I would recommend going through the courts to protect yourself otherwise if your ex wanted to keep your kids there is nothing legally you can do if you don’t have a court order
Always get something in writing and try to have it notarized. My ex husband and I did. He filed for custody and the handwritten agreement we made prior worked on my behalf.
4 Likes
I believe my mother in law and her ex husband coparent without any court orders. They get along fine, as soon as their son turned 16 and could drive they let him decide when he goes to see his dad. My mother in law is his “primary” parent.
I would type up an agreement and have the both of you sign it with a witness being present and have them sign it as well. I’d do that as a precaution in case anything did come up and court got involved.
1 Like
You can keep things out of court and still have a parenting plan in place. You can fill out a basic parenting plan from the internet based on what the two of you agree on and go to the bank and have it signed and notarized. If you choose you can file it at the court house as an agreed order. It does not have to be anything crazy.
1 Like
I know a couple people.
-
Monday after school until Monday morning when they sent the kids off to school. Each parent got a full week with the kids.
-
during summer the mom had the child during the day (stay at home mom) while the dad was at work. Then every other weekend. During school, the child got off the bus at the mom’s house and the dad picked up at like 6-6:30. Some times the kid would stay at the mom’s all night as well. It just depended on what the CHILD wanted to do!!
In both situations, there was no child support since they were BOTH responsible for the child equal amounts of time. You really just need to sit down together and talk it all out as well as the financial responsibilities.
Yes but Goodluck with the dude keeping his word. Like financial aspect part of it he won’t be obligated to help you with anything since it won’t be on paper and he will be able to dip and come and go without being held accountable since that won’t be on papers either. It honestly benefits the guy more to not go through court the only way you suffer is having these people set times of when you can have your kids/holidays ect.
I mean is it worth trusting his word or is it worth more stability knowing if he doesn’t come through he gets held accountable. Everyone situation is diff. You can also get the standard order but still do your own thing but at least you know he’s putting in child support $ regardless. Eventually he’ll bring someone new into the pic and who is to say that’s not where all his $ will go vs his obligations to you and the kids. Idk girl. Play it safe. These guys just wanna have kids and live their life however tf they want come and go while women bust their ass working taking care of the kids and home. Times have changed. Don’t trust no one
If you were taking the child I’d say no need for courts let him see them when he wants but if your leaving the child I’d personally rather have something in writing so he couldn’t stop you seeing them…
My ex can see outmr 2 girls when he wants he did have them every Saturday for the day not over night (his choice) but now not even every Saturday, takes them camping once a year for 2 or 3 night I just let him crack on its his loss at the end of the day
1 Like
If you don’t go through the courts now you will end up fighting for even visitation with your child. Never leave your child behind in a bad relationship.
1 Like
Unless you have a really stable relationship and end on extremely good terms, I think it’s absolutely necessary to involve the court. My husband tried to do things the simple way and not get the courts involved with his ex and thier 3 kids. He was sending her money every single week for whatever she needed to provide for the kids. No hassle, easy and worry free right? You would think she’d be glad getting money every week like that but she didn’t think it was enough and went ahead and filed for custody of the kids and demanded he pay child support. Well unfortunately for her, she is now getting much less than what he was giving her in the beginning because that’s what the court decided. She didn’t think about every factor they use in making the final
Decision. Him and I have 2 kids of our own and because of that, the court told her that he also has two other children he’s providing for and there for she needs to take that into account. So in my opinion it’s just best to get everything written down for legal purposes
My old neighbors did. It was an amazing thing to see. Dad picked them up after school and fed them dinner. Mom picked them up after dinner about 8 each night. They both went to games and activities.
Garth Brooks does too.
I filed to have child support paid to me legally but yet no custody papers. Never married, 2 kids ages 8 & 6. At first there was a little toughness but nothing major that we still got along. Kept it out the courts & did 7 & 7. Children all grown now & in college. It was a good situation for all of us. But as someone said either parent can take off with child & nothing other can do about it, this came from a lawyer. So you would both need to definitely trust the other.
Possession is 9/10th of the law.
Unless your child is with you! Get it in writing! And there is no harm getting your choices finalized. It’s not a hard thing if you guys make a good and calm agreement.
Do not walk away without your child if you want said child!
1 Like
We’re going on 2.5 years without involving the courts.
1 Like
I have 4 kids we 3 dads, we all get along great!
1 Like
Sorry are you leaving without your child? Hell no sis take your kid with you if you want said child do not leave without them x
2 Likes
We went to court to finalize documents and we had to show them our co parenting plan but that’s it. We came up with our own guidelines to fit ours and our kids best needs so yes it is possible but the courts will want to see your plan laid out.
Do it legally, you would be foolish not to. Years pass and additional relationships evolve with marriages,deaths etc.
1 Like
No, no, no. Get it figured out in court. If you dont, he can keep the child at ANY point and there’s not a damn thing you can do. You need to protect yourself from that even being an option, because you don’t KNOW what the future holds. People change. Standards change. Relationships change. Court orders don’t change unless they are signed by the judge.
First of all, theres absolutely NOTHING wrong with a child living with their dad.
Second, I would for sure get it through the courts because so much could happen otherwise and you don’t want to be put in a shitty situation
Get a written document! Go on to a lawyer. Things change and that way you have documentation. Seen it too many times
Babe you take your kid with you, then let him see how easy it is to see children everyday👌
If he won’t put it in writing find a way to record your conversation
Not a good ideal …he can keep child untill u go to court!
In my state if parents aren’t married the mother technically has full sole custody even if dad is on the birth certificate. I’d check into the custody laws of the state you live in before you guys make any decisions.
Plus if you guys write up your own co parenting agreement anything court related should go very smooth.
We co parent with no court or legal agreements. Both of us have found new relationships and it does not change our co parenting. Not everyone needs court involvement! It’s all about understanding and communication.
1 Like
The paperwork is worth the peace of mind!
All I can say is good luck
My friend is right now. She drew up a plan with her soon to be exhusband in front of a notary and had it signed. They are making it work.
For court you go back & fourth until you agree on something. Then it’s ordered by a judge. You both have recourse if the other doesn’t abide by the agreement. If you go out of court, even if it’s in writing you can’t take him to court if he doesn’t return your kid. A written agreement is just a piece of paper if you don’t get it signed by a judge.
Take your kid & move. Don’t let him see him until he files in court. Don’t give him control.
1 Like
I’d go to court just to have something in writing. Once you have that you can follow whatever you want until there’s a problem then there’s the court order to be put in place. It’s doesn’t matter how amicable people claim they will be it never happens that way and it better to be safe than sorry!
Take it to court. The men always say they want to keep it out of court so they won’t get charged child support. You’ll be much happier if you take it to court
Me and my sons dad co parent wonderfully I have our son the majority of the time he lives in another state we have never involved the courts and still celebrate every Holiday together we are friends staying friends really does help a lot he comes and sees his son or we go to his house for a week
Been co parenting 10 years. With No courts.
I would say if you have a good relationship, I would just see how the coparenting works without the courts. Just say okay these are your days these are mine and if you’re not wanting to split custody than either of you will have to figure out a child support amount.
However if he is not fulfilling his end of the “deal” than I would go to court and get something legally binding.
The fact that he doesn’t want to put it in writing tells me his intentions are not good and he does have an agenda. Just basing that off of common sense and natural instinct. Take it to court!
If you leave without your child, he could say you left the child and that is called abandonment. So be careful.
Why does son have to live with dad instead of mom?
Do you not want yo live with your son??
You really need this court paper.You dont think it will happen one day you are fooling yourself. Do it before it’s too late!
I wish … yes ex 1 and I did until he met his wife. His attitude about me changed instantly.
Im co parenting right now. We didn’t get courts involved. We split the time with her evenly and as long as we continue to communicate, split the time, and he has all the things he needs for her at his house, we both don’t feel we need to get the courts involved. So far it has been working out very well, and if something comes up we support each other and help out.
My ex and I didn’t do the court route, and he also wont commit to a specific schedule, however I have him the majority of the time, unless im working basically. And he if wants him any extra time, im obviously fine with that. We been doing that for just over a year now.
You can do a seperation agreement, which doesn’t involve the court, it is signed by both of you and 2 solicitors, if it is broken in anyway this stands as a legal document in court, I have one with my ex hisbamd for the last 10 years and we’ve never had to enforce it in anyway,
Go to family court, get a lawyer. Protect your child.