So a little back story: Ever since I had our child (he’s almost 2) our MIL has been babysitting, as she works part-time in the evenings & lives directly up the street from us. When I was on maternity leave, my husband & I wanted to discuss it with her prior to assuming she’d watch him, obviously out of respect, but she also has watched each other grandchild (there are 5 among his sisters) throughout the years, so we had hoped. She immediately said she assumed she was watching him so we were extremely thankful. She didn’t want paid & provided diapers & formula (we said we would, but she said no, it was just easier for her to get these items since she would know what she needs when she’d be shopping).
So everything was fine up until my son became more active with getting older. Over time, she just would make little comments like if we’d have another, one of them would have to be in daycare, & things like that. It was hurtful & a little odd but we just brushed it off. Now hop forward to 2020 to present day with the pandemic-my son has been home with me other than once a week due to me working from home & me only being in the office once a week. The last week of February, my MIL made a comment to me & my husband both separately about my son pulling at his hair & him needing it cut. Both separate conversations consisted of both my husband & I telling her we knew, we had a haircut scheduled because he was also needing one before his 2nd bday pictures that we also had already scheduled. So she was told this on 2 occasions by us both. Then that weekend, she mentioned it again at a bday party for another grandchild of hers & we both repeated what we had already told her.
In March, my job then transitioned to the office twice a week. The first week my son was at my MIL’s home, the second day that week, I was on my way home & my husband called asking if I cut my son’s hair. I did not, & it was pretty quickly concluded that she did despite already having been told at least 3 different times about our plan for his hair & NEVER asked permission. I tried to not explode but when I saw it, I immediately raged. It was very choppy, but thank God it was only the bangs. Either way, not okay considering she never calles to ask (even though she had no reason to even have it come up when we already told her about our haircut for him being scheduled!)
So my husband called her after work. She initially didn’t answer & we believe she did this on purpose. She then called back, told HIM to listen to HER & went on about him pulling his bamgs (he has never done this in front of me). My husband was calm & tried to explain that we had already told her we had a haircut scheduled due to bday pictures. She replied that she didn’t know when the haircut was scheduled. My husband’s response was that she didn’t need to know, it wasn’t her place to know, & the point was she didn’t ask permission. Being how my MIL is, she told my husband she didn’t have to listen to this & hung up. My husband called back & now was pissed because of her just acting so childish & refusing to acknowledge the issue. He said she crossed a line & whatnot & again she hung up.
Now things exploded. My husband went to my MIL’s house & he obviously wasn’t happy. His reasoning was because my MIL always has done this–never takes responsibility or acknowledges when she does wrong & you are left feeling shitty while she just moves on & over time everything gets pushed under the rug. He had enough & I am beyond proud of him for that. At her home, he basically told her that it was time she knew her place, & this is due to her doing these things not just to us, but his sisters as well. At this point she told him to find a new babysitter & his dad, my FIL, got in his face as if he was going to fight him. My husband left & when he got home, (bad timing, I know), I did try to call my MIL. I was pissed too but wanted to say my piece but also confirm she basically used her watching our son as ammunition in an argument. She didn’t answer so I left a VM. We have not talked to her since.
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So it’s been a little over 3 weeks, no one has contacted us. My MIL never called me back, & we have been making due regarding childcare for now until I return to work full time in April. As much as we hate to do it, both because it’ll be a huge change but also a very large & without much notice financial burden, we are enrolling our son in daycare. The entire situation has been grueling & of course, family talks. My SIL is having easter at her home on good friday & invited everyone, but my husband is not interested in going due to his parents being there. They haven’t reached out & never even called to see how our son was. They sent an easter card for him living literally right up the street vs. Just calling to try and see him. He is almost 2, he isn’t old enough to express that he misses them, so in my mind, they are the adults and are responsible for calling us to see him. I also refuse to force them to see him if they arent initiating it. Hell, maybe they aren’t interested, who knows.
Back to easter on good Friday–supposedly my mother in law told my sister in law that she and her husband wouldn’t come so my son and us would go and be able to spend time with everyone. We see everyone often & my son was actually at my sister in law’s home during my office days due to us scrambling to find a daycare randomly, so she has helped out since that point (my husband’s sisters know how their parents are). Are we wrong for not going whether they attend or not? Are we wrong in choosing to potentially cut them out of our lives due to this? Seeing things from an outside perspective, this type of behavior is not okay, & although they have all had to deal with their mother, my MIL, being manipulative & using favors she has done for everyone through the years as a way to get them to do whatever she wants or just deal with inappropriate things she does, I do not have to deal with it. My husband is probably the most realistic when it comes to seeing his mother as what she is, & he is prepared to cut them off due to years of different things stemming back from even his teen years. I hate the idea of it, but again, this is OUR child & I refuse to just submit to her toxic behavior & fall in the line everyone else has basically been forced to fall into over the years due to them relying on her for different things that help them (childcare and whatnot). Daycare will suck, but we will adjust & will never have to rely or depend on anyone regarding our child. As far as easter goes, we are choosing to not attend whether my MIL & FIL attend or not, as we are not playing these games with her & going to just look like the bad guys & gear the othrt grandkids ask where their grandparents are. This was a lot-so I appreciate all feedback 