Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Feeling conflicted about terminating parental rights, help?
Single mom who has sole parental rights here… it’s not easy and I can 100% say my daughter and I’s overall mental health is better without her father involved. I’ve left the door open for her father and he used it to walk away, it’s still open if he chooses to come back but he won’t. Feel free to msg me if you want to talk.
If that’s what’s best for the child then I see nothing wrong with it
My dad had his rights terminated by the courts. He had very little to do with us. Honestly it was for the best, he didn’t want to be around and when/If he did he didn’t know us or care to know us. Plus his family is so toxic.
While i I know what you’re doing is hard it’s for the best. Better to have one involved parent than 2 and 1 of those could care less and never wants to be there
I did it, I waited till my kids were 13 and 10, discussed it with them, which the 13 yr old has hardly a memory of him and the 10 yr old didn’t know him at all. They were fine with it because their dad(stepdad) came in and raised them as his own and still does. They have their donors information and they still choose not to contact him. They are 23 and 26 now and are happy I made the decision I did. I had ZERO issues, I didn’t have to prove anything.
It crushed me when we did it to our daughters bio parents to adopt her. If he doesn’t want the responsibility then do what’s best for the child.
I’m thinking about it as well. He walked out on us and his other 3 kids from his 1st marriage for the girl he cheated on me with and got pregnant, who is 14 yrs younger than him. No contact for over 2 yrs, no child support. Nada. Thankfully here you only have to go 3 months with no contact and support to be able to file abandonment. I just want to opportunity to have my future husband adopt her if that’s the road we take
Some people will never grow up or hold dear to heart. Some men were never meant to be a parent. At 24 weeks my daughter’s boyfriend threw her up in the wall because she refused a byabortion. She was hospitalized. They were able to stop her labor but on the 1st day of week 25 she delivered Ava. She was only 15.2 ounces and 9 inches long. He decided himself that he didn’t want a kid with a lot of health problems. Your child will be fine with just you. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
I could only say that when you remove all parental rights from a mother or a father you’re basically hurting the child what are you have parental rights and removed or not you’re still gonna have to be the mom or the dad you’re only hurting your child be the best mom that you can be if he is not around so be it go about your life live your life and your babies life but Terminating parenthood from a child is not a good thing because then when the child grows up they will hate the fact that they had no right As a single mom myself hi basically loved and supported my children as a single parent and all you can do is your best like I did my best
This can be an answer. Frankly there is no right answer after parents split. The children lose. Every decision carries consequence. Every decision comes with pain. Make sure your decision is for your children and not yourself. From the moment you became a parent, doubly since it’s a single parent, your needs are after thoughts. God bless, God speed.
Why are people laughing at this.
Having a parents rights terminated is not that simple. I spent 2 years in court (while he was being transported back and forth by the prison) He was a convicted child molester with a long list of other things on his record also. I just don’t want you to waste your time and energy and lots of money on the court system to not have anything accomplished. If your child is in danger with their father then I wish you the best luck on your journey. If the child would not be in danger then the court probably will not do much.
The assumption that the guy must be in the wrong is in-forced without the need for facts. Got people in the comment section that have had kids with child molesters and domestically abusive people but can’t see they have a responsibility to do research on who they have kids with or who they let around there kids. “Some men shouldn’t be parents” some people shouldn’t**. and a lot of you shouldn’t be aloud to pick who you have them with by the sounds of it.
The kids get hurt more by doing this…
You are a brave mom protecting your child. Some people are toxic it is your job as a mother to put your daughter first also your well-being is a priority as well. Someday you will be proud of your decision. Best of luck to you.
if the father is not in the picture and hasn’t been for awhile, then I agree. Its not fair to the child to have their absent parent come and go as they please. That mentally hurts the child more than parental rights being removed. I’ve been in both situations and its better to have rights taken away.
Your child is not even 2 years old and you decide to deprive her of her father.
Wrong. 21 months old. Give him a chance
if hes not around then what difference does it make if he has parental rights? get full legal custody and thats all thats needed.
They won’t just terminate his parental rights without somebody else taking on those rights such as a stepfather etc. We had to do this.
This is so dramatic. Be glad. Stop trying to push the kid on him. Go be a mom. Be the best mom you can be. Go file for child support. If he doesn’t want visitation fine. But he still has to pay child support
You can’t terminate his parental rights because he’s lazy. They won’t grant it. My child has never met his father, had never spoken to him, has never gotten a letter from him, not one dime of child support, hasn’t even acknowledged my kid was alive for the past 17 years and all I should have to do is file something in court, but nope. They have to do a skip trace, find him, see if he wants to see him, force a DNA test and all that other jazz at MY out of pocket expense as a single mother. The burden of proof is on me, not him. I was quoted up to $10,000 in legal expenses. Which fucking sucks, but it is what it is. I can’t afford that, legal aid can’t help, so basically when we move out of the country next year when my son joins the military, he can come visit us for 6 months at a time but can never live with us, because we could never get his dad to sign the damn papers to let him come with me even though he has literally never met him. If there is a senator or any official reading this. Please try to change the law. I know you are people just like us.
Sometimes the things that are the best for you are the hardest.
Getting parental rights it not as simple as filing for them to be terminated. There is guidelines that have to happen before the judge will even consider it. Cps has to be involved most times especially if u claim he is unfit. You have to prove without a doubt why he is unfit. He has to go a minium of two years without seeing or contacting the child. No child support is not grounds for termination. Child abuse, drug use around the child, and child molestation are grounds for termination but cps has to be involved for that. And of cps gets involved, you will be investigated as well. Not just him. Cheating not grounds for termination. So much goes into termination rights. Sad that you think it’s just that simple. It’s not. It’s a long heartbreaking journey with lots of legal loopholes.
She wont be a child forever and will go looking eventually. As long as you are prepared for that. He may not legally be her parent but that is still her biological father and its only natural for her to go looking someday.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Feeling conflicted about terminating parental rights, help?
Your relationship with him shouldn’t ever be more important than the relationship with his child. If he’s trying to be there for her then I don’t agree with your decision.
It’s extremely difficult to terminate parental rights.
In most states you can’t terminate parental rights unless they are a danger to said child(ren). I mean, it’s not ok he isn’t doing his part to help with said child but you can’t go to that extreme without some hard solid evidence that he’s a threat to THEIR safety. But you. An ask if he wants to do it himself and he can give up all rights. But any Child support will be cut off since he’s giving up on her. So make sure you really think about it. You can’t cry and complain when it’s said and done and you are still left in a single parent situation.
It’s a very hard thing to do but u have to do what’s right to protect ur child
I terminated my daughters and her 2 exes. I adopted her 4 children. It took less than 6 months. Tennessee law is 4 months with no child support, no contact is abandonment
Do what is best for your child.
If he’s not around, and not paying child support, there’s no reason he should want to personally keep rights. I know some states will remove rights but still make them pay child support until another man adopts them or they turn 18.
Either way; if it’s easier not to have any ties and he agrees, then go for it.
My son is 18 months old and his “donor” hasn’t seen him since he was 3 days old in the hospital. He pays child support now, just started last week, and told me he doesn’t want to see him or be involved. I’m good with it. We don’t talk at all and he agreed once I have someone in our lives to adopt, he’d be fine with it. He just got married and they have a newborn, his 4 year old son, and the new wife’s son too. So it’s just less drama and chaos on both sides to not speak 
Can’t do that without his consent. He will receive the petition, but can deny it.
The courts established paternity to another woman. I gave birth to my son. I cannot get rights terminated, because Obama changed the laws. She doesn’t do anything for him. Doesn’t have a bed for him or a dresser. His toys are everybody’s toys. He sleeps on the floor. The floor is soaked in dog piss for over 20 years worth. There’s literally nothing I can do about it. I feel for you and I have asked and begged her to terminate her rights. It sucks to know that she doesn’t do for him or care for him, but she did this out of spite. The only thing I was able to do is go to court and fight. I got regular custody down to her having him four days a month. I still don’t feel that it’s right and that’s too much time. She doesn’t even have her own home and he doesn’t spend time with her. I completely understand your frustrations of trying and begging. There’s no co-parenting when it comes to that. It’s a very crappy situation that the kids have to be in. It’s not about us adults, it’s strictly about the kids and their best interest. So sorry to hear that you’re going through that.
You should feel bad. No one should be forced out of parental rights unless they are an actual danger to the child. That was really selfish, and totally not your choice to make. You didn’t protect your child, there’s nothing to protect them from! That was for and you alone. Abandoned children have it hard enough without the parent that stayed making it harder.
Like how my mom thought putting her husband on my birth certificate and giving me his name would be best for me. HA tell that to my therapist. All y’all that mess with legal documents that aren’t hurting anyone are just selfish. Mad react and leave me comments I’ll never read all you want. It’s still the truth.
Well I would make him pay support he don’t got to see her. He made her and should at least help in some way. It hard as a mother out here and things r going up. If u aint in ur kids life trying to do right then u should be put on child support. I been on both sides of it. Its only fair for the baby.
I did that when my daughter was 9 months old and I won! Since then my husband of 10 years adopted her when she was 4. Not a peep from the donor. Hold your ground girl and go find a life that makes you and baby girl happy!
I wish I hadve done this when my daughter was younger. It’s a very brave decision, good luck.
More info. Is doing right about money or you?
Literally if the dude doesn’t care about her terminate them. She will find a better father figure.
Do you understand by doing this if he passes you will give up collecting social security for her?
Just curious why you would need to terminate rights? My kid’s dad hasn’t had anything to do with them in 10 years but I never thought about terminating his rights as he really doesn’t have any. We were never married so I automatically have full custody.
If you have to beg someone to be in a child’s life, than they really don’t want to be in their. You know what’s best for your child
My 12 month old’s dad hasn’t been around. I had filed child support. But he hasn’t shown up. He has had no contact with my baby boy, It’s probably better for us. We’re fine on our own.
Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to protect our babies. I was planning on doing the same thing with my sons dad if we ever had a chance to get to court. He died a little over a month ago so now I don’t have to spend the money on a lawyer. Good luck!!
Parenting is full time FOREVER AND If he can’t commit to the child then he doesn’t deserve the Rights.
U are fully Right and some countries will Remove there Rights but they still have to pay up there Child Support…
An if the Father does not CONTACT the Mother for Months to find out about how the child is doing an needs anything financially for the child then thats Child Abandonment
So he will he to pay his child support an Rights will be cut of him because because he is just torturing the child Mentally an Emotionally by being in an out when he feels to …
So yes u did the Right thing but make sure u get ur child support still
Just my opinion but hon you need to also think about what you will tell her one day when she asks about her father. I mean I raised 2 daughters and they are now 20 & 17. My ex husband has been in there lives but only took the youngest on weekends but I have never lied to either daughter but I also never said anything bad about there father. Just be there for her don’t beg its not worth it, but one day she is gonna ask and you don’t want to be the one she blames…My husband has adopted them both loves them info unconditionally and accepts the fact that one day the oldest may go and find her father. They have so much respect for us both knowing we didn’t keep him away and knowing we were honest but as I said we never talked down to either of the girls. Just my opinion hon. Pray about it…
I totally understand you and believe it is our right and duty to make sure our children are safe. I do not agree on removing parental rights. I don’t think it’s your call. You chose the father of your child. I agree there are parents not fit to be parents. I would try to prove to the court this person is not fit to be around your daughter. When your daughter becomes of age, she will be able to decide if she wants to pursue a father/daughter relationship.
Most states won’t allow termination of parental rights unless someone is ready and willing to adopt said child. They believe that a child should have two parents. Although some family court commissioners make their own rules.
Conflicting situation Momma…
No advice, but I will pray for you and your baby. 
I did the same thing when my child was 6 months old. The best thing I have ever done. Now my child has a Dad that shows love for my child as if it was his own. The birth Dad was a very selfish person and only cared about what he wanted and was very untrustworthy. When we went to court, the judge say this and was very degrading to this man. I won’t say what the judge called him. It was the best thing for me. Move on with you life and live it to the fullest with you daughter. Best thing for her. My child has never even mentioned the birth father to this day and my child is 37 years old. God bless you, and you can do it.
I would have just filed for sole custody with court supervised visitation. He has the opportunity if he wants it to be in the child’s life but with guidelines
How do you file for that ?
Depending the state… You can still get CS and have full physical custody. U did what u had too. Good luck
My son is 21 and once he left I made sure it was for good. I never terminated his rights but now he wants to have a relationship with him and my son refuses to. Trust me, kids learn about who is there and who is not.
That is a big step for you and child bravo 
You went with your gut and now the little one thank you later you go girl!
Geesh most of these comments are about money…I assume if you filed you already have all of the evidence needed to pursue. You are already doing it without him ,why not make it permanent . Removing the rights doesn’t remove the DNA … but maybe this will be the wake up call that he needs … either way good luck
Good luck to you, my state is a commonwealth and refuses to terminate parental rights until there is another party to sign for said child’s rights, and even then it’s really hard to get done.
Some “men” are just sperm donors. You’re making a good decision.
So you just let him off the hook? My ex owes me $60k in child support and will not get a divers license, fishing, or hunting license until it’s paid. I’ll never get it but he looses out on more.
You have to do what you think is best. Children deserve to have both parents in their life
The sad thing is when one parent wants to be bitter and mean
They think they are only hurting and being mean to the ex but eventually it will trickle down. Kids aren’t stupid and pick up more than most think they do. Regardless of how a relationship ends, the parents should find a way to co-parent and get along. I mean once it’s over what is there left to be bitter and mean about? I mean the parents obviously liked each other to have a child so-act like adults
If he doesn’t want to be there, it’s probably for the best, so he can’t come back later and try to get custody just to get back at you.
Even of you did file it is ultimately up to the judge regardless of the father not being there or your feelings being hurt by the other parent. It’s gonna be a tough battle ahead getting his rights taken away.
You can file a motion for amything. Just be prepared for a costly and long fight in the court room. (Unless he just agrees of course) more than likely this will cause resentment and retaliation. Family law is so messy
Hes inconsistent now, he will disappear as soon as he gets bored of playing with you. As her mama its your job to keep her safe. I bet he signs his rights away anyway, these kinds of men are cowards, they run away
Acouple of questions. Does your child have his last name and is he on the birth certificate? If the answer is no to both questions then he doesn’t have any parental rights.
If it’s the nest interest of your child then I say go for it. You know what’s best for your child.
You are the mother, you know the situation of what’s going on. Mother knows best, and if you think that is best for your child then so be it then you know once she gets older and ask about her father, tell her the truth and you did whay you had to do for the both of you that you thought was right! And then you and your daughter can tackle that outcome and whatever else once she is older but for right now trust your motherly instinct and do what you have to do!
I witnessed one of these when it was done had to sign the papers.
Dad came back when she was maybe 11 or so and she looked like his identical twin she loves him her real dad!! So… be careful give it time. Did you have a long relationship? Was he happy about becoming a Father? Some men are just never ready for a relationship or immature… But a girl will ask about her real Dad eventually. Also My daughter in law did this to my son it was called parent alienation. And now kids are adults and resent her… Only my thoughts.
I had to do something similar, it’s devastating. You did the right thing for your child, it will get better.
The judge in my divorce signed the decree, giving me 100% custodial custody. My husband left me for my oldest daughter’s best friend when Angel was 3, Angel turns 12 next month. Her father hasn’t paid a dime (fine by me) or bothered to be a part of her life. (Huge relief) I’ve been both mother and father to my youngest and she’s healthy and happy.
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You know all the details, we don’t. As a mother, you have to do what you think is in the best interests of your child. I will say this: it’s possible to feel two opposing ways about something, and it still be the right choice.
Prayers for you my sister.
I’m in the middle of doing the something with my children’s father(very different reasons)I feel you need to do what you have to do.
You can’t do that… Just file for child support… You can’t make him be a father… it’ll be up to him to explain when the time comes… Move on with your life‼️
Children are not pawns!
Oh, sweetie. Don’t forget, 'parental rights" and child support are two different things. He doesn’t ever want to see your sweet baby? Fine. But make him pay
Sometimes its for the best good luck to u and ur child
Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons & not because you aren’t bitter because things just aren’t going the way YOU dreamed they would. He has rights too.
If you’re not likely to get child support, might as well. No more arguments.
Damn pretty extreme to do that in only 21 months of her life, I mean leave they guy alone and move on, stop trying to mind fk him and put him on child support, maybe he will come around and if he don’t at least you get support, let her decide if she wants to set him free. Your being a bit dramatic in my opinion.
Regardless mama if you believe it to be the Best for your child then by all means do what you gotta do
I’m doing the same thing with son’s dad but my kiddo is 4 honestly it’s what you feel is best for the child.
His dad don’t help with anything either so I feel you on this you’re being a good mom by taking what’s best for baby and running with it.
Best thing you could have done, so you can gain control and move forward with your child. It’s sad for sure but it’s almost like a death, a little easier to decide next steps. Also, I know several people who found someone else and they adopted and are a happy family. Best of luck.
Do what is best for the child ALWAYS. You know the situation better than anyone. I also had to cut dad outta my boys lives as he was stealing from them/using drugs
Cant force someone to be a parent unfortunately. Dont hide hi identity because she will want to know in the future. But for now, this sounds the best if he’s not going to be present and consistent.
You do you honey. I’ve been thinking on this
I personally don’t think it’s the best decision. I raised 2 children whose fathers were deadbeats. Idk…I just don’t see what that solves. Unless you’re doing it for attention? Terminating his rights isn’t going to help you. And, if he EVER does decide to get involved & can’t because you were mad & terminated his rights, how will your daughter feel? Knowing you made the decision to permanently remove her father from her life!!! I’m not you so, it’s your decision. But, since you asked, I think it’s a horrible one!
Generally the courts womt terminate a parents right unless there is a reason like the parent is a danger to the child or some significant reason and I believe I have heard that the parent who’s losing their rights has to either be there or agree or somentig to that degree. But either way I dont believe u can just terminate their rights
Cant miss what she never had…
…my daughters done it for 8 yrs …
My older 2 son’s father is this way. After so long without contact I was granted full legal and physical custody and child support still has to be paid. Let him decide to be absent, but still file for support. Even he avoids paying now they will garnish all his tax returns until he finally pays off the debt. It never goes away. Then put that money aside for your child’s future if you truly don’t need it right now. College is expensive and they will thank you later.
Best to do it now rather than later while she’s still a baby
The courts may not see fit to allow him to get outta his financial responsibility.
I gave my child’s father the choice to sign up rights, and during the hearing the judge belittled him and ordered him to pay his support. The judge kindly explained to me that even if I wanted to, I shouldn’t have to financially raise my son on my own and the father cannot just shrug off his responsibility, he did suggest that I’d do better raising the child without the likes of that mans (father) ignorance as a role model for my child.
You can’t do that unless you have someone adopting him or he’s like a murderer or something outrageous . And if you are on any type of assistance def not.
You can have a mediater that you have a person that you can do a meet up place to exchange your child this way he can only get his daughter is that he can’t fight with you qnd youdont have to put up with his bull and get a court order it can even be the police station
Good luck if you feel that’s the best for your child, I hope you have proof, because if he has proof that he’s trying and you won’t let him it’s not gonna happen!
Prayers for you to get through this for your daughter 
In time thing may get better and then she may no her dad