How can I change my parenting style…it seems so hard to do when you just think about it but i am tired of being a mad and yelling mother
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Me too! But these kids don’t listen and no matter how many time you repeat yourself they still don’t listen so it’s hard not too yell
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Honestly, you just tell yourself this is who and how you want to parent and do it. Pick your battles with your kids. Are they just being kids and your annoyed by that (because that does happen), or are they really misbehaving? Take time to yourself. Walk away for a couple minutes when you feel like you want to yell, and gather your words, then come back. I promise, you can do this. Sometimes, let them figure things out themselves.
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It’s hard to be a gentle parent when the kids are not to gentle 
I used to tell my daughter that if I have to repeat myself I will do it twice , the third time I will talk with my hands 
she never really understood what I meant becasue she was smart enough to not find out
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I read a parenting book that I want to tell you was called “one, two, three, take five” or at least that was the concept it taught. It was super helpful through the toddler phase. 3 warnings (and it can be over the course of time, not just in a matter of minutes) and then they take a five minute break. Not necessarily a time out, but kind of. It can be in their room where they read a book or do something else quietly. Whatever it is, it’s somewhere they don’t get attention. It gives you time to cool off to prevent the yelling and gives them time to self regulate.
It also depends on what works for your kid. For my 10 year old, losing electronic privileges hurts his soul 10x more than me yelling ever could. My 6 year old though… that boy is wild, my “mom voice” is perfected because of him.
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A lot of this comes down to your own ability to regulate your emotions. And i know how that sounds 
new age blah blah. But its true. I grew up in a chaotic house in terms of yelling amongst other things so I can be very military myself but did learn over time the ability to disconnect from frustration, take a second to level myself again and go back in to the situation being able to clearly communicate expectations and what’s going to happen if xyz doesn’t stop/change etc. Beyond that it’s just being calm enough yourself to spend the time in being consistent and sticking to what you’ve said. No it’s not going to work suddenly, yes kids are always going to try and push the boundaries but eventually the kids learn to take your lead and simmer down a little, for the most part lol
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Look into anger management and emotional regulation books, classes, techniques, podcasts, etc. Practice calming techniques every day.
To get them to listen, instead of yelling repeatedly, get down on their level, hold their hands and look them in the eye as you say seriously whatever it is you want them to do.
Get the kids to figure out what needs to be done and ask questions instead of giving orders. Ooh, what am I thinking? What needs to happen here? Why do we need to (buckle up, wipe up spills, feed the dog, clean up your room, etc.)? How do you plan to clean up this mess? What is the first step? Do you need me to help you brush your teeth or can you do it by yourself?
I find a chore chart helps. And put down stuff the grown ups do too. Give stars for things done on time and correctly, but don’t expect perfection. Give points for doing tasks the first time and without complaining or fussing (our kids got an extra star for that). If they get most of the stars for completing tasks, they get a treat at the end of the week, like staying up an extra 15 minutes, picking out the main dish for an upcoming meal, a trip to the park, a call to Grandma, etc. Don’t give too many food treats to avoid eating disorders.
You can check the chart periodically with them daily and that’s usually enough of a reminder. They understand what they have to do in a week or two and will check it themselves (and police their siblings 
). That way you can avoid yelling. After a while (a year or two) it will be second nature and you won’t even need the chart anymore.
Add, subtract or change the chores weekly at a family meeting where everyone gets to speak. When they complain, put the situation on the agenda and tell everyone to come to the meeting with solutions. If they bring it up again, just let them know it’ll be addressed at the meeting. I find it helpful for the person speaking at the family meeting to have an object to hold and no one can interrupt while they’re speaking and holding the object. I usually let the youngest go first, and on up to the oldest adult.
Don’t beat yourself up for yelling; we all do it, but work at finding other ways to get your points across. Remember you are modeling behavior to your kids. They will learn to yell at you when they are upset. Challenge them to figure things out for themselves.
Good luck! Learning to be more emotionally mature will help all aspects of your life! 
Seriously take a breath and ask yourself, will this matter in 5/10 years? Maybe adjust your feelings ot thoughts on the situation. 
You figure out why you’re so angry & you make a conscious effort to change those feelings and resentments, along with your actions.
& Hold yourself accountable 🩷
Start an “Anger jar”. When you slip, curse, yell, get angry over small things, you gotta add a dollar. AND write down in a journal WHY you added a dollar. 
At the end of the week do a “family reflection” with your kids. Ask how they felt in the moment that caused you to add a dollar.
When the angry mom is gone, use that money to reward yourself for your changed behavior 
& Ask your kids how they feel with a less angry mom. 
Just one step at a time. I was also an angry, received mother. Every night take a few minutes to think about what you could have done better, hold yourself accountable, and do better the next day. Spend some time figuring out triggers and coping and it’s good to figure out your attachment style too.