Help. I don’t know what to do!?

Post anonymous! Hubby and I have been together for 10 years in July, we have four kids together. He is the only one that works so I can stay at home with the kids. I love my kids and I would never want them to leave my side, but I feel like I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get out of this house or at least have help with all 4 kids. I don’t know what to do I’ve tried talking to him, I told him I want a job. He says if I get a job then I have to pay all the child care. I don’t see that it’s only my responsibility to pay for the child care but he says that’s the only way itd work if I had a job. His family owns a local restaurant and that’s where he has been since he was 16 (now 31), I said something about me working one shift and him working the other, and that idea was instantly shot down. I just want out of the house for a little while a day and to actually get to be an adult not just mommy. What do I need to do? I’m tired of feeling bad because I want to get out of the house. :cry:

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Don’t feel bad, sometimes getting away from our babies makes us better Mothers. I also had 4 kids. My husband and I worked opposite shifts so that I worked when he was home and we didn’t have to pay childcare. I only worked 2-3 days a week but it was exactly what I needed.

Don’t feel bad about wanting to be an adult and have some adult interaction once in awhile… I think we ALL do!

My man and I just went through a similar thing, so bear with me here as I try to lay out things from both sides and all options to consider.

I was offered a part-time position with flexible office hours (so it had to be between 8-5 M-F). He is gone from 5a-5p, 4 days a week. Our household expenses are based off of his salary. So for me to go to work, the income would have to outweigh the added expenses.

I have an 8yr old and a 1 yr old that would need childcare. Before & after school for 8yr old, plus the additional days that school is out… extra holidays (ones that working people don’t get off), parent teacher conferences, teacher work days, spring break, winter break, etc. Then there was the problem with finding the 1yr old childcare… around here, daycares, and licensed in-home daycares don’t like to take part-time kiddos, it takes up a spot according to licensing, but they don’t get paid as much. So I’d have to find some random person that isn’t licensed and regulated by the state of MO. That made me a little uneasy. All in all we decided to wait another year. By then my little guy will be 2 and able to communicate better with us (just in case), plus daycare rates go down when they turn 2.

Is hubby saying that you need to pay for all of the child care because your budget for things right now are set to his income and there isn’t enough room to add another large expense to it? Don’t know the ages of your kiddos, so I have no idea how much extra expenses your adding.


Is hubby just not wanting you to be out of the home working, and just wants you to be at home with the kiddos? Whatever his reasoning is?

As long as your income does cover the extra expense, I see no problem with you getting out there to work if you want to. You have to figure out what makes you happy, as a wife, as a mother, and most importantly… as an individual person.

Good luck Mama, you got this!!!

oh boy don’t feel bad that you want to work. family should be working together not against each other. both parents made the kids so it should be both of you. I work part time and we pay childcare together we claim it on our taxes as well. he sounds controlling and i wouldn’t want that for myself. maybe revalue what you want and what you want you from. hubby