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QUESTION:
"I have two boys one 15 and the other 11. My 15-year-old is the one I’m struggling with, their father and I are separated and have been for 9 years. I purchased my son a cell phone last year, as he’s been begging for one and I felt it was time. Months later when he goes to his dad's he lets it go dead for days, doesn’t touch it for days even… I asked what the issue is he shrugs his shoulders and tried to tell me when he’s over there he wants to spend time with dad. I honestly feel like this is an excuse. Their father is not someone you can talk to, so I can't ask him. He’s never on the same page as I am with the kids regardless of the situation. My son has said the cell phone is not an issue with his dad. I’ve explained that a cell phone is a privilege and it’s also for safety (school shootings, in case someone is late picking him up, feeling sick, forgetting homework… etc.) I’ve taken the cell phone away before and he didn’t seem to really care, then he wanted it back cause he said he needed it to contact his friends and in case of an emergency. I have my son signed up for drivers training next month, I’m honestly contemplating canceling it… if he can’t keep a cell phone charged like he’s asked then how am I going to allow him to drive?? Please help… I’m at a loss and really struggling."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I don’t really see an issue here. I mean yeh he needs to keep it charged incase of emergencies etc, just explain that to him, I don’t think he’s done anything punishable tho"
"Just be thankful that he isn’t completely consumed by it! Why be upset that he lets it go dead to spend time with his dad? It’s just a matter of time before he will care about whether it is charged or not."
"I get what youre saying. You just want a text or something to know hes okay. Especially if you and the father cant communicate well. I'd talk to him about how you feel while hes over there. If he cant keep it charged then take it away for a few days while hes with you, since hes on it most with you. See if that helps him remember."
"Those are two total different issues, don’t hold your son back with his license over a dumb phone"
"I don’t see an issue? If he is with his father and wants to spend time with him and not be on his phone what’s the problem? If you had an emergency you would call his father it just sounds like you want to be in control"
"You’re just mad you can’t control him when he’s at his dad’s. Leave him alone he’s doing literally nothing wrong. You need to back off before you find yourself asking us why your adult son won’t talk to you next. That’s the reality of where you’re headed. I’ve encountered so many people with moms like you. You need to back off, and actually believe him when he says he enjoys spending time with his dad. Even if it’s not the truth so what? That isn’t your parenting time. The phone is a GIFT, and you don’t take back gifts. You can stop paying for his service, but that’s just gonna make him upset with you even more so it’s your choice. Do you want full control, or a decent relationship with your son?"
"So what you’re saying is you have a problem with your son not having a phone addiction. I’d be pretty proud of my 15-year-old son for not wanting to be on his phone 24/7. And if you’re really that concerned about him while he’s at his dad’s even if his dad is someone who supposedly you can’t talk to I would still be calling him to check on my son"
"This is really coming off as “I’m upset my son would rather spend time with humans than play on the phone” vibes. Why would you take away his ability to learn how to drive over not having a charged cellphone? That is absolutely ridiculous and going way too far. This is something you can TALK to him about, Not stop him from maturing. Also, a cellphone works 2 ways so you can call him and remind him to put it on charge when he’s at his dad’s."
"How often does he see his dad? Maybe he genuinely wants to spend time with him. Just because his dad isn’t someone YOU can talk to about things, doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying time with his son while there. I would text him remind him to charge it. But unless he is in immediate danger with his dad or his dad isn’t capable of spending time with him he doesn’t need to have it if he wants to spend that time with dad."
"Don’t punish him because of the phone. I did with my daughter and it made things 100x worse. Let him have his time with his dad and leave it alone. If there’s an emergency you’ll be notified I’m sure. I wish I would’ve been smarter about picking my battles with my daughter"
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