Either go to court or get something in writing and notarized. Without it, you have nothing.
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I do but it’s because baby daddy doesn’t want anything regular. I moved away while pregnant. He direct deposits 75 a week into my account and I do visit him once a year and he visits me once a year. He’s not on the certificate.
If you don’t get a parenting plan you or the other parent can move the children away without permission of the other parent, parenting plans protect both parents and the children. It is not wise to go without one, I know someone who has not seen their daughter in 15 years because of there not being a parenting plan.
Me and my ex are relatively good at coparenting. No court involved. However I wouldn’t believe any thing your ex says at the moment when things are still raw. My ex has promised and agreed to many things relating to kids but when he had a bad day he would do shitty stuffs like not returning the kids or not paying for activities of the kids that he asked to pay for. He doesn’t pay child support either. But that I’m ok with.
I’m going thru the same thing except baby isnt here yet & I’ve decided I will go thru court bc 1 we will NOT agree & 2 wlo court documentation when it comes his time to visit he can basically “kidnap” the child so to speak until you are then forced to go to court to help get your child back & we all know how slow the courts take.
I’m sorry you will get to see him every day… is he planning on keeping your child if you leave him? I’d be getting some sort of written agreed and signed order.
Well my ex and I coparent to a point. He has my son full time and I can see him whenever I want and I get him every weekend. He even helps me out with groceries for when I have him. We never involved the courts.
I’m confused. You’re leaving him and leaving your child with him?
You’d get to see the child every day?
Why would you voluntarily give him primary custody?
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Dont fall for that trap lady. Knownyour self worth
I do. My almost 2 year olds father and I get along pretty much just fine. If I need diapers or wipes I just ask and he gets it no questions asked and drops them off. I don’t ask or get child support from him for that reason. I allow my daughter to vc him any time he has free time at work, any time he is off work he knows he can have her. I provide her clothes and diapers for when he takes her as well as her fav blanket, and sometimes even food for both of them. We have never had to have court involvement and don’t intend to
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well one thing if I was able to care for son I would not leave him behide and if do everything should be in writing and stamp by someone to back this all up and sign in front of a person so if have to take to court you have that
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Go through the courts or at least a lawyer that way it’s all on paper
I’ve been through this and my brother. Just an FYI if there is NO court order whatever parent has the child has custody of the child. Police will not help it’s a civil issue. I would definitely have something in writing. Never trust words. Unless you feel you can trust, but if you fully trust the situation would you be asking?
My brother ex took off for six months out of state with their child. He tried the no court thing but it didn’t work.
My ex husband and I kept it out of court , but we did have a written schedule and was notarized. Just so we both knew so there would be no mix ups
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You can lose custody easier if you don’t involve the courts, although it sounds like you don’t want custody? Are you leaving the child to live with dad?
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I would never risk it. My children deserve the security a court ordered parenting plan gives. Going to the courts doesn’t have to mean you guys are no longer civil and most courts send you to a mediator anyways before seeing a judge.
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I do. We promised each other to never use our son against one another and know that in everything we are still a team. We are better friends for it now than when we were together and it’s been so much healthier for our son. All I can say is be honest and be open and communicate everything as a team. Not rivals
No. You need the courts involved. He’s not even willing to sign something drawn up by the both of you. So ya protect yourself.
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Well you need to go to the courts in your state and apply for physical custody. As in you make all rules and your child lives with you. THEN IF HE CUT UP ON YOU. And you file for child support regardless asap.
Never trust anyone who will not put something in writing.
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My child is 15yrs and just started having issues about 3yrs ago with her father. It’s do able, just depends. We agreed when she was 1, no courts and we would let her decide at all times what she wanted. She lived with me till 5yrs and visited her dad when she wanted. Then wanted to live with him (didn’t like rules, he’s a “Disneyland dad”) she’s still with him and comes to me whenever she wants.
Yes. Me and my oldest son’s dad co-parent like bosses. We are still good friends though. No animosity or hurt feelings there. You just got to put all other bs aside for your child.
My ex and I weren’t married and never had anything done with the court. If you’re not married in our state they see them mom as the legal custodial parent. We came up with a routine and it’s worked well for us going on 4 years not. We did go through our county to set up child support.
Go through the courts! Protect your rights and your children
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Be very careful with that. No matter how good you both get along now, things can change in the blink of an eye. I have a custody agreement that my child’s father and I came to and had the court order. Just because you have a legal order doesn’t mean you can’t use whatever schedule works best for you after the fact. It will, however, protect you if things go south. If another woman comes along you don’t want them up and leaving and not having any say because there was no court ordered agreement. Not to say they will but just be on the safe side. Make sure it limits the time each other go away for vacation (ex: no more than 2 weeks at a time) and alternate holidays on even/odd years. It may seem excessive now but it might be a life saver in the long run.
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Always in writing. You do not want to get screwed the moment something doesn’t go his way.
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why would u be having to be assured u see your kid?
At the minimum get stuff on paper, and have him (both of you) sign it in front of a notary, and have it notarized. Then if things don’t go smoothly, you have some official paperwork to start the court process off with.
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Get court order. To protect your rights as a mom. If there is no order he can do anything with your child without your permission. He may say one thing now but he can change on a dime if hw starts seeing someone else. Its also in best child as well.
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Get the courts involved
The issue is that without a custody order in place by a court, whoever physically had them technically has custody, so if he decides one day he’s not gonna give them back, there won’t be much you can do other than at that point go to court. This is why I ended up putting an order in place, we didn’t need it at the time but something did happen and im glad that was in place.
Before my oldest daughters dad moved away we co parented after we separated and it was great. We still did things as a family but he and I weren’t together. We didn’t get the courts involved at all and it was great. But he and I both wanted that for her. We felt the same way in that she needed a somewhat “normal” upbringing with both parents and we wanted to share those moments together with her and we honestly became great friends. Our friendship after our break up was so much stronger than our relationship and I think that’s because we both were mature enough to know it’s not about us, it’s about our daughter. It was great. It really was. And we were young too. He was 20 and I was 21. And you don’t see that with young couples. So if we could be mature enough to make it work anybody else can to without going to court. You don’t have to be best friends, but you have to be civil and come to an understanding that anything done in anger (like keeping the child from the other parent for some stupid ass reason) hurts the child too and no parent should want to do that to their baby. It can be done.
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That depends if you both trust each other.
Get. That. Shit. In. Writing.!!! You can’t trust him by “his word” that he’ll help with child support or that he’ll give you back or pick up the kids when he says he will. I currently have one and wouldn’t have it any other way.
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As much as it sucks get a written contract signed/dated with witness or worst case scenario courts involved and I suggest recording phonecalls and having communications in writing for EVERYONE’S protection.
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My parents did it with me… No issues for the most part… I lived with my father and saw my mom whenever i wanted… They really handled whatever as adults that once loved each other… I mean… It took time for them to be civil but they did the best they could for me
Going through the same thing right now, he’s with this new chick who has kids of her own but he wants to dump the kids on her when it’s his time… Not being responsible at all so the courts are for both of your sanity…
Don’t know what state you’re in but in many…if NOT married mother automatically had full custody and requires father to go to court for his rights…in same face…as mom if you leave said children in fathers care he can get you on abandonment so be very careful
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No matter how civil you think things will be… things happen. It is in ALL of your best interest to get it done thru the courts. My ex and I did co-parenting. We did everything thru the courts. But we remained friends after our divorce and never really had to follow it. If he wanted the kids he had them and same for me. But it was there if we ever needed it.
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been divorced since November after a 13 year marriage. 11&14 yo. We switch back and forth every two to three days based on their dads work schedule since my schedule is consistent, and share them pretty close to 50/50. It was rocky at the beginning but after boundaries were set things have been mostly smooth. I like to text to have a record of what was said. No court orders, no court ordered child support- but an agreed upon amount to benefit our boys.
Not married when the child was born, mom has ALL the rights. Father has NONE unless the child is legitimated through the courts. This is for Georgia.
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I’ve never gone to court for my daughter and we haven’t been together in over 9 years. My daughter is almost 10. We have had our disagreements and it was rough at the beginning. It can be done but it depends on trust and if you both have your kids best interest at heart.
Go through the courts! Things may be civil right now, but there willl be birthdays and holidays that you both want them. Tempers flare and if you do not have a court he doesn’t have to return the kids to you. Nothing you can do without that paper. Even though it’s just a piece of paper at least you will have some backing when you do have to go to court. “Justice is based on how much you can afford!” Truest words ever spoken.
Not worth taking any chances. This is your child your taking about so yes you need to involve the courts.
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Alot on their about what he wants, what do you want? They are you children too. Sounds like hes controlling you then he will possibly just drop you each day with the kids are busy.
Don’t do it go to the court immediately get everything established you are custody of the of the kids because I’m guarantee and yet it will backfire my daughter’s been f***** over by so many baby daddies it’s ridiculous I’m telling you she has three of them go to court get everything in writing and get child support and forget this noise about co-parenting crap tell him he can see the kids but he has to pay don’t f****** let him get away with it no more nobody
He only says that to keep from having to pay child support dear.
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Always go through the court when it comes to custody agreements and visitation. Things can get really ugly if you don’t
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Always go thru the courts protect your rights as a parent.
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A schedule in writing protects BOTH of you.
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Going on almost 5 years but we bump heads here and there but only because now I’m tired of being the nice one. Kinda wish we went to court when we first split so he would have to help and set dates when he gets her.
Its temporary, Best to get courts involved!..Makes each parent be accountable…
I still would simply for protection
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Go to court. It protects your child, you, and believe it or not,him too. Do not discuss it with him, just do it.
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Always get the custody through the courts or he can leave the state with them.
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ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS go through the court. Otherwise, there is nothing saying he can’t keep your kids. 100% go to court.
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Use the courts 100 percent
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When my husband and I divorced we did not bring up our child in the decree. I didn’t ask for child support cause I knew he wouldn’t be able to be a regular payer anyway and that would just give me one more thing to be mad about. We switched back and forth over the years.
A written agreement doesn’t hold up if he has possession of child during your written agreement time because its not legally binding you might not see the child. Just goto court.
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Go through the court. Get a support and custody agreement. Take it from someone who was married for 24 years. Grown children. The youngest was 16. We eventually got to a point where we could have birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, weddings together. It is not about you. What is happening in your life. It is about the kids. The kids laugh now, they say that we’re better friends now than we ever were when we were married. And that’s true. Your life goes on as it is, but your main objective should be about the kids.
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I co-parent with both my older kids Dads and have done so for many years. I know not everyone is able to though and I would suggest to go through the court
I’ve been separated for 6 years we have a great co parenting relationship. Never had to get the courts involved because we both value our relationship with our kids. I would say it’s worth a try courts are a mess. But you know him better than us
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You can make your agreement together but get the courts to sign it that way it is legally binding. We have a clause in ours that says what ever we agree to outside of the order is also binding so we email everything. We swap weekends or weeks for vacations ect. If you dont have a court order he could just not let you see the kids if things went bad and you would have no legal recourse until you got a custody agreement
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Our clerk of court in NJ post “shared custody” standard schedule online. Y’all can use that for holidays to stay on a schedule.
Almost 2 years without courts, he pays his weekly child support & if he sees them he sees them not begging him to visit or be a father. He calls some days my kids are 3 & 2
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I co parent with my oldest sons dad without courts. He pays the minimum amount of child support. Only bc medicaid here makes him. He can get our son whenever. Co parenting becomes easy when you realized it’s not about your feelings but the feelings of the child.
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Get it in writing. If there’s no legal plan and designated custodial parent he could keep your child from you and there’s nothing you could do.
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Maybe try mediation? From what I’ve been told, you can get an agreement written up, a judge still has to sign off on it, but no lawyers involved
Keep track of everything!!! Write everything down!!
Go to court to protect yourself from having him try to keep the baby. Before theres a legal custody agreement whoever has the child can at any time keep the other parent away
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We went online and filled out a parenting plan together and each kept a copy but never filed in court. We tested for 6 months to see if problems arise. Now weve been doing it 3 years and it works perfectly. We are really good about communicating and being flexible when it comes to the others time (if work or something causes issues)
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You at least need a parenting plan drawn up and looked over by a judge. Protect yourself.
If either one of you are not civil (in other terms petty) then go to court. If you can’t get along now for the sake of your child then it won’t happen after separation. Everything will be out of spite. Let the courts decide.
You can write up a letter and each of you sign it and have someone witness it. Doesn’t have to go to court. But I would get something in writing. Co parenting doesn’t have to be bad and can work successfully and without any pain or drama.
You need it in writing! You don’t need to involve the courts but always get it in writing incase you do have to get them involved at some point
If you come to any agreement get it notarized. And document everything. Sadly verbal means nothing and people change their word all the time
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I have been divorced for 7 years. my daughters father and I get along great. He pays his child support and helps me with anything she needs. He even takes my stepdaughter with him sometimes when he takes our daughter. I couldn’t ask for a better co parenting experience. We have never went to court . had a paralegal draw up our divorce papers and we were civil through everything
Yep, it’s possible without going to court my kids father and I have been divorced 2 years and we don’t have any issues- we stay in constant communication and are both level headed and understanding such as if I want them for a certain event or holiday and major holidays we switch every year.
Save your kids, yourself and him the energy amd pain later on, and file with the courts. Anything you can do mutually is great but having something concrete to fall back on if things go awry is just better. I have never filed and if my daughter’s donor decided to not let her come home, well there is nothing I can do.
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My ex said the same. We can co-parent without the courts.
He took her “on vacation” and I got served. I didn’t see her for 3 months.
Don’t. Do. It.
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I have, my daughter will be 16 next month. We split when she was 1. We have never been to court. You must always put the child 1st no matter how u feel. It can be done
His saying you can see the kids everyday so that means his being primary carer? Is that what you want? If use both can come to a agreement and stay civil I would do that because him signing means nothing unless a judge passes it off anyway in the eyes of law.
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Yes I have! We do week on and off. And we haven’t signed anything. It works out for us
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I went through the court for child support, but we’re civil about time shared. They primarily live with me & see him on school breaks & holidays (400 miles apart)
My ex and I are co-parenting our daughter together. I was upset about the breakup and honestly would try to find reasons not to trust him with her and everything but I never acted on it & never would allow our daughter to suffer because i was upset. We’ve been doing it for almost a year and a half and we’ve had zero issues. He doesn’t even pay child support because we manage our own households. Occasionally we help each other out with things she needs still. Our relationship wasn’t the best & he was contemplating leaving for a long time before he finally told me… but us separating alleviated the tension between us & we are better parents for it. If either of you would ever use your child as a pawn to hurt the other, or hold the child in custody due to the faults of the other parent outside of reasons of suspected abuse (i hope is not the case, but a fitting example), then please get an agreement written up and at least notarized. It doesn’t necessarily need to be filed because legal documents can be verbal contracts and you can take people to court over texts and email contracts being broken too. But you should be in agreement on whose jurisdiction the schooling will be & medical & all the major life events…how will yall agree to registration of sports or recreational activities, etc. My daughter is only 3.5 and we’ve decided when we split up that she will attend school based on her father’s school district, regardless of where i live. I hope for the sake of your child that yall can come to some amicable agreement on how to handle the relationship and how to foster the relationship with your child as to not infringe on each others rights and bond.
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Excuse me he will let you see the child lol please go to court if you dont have one he could take said child and not have to give back because there is no custody agreement
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Sorry to ask… But why are you seeing child everyday?? You said “he”. Usually children go with mother,. No matter what just stay strong and don’t let child be used as a pawn.
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i do we get along great
My ex and I co parent just fine. He pays child support that we agreed to and it works for us however, if you’re newly divorcing I would suggest having it be through courts and official. You can always change those agreements.
Yes my sons father and I have been co parenting for the past 8 years. We live in the same town so that had helped for sure. We share 50/50 everything. We both buy him whatever he needs. When he was younger and his dad worked away weeks at a time he paid child support. He is now engaged to a wonderful woman who loves our son like her own. So when his dad is in camp he still spends his week with them. He now has 3 siblings with his dad’s family. It took awhile to get to a good place that we both are happy with. We communicate about everything about our son. Make sure there’s no surprises. Never hide anything that could be an issue. Especially with the pandemic we have had to plan things out even more.
My daughter is a Junior in college now and when she was 2 years old, her dad and I split. We were 21 and never married. We raised her all these years with no legal agreement.
It can work.
My fiancé & his ex wife did week on week off the entire time. Still do. Although they filed a parenting plan & stuff with the court when the divorce papers went through, but that’s a necessary part of the divorce paperwork process with minor children in our state.
My ex husband & I went 50/50 on an attorney & had them file our divorce. We agreed on a parenting plan/schedule (would be week on week off but he lives out of state) & had the attorney file that agreement too.
I’m all for co-parenting with minimal court involvement, but always protect yourself & your rights to your children.
Just better to go to court
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Why would u leave the child with him??? That will establish him as the primary parent. He can say you abandon her and then make u pay child support. DO NOT TRUST HIM.
File. Or Go through child support office for free. They also combine custody in most states
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I wouldn’t go to court unless you have to. You don’t want a judge determining what days you get to see your child. Make a schedule that fits both of your needs. I’ve been co parenting for 9+ yrs without a court order
He will let you see the child and doesn’t want to involve court due to child support, I never wanted to go to court then learned the law and with no order he didn’t have to give me my son if he didn’t want to the would escort me off the property and going to civil court with no papers led months away from my child, when the state took us to court and ordered him child support it was rocky the first year he didn’t see his son once that first year , now a few years later me and his wife are close as can be and co parent on our schedule and ignore the court order we call daily and do what’s best for our son but it was a rocky year and half getting there
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My two sons father and I were never married and have two kids together. We have nothing done through the courts and everything is verbal agreement between us. I left when our youngest was 9 months old, he is now 9 years old. We split everything for school, sports and health 50/50 and his weekend with work is Monday, Tuesday so he picks up late sundays and drops them off wednesdays… I have them the rest of the week. We have set holidays and if one of us needs them or wants them from something we talk and usually just say okay.
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My concern with keeping it out of courts is without a parenting plan in place there is not legal protection for you if he decides to not give you your child. There would be nothing to enforce.
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Protect yourself and get a court order. New people come into the picture and influence others.
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When my husband and i split for a while we did i had our kids on the days he worked he had them when he was off it was difficult but we did it