Friendship on the rocks

Relationships
1

My best friend and I had a huge fight, the guilt is eating me up but I dont think I’m the one who needs to apologize.

As a background my best friend and I have been like sisters for 11 years, she was almost my surrogate, she was at the birth of my son, we spend almost every day together.

When her marriage fell apart she became a wreck, she had a drinking problem, an eating problem and began hooking up with random men for fun. While I didn’t condone the behavior I tried to be supportive. I let her move in with me my husband and son.

I made sure she ate, I went with her to appointments, I picked her up and drove her places when she was too drunk.
Random guys would drop her off her completely tanked and I cared for her.

My husband has a good friend a few states away he met online they talk daily. When my friend spoke to this friend online one day I told her immediately he was off limits. I didnt want drama if they fell out or anything happened and she agreed.

My husband and I have been saving money for a few years to go visit this friend but sadly money is tight right now. My best friend told me over fathers day she was taking her grandma to visit her sister I believed her.

She didnt she went down and surprised my husbands friend and spent the week. He now believes there is a relationship blooming while she has moved on.
When I voiced to her I was upset she ignored me and hasnt been around or messaged me in several days. I have reached out and she simply ignores it or says shes busy.

I’m gutted that such a close long friendship appears to be over but I dont think I need to be the one apologizing for being upset.
I also dont want to beg for a friendship that I now doubt meant anything to her.

I’m in a rut and I’m stressed and miserable but wonder if me mending a bridge now is useless and if maybe this friendship has always been one sided.

2

Just to help offer some perspective here (and nothing more than that, truly), if she died of Covid-19 tomorrow (or a car accident, add horrible unexpected removal from your life here), how would you feel about not getting some form of closure or trying to repair the relationship?
I only ask because I lost my BFF on May 2, 2020 to C-19 (she didn’t know she had contracted it and thought her asthma was acting up). We hadn’t spoken in about a year because we had a falling out (fairly similar to yours). Now, I feel like I lost a part of myself and there’s nothing to be done about. No closure.
So, truly, what I think you might want to consider is how to either get closure or rebuild. But don’t leave it hanging. Regret sucks. And just like real sisters, we may not always like each other, but we always love each other.
Be well, stay safe. And I’m sending some hug vibes your way.

3

Update: after a few days I broke down and basically spilled my heart to this friend.

In included that I loved her and I was worried about her recent behavior as she has been making decisions that can be dangerous. If she had been in an accident we wouldnt know where to look for her.

She of course agreed and told me some more of whats going on in her head and how hard it has been since her divorce, her husband was abusive I know that.

Our friendship sort of healed but I’ve accepted it wont be what it was, theres just a piece of it that’s gone now.

So she went on vacation with her mom, then with her grandma, I’ve seen her maybe a total of 12 hours in the last month. We made plans for the upcoming 2 weeks and things were going well again.

She just texted me to tell me shes not doing any of those plans now because when she gets home wednesday she is leaving again on thursday to go back down with this guy.

She said they agreed they wont work and it can never be serious but want to have fun and she owes it to herself. I expressed I was sort of hurt because my son who thinks of her as a second mom hasnt seen her in weeks and was looki bbg forward to these upcoming events.

She kind of just brushed it off and said that this guy told her it wont ever work between then but because his 2 children are with their mother she wants to go surprise him.

If I truly believed this was a relationship that would work I’d support it but they’re both in 2 different places in life.
Hes older divorced with 2 teen girls he isnt interest in more kids or moving or marriage.
My friend is in her early 20s she wants kids still she wont moved neither and while he lives to small meager means my friend is a lavish spender who takes multiple vacations and enjoys fancy dinners several times a week.
I believe his feelings towards her are genuine but she has said she likes him but hes mostly a distraction and hes nice and she likes that’s hes friendly and buys her things.
It’s going to explode and because my best friend is related to my husband its going to eventually cause staring between my husband and his friend.

Meanwhile I just cant wrap my mind around how she can write me and my son off so easily after we spend months letting her live with us free. She stayed here, ate food here, we included her in events she wasnt even invited too and took her on vacation with us.

I just barely was starting to feel this was a friendship worth saving but now I think she told me what I wanted to hear so I would shut up and I dont want a friendship that isnt worth something to the other person.

I know shes hurt but I cant stand and just let her self destruct and ruin another person because shes hurting not to mention our relationship and the one shes throwing away with my son.