Hello, how can I bond with my 7months old son?..since birth I have always felt like we don’t connect. He would cry relentlessly, even I would try soothing him, but it wouldn’t work. I would try to breastfeed him, but he would refuse…but when held by his father, he would fall asleep almost instantly, in less than 10minutes. I now have a nanny, and he refuses to be fed by me. But with the nanny, he feeds very easily and completes his meal. When I try to soothe him to sleep, it can take me almost an hour for him to sleep, and that’s with several holding positions. The nanny only holds him for less time, and he’s asleep. When he sees the nanny, he smiles…I would have to play with him just to see his smile …I am frustrated a lot that I am not being a good mother or that we will never bond at all. So much I am scared to have future kids because I can’t handle not bonding with them. Please help me, is it a phase now or that’s it?he’s not going to have a relationship with me?
Just hold him and spend more time with him. Sounds like maybe he spends more time with the nanny.
He can feel your tension. Try to let any expectations fall away and just spend time with him.
Are u high stress? Try to relax. Your baby spent months inside bonding with you. I was very stressed after having my 1st and I think it contributed to most of my issues.
Baby can sense that tension and has probably felt it since birth. Maybe get some therapy going as it sounds to me there are some things those of us reading don’t know about you that may be aiding in how you feel and why you feel it, but also figure out a way even when angry frustrated tired all that to allow yourself to feel some type of joy, inner peace so that he can also.
Have you thought about ppd . I have heard a lot of people say they felt this was . Not to depressed but definitely enough to feel disconnected .
Try snuggling skin to skin! Reading or singing to him
He can feel your tension your body language your everything and thats why he is the way he is, I think having a nanny is only making it worse because he’s obviously bonded with her so bonding with you is goin to make it harder.
I can’t relate but my daughter is 6 it sucks. I have no advice 
I felt like that for a year with my son n I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I would go speak to your doctor.
Talk to your doctor about PPD. Sounds like exactly what youre describing.
He’s feeling your tension. Relax…do push it…let him come to you. Little steps…get to know him…just RELAX.
He can feel your stress/anxiety. I know that doesn’t really help in how you feel, but he can feel it and it stresses him out. You just have to remain calm and relaxed, keep trying to play with him and bond with him. Put him in a front pack type carrier and go for walks with him every day around the same time if possible. Create little routines with him. This happened with my daughter (6th child) She only wanted my husband. I was stressed though constantly because I was supporting us and going to school. I had to slowly build that bond with her and build routines with her. Now she is 2 1/2 years old and she loves her mama. It took a lot of time and working with her. We did baths every night around the same time for a long time (even just to play in the water) and then I would rub her down with baby lotion and get her into pajamas and we would snuggle for a bit and I would put her to bed. Just don’t give up. Also, not every child is the same. All 6 of my other children are 100% mamas babies and want me all the time. So just because it’s taking extra work to bond with this baby, does not mean that you will have these same struggles with future children.
He is probably sensing your stress. Try to relax. Maybe talk to your doctor.
Definitely talk to your doctor about possibly having postpartum depression. This was one of my signs too. After I talked to my OB about it and got the help I needed, that feeling went away and I was able to bond with my son. Also, bath time is a great way to bond. It’s a great way to relax and help the baby relax. It will get better mama 
Definitely seconding this: read with him and talk to your doctor and a therapist about PPD.
Awe. Have you talked to your OB about these feelings? I had post partum depression really bad with my 4th and it presented as anxiety. Please talk to your doctor about your feelings. Also, please don’t fear not bonding with your baby. It will come. Also, bonding doesn’t look the same for everyone. You are doing great!
If it was me, I’d cut back the nanny if possible and just spend more time.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble. 
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When I took my daughter for a check up when she was a baby, her doctor asked if I left her with a babysitter to spend me time. I told him I did and he said that helps keep the mother and baby with their stress. Maybe spend some time shopping or doing activities outside of your house sometimes to see if that will help your bond with your baby. I actually was living with my parents and was fortunate enough to have my mother as a babysitter. Maybe take the afternoon to spend with a friend. This will definitely help with your stress levels. Including baby.
What brings you joy ? Hobby or sport or ?? What makes you happy when you talk abt it ? Like for me its rafting, even if I talk abt rafting it brings me a inner joy . So hold you baby and talk abt the thing that makes you happy and joyful even if it’s just writing abt it he will feel your inner joy and you can start there . Even if it’s short intervals.
It took me 8th months and the lifting of tons of stress off my shoulders to finally bond with my son. It takes some of us longer than others. Keep trying. Don’t give up. One day you’ll look at him and it’ll be there.
Talk to him like he understands you because he may not understand the words he can feel your tone and excitement.
Babies can feel out nerves and anxieties
Talk to your doctor about PPD. I suffered horribly with PPD/PPA for a long time, I wasn’t able to get help (Yay Army in a foreign country, in the middle of a PCS, during Covid just starting…) but “luckily” I’ve had horrible depression and anxiety my whole life so I know how to survive through it at least. But that definitely made it harder to handle all of my son’s issues in the beginning.
Babies are very attuned to stress and tension so he is most likely feeling and feeding off of that. It’s hard (trust me, I know), but you need to relax. Deep breathing, focus on things other than what is triggering you, and take breaks if needed. Set him down for a minute and walk away to calm yourself if you get too overwhelmed - It makes a world of difference.
And try to handle him more on your own if possible. You cannot fix things if you’re not working on it!
It’ll be difficult for a while as you work on bettering the situation, but you’ll get there. 
The fact that you’re worried about “not bonding” enough means you’re already a great mum, there may be other factors in play like mentioned in other comments but give yourself a break, hes only 7 months old, it may take u longer to rock him to sleep but you’re still trying, he may not take a bottle for you but you’re still trying. Being a parent is so hard, but you care, so you’re starting with a solid foundation! The rest will come. In the meantime celebrate the little victories, him smiling when u say hello, a game of peekaboo, anything at all, and just keep going, you’ve got this!
If you tense when you hold him he will feel it try to relax when you hold him .
Don’t feel bad, its good your trying, if your not back at work hence the nanny, I would say time is the best thing to give him, skin to skin, eye contact, bath together, feed him as much as possible, playtime, walks, just time time time! Go to the doctors to check for PND but you can get this bond with him it just takes time. Maybe between your husband and nanny theyre taking over and he is confused, just relax and enjoy him
Aw mama. Big hugs. Are you ok? Are you suffering from any sort of post partum depression? Bring your bonding issues up with your doctor, they’ve usually seen/heard it all and will be able to provide you resources.
You need to speak to doctor.You may be stressed.Do spend time with baby.Put him in carrier close to you.Carry him soothe the baby.Play with him.Good luck.Enjoy the time.
I would definitely talk to your doctor.
Sounds like you have pnd/ppd please see a dr I had it it’s nothing to be ashamed of but fldefinitly something you should seek help with xxx
My youngest was bonded to my husband more than me. In our case…my husband worked nights.
So when he was a newborn and sleeping all the time he was mostly in our room with my husband. I only had him while he was awake.
On my husbands nights off he took care of the baby.
Even when my husband worked our oldest was sleeping in our room (long story)
When husband switched to days…his days off he had the baby while I took care of and homeschooled the oldest. He took care of the baby a lot at night because I had to crawling over husband to get out of bed…and I couldnt go back to sleep when I got up with him but my husband could. Oldest also has special needs and demanded A LOT of attention. Especially when homeschooling.
When we moved, my oldest was able to go back to school and my husband was at work leaving just me and my youngest home together.
And our bond SERIOUSLY improved because we got a TON of one-on-one time that we’d always missed out on. We got to play and snuggle and eat together.
You are definitely not alone.
I would suggest talking to your doctor about ppd/ppa.
Then I would play with him. Play with him as much as you can. He enjoys playing with you so doing that will help improve your bond in other areas.
And remember babies are sensitive to the emotions of the people around them. So when he’s struggling to sleep or eat with you…dont focus on you being frustrated. Instead focus on your love for him and try to adjust your perspective to getting more time with him rather than “having to deal with him”
Maybe send dad out for a trip to the store and you stay home with baby for some one on one time.
My oldest was like that. All she would do with me was cry to the point she would vomit whenever I went near her. I tried everything but she wanted everybody but me which made it hard because I am a single mom who lived alone with her. She’s 14 now and is literally my best friend. I don’t know how or when but somewhere along the way we developed an unbreakable bond. Don’t give up. Babies can feel your frustration and anxiety and it will cause them to cry and push you away. Try meditation to calm yourself before you deal with him and go to him with a clear mind and emotions. This will pass
My dear friend, I do believe you are struggling like I am with my 9 month old son, and it’s post partoum depression and this is a completely normal feeling to have with this type of depression… Please find something to let it out, for me always been journaling! YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER! YOU ARE DOING GREAT! You are learning and doing EVERYTHING you can EVERY DAY! I felt this with my son and still do and the biggest thing I’ve learned so far is BE SELFISH AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, do the things you love EVEN MORE! Another thing I’m still learning but will do is when I feel like “my son won’t love me” “he will resent me for having to leave him with his grandparents one day cause I had to WORK” “he doesn’t love me.” “We don’t have a bond cause I didn’t breastfeed like my sis in law told me” I feel these all the time and when I do, I’ll stop and play even more with my son, sit and love and cuddle him even more, I’ll take him out on walks, I’ll sit there in the frustration when I’m trying to get him to sleep, I’ll take that 2hours to get him to sleep. I’ll FORCE MYSELF to build that bond, because it’s not HIM OR YOU it’s THE DEPRESSION! It’s a fight for your life every day with it but I swear that bond is there you gotta build it and say FUCK OFF DEPRESSION! DO NOT BE AFRAID TO GET HELP, PLEASE IF YOU FEEL THATS BEST DO IT! I support you!
I don’t even know you but reading this touched me and related to me because we have different stories and lives but we are struggling with the same thing.
It took me a few weeks to connect with my daughter after she was born. She cries most of the timw even if I held her close but when my sister or someone else would hold her she’s very calm. I was anxious and worried as a first time mom, I was scared that I could go wrong in caring for her. Then i was told that babies can actually feel what the mother is feeling. I think that was the reason why she was very uneasy as I was always anxious and tired and worried. It wasn’t easy I was frustrated but after a month or two, things just went smoothly. You got this, you’re his mom. He is the only person who knows your heart even from the inside.
He feels your energy and clearly it’s not good
I had PPD and this was exactly the relationship I had with my daughter when she was first born. Everyone told me that if I was worried about “not bonding enough” it means you’re already a great parent. And you are!! I have no advice when it comes to what you could do more or less of. I would just suggest seeing a doctor for PPD.
But it does get better!! My daughter is three now and a total mama’s girl. Sometimes it’s not an instant bond but a growing one. You’ll get there! You’re doing great mama!
The baby can feel your hesitations and so he reacts the only way he knows how. Before you pick him up you need to take some deep breaths and calm yourself down. Make sure your muscles aren’t tense and have positive feelings before picking him up. Trust me he knows all your emotions. He was inside you for 40 weeks. No one on this planet knows you better. Good luck. You got this.
If your upset , worried , or nervous around the baby he will pick it up … you need to be claim … take deep breathes and relax before picking him up … sit and have play time while his awake to show fun time with mommy the more relaxed you are the more he will respond
They can sense and feel your anxiety. Just relax and it will come naturally
Lots and lots of interaction so he relates you to fun stuff. When he’s crying etc stay super calm and whispering. He needs to learn you are also a safe space. The nanny is great but also not helping y’all bond. He’s relying on her now more
Having a nanny does that. Knew a girl who worked for a family and every few years they’d fire all of them and rehire for that reason. Starters calling them mommy etc:…
Make eye contact, smile and talk to baby!
Hugs to you, you could maybe try skin on skin to see if he recognises your smell and voice. And if that doesn’t work a possible try to doctors to see if you could be suffering pnd xxx
Post partum depression, and the baby can sense it get help dear it’s almost normal
Sounds like PND, have a chat with your dr 
See a doctor and spend time bathing him and rubbing lotion on him and reading and anything else that will help him relax with you! He can sense your discomfort!
Maybe examine the way your husband and nanny take care of him and learn from them.
Get rid of the nanny and spend time with your baby. You will never get this time back.
I’m sorry but you need to fire the nanny and do it yourself. If what you want is to bond,it’s not going to happen if there’s someone else he already has comfort established with. Yes, sucks for the nanny, I get it. Sucks for you too because you can’t ever get back this time.
It might be that he feels your energy and that your not connected with him so he feels it, try calming yourself maybe, babies no when theres something not right, I’m sure your get their with him just stay calm and keep trying 
, try talking to a dr as you could have postnatal depression that can be treated with medication.
The baby can sense your frustration so try being calm and spend time with him while the dad is around it may be less stressful for you and hopefully he gets more comfortable with you
You can bond with your baby by getting rid of the nanny lol.
If putting him to sleep takes an hour…so be it… he will eat when hes hungry.