Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Having aunt guilt, what should I do? - Mamas Uncut
My aunt moved 8 hours away when I was very young. But I can tell you it didn’t hurt our relationship much. I talk to her all the time. She visits several times a year. I know that even 8 hours away she has my back and is here for me no matter what. The love we share isnt dimmed by the distance.
I loved my favorite aunt even though she lived on another continent and it would be a year or even much more between visits.
My aunt moved we she is just 6 years older than me,she has a 3rd daughter that I was very close to for first 5 years. She moved From Illinois to Mississippi. I’ve only seen her a handful of times since now she is 13 and I am not close with her … I wish she had stayed.
My oldest nephew was born and lived over 6 hours away from me for a good chunk of his life. He would visit a couple times a year. When he was 8 he started coming around more and for the last few years he lived within 30minutes of me. Through all the years, we have been the best of friends. He’s 15 now and we’re still close. Distance means nothing.
My aunt lives overseas she has since I was born. I am so close to her she is like my sister, her yearly visits are the highlight of my year her being far away had no affect on our relationship and when my mom died she came as soon as she could, she is my best friend no matter the distance. She has helped us all so much from so far and nothing will come between us.
It’s not selfish of you to do what’s best for your family. You can still have a great relationship with your sister and kids. Is it possible that if she needs more help that she could move to the same area you are in?
I moved away from home when i was 18 to go to college and i left my niece behind we had an unbreakable bond and i live 10 hours away from them my family came to see me and my niece was with them and it was like we were never apart she was attached to me the whole trip i even quit my job to spend the week with them because i had a new job lined up just because you are far doesnt mean youre selfish or your bond will break i promise
While I think it would be better if you lived close by, you do need to put yourself and your family first. I think that your relationship with your niece is going to be however you make it. You can still be there for her by calling, FaceTime/zoom, visiting, as long as you’re putting in a effort to love & be there for her then she will know that & you can still be close with her.
You have to live your life also …learning disability does not mean she cant do it
My daughter is 6, she only gets to see my sister about once a year ever since she was born. My sister usually stays for a week and she usually spends 99.9% of her time with my daughter. We also video chat and talk on the phone whenever possible which is not that often because my sister is dealing with mental health and sometimes she’s just not in a place to talk on the phone. My daughter is still very close with my sister and she loves her and always has a great time with my sister. We’ve never had an issue with their bond or with my daughter not remembering my sister. Every time they see each other they’re still two peas in a pod. It’s very hard for my sister not living in the same state and only getting to see her niece once a year but they always make the best of the time and their closeness never decreases. During your time apart just try to video chat talk on the phone send pictures and ask for pictures. When you guys finally get to spend time together just try to make it all about them and try to plan memorable times take lots of pictures with each other and try to get them stuffed animals. My daughter has a stuffed dog from when she was two from my sister and a stuffed flamingo from when she was four and she does not need any reminding of who those came from. She holds those stuffed animals very close to her heart and she never forgets who gave them to her.
No you have to have yoir life also. There is Facebook and FaceTime. You can keep in touch that way
You really just have to decide where you are the happiest. Is the better job making you more happy? Or was being with your niece happier? Money or family or whatever don’t matter in the end if you’re unhappy. We lived across the country from everyone and hated it. My husband made bank but we were miserable. Much happier once we moved back home. 8 hours isn’t too far (like when we lived a couple states away we still visited all the time. It wasn’t until we moved further away that we were done with it). Don’t let the guilt consume you and just listen to your heart.
You need to do you. You can Skype when she’s older. I know that after 64 years that you can’t please everyone. If your in a better financial position good on you. If there is a will there is a way and eventually you will find a way to be close.
I moved away from my family 6 years ago to give my little family a better life, I had left many family members and many nieces and nephews behind, I missed them all but I had to remember I was doing this for us,
My family did visit me ( I was 200 miles away) and I visited them as and when I could as I didn’t drive, I think I got a little more closer to my family as I wasn’t around them every day.
The only advice I can offer is keep in contact with them all, visit as often as you can, get them to visit you and don’t feel guilty for leaving them to better your life,
I did move back home after 2 years but that wasn’t because I missed them so much I split from my ex and came home
U have to do your pros and cons. Yes u are making more money but does that mean much if you have to keep spending to go back and forth etc?!? U say u have a husband what does he think?!? Also maybe keep looking in your sisters area for the same kind of paying job maybe
Thanks becks I thought it was cos you missed your mamma x
You have to do whats right for you. If you’re happy where you are…it was the right move. Distance really means nothing now with technology
It’s only 8 hrs - there is family near for emergencies- you need to do what’s good for you - no guilt needed.
You do what you need to do for You don’t feel guilty she sounds like she has a great support system with the entire family so you shouldn’t feel bad at all I’m 720+ .iles way from my only nephew
You feel bad because your a good sister, but you need to live for you and your family unit not for your sister. You’ve said you’ll go back to help when babies born, you’re still on the end of a phone, she still has other family for support it’s not like you’ve completely abandoned her alone.
Congrats on the new baby!
You need to live your own life and not hold back from it just for her…
Where’s your BIL/sisters baby daddy in this whole thing? You shouldn’t feel selfish because you need to live your own life. You can’t put everything on pause for someone else, especially if it’s a benefit to you (more money = more comfortability paying bills, etc.). She has her family who includes other people than just you - she can have their support if they provide it and she needs it
I think you feel way to responsible for your sister and her baby’s
I understand
What does your husband want to do. What about his work?
Take care of you!!! She will love you no matter how far away you are. She can always call and come visit
You can still love and support someone even if you’re not physically near them 24/7.
I can relate to this bc my nephew is 4 going on 5 in a few months, and my sister a single mother. I too have been there every way imaginable plus some since the moment he was conceived and I of course am extremely close to him. I have always and still talk about moving west( we are in ohio) so literally across the country and my one hold up is him. I would be leaving everyone and everything behind, and I’m okay with that except for him. I’ve only lived a half an hour from him since he was born and we are very close and have been since birth, and I honestly don’t know if I could stand leaving him. Now my sister is in a serious relationship and has been for a few years and my nephew even has a future step brother who is 5, and i have my own family now as well ( a fiance and step daughter) So anyway, I can 100% relate.
Don’t live your life pleasing others… cause 9 times outta 10, they wouldn’t do the same for you
You feel bad I get it, but you have to do what’s best for your and your family. They’re still apart of your life. You may live further now but that’s not going to change the love and bond you have with your niece
My sister moved 10 hours away with my nieces and now new born nephew I have YET to meet my nephew I know how yours feeling. But no your not selfish I was there for my first born niece since day 1 my second born niece same thing until my sister packed up and moved with her only
Being a couple months old,
Do multiple face time with your sister to let her know your still there for her, just don’t live as close anymore. Let her know you still love her but moved for a better opportunity. You have your own life to live as well. So you make choices that help you grow. Your sister should understand that after a few talks. Your niece will know you still love her, and face time as she grows will show that. Good luck in your new adventure in a new place.
No. Is she married?? If not where’s the father? They’re who should be making sacrifices, not you
I just want to say she is so lucky to have a sister like you 
If your family is helping her I wouldn’t worry. It’s natural to feel this way. You and she are close. So you would feel this way. But, there is also homesickness. Yes, it exist. I think your homesick and guilty for leaving. You need things from home around you to help you cope. My Dad had a business that kept us moving yearly. Set out things that are from home. Scenery pictured of landscapes of home. Maybe pictures of your families homes or pictures of family. Hang them or at least one in each room. Hang up pics of your niece. Seeing her every day will help. Talk to your husband. I’m sure he is also homesick. Let her learn to be a strong parent and person. The struggle will make her stronger.
I’m an auntie who lives 1200 miles away from my niece and nephews who are now 18, 16 and 11. We are all still very close. Do what is best for you
You can still be supportive being 8 hrs away. You have to live your life for YOU.
My sister is very active in my sons life and was a huge help especially when he was born. If she were to move away 8hrs for a better job i would fully support her, my child is not her responsibility. Dont get me wrong i would miss her alot but she has her own life, and i dont want to stand in her way. Nowadays with video call you can still ‘see’ them frequently.
Why don’t you wait and see how she and the family does first. My uncle lived 3 hours away, and I pretty much only saw him during holidays or family celebrations. I still feel close to my uncle and love him. Just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t video call a lot and send stuff back and forth. Just give you all a chance first. Maybe you can live a minimalist lifestyle, and save money so you can move back closer. Who knows! The possibilities are endless. Maybe sis can even come live with you, or have long visits throughout the year. There are so many ways to make this work. Do not give up on yourself, and believe in your sister and family.
My sister moved to Boston when I was pregnant with my son, he loves her and his cousin so much. We only see her once a year or so, but with technology these days its easy to keep in touch.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about living your life the best way you can. Just be there for her when you can in whatever way you can. Visits and video chats ect.
Fellow auntie here:
You cannot put your life on hold for others. The guilt you’re feeling is simply because you love them and miss them and that’s sweet. I had to move across the country leaving my 3 nephews and 1 niece behind. It is sad not being able to see them whenever or being apart of making physical memories but the best thing you can do is live your life but still make time to go see them for a weekend every month and talk on the phone doesn’t have to be anything big or a long time because most kids don’t want to be on the phone. Do video chats with them even if it’s just playing with the funny filters to make each other laugh, that’s bonding. All you have to do is make sure you are a constant in their life and that doesn’t have to be physically but when time allows show up.
I moved across the world with my wife. Left my parents, my sibling, my best friends, their kids, my godson even left my dog(with parents). It was one of the hardest choices of my life but I knew moving would be a better option for me and my wife and I was right. I started working again, passed my driving test, got my own house, my own car. I miss them every single day, always feel like a part of me will never be while because their not what I see every single day. And with covid plans have changed on when I will see them. Just had another niece born that I’ll probably never meet until she’s at least 3/4. I struggle sometimes but I don’t regret my life right now. I’m happier here and that’s the difference
Uh no, live your own life
Gosh I wish I had a sibling like you, and my kids had family like you… so what makes you happy though, and what might be best for your family. Maybe talk with ur husband and express how your feeling. Gosh you sound like an amazing aunt and sister.
Do what’s best for you. Stay in touch. Call write but not text. More personal.Visit when you can
No u dont need to feel bad about anything. Dont u have your own life to live?
No it’s not selfish to do what’s best for your family. You can still be an involved auntie from 8hours away. It’s normal to be sad about missing the day to day we’ve been in that situation for the bloats 17 years. It gets easier, you can have zoom calls and really interact with your family. Send post cards from all the cool places you visit or a care package.
Don’t feel bad she not alone
I have 5 sisters and 1 brother. Non of them were there when I gave birth, and I am the youngest. Actually one offered to fly to our place, but ask me for money for her expenses, which I don’t have. Hahaha. Your sister must be so lucky.
She has help so I wouldn’t move back. Maybe get the kids when possible. Depending on your work schedule, maybe once a month go get the kids and let them stay with you.
All I can say here is… I WISH I had a sibling like you. You seem like such an amazing auntie and I would absolutely kill for my kids family to love them like you seem to love your nieces.
That being said, you may feel guilt, but your life is yours and you DON’T have to feel guilty. You still have to do best for you and yours. You can still be involved. My in laws are 1100 miles away and are by far the most active in my children’s lives. Not even blood. Visit as much as you can and call, text, FaceTime as much as you are able to. Believe me, those little calls and texts, are everything. 
No. You made the right choice. Stop feeling guilty.
I believe your experiencing some separation anxiety
My best friend (honorary aunt to my daughter)is 2,000 miles away and has only met my daughter in person a good handful of times and my daughter loves her! She’s 4&1/2 and she loves to see her and talk to her all the time! Just because you’re a little farther away doesn’t mean you can’t be close 
I didnt see or even talk to my niece for almost 5 years because i made some really poor life choices and i didnt want my baby girl to see me like that… My niece is about to turn 9 and we couldnt be closer. She understands. Your niece will understand one day when shes older even if she doesn’t fully understand right now 
You’re an amazing sister
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Having aunt guilt, what should I do? - Mamas Uncut
No, you did what you need to do to for you, there are other family members that can step up and help her
If u love ur neice so much have her sleepover every weekend. You cannot base your life on your family disability or not your sister is making her life and you need to make yours too
Can your sister maybe move closer to you ? That way you can still be there to help her if needed
Are there not 2 families involved? I would hope so.
Making the best choice for you and your immediate family (ie your husband) is not personal and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
My sister moved from Louisiana to Michigan to be with her fiancé. She was and still is super close to my boys! She FaceTime weekly and makes sure to keep that bond.
Your family should step-up to help, but is there anyway your sister could move to be closer to you? Just a suggestion. You definitely should not feel guilty though
It’s wonderful that you want to be there for your sister, but you did say there is other family there to help as well. I would first really ask yourself why you feel bad. I personally do not believe you should uproot again to move back. While your sister is family you have your family to focus on as well. (even if just you and your spouse, not sure if you have children as it wasn’t mentioned) If worried you will miss out on being around your niece maybe set up one weekend a month to visit, you can also facetime (I know not the same but stay communicating) I would also suggest you speak with your spouse concerning this.
No. You should live your life. You have a husband and unfortunately that’s life. We grow up together but we have to go separate ways when we have our own family.
Don’t feel guilty my nephews lived in Africa and every time they came back to visit it was like they had never been away x
No, you have your life to live too. You can support her in other ways
That’s tricky. I can’t stand to be away from my family. At the end of the day, a job is not gonna make you as happy as being with your family and having that relationship with your niece. I honestly could not do this life without my family.
You will not be as close. Obviously. But it doesn’t mean there won’t still be a relationship. Of course it would be a better one if you were closer. Family is so important (as long as they’re not toxic) and underrated. Jobs come and go.
I guess the question you should ask yourself is what sort of relationship do you want with your neice? And then go from there.
Do what YOU need to do for YOU and don’t sweat the little things. Great if you can do for your sister as you offered. Just have faith,it will work out.
Want to know what kids love? Getting mail! Send a good box once a month, FaceTime weekly. You will always be special to her
I think the fact that you feel guilty for doing what’s best for you and your husband shows your a great sister and aunt. I’m sure moving 8 hours away from them wasn’t an easy decision. Could you and your niece FaceTime or have zoom calls a couple times a week? I know she’s still little but just seeing your face would be nice for her 
You can still be a support to your sister and close to your niece and the new baby…you will have to be creative, but it is very possible, especially since the bonds are already there.
You have to live your own life too.
Make sure to visit there and have them visit you guys somewhat regularly and stay in contact very regularly…Duo calls, send cards, maybe a care package every now and then, reg phone calls even for a few minutes will keep you all close during the times when you’re not physically tgh…and Im sure you can think of more creative ways to stay close.
My sister has 3 kids and is expecting her 4th. We live thousand miles apart. It sucks because I miss the kids but I needed to do what was best for myself. Even if it means moving away from my niece and nephews. We still videochat, we text, we try to keep in contact often so it helps.
Family is more important than money.
You should do what YOU WANT to do. Happiness is more important than money, but you do still need to be able to make a a living to be happy. Making more money doesn’t always make you happy. As long as you can make a living where you lived before, thats what matters. You are the only one who can answer this question. If you are not happy living away from your family talk with your husband about it and see if moving back is an option and how he feels about it. Best of luck to ya!
I am thinking you have been looking out for your sister since you were kids. She has a learning disability and you are protective of her and your niece so now that you moved your wondering how will she navigate without you. She we figure it out and you can always fly back visit and make sure they are alright. I will say if your heart and mind are always back there with your sister then making more money will not be enough you won’t be happy. You and your husband need to do what best for you two. Good luck
can you like facetime her to talk to your niece?
You have love for your family and as much as you love them you have to do what’s right for you! Give yourself some time to see how things will work for your sister and the support system you have in place!if you have this bond of wanting to move back maybe you can go back and help her get settled in! She has a disability but it seems that she can handle it with family support because she is having a second baby! Enjoy being an auntie and continue to support her! Maybe you can help monetarily with paying someone to come help her! Another thing I would consider is that maybe you can make a plan to move back maybe in a certain time if you still feel like this but give it time to see how the family support works for her while you’re gone!
Do what’s best for YOU. If giving up your job and moving back is what you think is best, do so but if it isn’t that’s ok too. My uncle and I have always been very close and he’s always lived pretty far some instances farther than others but it didn’t change our relationship much
Going through the same. I’ve been there for my sister and my niece since day 1 (she’s 4) but two years ago I got pregnant and had to move 14 hrs away to a whole other state (she’s in Florida I’m now in Indiana) and I’m still struggling with it a lot… I hope you get the answers you need or do what you feel is best, it’s a hard situation and the guilt is awful 
Stay where you are. It’s ok to follow different paths in life. Just make it count when you do get to see them
I understand completely. I have a four year old nephew. I have thought of moving. But I don’t want to leave him. If possible that you can move back, I would. Time goes so fast, you can’t get that back. You can also do videos for her, read over the internet to her. Sing to her. Many things.
I mean… your life is important too. You probably won’t be close in the same way. That’s OK. You can still be the awesome Auntie who is has the best visits to look forward to.
Moving is hard always. And there are ups and downs. No right or wrong choice. Just have to decide what is best for you! You can always move back in a few years if its not making you happy.
Gotta do what you want in life. You only get one of those. It’s about what makes you happy.
No u don’t need 2 move back. U Can help when ur around 2 do so. It’s OK 2 do u. U shouldn’t feel bad.
We moved 7 hours away from our families for my husband’s dream job. I have guilt from doing that but we all have to live our own lives and do what’s best for our immediate family- your own household. We face time every week, send mail, visit when we can, usually every 2 months. Your sister has other family to help her, that’s great!!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Having aunt guilt, what should I do? - Mamas Uncut
Dont feel guilty for living your own life. Can still keep up /help/ be there for your sister and your neice when need/want. can still have a close relationship with them. Visiting on weekends or days off. videochatting, facebooking, phoning. Adjusting may be hard if used to being around 24/7 but all involved will get used to it.
FaceTime, visiting on weekend, and be there w her new baby that count everyone has to make their own life
I think you will have a better idea of the situation when you get home. Sit down and have a heart to heart with everyone. Are you happy where you are? Your neices need to see you happy, you need to live your life as your sister and your family is living thwres There is always FaceTime and Skype to keep in touch also…
That’s pretty hard did you move because the money increase, you also have to remember you have a life too and I’m sure your sister understands that. Maybe talk to your husband and see if moving back is a good idea and if the money increase isn’t an issue. There will be a point in ur sisters life when she will need to learn to manage on her own and you will need to live your life without having to worry about others
It is a hard decision to make. Are you and your husband happy where you are. Are you HAPPY WITH THE NEW JOB, IS YOUR HUSBAND HAPPY IN NEW LOCATION. Or do you miss your sister too much. Look at all these things before you make your decision. You are married, you say there is family there to help her. She is not alone. So put you marriage first.
I would not move back. You have to live your own life. My Aunt and I live in the same city but do not see each other on a daily basis. She is living her with her husband. All her kids are grown
You should sit and discuss this with your husband. Don’t feel guilty about having a life to live of your own. There will be plenty of opportunities to take your niece during school breaks and such or even plan fun vacations to include her and the new baby when it’s old enough. You got this. God will help you through this struggle. My best advice is to never go backwards
No you deserve a life too …if there is family there for her she is good to go but if you want to be there when she has her baby i say yes be there but then go back home
Your sister made a decision to marry and have children, it’s not ur responsibility