I’m in desperate need of advice. My husband has always had a lot of passion for every interest he has. Unfortunately, he also tries to make every interest he has, into a business. Don’t get me wrong, I want to support him. But I feel like we’re going broke doing this every couple of months. At first, it was a business in entertainment. That flopped. Then it was a business in doing paranormal stuff. That also flopped. Now, he wants to open a shop. I feel this will also flop. And even though I desperately want to support him, we just don’t have the money to be throwing away money on materials to make that happen. We’re working on our credit to hopefully buy a bigger house (ours is just too small for 3 kids), just for him to tell me that when the time comes, he’d rather get a business loan than a home loan. I would just talk to him, but then he becomes extremely upset and angry and says I’m not supporting him and he spirals into depression. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I approach this situation with my husband?
Does he have a job to support these ideas? I would encourage him to work and save and only try these ideas when money allows.
Tell him his not supporting you or your kids if his willing to throw all that money away so they can’t have a home, and that he has to go to work and make his own money to throw away on his “little businesses” because your kids needs are more important and at this time they need things. Or tell him once we get a bigger house he can do that stuff but you want a house for your kids first.
Okay here me out he’s a enfp or infp.
Take this test both of you
Myerbriggs 16 personality test.
I’m an enfp myself it’s one of the creative personalities basically the dreamer types we struggle with sticking things out it’s one of the biggest weaknesses and they only don’t work out when we’re to scattered across many roles and things. We have to have passions tho to be happy if we don’t we hate life.
If y’all take the test you’ll be able to read up on each other and how y’all can work together
You can message me if you want. If I’m right. Or you can just Google enfp and infp and how to be a supportive partner
The issue is if he is that type, he makes choices out of feelings and morals. Creative types will NEVER be happy in a 9-5 job unless it’s in the arts. However you can still work and work on passions on the side.
The best thing to do is break down the truth and find a way to still be supportive and push him in his goals set goals and budgets
If you’re in Australia, tell him to sign up for the NEIS program.
I would tell him that as his spouse, you support his interests and always will. However, you and the kids need a bigger house. Since you have supported his last 2 endeavors, to no avail, it’s your turn…
If he is still interested in opening a shop, after you guys buy a bigger house, then you will assist in that endeavor.
He can get mad all he wants about “you not supporting him”, when in reality, he is the one not supporting you.
If he can’t support that and push comes to shove on the depression front, then it’s time for him to seek professional help, mentally and emotionally.
Sit down together and put together a budget that includes money for both the new house and his dream… Compromise.
I’d get him checked for bipolar and ADHD first.
Then I’d tell him no more businesses until he takes a community college course in setting up a business plan/entrepreneurship. I’d hold the purse strings until he shows you a viable business plan first, with target market, how he can reach them, a budget that includes purchase of and training for licenses, domain names, paying web designer, cost of mailing lists, taxes, paid accountant (maybe), warehouse space, etc. He should also have a list of major and minor competitors and a list of feasible mentors. He also needs to visit similar businesses to see how they operate. This could be tricky. I’m guessing he won’t even make it through the class.
Are these all to be side businesses or is he unemployed?
See if you can get him interested in an inexpensive hobby vs. a business: get a puppy, join a gym and have him try out everything. If you have to pay for classes on top of membership, he has to complete one session before you’ll pay for another, but he can switch it up every 10 weeks or so. Find used bicycles for sale, buy new helmets, & make it a regular family activity if there are safe places to ride. G for regular walks or runs, have him take a more active role with the kids in his “free” time.
Have him join a book club, a Dad’s blog, a running/walking group, take up line dance, learn conversational Spanish, Medieval history, how to build a birdhouse. Tell him to serve on the PTA, and/or volunteer with your religious institution, animal shelter, political campaign, affinity group (American Legion, high school or college alumni groups, serve on the HOA board—anything to keep him occupied and out of stores & e-commerce sites where he could spend money.
He might also benefit from therapy if you can get him to go.
My husband also had dreams of doing many businesses, I suggested that he get a MBA first. He did at CLU, started his business, we worked together starting the business in our garage built the business and sold it to our biggest competitor 3m after building it to a multi million dollar company in 15 years. We retired, but he continued to build another company, unfortunately he passed away before we could get his product to market. Help him find a solution be part of his success. I wish you both much success.
What type of shop does he want maybe and online shop would be an easier option then the cost of an actual shop.
It sounds like he may be bipolar…
Sounds like untreated adhd….he hyper focuses on interests, lacks impulse control.
I would be putting all my efforts into buying a home and then supporting him in his business ventures when you are financially in a better position.
It’s all about communication and he needs to grow up and take responsibilities
A man’s heart is wherever he places his money. Sounds like your happiness is not a priority to him. Look after yourself and kids and hopefully he will follow. If not, then good riddance.
Tell him plain and simple the kids need to come first. So you need to get a house to accommodate the number of kids you have and make sure the kids have what they need before putting anymore money into something that may fail like the other ideas. Tell him you supported his other 2 and they failed and now it is time to put the kids first. His shop can come later when you are better financially equipped for something that big. If he cannot or will not put you and the kids first then you may need to rethink how you want to go about your life. You may have to separate everything, make sure you have an account in only your name to save, don’t let him use you as a cosigner on anything…protect your credit so you can take and move the kids elsewhere and let him dig himself a financial grave.
Ooooh I have a suspicion!! Get him checked for adhd 
Seriously, though, that was my problem!! Always looking for the dopamine!
My family owns 3 business that we started from scratch… these seem like a good idea but we didn’t make good take home profit until around year 3 and it’s all about the market, are people going to be interested in what you are selling. Is there room to make money. I would definitely share that will him and tell him he’s being unrealistic and irresponsible. Starting a business take a lot of time and allot of money and if he’s had 2 fails in the past then he’s not thinking it through all the way and that’s not fair to you or your children
He has an entrepreneurial brain, starting a small business is hard and must fail a lot before succeeding. Maybe ask him to go to school for business or something to help him.
Hope you stand your ground…if soundly based. You won’t be sorry!!!
Wow he needs to grow up support his family and stop being selfish
He needs to see a physiatrist & get counseling. He will ruin the family unless he gets help fast. Tell him it’s not an option, he must do this or you & the children are out. Sorry to sound harsh, wishing you luck & sending prayers
Leave while you still can before he takes everything….
Ok support him. Tell him that if this is what he wants then he will have to work harder. Tell him our family needs require this n see how much harder he strives for it
Ever changing " big " plans that never amount to anything is a gigantic red flag 
Make him put together a business plan with income goals and how he will achieve revenue. If you have a business this is a must most business fail because they don’t have a plan
I hate to suggest this but this sounds like he needs psychological help
Tell him to start small like an eBay store that’s what my husband does he has a ebay store he sells sport cards and etc
Sounds like my hubby. He calls me the dream crusher. 
So I actually have the same problem. I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 15 and was medicated until I found out I was pregnant with my son at 18. I stopped taking my meds bc I wasn’t comfortable taking them while pregnant. My son is 6 and I never got back on them because life just got a little hectic. I get ideas in my head if what I want to do and I run with it. I have always been into skin care and stuff like that so I started a body sculpting business (while working another job for income) and I bought all the equipment, paid for an LLC and everything you need for a legitimate business and then my interest died down. I didn’t do all of my research, now I owe the IRS bc I wasn’t doing my taxes because I was uneducated and just ran with a thought I had. He sounds like he is also bipolar, I would talk to him about being evaluated by a psychiatrist because when you’re in a manic episode you don’t realize what you’re doing until the damage is done
If you tell him no… it sounds more like a pouty child than a grown man
I say go for it. No one becomes successful without failure and you learn something with each failure. You could also have a husband without aspirations and in my opinion that would be worse. At least he has the courage to try again.
He needs to have a full time job and pursue his dreams on the side like everyone else does.
Honestly this may be a fight you need to hash out. If he brings up how you’re not supportive, you can mention all the past times you have been supportive already and this had to stop eventually. Theres kids depending on him. I agree with the person above who says get him checked for adhd. My husband and oldest kid are adhd and they always get ideas and want to run with them, full of dopamine and excitement, then the enthusiasm lessens, and they either don’t finish or fail at it. I had to start a “you have to sit on it for at least 4 months before we invest any money” or our house would be overrun with half finished projects
Ah yeah get him a shrink before you’re homeless
He should get a mental health evaluation, sounds like these ideas may be mania, then slipping into depression, could be bipolar
I know a guy like that hes got 3 baby mommas and lives in his parents basement at 40 something and is starting another new business this yr
Tell him to grow the eff up
Just reset prorities and make him agree that the HOUSE COMES FIRST no matter what.
Your husband is a dreamer and you can’t stop him.
I think a lot of posters have made some valid points about him needing more business management training. Also if you don’t want a business from family money then there’s no business with family money. I’d suggest counseling bc I have a.m hunch his depression slightly manipulative. I bet if you said yes his depression would immediately lift right? That’s not true depression. Just don’t put you’re families financial well-being in a business of a person who struggles with continuity. Businesses struggle, even good ones that do well now still struggle. Where is the cash flow going to come from keep it afloat? A business loan doesn’t cover everything. Has he looked into purchasing or renting retail space, business insurance in case a customer is injured or the business suffers a catastrophe, locations, is it a need in the community, all the things businesses need down to pens, employee salary so he can have some family time, health insurance plans, if you own the building what about maintenance costs that will happen, utilities, internet, etc. Has he considered if this screws with the debt to income ratio for you guys and you need a new vehicle could you get the loan? Has he considered that maybe he needs to invest in the family more than another business? In regards to all of this what is your HTDO? Where is your line that the business can’t cross. I think some couples counseling would be very beneficial before doing anything at this point. Including buying the house. Bc if he’s busy 24/7 with the business does that mean everything else falls on you? Will you be covering the family financially and emotionally, do you carry the insurance plans. If you list the ability to have income would the family suffer or will this business actually be able help sustain you for a time? Does he understand that you guys have kids that have real needs that come before him wanting a business?
He needs to come up with an idea- like his store and pitch it to investors. If he actually has an idea that others agree with he won’t have an problem finding investors 
I would explain that you need to prioritize for your family and a bigger house is number one- after that you can embark on a new adventure. Good luck! Hopefully something gives for him and you guys can both have your goals met 
Every grandiose idea as a business?
He got undiagnosed ADHD?
In every relationship comes compromise. You did support his business ventures that did not go so well and now it is time for him to set that aside for now in order to support his family. Once you are all in a better spot then he can look at attempting to look into a business again. Perhaps he should take some business educational courses before he attempts again, though. And it does sound like he possibly has ADHD or possibly bipolar disorder. So perhaps looking into those to see if there is a way he is better able to regulate himself emotionally would help all of you out.
Kids always come first. So if a new house has been the goal for the whole family, it needs to stay that way. He needs to put the family first and his dreams second. But by all means try to find a way to make it work. You only have one life to live. Do it doing what you each love (without breaking the bank) and most importantly do it together!
My partner is the exact same way. She has ADHD. I just tell her no & move on tbh. If she wants to come up w a business plan & show me how much stuff will cost, how much we’ll make & how long it’ll take us to start making a profit then okay I’ll consider it. But not until then. She also has her bachelors in business.
Talk to him about building a shop at home, like many people do. Then we he saved X amount buy a building for that shop then save to x amount again then expanded.
Start small
Well, there are quite a few programs out there that help with small business grants… Tell him to look into business training classes. That may buy you some time for him to back out of that idea lol
Help him create a business plan w a budget, look up real estate for a business, look up taxes, look up the small business laws, city rules. Go set up a MTG w those in the same business. If he hangs through all that, and there is a need for his shop you’ll feel better. If he’s just expecting a success with no work, he won’t hang.
Best business advice ever received is ALWAYS leave your house out of the business affairs, loans etc!! House first
That’s a hard situation.
And u do totally get it. I have ADHD…I go through cycles with interests. I’ll spend a few months reading like crazy …a few months doing craft projects ECT.
Now, I spend my own “fun” money on my interests so we don’t have the same issues.
I can tell you that there’s this sick anxiety feeling when a person with ADHD is working to resist a really strong impulse…and often the best recourse is to re-route it so to speak.
Here’s what I would do:
- Listen to him talk. Really listen. Ask questions (like what kind of shop) Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it shows you’re taking an interest in his interests.
- Point out logistic issues and offer a compromise if/where possible.
For example if he’s wanting to open a shop to sell something he’s making suggest he start small and test the waters- flea market booth, Etsy account, sell on Facebook market place ect.
Any profits made can just go right back into the business. If it does well then eventually he’ll have enough to open his own “shop” and y’all can still have your house…
Stop letting him manipulate you and stand up for yourself. Sounds like he’s got something mentally wrong and these are manic phases. Also he seems to be using the “spiral of depression” to make you feel bad and give in. Treat him like another child until he acts like a responsible adult.
He probably has ADHD. Maybe some therapy and possibly medication could help with his impulses. Be supportive, but firm .
The only problem I see here is that he can’t seem to focus on any project. Just like anything else in life consistency is key in business. The first 3 years is the most difficult and most businesses fail in that time. So if he’s changing from one idea to the next then he will never be successful.
A lot of successful entrepreneurs started late. Lost money and was even deemed crazy by their partners, family members and friends. Yet they ended up being successful.
Therapy. You need a neutral party to help him understand his patterns. It sounds like he might have ADD.
He is searching for something… he’s restless and possibly feels unproductive and wants to make a name for himself, or ‘see’ rewards of his hard work.
Offer to go with him to a therapist. Put it lovingly in to words - would he rather have a business or a home for his family because it sounds as though your financial situation cannot support both.
From what you said, I suspect (agree with previous comments) he is most likely ADD, possibly bi-polar. He sounds like a close friend, who has an emotional based ADD. I suggest therapy if possible, as a couple, to have a neutral party to help both of you to work through this.
This is why I don’t agree with joint accounts. Let him waste his money but keep your income separate. No need for you both to be broke
Don’t share money… if he can pull his weight with bills etc & has extra money to start businesses then go for it. My husband is similar… we have a savings together he is not allowed to touch for his business ideas and we have our own accounts. I’m supportive in every aspect except the money. He spent so much on equipment, cards plans etc and it was all a waste… so every now I have to remind him I’ll support you but you threw away all of this money before. He has ADHD and business changes monthly. It runs in the family and when the dad past they were left with unpaid loans, bills etc.
He’s childish. Not prioritizing his family
Sounds like you’re raising 4 kid’s, with an extremely manipulative +spoiled oldest one,with severe ADHD.
This is so tricky! While I’m sure his attitude and approaches are wrong, I’m also sure there are millions of successful entrepreneurs who flopped for YEARS before finding what worked. Maybe see if he’d be open to seeing both a professional counselor AND financial advisor with you, so you can find compromise and balance without risking your obvious priorities. Best of luck!
I would love to do a lot of things. But I put my family first. Tell him that you guys have tried and failed at those previous attempts so far. This time you want to prioritize the house and his shop can happen later/after. If he’s not willing to make that compromise then that’s not fair to you or your family.
Sounds like he should speak to someone about ADHD, this is how it looks in a lot of undiagnosed adults.
I think owning a successful business is a dream of his and you should definitely support it. Maybe help him come up with a business plan that has the potential to become successful. A family business maybe
Mine is trying to do the same
Our monies are separate thank God. He’s failed at everything. We are not and will not marry…some yahoo told him open a reptile shop because he’s so passionate. Our house is filled with reptiles mostly snakes. Yuuuck till I can’t stand it. Sorry can’t support or get behind it. I’ve seen this for 9 years go no where. He also wants to be a Rockstar lmao… unending B’s I swear. He’s been recording a “great album” for 3 years!! Run girl run…I don’t even care what’s wrong with him anymore I’m done
Is he bipolar or ADHD, I know someone that does this and its connected to their manic episodes🤷🏻♀
U need 2 jobs to support ur hubby, be a good wife n suck it up. How old are the kids? Maybe they could quit school n get jobs also!! If you need more advice, I’m always willing to help!
What kind of a shop? Where does he want to open it at?
Watch him closely, if he’s unwilling to talk civilly about his self employment ambitions then he’s capable of end running you, he in his desperate justification to secure startup capital may leverage the equity you have in your current home which would be bad news if his next idea nosedives
It sounds like he is not practical and may have some sort of mental health issue. You can’t change him but he can get help if he’s motivated. Protect what you have because his ideas could bankrupt you eventually.
Has he read any business books?? Gone to business class?? Has he done any research?? Maybe THAT would be a good idea
Bipolar? Sounds like manic periods could be the cause and things probably flop when he comes down from them.
This is me 100%
I have ADHD and it causes me to fixate and start a million things I never follow through with. I have so many projects and things I was convinced I’d start a business with and I’ve been fighting back all week not to go buy out another idea I have. But it’s literally all I can think about.
Sounds like he needs counseling to figure out why hes stuck in this cycle and holding onto it so tightly
What if you find a business that already profits that is for sale. You would be surprised at how many small businesses you could walk into and ask if it was for sale and they would honestly think about it! If he has the passion he may become a wonderful business owner! It’s not for everyone!
I would say cool I support this whole shop idea once we’ve moved and our kids have a bigger living space where we can afford this idea. If he wants to keep blowing money before making sure his kids have everything he should do it by himself.
Family and security first. He should have opened a buissnees to begin with.
Now if you feel like it’s too risky and you cant afford it, follow your gut
My husband does this:woman_facepalming:
I REALLY understand. It sounds like he doesn’t “do his homework” before diving in. Tell him that you want a business model, market research, and for him to find mentors BEFORE you “entertain” any more of his ideas. Tell him to take classes and learn about what he is doing. Tell him that you will not apologize for trying to keep your family secure. I would also find a good family counselor. Someone to back up your common sense. What he is doing isn’t fair to you 
Seems like he has some hidden issues. Hence the starting up and never following through. Bipolar/ depression. You would think depression is locked yourself away in your dark bedroom and never coming out. Nope. Some depressed people likes new/ different environments all the time. New jobs/ switching careers, new faces, new focuses. You get the point. Hopefully it’s not. But if it’s hurting you more than it’s helping you, don’t do it!!
A business loan you need equity and a house. If he thinks he can just claim Bankruptcy…you won’t be getting a house . He needs a job so he can have money put away! It takes Hard work to succeed…he wants fast money…not happening…
Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.
It’s great to have dreams, but sometimes dreams have to be put on hold for more important things! Honestly he may be just very immature! If you look at young children, they expect things right away because they’ve not learned how to cope or wait. You need to talk to him on his level to help him understand that other things must come first. Does he have a regular job that helps with bills? In life, we don’t always get everything we want… sometimes we have to work with what he have!! It honestly sounds like you’ve helped him try his dreams more than once and it’s not been working out!!! I would just remind him of that in a very nice way and tell him you need a home first this time around, then he can try the shop idea!!!
do not speak death into your husband’s vision you all should work to keep the income flowing while he build his business opening a business is not easy and he will go through a lot and possibly do different business’s until the one that is for him pops watch Acrimony and do not talk to everyone about this because most people can not relate because they are not entrepreneurs and will not be able to understand what it is like to be in his shoes as an entrepreneur and will give you some unsound advice pertaining to this situation but listen to me you have to be his support and continue to encourage him and while you all are going through this phase and start the business which ever he may choose keep your jobs and look into grants
Have him come up with a business plan! Have him set a 1 year and 5 year goal and break it down so that he has a clear plan of execution. His business plan should be multiple pages long that way it’s thought out and detailed. If he puts enough effort into his business plan it shouldn’t flop and it should prove that this is something he’s taking seriously
He honestly may have some mental health issues.
Try seeing a couples therapist with him and then he may feel comfortable seeing the therapist alone to address his issues.
My husband does this too.
I would sit him down without the kids. Ask him what is driving him into these passions? If you don’t already know. You may.
What I did was sat down with my husband and told him that when we got married, we agreed to life together. That means the choices we make. The hope is that you guys could come up with the life plan together and move forward too. You can see that starting a business is important to him but buying a bigger house is important to you. Since you agreed on life together, it is time to write out your life plan and agree on it together. Something you both can stick to do you both can be happy.
It’s easy to become fixated. But communication is everything.
Good luck Hun
He needs a therapist. Like, now.
And a financial planner.
It’s fine to want more and be your own boss but without an actual plan, the liklihood of failure is high.
Tell him flat out, “I want to support you but in order for that to happen, we must start counseling and have sessions with a financial planner. We have children who need us to be smarter with money.”
If he refuses, you have a big decision to make. Can you keep the family afloat if he keeps this up? What are your children seeing?
I’m with Tamara Marie. Many adults are undiagnosed. You cant make him get help but you have to consider your children too.
He sounds bipolar, honestly.
My ex was exactly like this.
Sounds like he’s " Ralph Cramdon" from the " Honeymooners"
It sounds to me like he is already depressed and is grasping at straws to try and find some happiness in these “businesses” vs the life he is building with his family. He gets a “high” from the excitement of the new idea and when you give him a dose of reality he comes crashing down.
They us to say takes 5 yrs to show a profit
Young one he is manipulating you using your heart and throwing a fit n acting the fool until you give in. Stick to your guns - if he wants to do another business- tell him he has to come up with start up money - (getting another job - so he can) - he has 2 strikes tell him - the next time - after all your ducks need to be in a row- the next time it’s gotta be a hit because strike 3 he’s out and has to give up and get a career in something else.
A bank wouldn’t even give him a big “business loan” without a very detailed business plan.
What kind of “shop” is he looking to open? … If he means “business” he needs to consider vendors, city ordinances, profit margins, legal issues, accountants, lawyers, licenses… just to name a few.
He needs a “mentor” … someone who can help him through this if he is serious…
You are a mama and have to do what’s best for you and your children … listen to your gut
My ex husband was like this, I wasnt gonna allow him to live with his head in the clouds while we couldn’t even make ends meet. He had a similar idea about the loan, I knew without a detailed plan they’d turn him down so I let him go to the meeting with the loan officer so they could turn him down and be the bad guys, not me. We didn’t last long. I can’t count the number of times I was yelled at for “not supporting his dreams”, like bro you spent my whole paycheck on junk at an auction instead of paying our rent and now we have no where to live, you gotta go!
Tell him to fund his grand business ideas with his own money and see how long it lasts lol
Say he needs to pursue the business without extra funds to ensure it will work… FIRST… BEFORE putting your hard earned money into it. There is opportunity for every business… without getting financially involved… first.
Help him do the research, write a business plan, and find some grant money or investors to help.