So I’m pregnant with my 2nd. My bf and I have another one together that resulted in the breakup but decided to get back together. The first one was hard because he didn’t support/help my emotional changes. The same thing is happening, and I’ve been trying harder to explain whats going on with me. It seems like I’m going down the same road, but I do want to try to steer another direction. How do I explain to him what I’m dealing with to keep the peace and so he can understand?
Take him to a ob appointment and have the doctor explain the hormone changes
Just be honest and it’s okay for you to have these concerns… i completely understand what you are going through. Its crazy enough that our bodies go through so many changes and that we go through many and i mean many hormones. As a mother all you is for your family to stay together. The best way to say it is just to come out and tell him how you feel
Would he be will to read What to expect when your expecting?
Write him a letter and explain what’s going on, that way he can digest the informationin his own time and respond accordingly
Try and communicate with him in a healthier way eg choose to discuss certain issues what’s bothering you when the issue is not bothering you so when you’re feeling ok, quite chilled and ready to have an honest conversation… You’ve both been down this road before so he knows what you’re going through and is doing the man thing of being ‘blissfully ignorant’. I’d remind him of what happened last time and that you’re trying to avoid that happening again- let him know that you’re trying to not repeat history… Baby number 2 is always harder as you’re still looking after baby number 1. Be direct, be transparent and be honest… wishing you the best of luck xx
Sometimes men have a hard time understanding the emotional change due to pregnancy and these woman commenting have great ideas
It appears you need to think long and hard about your choices.
Sit down n cry about your feelinv
If he doesn’t know you’re pregnant, then you best tell him quick and see how he reacts. You will either leave or he will understand and support. If he doesn’t want another and honestly, he may not want to go down this road again. be prepared to speak with an attorney!!
Take him to dr appt so the dr or nurse can explain it in words he can understand. He clearly can’t grasp this simple science of pregnancy.
One thing I have read is often people shut down when you point blame regardless of pregnancy or not(not saying you are) but a good way to practice changing to communicate. In place of you should of… can be maybe we can.
Or you didn’t… Doesn’t look like either of us. You need to…The both of us need to work on…
I understand I am feeling emotional from pregnancy but can we instead of you.
Type of things or.
This house is a mess, can’t you just help.
This house is a mess it would be great if we could get it looking better.
You went back, again, and got pregnant a second time?!
I’m sorry I feel it is so selfish for men to throw shade at this time. I broke up with my husband every other day when I was pregnant and I called him some horrid names he never held it against me
It’s curious why you wld imagine it wld be different the second time. I’ll never understand why we do the things we do. You already had proof of how he behaves in the situation.
If he was useless the first time round what ever made you think he would be any different the second time
Why would you get pregnant by him again if he was a peice of shit with the first one? I’m sorry but you sound pretty stupid and maybe you need to grow up a little bit and realize you have two kids to raise and quit worrying about him.
Honestly, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to get respect and support. It’s a given that women go through many hormonal changes while pregnant. He just needs to be supportive because you’re growing a tiny human in you.
Now, if you’re needing specific help, tell him exactly what it is you’re needing- whether it’s to be held or helped with housework.
Was number 2 pregnancy planned? He might be peaking again about the responsibility etc.
Why would you have another baby with him? He obviously hasn’t changed. Leave.
Write him a letter? That way you can say everything you want to say without getting interrupted or anything. I do that when I feel my partner doesn’t listen or understand x
Honestly i would try to have him go to the doctor with you so they can explain why you’re acting as you do and how it’s changing you and the tolls on your body
Counseling could be a good option, also have him go to your doctor appointments with you too
Pregnancy and some men just dont mix … lots of men are messed up .
He didn’t understand the first time. You left. Now you’re on round 2 and he still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t want to “get it”. We can’t change people. If you truly want peace end this crazy cycle you put yourself on.
I honestly don’t know what you aren hoping to hear from everyone but the blunt truth is that nothing is going to make him understand or change. You’ve been down this road before, it’s sad to see that you chose to do it again. Nothing will get better so you’re better off counting your loss and focus on raising your children. And please, don’t have anymore children with him!
You stupid AF if you thought it was gonna be any better/different!!! Bless your heart!!!
Tell him exactly what you just typed.
It depends he’s either not really into you or your needs are over the top.
I’ve seen both where guys either didn’t want kids or didn’t want kids with that person but later on feel like they have to be with that person and I’ve seen woman who use pregnancy as an excuse to be utter needy nightmares.
Some guys just aren’t interested until the baby is born so don’t get excited much or feel it’s real.
Bit hard to give advice when the information is vage
If they don’t care enough to respect you right the first time there is a very very good possibility he never will. Bad move! You should never have to explain this.
Relationships are hard work and ever changing. Ask him flat out if he is willing to work with you and the kids, or if he wants out. Thats the first step. Then go from there. He might be nervous or have underlying issues…(how was his parents/family life…past relationships make him insecure?..depression over not feeling he is a good enough husband/dad/provider?) Could be just immaturity and he doesnt see a great woman in front of him.
Honey, this is just gonna get worse with him…example: Child and you get ill at the same time - he thinks you’re ‘being lazy’ when you ask for support from him while ill…Get the paperwork done correctly the first time with custody stuff so you don’t have to put up with his selfish ways and have them bleed into your children for the rest of your life. I feel for you…here’s a big hug… now, be healthy through this pregnancy and find joy for you and your babies-you deserve to be happy and loved.
Wow so much for support!!! The only thing I can say is you are going though an emotional time he don’t understand bc he will never go though it. If he tries then that is something if he just don’t care that’s not misunderstanding.
sometimes straight up Beach everything okay tell him exactly how you feel and be bare Bones about it and tell him how you look I’m not giving you an ultimatum but you know you need to help me or you need to go on down to that gumroad cuz I don’t need your help and that’s what you need to tell him cuz my wife told me that and I’m like what what can I do to help you know and that’s basically where you got to get to hey look I need some help and this is what I need That’s what you need to say darling
Honestly just throw the whole man away and get a new one.
Being selfish and unwilling to understand feelings/sympathize doesn’t mix with being a parent.
Even if he doesn’t understand he should still support you and treat you right.
You didn’t learn the first time??? Good luck.
Are you saying that you emotionally have changed not him right? So does he need to understand or do you need a solution for the change in your body? Sounds like pregnancy/Postpartum￼ depression just by assumption and in that case it has nothing to do with him it’s how you are choosing to see the situation??? I had ppd with all 3 of my pregnancies like BAD! But that’s not your spouses problem. I’m sure he’s having a hard time with this as well because I’m sure you’re acting differently toward him so of course his guard is up at this point?! Maybe try to understand how he is feeling. Obviously some things can’t be fixed but if y’all were good before the pregnancy’s it’s likely a you problem not a him problem definitely advise counseling if y’all are both up for it.
You’re kicking a dead horse. Move on and take care of yourself and your kids.
Run girl run. Worry about you and your children. He’s not your child, you can’t force him to man up, he’s not your responsibility. Raising children is hard work, if he can’t handle you pregnant wait until the real work begins.
Walk away. Seriously, what’s with all these women asking if they should stay with losers! Focus on you and your baby.
Thing is, if he doesn’t want to or care to- he won’t, and there is NOTHING YOU CAN DO. I hope that everything works out for you.
It’s time for you two walk away and stan on your on ground as a woman and a mother…he wasn’t good. Then…and he ant going two b now.???
Hunni…men just don’t get it…simple! Pregnancy is fucking hard…as is newborns… toddlers …kids… etc…they can’t understand that if ur at home dealing .they’re at work…think uv got it easy…
How easy is it for U2 to talk when alone? If ever u have without kids ?
Have u tried getting a sitter…go out just for few hours…for dinner…and open up
If he doesn’t want to understand, he won’t and unfortunately nothing you do or say will change that. You left once for a good reason and i know its hard but it’s not going to get any better no matter how long you stick around. It’s better for you and you children to get out while you can amd don’t look back.
He isnt going to change…if your unhappy and want change…your going to have to be that change and do what makes you happy
“He got me pregnant once. Proved he’s a piece of shit. So I went and got pregnant with him again. And now I’m confused as to why he hasn’t changed and is still the piece of shit he was the last time I got knocked”
Wat. In the ever fucking fuck is going on in this world. Straight insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results .
He won’t change. Look around, if your okay with what you see for the rest of your life, than by all means, have at it. But understand that what it is right now is the way it will ALWAYS BE. FOREVER. Do better for yourself and your kids. Be happy. Be a good fucking mom and don’t settle for NO ONE that doesn’t have your back, 100%.
Baby daddies be coming back into your lives like
My fiance was the same. Men dont understand because their not in our shoes. Where our hormones change theirs dont. So its hard for them to understand all that because they dont go threw it.
I realized it was all me. My emotions were threw the roof it was always an up and down wake of emotions and he didnt get it because it wasnt his body going threw it.
You have to remember its alot on them too. Tho their bodies dont go threw it its still hard for them to understand why their woman is having these emotional rollercoasters and ultimately can hurt a relationship.
Keep it in mind. Your hormones. Ik when your pregnant it doesnt seem like its you but it really is.
I realized that once i look back on everything. Let him comfort you and support you even when it doesnt seem like alot because my ole man didnt do the extent i wanted but i realize its because i felt like i needed overwhelming reassurance and attention.
Idk why its like that and we may never understand it but like i said keep in mind its likely the pregnancy it doesnt mean hes doing anything different. Its just how it is for some reason.
Try not to make him feel the overwhelming pressure. Cause it can happen that way. My husband said the same thing and when i looked back i realized it.
Emotional support mental support help at home all that is good as long as hes doing that and your not making it impossible to do. Cause thats the road i was going down. Itll be ok.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein
Why get preg again by the same ass clown?
A good man will support you and you would never have to worry! Don’t settle for anything less, and do what’s right by your babies. All us women go through trials in life, you’re not alone. We will support you no matter what you choose, and I think deep down you know what the right thing to do is.
You explain to him where the door is because if nothing changed before it’s probably not gonna change now. You deserve better, even if it means being alone.
Jesus us females never learn. Hes obviously a loser girl. Move on.
He didn’t get it and you did the right thing by leaving. He won’t change unless he wants to, and he doesn’t want to. Leave again, but don’t look back this time.
Stop having babies with your boyfriend.
Why have another with him if he was like this before? Get on birth control or have an abortion. But don’t put yourself through the same shit again. Unless your pregnant and plan on breaking up and taking child support
Write him a long letter.
Leave him for good this time.
When he lives alone and you make him take care his kids
Bring him to M.D. appt., Classes.
Baby, he showed you who he was the first time, you should have believed him. Sorry you’re going through this.
You should get the hell gone from this guy . You got two strikes . Three strikes and you’re out in anybody’s ball game .
You didn’t learn the first time you are also a fool
You all act like people cant change. Maybe the fact she never new how to express her emotions is the reason why he was never there for her emotionally. This is not about the man. A woman needs to understand her own emotions and self in order for a man to understand. Stop expecting men to be your full time support. You need to understand yourself first! If you dont know how to put it dont expect him to understand. He cant read your damn minds.
Wow some of y’alls comments are very insensitive. Don’t tell her to get an abortion and don’t put her down for being pregnant. You do not know the details.
In response to the post, some men just will never understand it. My fiance didn’t get it the first time and doesn’t get it this time. They can’t begin to comprehend what happens to a woman’s body during pregnancy, the same way we sometimes can’t quite understand men and their hormones. But it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t know how he is supposed to act, that’s not his fault. I try to be very patient with my fiance when he isn’t understanding, just as he is trying to be patient with me BECAUSE he doesn’t understand.
Run:running_woman: he’s never going to under stand he/ you left the first pregnancy what makes you think hes going to be different with this one. …
You can’t fix anyone or make them change. You left before. Why would you think itd be different now? Im sorry, but this is gonna suck.
The best advise I was given is… write it down. It’s so much easier to write things down this way we are able to say what we need with out interruption or judgment. It also alot easier to Express exactly what your feeling if you write it out.
Should have swallowed it
Should have drank it in a cup
He is not going to change. Not after baby 1, baby 2, baby 3, baby 4…you get the point…move on girl
I was here and just again moved into my own place. 10 years two kids a million broken promises and a billion I’ll change. He never changed and I moved on. Its better for the both of us and amazing for the kids!
I’m so surprised at a lot of these comments and the immaturity. Some men don’t understand what women go through during pregnancy. But stay calm and talk to him calmly and honestly if that does not work, because it happened with baby 1 he might not change. And then that’s something you need to take into consideration if you should move forward with him or not.
Its hard when your pregnant going through all lot of emotions. I went through that 4x with my husband. Each time I was pregnant I had walk out of our marriage. It just seems much worse with a child already and him not helping out. I know took me 4x.
Shame on him the first time, shame on you the 2nd…
This is what happens when people have children before getting to know each other, and going through the natural progressive building of the foundation of a family with an engagement and marriage. Not to imply all marriages are built well, but there used to be precedent for it.
Get him the So you’re going to be a dad book
I went to therapy for myself during one of my pregnancy. It helped me deal with my things. It could help you
Everybody who responded negatively, are dumb as fuck and I hope yall experience this shit she is going through
I’m so sorry you have to go through this not once but twice. This should be the happiest time for you. If he just doesn’t understand your emotional needs.(cravings, aches, and pains) Try parenting class together or read a parenting books together. The shit sounds lame but it could help. And what Jenny Fisher Goodrick suggested that sounds good too. And let him tell you how he feels too put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes as pregnant women it’s all about us and don’t consider his fears and anxieties.As long as he’s not abusive in any way. (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially) Try to work it out. And after this one birth control honey. Don’t want to go through this again. I wish the best for you and your family.
And please don’t listen to the assholes in the comments their miserable.
Why did you think it would be different?
This is really sad, I mean, reading your plea for help and the answers you got.
To the mom who wrote this question: ask people for advice who genuinely have your best interest at heart. I think, unknowingly, some of these comments may have made you question your identity and your entire universe. It’s important to ask people that you trust, who know you and the entire situation these types of questions.
We (an audience of strangers who are all probably single mothers) got a few facts - not the whole story. We are all looking at your unique situation through the lenses of burdens and blessings we’ve each had. I know (from my unique experience) that it means something that the father of your child came back, and he’s trying.
Is he trying more than the last time? I don’t know… maybe there’s more details left out of the equation that we can’t see from your question of a few words above. A few words doesn’t tell a few years of details that only you and him are privy to.
Honey, whatever the situation - I wish you so much love and confidence! It’s going to take strength to trust again - it seems (from my limited info) especially him. From my experience, much gain comes with much risk.
I am 4 months pregnant myself. My situation isn’t ideal. I have kids with an ex and, now we’ll be a blended family.
I understand (for me) it was hard to stay, and I understand (for me) it was hard to leave. Life is hard either way, beautiful!
Reach out to people who will pull you up and not down!
They don’t change girl and it’s gonna be a hard lesson for you to learn either put up with it or leave for good there is no inbetween this ain’t a fucking movie stop fantasising thinking it all gonna come together like it dose in the movies make believe don’t work sis grow up yourself harsh but it’s the truth…
Who the fuck just says to a pregnent lady obviously going threw a hard time to get an abortion. Sick people!
I am bringing this up only as the devil’s advocate, but have you specified what it is, exactly, that you expect from him? Telling someone what you’re going through doesn’t quite lead to them understanding what you need. Men in particular have difficulty understanding how deeply emotional women are, and pregnancy and even years afterward, a woman’s hormones are all over. That being said, we really can’t allow our emotions to control our behavior, and rational thought needs to take a place.
What is it that he is doing that needs to stop. What is it that he isn’t doing that he needs to. What specific issues do you have, and what can he specifically do to support you through those issues. I have a feeling that this could all be solved with real communication, and not just discussion of feelings. But all I know is what’s been posted here, which is you are emotional and despite telling him you’re emotional, he still doesn’t do what you want him to.
There are 2 sides to this and I dont think anyone here can truly understand whats really going on. If this is something thats happening due to his inability to understand the hormonal changes that are happening within your body during pregnancy its really not his fault. Men dont comprehend how those nasty pregnancy hormones affect women. They dont experience those insane hormone changes. Luckily mine werent so bad, but some women really go through it and its just impossible for men to 100% get it. If this is the case things will pass once the pregnancy is over and the hormones begin to regulate.
Now the other side of this is that he could he being an insensitive ass. If he is just that kind of awful person who has an inability to sympathize with anyone and just generally doesnt give a crap then he is most likely not going to change and if you cant live with it then you know deep down what needs to happen…for good…because the back and forth and up and down isnt good for the kids.
The fact that this seems to be happening ONLY when you are pregnant makes me think it is more of a struggle with pregnancy hormones and less of an insensitivity/ass thing on his end. But its impossible for any of us to really know.
My husband never understood pregnancy. Didnt understand it made me tired or the cravings or emotional feeling it why I had to go on bedrest or any of it. He wasn’t being mean, he just didnt understand. It use to make me so mad and then we would fight. Once I realized that he did not get that it was considered a disability, I was able to present it differently. Being emotional was still there, but I learned to just go lay down instead of deal with his idiocy. Once the kids were born, he had something (or someone lol) that was tangible. He could hold and care for and love. He changed and is an amazing father. A lot if men suck with emotions and things they cant see or feel. If you want to work it out, try to be independent and put less stress on him about it, but still include him. If he isnt interested, dont press the issue. He might just be a dumbass like my husband.
he your OB explain it to him
He’s using you for sex most likely. He’s not ready to be a father and why would you even have unprotected sex with a man who left you with your first child?! You deserve this drama but your kids don’t, grow up and get on birth control.
A BABY IS NOT GOING TO FIX YALL RELATIONSHIP! What were you thinking!!! Geesh… it’s clear that hes not ready to be a responsible father/partner. Dont do that to yourself.