How can I ease my nerves about being intimate after birth?

How did you battle being anxious after childbirth when it comes to intercourse? I have fully healed downstairs and ready to go, but I’m so tense and nervous to the point it’s causing me pain. I just can’t relax even I try to take it slow; any advice or tips have got lubricant but haven’t given it a good yet.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I ease my nerves about being intimate after birth?

Don’t feel pressured that u have to. Wait until u are ready. After my 1st I waited around 8-10 weeks. After my 2nd, I didn’t want to at all. It was around 4-5 months before I did & even then I didn’t really care at all.
When u do decide you want to, take it slow. Lots of foreplay & lube. If it hurts, stop. Just try to relax & concentrate on the feel good.

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Go slow maybe start with just oral and hand play without penetration.

It’s totally up to you when you feel ready. If you don’t, don’t do it…

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Make sure your partner just takes it slow. If your are healed it shouldn’t be painful and it’ll get back to normal. Just go slow :slight_smile:

Start with masturbation

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The only way it worked for me was on top.

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You have to be comfortable and ready! Keep in mind it could very well feel different because you actually went through a traumatic event down there even if you had a “normal” birthing experience.


It took a little while to enjoy intercourse again right after healing. Try to have a lot of foreplay. Gives you time to get good and wet and for your body to react. For first few times my kids dad and I just played around and did oral. Make sure to go slow and easy when you do.

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Have a drink, relax, see where it goes.

stay hydrated and take your time

Just breathe
I went through this and the first few times did hurt … and I didn’t even have a vaginal birth.
Lots of lube and a lot of foreplay
And just mentally being there and let yourself go with your partner
I couldn’t sleep next to my partner for 2 weeks cause I was in hospital and then a further 5weeks for me to heal
So I was ready to go when I got the all clear
And I was anxious as hell and yes it did hurt and it took a good 2-3 goes before it felt normal and pain free and now it’s the best it’s ever been for us which we both agreed on.

Have a glass of wine.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I ease my nerves about being intimate after birth?

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I ease my nerves about being intimate after birth?

If you’re anxious then you’re not ready. Being “ready” doesn’t just mean physically. Your mental and emotional health are just as important. Rushing yourself or allowing him to rush you will only emotionally/mentally scar you.


I don’t know if this is a thing, but has anyone heard of the “husband stitch”? I’ve heard it’s an extra stitch your dr might throw in there while stitching up tares from labor in order to help tighten you back up. Might be total bs, but I was told about it after trying to resume a normal sex life with my husband, and it being extremely painful. We waited a couple months. Maybe too soon?

I was also really anxious and nervous and I explained all of this to the hubby and told him that if I ask him to stop he needs to stop and understand that im not ready. He was really understanding and supportive and didn’t push my boundaries at all. You have to communicate with your SO otherwise he might not understand

Have a glass of wine, smoke a bowl, take a nice hot bath. Whatever relaxes you. Talk to hubs about what’s going on. Extra foreplay is key! built up enough sexually tension and ask your husband to help get you out of your head. To get a nice hybrid lubricant (waterbase if you have an issue with some) have a nice long make out session, feel like your a teen again. Take it SLOW maybe even take a couple days to built up some suspense in yourself. Also try masterbating and getting yourself off. If you can get your body to start loosing up and easing that fear it may help make it easier when you try intercourse


I was ready before my 6 weeks. Like I was so h*rny everytime lol but I still waited bc I didn’t want infection. Had 1 vaginal and 2 emergency csections. I was scared after the csections to have sex bc I thought it would be extremely painful but it was not at all. Just go slow the first time and after that it should be fine. Unless you have endometriosis then yes that would be extremely painful from what my friends have told me.

Start with external stimulation the first couple of times. Kiss, touch, play, use a vibrator, etc
Once you both get reacquainted, full intercourse will happen naturally, without the stress and nervousness you are feeling now.
Don’t worry about forcing full intercourse at first!


Give yourself grace- I think this is a problem many women have! As others have said, try gentle foreplay. Or ask for a back or foot massage- something that will relax you a little. And don’t be afraid to use lots of lube- it is your friend!


Foreplay out of the bedroom is just as important as in the bedroom. Remember to pamper yourself also. If you’re not feeling sexy it makes you tense when the time comes, so try to take time for yourself to enjoy your body however you’d like.

I waited over a year to have sex after my first. I left her father when she was 3 weeks old and couldn’t be with just anyone after that. It only took two weeks after my 2nd for my husband to talk me into it. It didn’t take much, my hormones were off the charts crazy. It was so different than the first time. Every pregnancy and recovery is different. Don’t rush, but don’t feel the need to hide either. You’re ready when you’re ready. Mentally, physically, sexually… It’s all gotta come together before you’re going to be comfortable doing it and no time frame is wrong or correct.


Look into Breathing exercises. Sometimes after having a baby in can take a while for the vaginal muscles to relax. Your vagina just went through trauma be kind and patient to yourself. If pain continues talk to your doc.

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Start with just cuddles and a massage and see how you feel from there. Lots of foreplay and lube may be needed. I found once getting over the hurdle of doing it the first time it was alot easier afterwards

Just ask your partner to take it slow the first few times until you are more comfortable again. It absolutely can be scary. Pushing out a baby wreaks havoc on your body and healing afterwards is different for everyone. The first few times could be slightly uncomfortable especially if this was your first baby. Being fearful of something you haven’t gone through before is normal. Yes lubricant can definitely help and again take it easy at first


Just because you’re physically “able” doesn’t mean you’re ready. Wait until you feel comfortable both physically and emotionally. I waited several months before we became intimate again.

I think it’s not just being read physically it’s mentally as well. I felt the same after my child.
Try suggesting going out for a night, meal, drink or cinema. Just you two, try to get the romance back. Suggest he runs you a bath wash and massage your back and have a glass or two of your favourite drink. Hopefully this special attention from the man you love and fancy will help the nerves. Use the jell make it part of the playing! It will return just takes time cuddles hugs and love, oh and a understanding other half. Good luck :wink:

Foreplay is the most important thing when it comes to sex ESPECIALLY after just having a child. I’ve had two kids and with my daughter I waited til I was ready. My husband would always ask me if I felt comfortable and if I said no he would drop it. I was ready to go a few days before my 6 week checkup (and I had a C-section) and everything went fine. It all depends on you and how you feel, but more importantly how he makes YOU feel

See your OB. Mine prescribed a mild non-drowsy muscle relaxer to help ease my body.

Use the anal weed lube it worked for me after my first born it numbs u so u don’t really feel the pain

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Labour is no joke… some people cruise through and others end up with PTSD. I’m in the PTSD club… just give yourself some time to recover and tell your partner to become familiar with Pamela Handerson

Get one of those lube syringes and shoot it up there…trust me, it helps.

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Don’t push it, I recommend you listen to your body

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: I am not laughing at you specifically but when I read this, I instantly thought about after I had my daughter. I didn’t have intercourse for the rest of my relationship with my daughters father…2 years. Then went another 2ish years. So technically 4 years. I didn’t feel sorry for it at all either. 🤷

Anyways, just take some more time to heal mentally and physically. More mentally than anything. After I had my daughter, I had mentally broke up with her father. (Not just for getting me pregnant but for a lot of other reasons that were worse than getting me pregnant. I don’t regret my daughter at all. She is my world. I just regret her father.)

Start working out. Slow and gentle home workouts in the beginning and gradually increase the intensity. Both your mind and body will come round to intimacy as you gain confidence in yourself

Never had that issue after my kids were born.

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Think of it as like the first time!

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Try foreplay first. That might make things a little more relaxed. Yes, use lots of lube. I understand your nervousness. No shame.


Lots of lubricant! Good luck.

Alcohol and lots of foreplay :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Do a full body message first then into foreplay and so on… the massage is supposed to relax you so that you can enjoy the foreplay afterwards and hopefully that will work… use lube after all oral actions… and anytime you feel like you need it…

Okay honestly tho, some woman really do just have a hard time having sex after birth. Even though it’s all healed, it can still hurt. I forgot the term for it but it’s basically your vagina muscles not being ready for intercourse still. You have to keep excercising them to make them strong enough to handle sex. Or if it’s just you’re anxiety about sex afterwards I really recommend tons of foreplay before penetration and maybe a glass of wine to help relax you or tea if alcohol isn’t your thing. But mostly, don’t rush yourself!! :two_hearts:


Trust your husband to be loving and gentle. Enjoy each other’s touch and feel. If need be use a water based lubricant ( plain) such as KY Jelly. It will be ok. Just relax and enjoy and remember what your love has already given you.

Ima ho lmfao I was ready


Lots of gentle foreplay


Talk to your other half! You need to explain you feeling mentally and physically, talk it out, book a baby sitter and a date night, you don’t have to go anywhere but try and reconnect…have a nice meal, nice chilled bath, together or not, loosen eachother up, take it slow… but only when you’re ready! If he’s impatient then he can self serve or wait till you’re in the mood to please him without sex, if you’re not comfortable talking face to face then get creative and cook him breakfast with a note of how you’re feeling! Most of all stop stressing, chill and don’t put pressure on yourself!


Honestly, with my first took me forever to be comfortable being intimate again. Lots and lots of lube, and then I actually had to start having um…love myself…lol…sessions to break up the scar tissue I had (I tore while having both kids, but I think the first dr did a frigging “husband stitch” bc I didn’t have nearly as many issues with tearing the second time around)

Definitely four play helped a lot mentally to make me ease up and some lube. Absolutely :100:

Have a drink, go slow with lots of foreplay. Also talk with your partner. And after all that you still feel super uneasy then that’s okay. Dont put so much pressure on having intercourse right away, your hormones are still adjusting.
Lube also helps and lots of it.


Lots of lube, some pot if you like, a drink if not, a hot bath with your favorite scents and bubbles and a massage as part of foreplay may help :two_hearts:

Yep my doctor said lots and lots of lube. It takes a while for your hormones to level out for natural lubrication. Also go slow… and dont put pressure on yourself. Your mind is focused on being a new mama. It took a long time for me to be comfortable again. there are other ways to be intimate without intercourse.


I was that way after my first baby. I didn’t want touched down there for a while. I got over it eventually. I really don’t know how, it just took time.

Dialators can help (especially if you have scar tissue on your pelvic floor)

Try and breathe through it, I know its scary. If you drink/smoke, have some, then try, maybe? Or some mood music or something? Timing is key as well.

Maybe try getting more comfortable with yourself, try masturbating for a bit. Low levels of estrogen are 110% normal after giving birth which could be the potential reason you may be feeling pain. You have lube so that is a great start, there’s no rush take your time, makeout sessions, foreplay, incorporate toys that you are used to or just fingers. You will know when you are ready. Take your time and be comfortable, let your partner know how you are feeling.


Take Your Time. It will come one day…if you need months, let him wait🥰

And I found something for you. Guess what it is

I would just wait and give yourself some more time. Everyone heals Physically, mentally and emotionally at different times after child birth. Its ok to not rush right back into sexual inner course right away. Maybe try another way to be intimate like back massages, old fashion make out sessions, ect and ease back into things as you feel most comfortable.

For me it was like I was a virgin again. Start really slow. The first time after my son we tried and just him touching it with the tip hurt and I told him I wasn’t ready… We waited another 2 weeks and I was able to do it but just ease into it slow.

Talk to your partner about it. Explain you afraid. You just expelled a whole human. I promise you though ,if you take it slow itll be fine

took me 7 months after my first and took me almost 2 years after my 2nd … :woozy_face:

Do things solo in a shower :grin::grin: you need to relearn your body before you invite someone else to come play :grin::grin:

Not one of you all are worth a shit