my child so we take away privileges for a night or two depending on the nature of what he was doing and for more minor things we make him do chores to earn time on electronics), however you will likely see a decrease in less desirable behavior once dad is in your corner and they no longer pin the two of you against each other.
You and hubby need to sit down and have a calm conversation to get on the same page. If possible, get a sitter for a day so you can have some alone time (it’s good for your mental health). Take that time to clean up the house and relax. It may not be the case with your situation, but my youngest has vision issues and that caused frustration that came out in bad behavior. Things calmed down a lot when we got her to an eye doctor. Again, that may not be the case for your kids. The most important thing is to get you and hubby on the same page. Good luck!
Stay at home mom of 4. 3 of them are under 3 yrs. if you figure out how to keep the house clean please pass it on lol
First of all, dad is sabotaging all of your efforts by not being on the same page with you. Children need consistency in order to learn what behaviours are appropriate, and what are not. Things are not going to change until dad changes his mentality towards parenting. You are right with the spanking. It teaches nothing about real world issues when they are adults, plus numerous studies prove the negative impact far outweighs the “good” that parents think it is doing. Children learn better through natural consequences.
As for the cleaning, get them involved. Make it exciting. Create a game of it through a chore chart or even with just little things “let’s see how fast we can clean up our toys… let’s beat our record last time”. Keeping it positive and focusing on the good they do, will wire their brain to want to continue the behaviour.
If talking with your husband hasn’t worked, see a marriage counselor or child psychologist to develop discipline strategies together. Sometimes it takes a third party expert to make a breakthrough. Try a chore chart with gold stars. For my willful children we added “without a fuss” to things like waking up, brushing teeth, eating dinner, getting shoes on, putting toys away, etc. Include easy things so every day they can have at least one success. Once they earn X number of gold stars (total or within a week), they earn a small treat (10 minutes extra to stay up, a small toy, they pick Friday’s movie or that night’s dinner menu from your giving him/her up to 5 choices. Using sweets as a reward can get problematic, but once in a while is OK).
Seriously, saying spanking your child is not “retarded”. There are many different words you could have used there, not to mention that word is not used anymore as proper terminology. Please educate yourself on people with disabilities if you’re going try to enhance your sentences with words like that.
Let it go!!! You should be enjoying all of the chaos and mess because this is soooo short lived. Boys need to be a little wild so if you arent giving them an outlet of course they will be naughty. I am a stay at home mom and clean all the time but nothing stays that way and Ive learned to except it. Kids need things to do other than just self entertain. Go outside, make mud pies, bubbles is the house, obstacle courses out of pillows or laundry baskets. Just wear them out and they will have no time or energy to be naughty!
Make them do age appropriate chores with you and if they misbehave add chores on to their to do list. Get a reward chart and they get a sticker when the chores are done and if they fill up the chart they get to go to the dollar store and pick something out. Play hard ball. If they don’t listen to you start throwing their toys away one at a time.
When my son was hitting at daycare I threw ALL of his toys into boxes and put them in piles in his room. And every day he went without hitting at school he could pick one toy to get out. If he hit they all would go back in the boxes. I told him after 2 weeks of no hitting I could take all of his toys back out. And he did that and I gave him his toys back and we never had a problem again.
When my kids don’t pick up after themselves I throw the whole mess away, toys and all, I don’t discriminate. They learned real quick.