No cheating has happened. But has anyone stayed in a marriage as like a business transaction. There is love, but there isn’t intimacy. We have accomplished a lot together and I think we can continue. But our relationship started as and open lifestyle relationship, I got pregnant and we took a break, and we haven’t been back, but my husband wants it in his life. It’s just not what I want. So I’m thinking of proposing a dry marriage and he has his time to do his thing and me too. We stay off of dating sites, we are respectful. We show up to family function as a family and our kids see us as one still. I’m not looking for any type of judgement. I’m just wondering has anyone had any success?
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The biggest question is why do you not want intimacy with your husband after pregnancy? Sometimes to get it back you have to just go for it. But with that I have seen couples fail with a dry open marriage and one usually gets hurt while the other is happier. If you don’t want to be with the man physically I would say to split and keep the friendship and co-parenting strong.
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A relationship like that won’t ever work! Just divorce and do you,
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Be fair and move on if there’s no love there.
Also if it’s worth a shot try counseling, the love dare, 5 love languages. If not move on peacefully. I highly recommend therapy regardless of whether you stay married or separate. Just so you are both emotionally healthy and on the same page.
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My parents did similar. They stayed together for the kids, shared finances and convenience but their marriage lacked any form of intimacy. The tension in the house was always thick and we children always knew something was up.
Watching my parents slowly turn into shells of human beings was no good for any of us in the house.
They finally separated when I was 30 and I have never seen either of them happier or glow brighter. We all wish they had have parted ways a lot sooner for the sake of themselves and us children, especially now seeing just how positive it has been for the both of them
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I can honestly say I have not seen or heard anything like that. If it works for all of you then I give you a lot of credit. Not sure how I feel about that though. I don’t think it would work. Someone in the end always gets hurt. Specially with kids in the mix. Why not co-parent and go separate ways? Good luck ma! I truly hope whatever you decide works for you all.
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Sounds like you guys are on mutual ground so i dont see why you wouldnt separate as it sounds like it would be very amicable. Especially for the kids. You would be able to co-parent well, i feel.
You both deserve to feel love and enjoy intimacy. So why waste that…and for what?
But each to their own by all means.
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No intamcey in most cases would be a deal breaker. Especially if one person in relationship wants to be intimate. You should probably just part ways and stay amicable for kids. Are you just non sexual? Had an ex that was drove me nuts 
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You can definitely try to fix your marriage. You can go to counseling and you can learn how to truly love one another. But if you aren’t going to try to have a happy marriage, you will be miserable. If there wasn’t a child involved it would be a lot different. Children feed off of your energy and emotions and if they grow up in a dry household, it can really affect them. Not judging just speaking from experience. If you truly love one another as friends then you both will want to see the other person happy. Also I do not believe in open marriage as it creates so much jealousy. I hope you both come to a conclusion as to if you want to do the work or move on. Just make sure you understand that a happy home is a healthy home whether your children have split parents or not
I guess the true question is would you want your kids to have this lifestyle? No judgement here at all but kids mimic what they see so if there’s no love being shared no happy memories together that’s what they will think is normal. Obviously they won’t know the difference if y’all are intimate or not but I think it truly does show in everyday things as well when there isn’t intimacy. I’m sorry if I’m reading wrong or something I’m so tired but I’ve never seen it work honestly to actually answer the questions asked.
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This is messy. Please untangle yourself.
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Never heard anything like this
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Why not just work on your intimacy issues?
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I guess if thats what you both want, then sure it could work.
But, I’m not sure who in life just wants to “settle”. Staying together for just the child- seems almost idiotic. Why waste your life or your partners life? I couldn’t imagine being with someone without intimacy- not that thats all that matters in relationship but it plays a major role and a major role in healthy/successful relationships.
I think you and your partner need some serious counseling. Couples and probably single counseling.
To me this does not seem like a good idea. It feels like someone is bound to get really hurt. Plus it seems like your kind of wanting to maintain a fake image, which will be so exhausting after a while. Not to mention one of you is bound to meet someone you actually want to be with, I can promise that person won’t be okay with just hanging out while you play house for long.
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it’s really not that complicated.
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You’re a 
and your kid deserves better.
Do what works for you 
if this works and its a healthy situation for the kids
Honestly your kids need to see you happy, don’t you want to show them what it’s like to be loved right by someone and not settle for less??
Your children deserve to see a healthy relationship being modeled for them. So many people grow up struggling with showing affection & being in a healthy relationship that comes from homes like this. It is so important for kids to have a good model of love so they know what a healthy relationship looks like. Think of it this way… would you want your kids to repeat this cycle?
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I couldnt see this being successful in the long run. I think there would be an atmosphere at somepoint that would not be great for the kids. Intamacy (not just sex but cuddles, holding hands etc) is needed in relationships in my opinion otherwise you’re just roomates. If you’re both mutual on no intamacy and just treating your love life as a 'business transaction ’ then i think you should both move on for the kids sake.
Kids always know something up. The tension will be there and there is nothing enforce him to be respectful. I have seen women partake in these “relationships” only to destroy the family out of a desire to have the man all to herself thinking he will change. (You would be surprised by how often in the army this happens,) Personally I think you’re better off splitting up. Find someone to actually be happy with .
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I am curious though, if you’re willing to sacrifice like this for your husband, is there any chance of rebuilding intimacy?
But to speak to the actual question…I think if your husband still loves you and wants you in his life it’s a little cruel to offer to play pretend knowing one day it’s going to hurt him regardless. You don’t know if you’ll fall in love with someone else, or that if staying with you is preventing him from loving someone else. All you do know is that he wants this marriage and you’re willing to do the yards with him but without what matters most…closeness.
It won’t work. It rarely does, if ever.
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The 1950’s called and they want their behind the curtain reality of the great American marriage back
Is a marriage that lacks intimacy something you want for your child? Because if you stay together because you can be “successful” in all other areas but not within your marriage, that is the example you set for your child to follow. Your child will catch on the moment they are around any other couples who are happy with one another and show intimacy (intimacy isn’t just sex)… Besides, if your husband wants that, he should have that… so either go to therapy and figure out why you’re unable to give that to him and take steps towards redeeming that area of your life, or move on so that he doesn’t live an unfulfilled life with you. It’s completely unfair to him, and honestly to deprive that sort of love from your spouse is heartless. Bottom line, work on it together or let him go or everyone will suffer the consequences.
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I dint and it ain’t work because we had nothing dmfor us…living for the kids will not make a happy marriage. Maybe tou co parent and be happier
I knew a couple who divorced but didn’t tell their parents. They’d all go to events as a family, went on vacations together, conference called the grandparents. It was easier because their folks lived out of state and overseas. Thought it was weird though.
Have you tried couples counseling? Even if you split up you learn so much.
That’s not marriage… no judgement but it sounds more like co-parenting your kids and your finances.
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That’s not the greatest for the kids. Kids either need to see you in loving relationship or see them single/ with someone else.
2 parents together doesn’t always equal happy kids
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Why not just divorce? You think your teaching or showing your kids, what? How not to be loving to one another, how not to respect one another. You can stay together for the kids, i get that. But you can do that divorced. Why not show your kids, what it’s like to coparent. How you can be apart and still be respectful to one another. Children see everything. I did. Saw my parents try for us 5 kids. Nope. It was way worse. We all carried it into our marriage. I am lucky enough to be divorced now.
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He’s going to cheat good luck
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I’m an only child, I don’t share. I think some people do this well, I just know I’m not built for it.
, separate seems to see to be the answer
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I’ve never seen this to be successful. And the children tend to have other weird issues. 
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I think that’s great then kids don’t suffer or miss him and no outside people kids meet I have this just no kids
Couples therapy. Also, discuss this with your OB/gynecologist, as pregnancy messes with hormones and this could be a form of postpartum depression. Pregnancy changes body chemistry, sometimes for years.
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That’s messed up. You want to spend years and years in a clearly unhappy marriage and want to blame the kid as the reason why when you’re really just too afraid to move on with your life. Is that the life you want your children to grow up and have? They learn what’s right and ok by watching you guys. Not only are you wasting some of the best years of your life, but you’ll be messing with your children. You’ll grow to resent the husband you can’t get over and things will be pretty bad I’m sure. But hey, best of luck. No one can talk anyone out of a ridiculous decision they have already made. You aren’t here for validation. You have already made up your mind to do it. Which is sad. You deserve better. So does your child.
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My mom and stepdad are like this. They built a life together. But they are basically roommates. They sleep in separate rooms. They split finances. They go to family gatherings together. But there’s no happiness between them. It’s just familiar and convenient.
Growing up seeing that, I thought it was so strange. They fight a lot too. They’re not an open marriage or anything but I think the lack of intimacy turns into a black hole. And I never wanted to end up like them. I wanted everything they didn’t have. Smiles. Laughs. Hand holding. Happiness. I didn’t want to “settle” because it was “easier.” I honestly feel bad for both of them because they could be so much happier without each other.
So ask yourself, as a child, if you heard this about your parents, what would you think? Now, go and do you but keep who matters more first in those thoughts.
Get it in a contract. If that’s something you’re ok with, do you. But 100%, make a contract.
It won’t work. Why are you with someone you don’t want is the question? How miserable for him.
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This whole thing is just a special kind of stupid. You’re going to create confused adults who won’t know what a healthy and stable relationship is. Good job on you both. This fucking generation is pathetic
First I would say is really look at what you want and make sure that you are not just settling for the sake of your kids. If the two of you get along, enjoy each others company and respect each other then you are still modeling a healthy relationship. Your kids don’t need to know about your sex life.
This is why kids who turn into adults be so phucked up bc they have parents who live a lie.
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