Has anyone been in this position and found a solution?

I know I need to leave. My relationship with my daughters dad ain't the healthiest. My daughter is only 3. She started early headstart in November. I recently found out I'm pregnant again and although we're both happy it, It came unexpected. Some days are good. Some days are bad. And when it gets bad, It gets really bad. I can tell its starting to affect my daughter. And i don't want her to think this is normal. I want out. But I have no help from anyone. I moved in 2019 to get away from my hometown to have a better chance at providing for my daughter. Im basically the main provider because he can't hold down a job for very long and it bothers me. He has an addiction and bothers me for money when I told him numerous times to stop asking. I don't feel attracted to him no more but I still care. Idk what to do. And in sorry if I'm all over the place and not making sense but I feel like I need to leave when I don't want to because I'm worked hard for everything I have. And I don't want to just leave everything behind I thought about going to the womans shelter to get away and start over. But it makes me feel defeated. I have to be at work at 6:30 a.m and my daughter has to be at school at 11:45 M-T. So I'll have no one to watch her in the morning and take her to school. Its where I'm stuck at.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Has anyone been in this position and found a solution?

This might sound ruff but if you stay you are gonna end in a shelter any way or maybe even worse because he won’t stop and it wont get better until it gets worse if it ever does. Pray about it and just remember you and your children will ultimately have to face the consequences or benefits of your decisions. Do what’s right for you and yours in the end. Prayers for you and those babies and be blessed.

The Women’s shelter should be able to hook you up with everything you need, including child care on a sliding scale, child support, transportation to and from day care, food stamps, help with utilities, etc. Families with kids get priority for housing.

I’d be worried baby daddy would let something happen to your precious angels while he’s drunk or high. Good reason to break up. Do you have trouble with alcohol or drugs?

Contact the center or domestic violence hotline to see what they have to say about your situation, make a plan to get out safely, including collecting important papers, getting a lawyer to advise you on custody and more, and working your plan. If you got along better, I’d suggest a mediator, but sounds like things get out of hand and antagonistic quickly.

You can do it on your own. Look at moms groups and join a church/religious or spiritual group or institution to make friends, find support, and get some spiritual grounding.

With baby daddy’s addiction/s you should get sole custody and he get court supervised visits only. You can’t “fix” him; only he can change when he’s ready, which may be never.

I’m sorry. Be safe, put your children first, and be safe and happy.


I’m in a shelter now . Started a go fund me and scheduled to start work in 2 weeks .
Choose peace and a healthy upbringing for your babies!!
It’s hard . & everyone judges . But if you know your heart and ability to provide it will be easy to ignore the judgment. It will get better momma. Have faith . Stay strong :muscle:t5: Be safe . Love doesn’t hurt belittle or manipulate. Praying for peace and clarity Queen


I’m in the exact same situation and I feel completely stuck as well. It’s almost better to say nothing at all because you know it will just cause an argument. I actually made it out once my mom came and picked me and my daughter up while he was at work and we were on our way to North Dakota. Sadly I ended up coming back to be with someone else who ended up dumping me so I went right back to where I started. But if talking to him about how you feel isn’t working then I would definitely arrange something. Even if you have to wait for an opening. Good luck momma I wish there was more resources out there.


Your babies need a strong mom
You need to leave. Sounds like a womens shelter is good place to start. You will never be able to change him. And your children will resent you if you stay. You can do it.
Prayers for you.

You let an addict watch your child? You need to get out and fast before something bad happens go to women’s shelter seek assistance also speak to your employer.


You need to tell him to go. His addiction is dangerous. If dcf gets involved you may even lose your children. Go on your local fb groups ask for references for individuals who can help in the morning. Here we have an organization called kind en gezins that helps. There has to be something similar. Go to children and family services ask for help. Can she start school earlier? Can you switch shifts with someone?

if you are the main provider and pay all the bills …tell him to leave


U need to have him evicted!!! U are the sole provider for the household! No reason for u to up and leave everything you worked hard for when he can be the one to leave!! I agree u need to get out of the relationship for you and your childrens well being but at the same time you leaving will put tremendous stress on you and your unborn baby and put both of you’re healths at risk. I know it’s a damned if u do and damned if u don’t situation. But I’d be damned if I’d leave everything I worked hard for if I didn’t have to. Turn to Facebook to find someone to help with babysitting or look into getting assistance to help with childcare to cover the hours u work. Look into food stamps, insurance, rent/bill help, wic if needed. Use all resources u need to to keep a stable and safe home for you and your kids. U got this momma! Stay strong and do what u need to do. Good luck and I hope all works out well for u and you babies.

You know you have to leave. Just do it. Find a place to move and leave. Soooo many resources… some cities have men that will come move you when he’s not home. The Salvation Army store has all you need and more. Getting involved with a church may help too.

Have him legally evicted. He isn’t working or providing anything so he needs to go.


I think a lot of mums out there need to start prioritising! All I seem to read is mothers jumping from baby daddy to boyfriend to boyfriend :exploding_head::exploding_head: geez!!!

In my opinion, your babies always ALWAYS come first, especially before men.

All your baby needs is you!

You’re letting these random men into the lives of your babies. What is that showing them? It must be so confusing for them!
A lot of the time these men have creepy addictive personalities!

It’s just beyond me.

You bought these bubas into the world, now lead by example. You DONT need a man hanging round your neck.


Stop allowing him to watch her first of all. You’re putting your child in danger everytime you do if he’s actively using. Reach out to domestic violence shelters. They can help find childcare and housing for you and your soon to be 2 children. If you’re able to kick him out. You can lose custody by allowing an active addict to take care of your children.

Why is it that the women gotta leave girl find a way to send his ass to a shelter

Youre the provider, why do you need him? He drains you financially & mentally.


you basically have three children then. they don’t change.

Why is it the woman is always the one told to leave with the children? Why can’t the man pack his few rags and get the hell out. Never could understand that.


If your the main provider then why not ask him to leave?? Why can’t he leave your pregnant and working if you are on the lease then just keep recipes and prove to who ever that your the sole provider basically and that he needs to leave!

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You’re not stuck, only emotionally!!! Start over, it’s better than ruining so many lives!

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I’m confused. If you are the main provider, tell him to leave. And if he isn’t working, he can watch your daughter and take her to head start

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Have him legally evicted and get a restraining order since he has an addictive personality. Contact your local DFCS office and get the approved daycare provider lists for your county…there are daycare’s that operate even 24 hours. It’s not going to be easy but you can do it. At least the stress and weight on your shoulders will be from two human beings who actually need you and not dead weight. It’s not easy….I’ve been there but it’s necessary to create a healthy environment for your children. They deserve a healthy home and even more, a healthy Mommy.

ETA: call 211 to find out what resources you may qualify for. There is utility help, free internet, rent help and even food stamps/WIC. Everything you qualify for…please use. Good luck

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I have been through similar situations. Unfortunately more than once…. I live in East Texas . A year after I started college I found a program that helps single moms in college with EVERYTHING. Me and my children have been here for three years and i will graduate in May next year with a medical degree. PM me I would like to help with resources :yellow_heart:


Have him legally evicted. You should not have to start over pregnant with a three year old.

My children’s Father is a narcissistic abuser and has addiction issues. I kicked him oout 2.5 years ago the day after we moved into a new home I knew I couldn’t afford alone… I asked for a raise, did what I had to do and made it work… if HE is the problem and you’re the main bread winner anyway, why should YOU be the one to leave? You should stay, keep what you worked so hard for and tell him to go considering he can’t hold down a job and couldn’t afford it without you anyway… There are definitely baby sitters who will start watching your kids that early and has got to be a safer alternative to allowing an active addict watch your kids… I allowed my ex to watch the kids one day when I was in a bind and even let him keep my truck in case of an emergency… I found out he took my kids with him in MY truck to go buy drugs, something I didn’t think he would ever do… needless to say that was the last time he ever watched my kids or was even WITH them alone…


Could completely have a fresh start…save up some money until you have the baby, in the mean time look for another job option that better suits your daughters school schedule and then once you have the baby move, change jobs and leave him behind

Start attending al-anon meetings. They’re for friends and family of alcoholics and other addicts. There are plenty of virtual meetings every day at all times.

Also find a chemical dependency therapist. They will help you understand addiction, how you’re stuck in the cycle, and how to break free. Best wishes.


I worked in a DV shelter and even I’d you don’t stay there, they can help you with resources for everything and still take you on and be an advocate for you and your children.


Look for a different daycare program for your daughter if there’s a YMCA near you they usually have full day programs and financial aid. Once you have a daycare that works with your schedule move or legally evict him and stand your ground.

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Have him removed from property. Make sure everything is in ur name.

continue to read over & over again just what you wrote, you will leave.


Check out before school care

Get him to leave if you are the main provider

Leave starting over is the best things you can do. It will just get worse.

Tell him to get a good job…or you’re seriously thinking of leaving. Communicate.

For everyone saying to kick him out, it said she moved in 2019. If the house or apartment is in his name she can’t kick him out. Also for the others saying to make him watch her while she works, she clearly stated hes an addict and still asks for drug money. Idk about yall but I wouldn’t want my kid around a using addict regardless if it’s a bio parent or not :woman_shrugging:


If she is 3, she should be moving up to head start and they usually run buses.

If you provide everything can you put your foot down and just kick him out vs leaving?

My heart breaks for her. Because I’ve been there. Find a daycare that opens at 6:30. They do exist.

I was married to an addict for 11yrs. I ended up losing it all. Lost my home, filed BK, ended the married and started over with our then 7yr old daughter. Here is the thing with addicts you can’t make then change they have to want too. You are an enable (sorry I didn’t know it either) by continuing to carry him in your life and not making him responsible. The raid was hard but I wasn’t going yo allow my kid to think this is what marriage or love really looked like. Praying for you


You’re thinking about this the wrong way.

You don’t want to move and have to start over because you’ve worked hard for all that you have, but you want to get yourself and your daughter out the situation that you’re in. If he won’t leave the home, then you have two choices… leave and start over from scratch or stay and endure the life you currently live and keep that life as an example for your children.

Starting over is scary, but worth it in the end. There are community resources in your area (assuming that you’re in the US). Each state has resources to help with food, medical, child care… even rental assistance.

Don’t make excuses, make a plan. If you’re renting, contact your landlord to see about having him removed from the lease and have him evicted. If that’s not an option, since you say you’re the only one paying bills, simply stop paying the bills and bank every single penny that you can. Buy only what you and your daughter need and keep the rest of the money in the bank, in an account that he doesn’t know about or have access to. Start looking for another place. Not to mention, you’ll have a tax refund before to long. Use that money to reestablish yourself away from him.

You have to make yourself and your children the priority.


Save up your money, don’t tell him. Get your daughter then go. In that mean time go to a church and start meeting people. Branch out a bit socially. In that you will make some new friends and hopefully they can be of help when it is time you are able to leave and can maybe help you get your daughter back and forth to school.

Get him to leave if you the sole provider why do you need him… you say he is an addict make him get help if you want to be with him but you clearly said you weren’t attractive to him…

Time to cut loose from that

Leave. Reach out to local services that can help you. If you know you need to leave you already know the steps love. Or kick the man out with authorities help. He needs helps himself. Don’t put yourself or your kids through anymore. :blue_heart:

I’m sorry maybe counseling for y’all and rehab for him. Contact Dfacs and see if they have a daycare program. Best of luck

For working parents headstart allows an earlier drop off time. But if there is a parent at home they won’t allow it. So step one is talking to head start and be honest, explain the situation and ask if you lived alone if your daughter can go full day. It make take a few months but I know here they would do it. Then throw him out. You shouldn’t be the one to leave when you pay for everything. He wouldn’t be able to afford it if you left anyways so why have all of you move?

You must leave not only for yourself but most especially for your child. You started over once and you can do it again. Please don’t tell me you are leaving your child with that addict when you go to work! Terrible idea.

U said u are the provider so i assume that means u pay the bills and keep ya’ll afloat. So why do u need to leave make him leave and if he wont leave call the police. And look into your State’s Child Care programs most of them have income base child care check with your States welfare/Medicaid programs


Whos on the lease?
I went through this.
Its only gonna get worse.
My kids were 4 and 5.
After 10 years, house, 3 vehicles, everything.
I literally walked away with my kids and a backpack. Best choice I ever made.

If you dont do it. Have a plan ready and money saved cause baby girl your gonna need it. Something changes after that 2nd baby. They think your trapped or stuck with them and it will get worse.
Your teaching your daughter its ok for a man to treat her that way.

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If you’re the sole provider then he can go. Save money, find a daycare daytime that does transportation which you can probably apply for gov help. Or you could try finding a job that starts later. At this point now its affecting your daughter and she needs to be protected as well as your second baby and yourself. Do it for them. Wait until you feel financially ready and she is set to say something and if it goes left, call the police and do things the legal way.

It’s simple tell him to go get help(go to rehab) or tell him to get out… I’ve been in ur shoes…. And it doesn’t seem that simple but it is. Yes he will throw a fit… yes he will bother u but it will stop. Just make him leave if he says he isn’t going to get help. My husband actually chose help. If he tries to get physical with you have 911 ready on ur phone. Tell him you will put him in jail if he comes any closer and do it if he does. That little bit of drama and conflict may feel like a lot at the moment but the freedom after is worth it. You won’t have the stress, pain, and neither will your babies. He can either change and get help or he won’t… SIMPLE AS THAT.


If your the provider make HIM leave. Get his shit together. And maybe come back when the time is right

Care.con you can find a sitter. And just because you two break up DOES NOT MEAN HE DOESNT HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES TO HIS CHILD

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First: Don’t give him money… ever !!
Second: make him leave

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Tell him it’s over between you 2 but you need him to be there for his daughter. Work out a schedule for him to come help you when you need it.

An addict is hard to deal with. I feel for what you’re experiencing. For me, I’m not sure what I thought my last straw was (it kept moving & changing) because I had high hopes and also fear of failing my children or turning out like others before me. Being the one who would be responsible for pulling my child’s family apart that I chose and brought together. I wasn’t sure what was a worse decision. Just before my second child was born he chose rehab. We went through all the motions and shortly after he started drinking & using again. I was too focused on the magic of my children to notice what he was doing until one day he picked my son up (2.5) and through him! I felt trapped and I had no real support to speak of and everyone always took his side because they were all addicts. Still, that day I called a family member who was also using at the time and begged them to come get me and allow me to stay for just 6 mos until I could find a place. One of the very best thing I could’ve ever done. It went on for years before this but that was the moment I learned what my limit was and it should’ve never had to come to that. There are state programs btw that usually will help with a one time housing payment. First, last, power bills, etc… Even if you stay and choose for him to leave I would reach out to the programs available to you in your area for the emotional support to stay safe in the process.

Your " stuff" is just stuff. It can be replaced or put in storage, or sold. Peace is priceless. He hangs on to you because he is a needy addict. Staying with him is enabling him.


Start packing important papers ext… privately arrange for him to take a day trip and get everything out and put in storage then beat feet with your daughter! Don’t let him know your plan .


My heart is with you.

I left my husband of 6 years 6 months ago for very similar reasons. I was a stay at home mom at the time (he went back and forth with working). It wasn’t an easy choice, and we still don’t have it all figured out. I do feel like my kids & I are genuinely happier even with the struggles we face.

You can do anything you set your mind to. I believe it.


Maybe abort because it doesn’t sound like it will be born in a healthy, stable environment. Y’all kept having unprotected sex knowing he wasn’t stable nor fit to be a parent. And you started this out with you know you need to leave. It sounds like what will be best isn’t ideal however for the sake of the child already here it may be what’s in her best interest above everyone else’s. Especially considering you don’t want to leave to be closer to some support. You cant have your cake and eat it too because the cake is toxic all the way around.

You may lose stuff but you’ll gain souch more.

Make him leave and start investing in daycare or see if friends will help.

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Get counseling and they will help you at Helen Ross McNabb and sign up for rental assistance at KCDC.

Make HIM leave. The money you would be not giving to him, pay someone to watch her in the morning and take her to school


You are responsible fir your children’s well being. Letting them around where someone is a active drug user is not being responsible. Get out now. Tell him to get clean then come and go thru counseling together before exposing your children to this. What they see they learn and continue on in life. There is places for you to go for help .

Just gotta go and figure everything out after. Waiting for the right time never works.


Turn him in to the police at least you will get rid of him for a while don’t tell him you did it

Please stop :raised_hand: being stuck in a life that brings you no happiness. Please your own child is showing you. Do it for her, do it for your baby in your womb. Do it for yourself. Don’t stay stuck. Don’t be keeped in stagnant. Break the cycle. You are powerful. You are capable of changing and re creating your life. Don’t be afraid to start again. That Man needs help. It is not your responsibility to do that. Your responsibility is to heal you, your babies and start living a life you desire. Let him go. Listen to yourself. If ideas and thoughts come through in your mind. That’s your power. Put it into play. You already have all the answers. You know what’s right. I am giving you the support and thumbs up that you are on the right mindset and path. Go towards it. Don’t be afraid. Don’t give up. I believe in you. You are love, you are worthy and you are beautiful creator and Goddess :heart::heart::peace_symbol::peace_symbol::rainbow::rainbow:


I have been in your shoes.