Need some advice on how to dsciplne my soon to be teenage son without being to rough that he would hate me but enough for him to learn. He’s starting to slack off in school trying to act all big and tough around his friends to fit in. Starting to talk back when he never used to do it. I really want him to grow up a decent good man. Any advice to moms who already went threw this?
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Don’t worry if he hates you for a while - don’t try to be his friend . He will find security in the fact that you are still the mom in charge and have rules ! I’ve been there and my house , my rules ! And I didn’t back down ! And yes / they are 34 and 30 and are great men
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Start taking things that he really likes away if he is going to disrespectful and not do his stuff for school. Meaning take phone, video games, any technology, not hanging out with friends outside of school, etc He is becoming a teenager and learning what his boundaries are with you. He is learning about him self and how he can be around his friends.
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Take him to the city and he can tutor kids that would love a chance.
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Don’t be afraid to make him mad. Parent first. Be friends later, when you’ve raised a good man.
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Follow through on all consequences. What I did with my son, I said if you don’t do this, than this is your consequence. So he knew ahead of time how long he would be grounded, what would be taken away, and extra chores he would get. I also wrote up a “contract” that laid everything out, we both signed it, so he couldn’t come back and say “you never told me”, “that’s not what we agreed on”. And when he didn’t do what he was suppose to, I followed through every time. I’m not saying it was easy, one year, he was grounded for 6 months straight. And boy that was rough! and I’m not gonna lie, sometimes it wore me down, to the point I cried and thought to myself it would be easier to just give up. But I didn’t, and I’m glad I didn’t, because one day he will look back and know it all came from love and me wanting him to succeed. But whatever you do mom, do NOT give up or give in. He will be mad, but that’s part of parenting. And when you speak to him, speak from a place of love, and what can YOU do to help him. And why’s it’s so important that he understands, why your pushing him to do better and be better. Talk to him like a human being, not like a child. Not the whole, “my house my rules BS”. Respect goes both ways.
It is normal for teenagers to start pushing the limits, but he needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions.
Does he have a cell phone that you pay for? If he’s slacking in school, a warning 1st, then take it away for 24 hours. Still slacking and being disrespectful? Another 24 hours. He improves? He gets it back.
The thing I learned in parenting classes is you have to be consistent no matter what. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
You have to praise him for doing well too.
Teenagers all have things they love. Their phones, friends, freedom, etc. As parents we get to take those things away. We’re teaching them about the real world. Don’t take everything away when he misbehaves. Just 1 thing and no longer than 3 days. They stop caring after 3 days.
Both of you write and negotiate the rules too. Write it on paper, both of you sign it, and hang it on the fridge.
This is a tough age, but you can do it. Stay consistent! We aren’t their friend. That can come later. We’re preparing our teens to be adults. Don’t forget to have fun with him too. ((Hugs)) 
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Your his mother not his friend. Be honest and straight forward about his misbehaving and what the consequences will be.
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You’re his parent not his friend. I raised two boys by myself and I was tough on them. He may dislike you but he will get over it.
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The fact we can’t even say discipline is sad.
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He might hate you for a minute but it won’t last. He’ll get over it. You’re his parent. It’s not your job to ensure that he likes you. It’s your job to turn out a decent, productive human that society doesn’t want to throat punch if they have to deal with him.
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If he is talking back ground him and tell him if it continues his phone will be next. Have a conversation with him and let him know it is not ok to be disrespectful.
As far as schoolwork goes, pretty common at that age, especially with boys. My daughter did well in school and did her homework no problem. My boys were the same way as your son. I started keeping in contact with teachers. I had one that use to text me regularly and let me know what he should be doing and how things were going in class and with his work. Having a set homework time and monitoring them during that time to make sure they were doing their work and no phones during that time. I even threatened to go to school with them. Dress super weird and sit in on their classes, introduce myself to everyone as their Mom. I had full support from the teachers. That definitely helped, kids hate to be embarrassed, lol.
Is there something going on at school. Is he finding it difficult or having issues with his peer group? He may be acting out in an effort to show he “doesn’t care”.
Does he have any interest in sports? My youngest son was in 6th grade last year he was slacking off doing his work and getting it turned in. Was always turning in late. This year he’s in 7th grade and has started playing sports and he’s been staying on top of his school work. Because if you don’t pass you don’t play. One day after football practice the coach mentioned his name as one of the 4 students that is doing really good and trying to support other students who are slacking off. He’s constantly telling me of one student that I’ve seen talk a lot of crap at games, coaches don’t let him play because of his attitude and my son has tried talking to him. Before this year my son was always wanting to just play the PlayStation. But I’m glad he has stepped out his comfort zone to play sports. He tried out for the basketball team last week. The whole trying to impress other kids is one thing I haven’t had to deal with any of my three kids. Which I’m glad, especially raising three kids on my own since they were 8, 7 and 1. My oldest son is now 21, daughter is 20 and youngest son is 13. Older two have graduated, son is working and daughter is going to school to get her license to be a nail tech.
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Is there something wrong with the word discipline?
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Might have needed to start a while ago. Also you’re re his parent not his friend. Him hating you at times is apart of life. I cut my kids from their friends and technology. Not very original but effective.
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Sometimes you can’t parent correctly if you also wants to be your kids friends, they have plenty of friends at school, so … you have to be the parent .
Who cares if he hates you , that is a risk that we should take if we want our kids to turn into decent human beings
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I take my kids phones away and make them work. Extra chores. Oh and no friends allowed over.
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Take his phone away or no friends till he brings up grades or at least shows effort
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parents seem to wait way to long to parent their kids. if you want to raise them right, you need to start when they are very young. You can’t just wait until they are teens to start to be a parent. spankings when they are young and they will learn when they are little. This world is so fragile now as parents try to be friends with their kids instead of being a parent.
Why is DISCIPLINE edited out like it’s a bad word? Seriously?
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You have boundaries and appropriate punishments. He misses out due to groundings, take away his phone, gaming privileges, etc. Maybe he needs to take on more responsibilities for himself at home. Kids should “hate” you occasionally it means you’re not being a doormat when they push boundaries. We aren’t our childrens friends, they have actual friendships for that. If this is the first time you’re trying discipline or punishments then it’s going to be rough. You have to be consistent!
You take his stuff until he can be respectful. Phone tablet gaming system tv in his room etc. take it until it improves.
I was just put to hard work. When I felt big enough to challenge as a teen. Pulling weeds in the texas heat. You name it, I had to do it. Checked my attitude real quick.
Be sure he is not starting to struggle with school work for another reason… slacking by choice or is there another issue. Also, there could be a teacher he just doesn’t do well with( it happens)Hang in there, be consistent, they will try you!
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Legit just went through something simular with my teenage son. His grades weren’t slipping but his attitude towards us was absolutely terrible and completely unacceptable. He made seem and sound so bad at home. He had social services brought in because we had to physically remove him from our home after we caught him stealing. He made it sound like we were beating him. We don’t even spank. Social worker gave him 2 options, he can stay at home or go to a group home. He obviously chose to stay home. We grounded him for 2 weeks with a few extra chores. Last night we made a break through. He came to us and apologized for everything. Realizing life at home isn’t so bad. Realizing he has it pretty good here as long as he’s following rules.
It’s normal for kids to start pushing back a little. They’re working out permanency in relationships, boundaries etc. But that doesn’t mean you tolerate it. I’m assuming he has a phone and gaming console like most teens…if he is being rude or not doing his work start by taking those things off him, ground, make him do chores, no allowance…what ever he responds too.
Take away his phone. Make him work for things that he wants
Remove “without being to rough that he would hate me” from your thinking and I’m pretty sure you know what to do.
If possible put him in extracurricular activities occupy his time with constructive things to carry him in a positive direction
Take away electronics . Or turn off internet only allow him to use it after school work is done . Don’t let him go out for a certain amount of days
If they don’t hate you at least a few times during their teen years, then you must be doing something wrong. Lol
You can’t be afraid of him hating you!! If he doesn’t hate at some point an time your not doing your job
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Check out his crowd I always told my kids you become what you run with
Ah those teenage years are the worst
I remember them well from when
My kids were teens
My teen grand son is terrible for going to school
So we locked off internet to his
Room and when that doesn’t work
We wait for him to go somewhere
And take away all his HDMI cords and batteries from romotes
I guarantee that will hurt your teen more
Take away his electronics . Phone , computer . Things that bother him. It works . Can’t reward bad behavior. He needs to be taught what consequences are when screwing up . Start with one week but do not give in until one week is up . Or it will never work . If you give him a allowance take away a $1 everytime he disrespects you by talking back
Adolescents want and need limits. He won’t hate you. You aren’t supposed to be his friend, you’re supposed to teach him how to behave so that nobody whips his butt.
take away tech
its ur job to parent. not to b friends