Has anyone had an absent parent show up after 5 years wanting visitation?

Has anyone had an absent parent show up after five years wanting visitation? My son is six years old and has not seen his father in 5 years. His father has had no contact whatsoever. Out of the blue, he messaged me and asked for visitation. If I don’t agree, he is taking me to court. What will the courts do in regards to him seeing him? My son has no clue who he is.


I would contact a lawyer…if he hasn’t seen his son in 5yrs there’s a strong chance he wont even know who he is

The courts will have him prove paternity and could very well initiate visitation. I would contact a lawyer


Depending on your state, they will probably require visitation. I would tell him that he needs to come meet your child and start off slowly so the child can get to know him. But in the mean time I would talk to a lawyer in your area that knows the laws and rules. I wouldn’t out right say no, that could bite you in the butt if you end up in court.

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Have him do supervised visitation tell him y’all can meet somewhere and he can see his kid there obviously u can’t leave kid alone w him cause he doesn’t know him and will feel uncomfortable and see maybe where and how that goes

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Hes a stranger at that point fuck him. Make him jump threw the loops

Do supervised visits through the courts the dad might not even show up

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Pending on your state he can be charged with child abandonment in Tennessee you can be charged after 4 months of no contact. Call a lawyer


Let him take you to court. He isnt going to look good to anyone since he wasnt around at all.


Yes and it’s terrible now because he will get it through court but be careful he doesn’t back stab you pm me for more I just went through this

If he hasn’t seen his kid or paid for him in five years you can file for abandonment. If your against him seeing your son. Get a lawyer. However if he was previously an addict and has been clean for a time that reason alone will give him the right to see him. File for child support. Serve him. :woman_shrugging:. Who knows maybe he’s serious


Depending on the state if you dont want him around your son, he’s been absent this whole time and obviously cares nothing for him. So terminate his rights. He’s been gone long enough that your son really has no idea who that man is so 🤷


Let him take you to court.
If his own son doesn’t recognize him than that will be a good start

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Long drawn out process where dad will get supervised visits then slowly to overnights. Get a lawyer if you can.


Tell him go ahead, thats probably a scare tactic, tell him you’ll see him in court, and be prepared to pay 5 years of back child support. Bet you’ll never hear from him again, unless he wins the lottery.:rofl:


Having a father is essential in every child’s life. My grandson is always asking if he could adopt a dad. He dad violently beat him at 15 months and has no contact with him even me asking can you just message him good morning or good night. I dont want him to have contact but my grandson does. I feel its ok cause I live in CA. And he lives in Michigan


In Texas it’s called reckless abandonment after a year & a half. If you live here, no worries. He gave up his rights

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He can be n certain cases be charged with abandonment

Contact a lawyer for YOUR state. You will not get a legal answer on facebook. Laws very as well as situations.


Maybe start out with supervised visits or facetiming. If he is serious about wanting to be in the child’s life, let it happen. Ik its not ideal, but it could be good for everyone. People and circumstances change. This situation doesn’t have to turn into anything hateful or unproductive for anyone involved.

Even though there are abandonment clauses when a parent has no contact with a child for extended periods of time, a judge will most likely allow visitation. The only way to keep that from happening is if it is unsafe for your ex to be around your child.

Yeah but only because I filled to leave the state. My advise to you is not to talk to him. Block him on everything! Most like court is just a threat. He’d have to pay to file & a lawyer. He’ll be on the hook for child support. Possibly past medical expenses & anything else you & your lawyer can come up with including your lawyer fees. Don’t let him see your son unless you’re ordered to. You are not obligated to obtain or maintain a relationship between them. IF he takes you to court get a lawyer. Discuss your lawyer asking the judge to make him responsible for their fees, your son’s medical bills (make sure you get copies of everything) including his birth & of course child support. He will get some form of visitation. That’s just how it is. Talk to your lawyer about phone, video, supervised visitation. Keep records of every visit. If he’s not consistent, is under the influence, abusive take him back to court.


Go to court. He looks like a jerk for not being around all those years.

The courts will order child support and visitation

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Don’t let him bully you. Call his bluff. Back child support if he gets in front of a judge for sure.


Even if you let him see your child, go to the courts or get a mediator to get it written down and legalized. Without something legally set in place, he can take your son and it could be hard for you to get custody back.

Do mediation don’t let him start the court process

I was in the same situation with my son. The judge ordered us to meet in a public place every other weekend for supervised visits for 2 hours for about 3 months then he increased the time to 4 hours for 3 more months as an introduction phase for them to get to know each other. Then he let him have visits unsupervised every other weekend for about 6 months then allowed overnight visits on weekends every other weekend


Has your son been asking about his Dad? Is there another adult male in his life? Don’t let your anger prevent him from knowing his Dad or he might regret you when he gets older.

Honestly hey full custody and do everything Tina-Marie ogg said

What if the tables were turned?? How much support and love will a woman get if she left for 5 years and returned? When it’s all said and done that child has ONE mother and ONE father. That will never change. Best option is to speak to a lawyer since he initiated this and he is wanting to see his child. Why be angry about it and why be against it?? He does NOT owe mom an explanation. He owes that child one. In due time it will all come together. I strongly believe he needs to be there. We do NOT know if he is safe or not but we can not just jump on that bandwagon and use it as a crutch to push for no visitation. That child has the right to both parents but we focus too much on the parents and what they “get”. It’s a process and I wish this child the best.


My daughter’s pediatrician told her “the Dad is either always in your son’s life or always out!” Think it’s a little late to hop back in for your son. Luckily the Dad has always been in! My grandson is 22 and has a good relationship with Dad even though he is not with my daughter.


He can try to take you to court but given there’s been zero contact or assistance from him in anyway, that’s considered abandonment. He won’t get anything out of it.

Not enough information here. Why was he gone for 5 years? Do you collect child support from him?

I see a lot of “file for abandonment” comments, some implying his rights can be terminated. Idk what states y’all live in but it ain’t like that in Michigan. A parent CANNOT have their rights terminated unless there is proven (by the court system) abuse or if the custodial parent has a husband/wife of at least a year that is lined up to adopt the child. They also cannot voluntarily sign off their rights unless the mentioned stipulations are met.

Let your child know his father. File for custody and if a judge says he gets visitation then ask for supervised visits first then go from there. But pls do not deny a boy his father


Go for full custody go to court get a lawyer

Hire an attorney. He has every right to take you to court, as much as it sucks. But you also have every right to argue that he’s been completely absent for 5 years and your son doesn’t know him. Depending on the state, you may be able to have his rights terminated for abandonment after 12 months which has well passed. Either way, it’s very unlikely that a judge would award unsupervised or over night visits right away due to the circumstances.

My son was 4 when his father wanted to excercise his visitation rights. Let him take you to court. No judge will pull the child out if your home. It’s best to get a judgment order for visitation.

I think you can terminate after 2 years, but I know every state is different. Not sure if you wouldve had to do this before he made contact.

They will allow supervised visits for awhile then normal access after that

My ex tried it. He was absent for my daughters first 3 years…then came and went…and then wanted to have his visitation every other weekend, holidays, etc… it lasted about a year, and as of today, he hasn’t seen her, or spoke to her, in 5 years.

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Don’t do ANYTHING without an attorney. Many offer free consultations, go and see what your options are. Don’t agree to let him visit, but don’t outright say no as that could bite you in the butt in court. Drag it out long enough to see an attorney. You could very well file for abandonment and get his rights terminated should you wish to go that route. If not, I would go for supervised visits at the visitation center. If not that, start out small with visitation and work your way up to eventual overnights.

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I would save yourself the trouble and just go to court so you have laid out rules for both parties


He will get visitation courts will order it if you fight it will only make you look bad and he will get more rights

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Yes ! Me ! My father did this and I for gave him. We stayed close till he died . He left my family when I was in third grade came back when I was in eighth.

Don’t respond if you don’t won’t to. You don’t have to do anything if there’s no court order, you don’t even have to talk to him… let him take you to court. He probably won’t if he’s been absent for this long… the court will rule in your favor if you do go. No worries

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Prob gonna order. Visitation and set up a support order

Let him take you to court. My daughter had absolutely no clue who her bio dad is and I decided to keep it that way because he wants nothing to do with her. His choice, not mine. He one time threatened me with the whole “you can’t keep her from me now that I have to pay child support” and my response was “I never kept her from you, you decided you wanted to pretend like she doesn’t exist. I dare you to take me to court for custody. It’ll get ugly, especially when I have black and white proof I begged you at one point to love her and you refused. Go ahead and waste your money on a lawyer and court fees if you want but don’t be pissed when the judge takes my side after seeing what a piece of shit you act like”…guess what. His ass still won’t speak to me or her and that was three years ago. I still haven’t been taken to court.

My dad was not in our lives for over 3 years . My mom was a month pregnant at the time. So you can imagine the pain and hurt but even though My mom gave us the opportunity to spend time with him. And it gave my dad a chance to repair the relationships with his kids, He had some hard work to accomplish this but he did. And I am so grateful that we had that time. And that my mom made it possible.

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You can maintain sole legal custody and still share parenting time. The dad isn’t likely at all to get any custodial rights unless you agree to it. He does deserve parenting time though, that shouldn’t be fought in my opinion.

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4 years in the state of ks is parental abandonment

Do not do anything outside of court.
5 years is a long, long time.
That child has no idea who this person is! Make sure the father is clean, sober and can provide a loving, safe and thriving environment for your child. At this point the man is a complete stranger

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Well I’m in New Zealand my 6 year old does not know who his dad is. When I found out I was pregnant with him I was a cheater and all that junk apparently… During our court process the dad aka donor really he had written a letter to the kids lawyer disowning him and the rest of our kids. The judge cried reading this letter out in our hearing. Also he did not show up for this matter either… Good luck…

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My grandsons donor didn’t lay eyes on him until 1mnth from his 11th birthday, how’s that for a loser

Depending on the state abandonment charges are useless at this point still he’s reached out. If you already have a parenting plan in place you can refer to that. Start small like video chats once or twice a week for a couple weeks and then supervised visitation for 3 months. Then unsupervised. No overnights until the child is ready. I would advise getting a lawyerand getting that parenting plan in gear asap though if you don’t have one already.


Is he on the birth certificate? That’s a game changer where Iam. If he’s not in the BC, he has no rights. My oldest sons father abandoned him when he was 2 weeks old. My son is 7 now and still nothing thank god.

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If he takes him he has the right to not bring him back until you go to court since there no custody agreement. I would only agree to a supervised visit!

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This happened to me after 4 years and they gave him every other weekend… it lasted 6 months and my kids are teenagers now and barely have contact with him… once a year maybe… I don’t restrict contact because I don’t want any resentment but they have figured things out on their own… they call him by his name, not dad

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If your son wants to see his father I would let him. But I agree you should.go to court to.get rules set just so nothing happens


Make him visit with you near til he earn u and chikds trust. Observe alot. Allow insupervised if you trust him to not run off and make them short visits

Seek supervised visitations, which have to be paid by the father due to your son not knowing him.

Most likely they will order him visitation supervised for the first few visits and then unsupervised and maybe make him pay child support and back pay.

Say ok take me to court, you haven’t seen him in 5yrs. no court is just going to hand a child over to a stranger.
However if he does take you to court it will show that he’s serious about being in his child’s life he will have to end up paying child support and they will start off by seeking supervised visitation.
Him taking you to court is going to be in your best benefit in the long run, not his.


What the father did is called “Child abandonment”

Where I am from after 5 years of not seeing the child I can approach the court for full custody and file a case against him for child abandonment and I can basically get him removed permanently from our lives.

My advise is you should approach the court / lawyer and ask them for advise on what to do as him seeing your child will throw him off his routine/ make him act out etc which is not healthy for a child at all.

In Colorado after 6 months its determined as Child abandonment by the courts and hed have to fight really fucking hard to get his rights back.

Does he pay child support?

Start slowly, YOU get to know other parent again also. Meet in public, first few times. . Maybe don’t even tell kid who he is . Just meet at park or inside play area . So he can see child . If he sticks around then tell child.

Probably a narc. They love to do that. Make him go through the court. They will start him out slow, reunification. Make him jump through any hoops you can to make sure he is serious. Chances are he will probably give up if he has to put in effort or pay child support

Awh I empathize with you so much. This is my worst fear. I also have a 6 year old son and his “father” left 4 1/2 years ago.

While it is technically abandonment in most states if he wasn’t paying support either, that does not mean a judge will automatically deny him any and all rights. Don’t go in assuming that. If he’s showing an interest, even after all this time a judge may decide he deserves a chance at a relationship with his son. But considering he is a stranger they would probably make him do supervised visits of some sort for a certain amount of time. I would make him take you to court though, keep everything documented through the courts and have a legal standing court order.


Document EVERYTHING. Basically proving that before now he didnt want anything to do with your son, now I’m not saying that this will guarantee you full custody. But it’s your best bet! Good luck to you and your boy. Hopefully it works out.

Has he been paying any child support? Where has he been for the 5 years? In jail or other? Was he in the military? I know the last thing you are interested in is another bill, but I would contact a lawyer.

All of these are good true and correct statements I work for an attorney I can’t stress enough about documentation. Texts, letters, even voice messages. Anything he request have him put it in writing plus if he has raised his head for visitation hit him with child support. An attorney is expensive however your going to need one. He has been out of the picture that supervised visits is not an unrealistic request. They can be with you and a court appointed representative. Starting court proceedings and child support is costly for absent parents and there is a chance he will drop the visitation pursuit, if he does drop it you should pursue full LEGAL custody a waiver of all his parental rights in exchange for not paying child support. Have all child support payments go thru the court and or your attorney. Every six months of child support payment take him back to court for an increase. You have more aces up your sleeve than you realize.

First, the courts will want back child support.

been paying child support all these years? If so allowing under supervision only at your house for first. If not pay back child support due before any negotiations

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I doubt a judge would let a stranger dad or no dad have any unsupervised visits
And I would think they would take in consideration that he hasn’t been around in 5 yrs
Get some legal advice before letting him in your child’s life


I think after that many years it would be considered abandonment. I honestly don’t know the logistics for the court process but I highly doubt they can make you do visitation after that many years of no contact. If they do I would assume they would have to be supervised visits to start.

U should find out where this man is in his life maybe he is ready to step up. Children always think that there is something wrong with them when they feel a parent doesnt care. If there is a chance you should consider and if u manage fairly u could keep courts out, they don’t always go in your favor

It is your son father. If there was no abuse and no reason that you think the father should not have a relationship with his son be the better person, think of it as letting “your son” see his father. Do it on “your” terms obviously making him pay his share of support plus back support if owed. If he cannot meet your terms let him take you to court. GOoDLuck! :two_hearts:

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In my situation. The judge threw out the case. My daughters bio dad has seen her a hand full of times in 4 years. He last saw her in the summer of 2016. Been in and out of jail. He had supervised visits that he couldnt even show up to. So when he tried to get visitations and custody (when i left state unknowing i couldnt leave state) it got thrown out of court 1 because i showed up to my court date in person. And he didnt even show. He has no visitations what so ever and eventually i have to go back to just get him off of all rights to her as he is in and out of jail constantly not able to pay child support let alone see her.

In Alabama, that wpuld be considered abandonment.

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One thing I question is, did he know about the child? If you hid the child from him, your going to have a problem. But if he’s just been a unwilling father, thats his demon to deal with.

5 years with no contact is abandonment. Tell him to get a lawyer if you don’t want him to have visitation. He’s a stranger!

I would say no and go the legal route. You want everything in writing.

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Say no. He may or may not but it’s in your favor. Has he paid support?

He will be allowed visitation, of course. But make sure it’s court ordered, So there will be times and dates for you to plan by.

Has he been paying child support?

Get an attorney and let him take you to court and explain to the judge where he’s been the last 5 years and why he should be trusted to not just disappear again

Check your state abandonment policy. TN was 6 months with no contact…

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Sorry but f him. YOU take HIM to court!

Is he on the birth certificate and what country are you from?

I agree , most states is 6 months no contact. Screw him!! Let him take you to court!! Good luck ass!

If he takes you to court they’ll usually grant him supervised visitation to start with and work up to every other weekend or some other parenting plan. As long as he doesn’t have a drug habit, history of abuse etc. they usually won’t keep him away from his kid.


Sounds to me like he’s grown up in the past 5 years and realized he wants to be a part of his sons life. Courts not going to just let him take him overnight right off the bat. There will likely be supervised visitation first then move on from there.


My daughter’s father disappeared for 6 years and then popped back up. We saw him 2x and he was gone again. 6 years later he responded to the state’s request for child support (required bc she was on Medicaid) and began paying child support, she was almost 15. He lost all rights, was required to pay almost $20k in back support, and the judge ensure my daughter had medical insurance through her 18th year. She is getting married on Monday and he has no clue bc he chose to not partake in her life even by phone (I gave him this option just she could have a dad). Sometimes the courts are on the side of the child. Good luck


Dont agree to anything until you go to court. Politely tell him it would be less messy to go through the courts.
First off if he hasn’t tried for so long I’d honestly wonder if hed actually go to the courts.
Also he needs to have someone official explain to him that it’s different to leave when a child is 1 vs 6. If he leaves again- the child will remember and can negatively impact the childs life.
Blood does NOT make a parent- if hes not gonna be there permanently tell him to just take a roll as a family “friend”


My sons dad found me on fb after not seeing him for years, I spent time talking to him seeing if he changed in which he did. After awhile I let him meet at a park and meet and play they soon developed a great relationship and know 20 years later he still in his life. I think if he’s a good person you should let him try to be a dad. If your son finds out later in life he might be really upset with you for not giving him a chance…


It can be considered abandonment but if you wanna keep him out, you gotta lawyer up. Unfortunately judges won’t even listen to what you want without an advocate for your son.

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