Grief after losing love of my life

Hi, I lost my husband on the morning of the 11th to an accidental overdose and to say I’m a complete mess is an understatement. He was the love of my life, my best friend, and my soulmate. We were spending some time apart while he got his stuff together. He was planning on going to rehab again. I know through messages from the night before (we had plans as a family that he was so excited for when I got off work at 5) it was completely accidental and that he’d never intentionally leave our children or myself but I’m struggling. Badly. I’m angry at him. I’m angry at me. Asking why. Wondering if I did the right thing or the wrong by making him leave. If I did enough or not enough. Why I couldn’t save him. I’m trying my hardest to be strong for our kiddos: 10, 7, 1 1/2, and 3 months but feel so overwhelmed. I’ve never hurt like this before but know if I’m drowning I can’t help them. I was hoping to hear of any resources to help with grieving for not only myself but my babies. Facebook groups, books, media, etc.

Damn hun! I’m so sorry to hear that! I also lost my fiancée March 30th 2k21! from a accidental OD! I wish I could tell you wtf ever it would take to make the pain go away…but tbh, it doesn’t ever really fully go away! I asked myself those same questions about my fiancée when I came home and found him not breathing in my bed after I was gone about 2 hours! I feel your pain hun