Sometimes I feel like a terrible momma. I have two, two years apart. 6&4.They are super loud to have emotional problems. I don’t feel patient enough. I don’t spank/ or trip out. I’m just quick to tell them to stop or settle down or stop doing that. How do I be more patient and understanding? Like they see a therapist, and she gives me advice, and I know that I need to think differently. But how do I remember to be the super patient, loving mom IN THE MOMENT? Please no judgment, I really am trying my best and struggling.
The “guilt chapter” in What To Expect When You’re Expecting I totally missed. I have a 3 & 5 year old. Following for the secret, although I don’t think there is one. Hugs and love to you Mama. You’re doing you’re best and that’s all we can do
Take 6 seconds, use 2 to be silent, and 4 to take deep breaths- then react.
Remember that they’re just inexperienced people trying to learn how to be better people. You can do this
I’m following this too! I have a 4&5 year old and o feel I do the same too. They just constantly fight all the time! Sending hugs! It’s hard work! Xx
Same. I got three 9,8,6. And all they do is fight. And all I do is say stop, quit, don’t. All DAY LONG
Smoke pot before bed
Read the book yell less love more. It really helped me so much
Girl, same. My eldest has adhd and an emotional disorder. He gets sad and upset quickly. My youngest has autism and is sensory sensitive and self-harms. When they fight, I have to stop and remind myself they didnt ask to be born the way they are. It helps to have someone give you a break. It also helps to be spiritual. Whatever that means to you. I read my bible or listen to my churchs livefeed on YouTube.
Count to 5 find your horizon breath then speak. Works for me…sometimes i go up to 10 and back down again
Maybe seek a therapist for yourself. In my case I was battling depression and anxiety and untreated I was short with my kid and got frustrated easily.
Also practice some self forgiveness. My 9 year old has multiple issues and her 16 year old sister has emotional challenges. I am more patient then I used to be and it took a lot of practice. Sometime I still fail and loose it…then I forgive myself for being human, hug my kids and apologize if necessary and don’t drag the guilt with me.
Following because that mom guilt is real, and I get it
More self love. Patience stems from stress, and if you’re stressed out because of your kids, you might need to take some time for yourself.
Count to 10 & then 10 again.
Try switching off, but not to the point of not knowing what they are doing…I have 5 kids, 10, 9, 7, 4 and 2… imagine how much patience I need, lol… When they start playing, I switch off, I will still hear when they need me, but them being loud doesn’t bother me as much… it does het easier as they get older, promise
You’re OBVIOUSLY doing the right thing by your kids. It’s okay to lose patience with the kids here and there- you’re human. The fact that you are seeking help on improving your parenting skills to love them in the moment is proof that you’re parenting right! Way to go mom!
Lol u should come to my house. I give 1 warning them I put my kids in time out
It’s just part of it! Just accept your parenting style, and keep it up!
Are you happy and taking care of yourself? Exercising or doing something that helps you with stress relief. I have found if I am not taking care of myself I am often not being the best mama I can be and I am often more impatient. You are a good mom because you care and you are trying. Give yourself some credit.
I have 4, ages 9,5,3,1. They are only loud right before dinner and for an hour after. I usually go to my room where it’s quiet and take a couple deep breaths to reset my patience meter. I have also made the rule that they can be as loud as they want, but only for 1 hour after dinner. If they are loud at any other time, they don’t get their loud time that day. It has worked for me so far.
Give yourself time away. That’s my best advice, happy mom happy kids
You’re not alone I have 3 under 10 my oldest has ODD and my you best likes to chirp him and get him going which gets me going . Then baby cries and sometimes it’s just alot all at once I try my best not to be so crazy at times lol I’m constantly saying stop… be quiter… I find I’m wound pretty tight these days . I refuse to spank or out my hands on them other then hugs.hitting iant acceptable for them so it’s not for me or anyone else either
Children are here to remind you no one is perfect. Also to get even for your own mom. Try humor. It’s as old as time… I wld tell my gang, to take it somewhere else and no hitting. I had no sibling till 10yrs and so I didn’t know what to do with 2 boys. Then I had 3 more from the 2nd marriage, his not me. Then we took in odd assorted kids. Doesn’t matter. They argue. If they can’t get control, then send them to separate areas. Bless them. When you are back in control, take co MN trol of the pack. I found if they are hungry, feed them. If the pressure is low, they are cranky you are normal.and so are you. Everyone to their own stations.
Takes a lot of patience to deal with children thank goodness mine are grown and out on their own. ( even tho I miss them dearly.) I use to walk away for a minute to cool off then let them know they are being to loud, fighting or play wrestling to rough, stop running through the house. Maybe set up some time out for them or take things away for awhile. Being a mother isn’t easy, just one moment at a time. Best wishes to you
I totally feel you. I have a 10 year old son and 1 year daughter. My daughter screams all day and I get aggravated with the 10 year old easily. Because I’m already stressed out. I’m learning to breathe and take some time away even just to the store
No body’s a super patient, just be understand, & good luck
Im working on this too! Your not alone i have found to stop and count, numbers keep your brain from freaking out or just so quick to say no or stop that! It also helps for kids or anxiety attacks or whatever! Literally just start counting, doesnt even have to be in order. Also, think to yourself a couple questions, “are they doing something that will get them hurt?” “are they doing something bad” or “are they tearing something up?” If all of these questions are a NO THEN START COUNTING AND LET YOUR MIND TO CLEAR i hope this helps, (ps. At first its hard to remember to do but once you start getting into the habit of it your brain will just automatically start doing it!
A lot of us are like this in a sense. We have 5 (12,10,9,4 & 2) and it gets crazy here. We tell them to settle down a lot of to be more quieter and I do lose my temper at times and then mom guilt gets bad bad. I always try to be more easier on them when they’re just getting home from school though because kids need to unwind and have been stuck for 6-7.5 hours (our kids go 6.5 hrs a day) with very little time outside.
I do try to do more activities with them to keep them busy like holidays crafts or asking for help with things. Don’t be so tough on yourself though, you’re doing the best you can. It gets overwhelming at times with little ones especially if you don’t get out much or many breaks. You need you time sometimes!
You have learned all your life. Talk to them about how they feel. Not the basic emotion. See if they are confused about what they are feeling. The more they understand the more you do too will help. Makes emotional security and self understanding. They feel as lost as you do so lets learn about ourselves.
There’s nothing wrong with telling a kid to stop doing something as long as you aren’t mean. You don’t sound like you’re going too far with it. You’re doing fine… stop expecting perfect parenting it doesn’t exist.
I took some parenting classes. I learned to do active play. Having things structured.
Good on you for seeking advice, I’m the same with my 6 year old
More self care equals a less cranky u
We all need it
To not run on empty
Plus kids r annoying sometimes. Dont fel bad for not enjoying their company 24/7
Following to come back and read.
You moms are all perfect moms for your kids . Maybe not for someone else’s kids but for yours your perfect
Believe it or not and against popular belief… kids CAN learn self control… they can be taught how to sit down and be quiet for certain amount of times… trust me… its taught and too many kuds are lacking it. If they cant do it now… they will have problems in school… i never blame a “disorder” on a childs behavior. Behavior is taught and CAN be corrected.
Before you know it you will look back on these times and remember them as good times the kids will grow up before you know it
Honestly… smoke a little bit of weed
Be patient with yourself before you’re patient with them. You need to give yourself the opportunity to think before you speak and act. Remember who you are. Remember who you want to be. Remember what you want to happen based on your reactions to their behavior.
If you’re not flipping out you’re patient enough
Get a councelor/therapist for yourself. I love my kids, my therapist can vouch for me lol. Parenting is hard, I love my kids but single parenting is the roughest job I’ve ever had…it’s also the most rewarding. Patience isn’t something you strive for it’s something you have to choose. I could lose my temper but what’s the worst thing that’s going to happen if I don’t? Hang in there it get’s easier.
There’s a group on Facebook called gentle parenting. (Sorry if I’m not allowed to post other fb sites can delete if needed) it’s a really good site that helps with all kinds of ideas and has various resources to help parents be more gentle, patient, and kind. I really enjoy the site very much! It’s been a good reminder for me from time to time when I’ve needed it.
Before you react ask yourself how you WANT to react, challenge yourself to speak and be gentle when you don’t want to be.
listen to the therapist
What I do is go to the pantry (closet lol ) shut the door with whatever snack you grab and pretend you are in your favorite place for about 15mins do this as many times you need each day you will not only give yourself alone time to breathe and not care what they are screaming for but you will laugh at the fact you are hiding in the closet also try finding something to distract say hey who can tag mommy first gets to pick…!!!
Kids will be kids. I’m a stay at home mom. And so I had to learn quick. Let them be loud and crazy and do almost whatever they want and during nap we call it quiet time they are to sleep or do a quiet peacefully activity. And I get what’s called mommy me time after dinner when dads off work. Lock myself in my room and think and pray
remember why you had them , think of folks that can not have children and ask God for strength . No one is prefect