How do I explain an unsafe person to my child? My daughter’s father is not safe, anger issues and etc. How do I explain she is unsafe there? Any advice?
How old is she? Is there court ordered visitation?
Depends on how old but u can seek help with a psychiatrist depending on how old your daughter is
Why do you allow your daughter to go there if it is unsafe?! It makes no sense at all and makes you also “unsafe” as a parent. Also, NEVER put a parent down in anyway in front of a child especially if you are still letting her see him. If you in fact think he is unsafe, please seek legal advice from authorities for precautionary measures.
Just a guess… but I would assume she doesn’t go to her dads and the mom is trying to explain to her daughter why she doesn’t go there.
Daddy is a person that can hurt people, mummy doesnt want you seeing daddy because you might get hurt or scared and mummy doesnt want that
Depending on how old she is I would sit her down and break it down for her, don’t down him, just explain that daddy may not be in the best place right now and his actions may not be the best thing for her to be around right now
if you think he is unstable and dangerous and you have a court order contact the court and have an emergency hearing have it ordered that until he gets help (if needed) that he can’t see her or he has to have required visitation under the courts orders
I dealt with this with.my ex husband. I actually had my childrens therapist take control of it. I didn’t want the kids relationship with their father to be ruined. But I wanted them to understand why they aren’t allowed to go to his house or go anywhere with him with out the supervisor for visitation. This definitely depends on the age also.
Daddy is not being the best daddy he can be right now and until he is Mommy just wants to keep you as safe as possible until circumstances change. Hope that helps and good luck
You don’t say daddy is unsafe. You say people. She will plug the two together on her own.
We had to do this regarding my fiances ex…we put it into terms that not all people we may know are safe, some are dangerous and explained to them stranger danger isn’t just about strangers. (His ex was caught molesting a 14yr old and it has come out she has done it to multiple kids)
He’s sick and until he can go to the doctor to get better you can’t see him because I don’t want anything to ever happen to you!
That’s what I told my daughter about her father. He has anger management issues due to addiction issues
I use the words ‘tricky person’. You don’t want to say strangers because sometimes we rely on strangers like police and doctors. Tricky person can sometimes be a close relative. It’s a bad feeling.
Some children can’t explain emotions like anxiety and fear, but they may say they have a sore tummy, or chest hurts etc. Their bodies may be feeling ‘really fast’ or ‘really slow’. Look up zones of regulations. It explains emotions using colours which I think is great. It helps children to recognise and explain their emotions. This also helps with recognising uneasy feelings around certain people.
This graph is a great visual activity to do with children while explaining your inner circle and greater community
This is how I explained it to my kids when they were small. You know how we have to ask before we pet a dog, because sometimes they’re not safe to pet? Same with adults. Ask before you speak to a hug/whatever and adult because not all of them are safe to talk to/hug/whatever.
Keep it simple, don’t offer extra info. Only answer their questions as they come.
Find another way.
Go to court, get supervised visitation.
I understand your need, but it’s better to let the child figure that out for themselves…
She will figure her father out on her own. Don’t put things in her head about her father. Unless a court has ordered he stay away then I suggest you watch what you say about her father or it will come back on you
Hey, so you know how sometimes people can do unsafe things or maybe they need time to fix themselves? Daddy may need some time so for now you can have fun with (insert name of supervisor) and daddy. Wouldn’t that be fun? As soon as it’s fixed, we will let you know and things will go back to how they were. Okay?
Dependent upon age I would look at story books.
If he has drug or alcohol problems you can blame it on that–that is what I told my grandkids when their father was in prison (he was actually a sociopath but did not want to explain that to them). Just that he had a problem with drugs and until he got better they could not see him even after he got out.
Talk to a therapist and take her to one as well. The best advice I ever got was from a therapist and she took all of my guilt away from having to keep my daughter away from her Dad when he wasn’t a healthy person to be around. He eventually got help as a result and doing great now and she was little. I don’t think she can even remember luckily. I know I just eventually was honest with my daughter and told her that her Dad was sick and that he could not be alone or drive with her that it was not safe for her.
It depends on her age, but I just wouldn’t let her be around him without supervision.
My son farther is also not safe he is on drugs and alcohol and he bullies our son he has slap him in the face twice push him down hit him in the head with a pencil gets a towel twirl it around and snap it on him called cys they don’t do shit its court order for him to go …had our son in the river by him self…im beyond worried for my son safely…he always mention about child support like im taking him broke …he quit his job so now he doesn’t pay child support…what a joke with the court system we have
My son grandma knows as well see it and doesn’t do anything about it but make excuses for him…and she’s on this site as well i block her bc she doesn’t give a crap about her own grandson
I wouldn’t say negative things about him if she isn’t old enough to understand he’s not safe than she probably shouldn’t be fed adult explanations that might compromise how she will naturally process the info when she is old enough.
How is he unsafe. What about his anger problems. What’s causing it. Does he really have anger problems or is it cause he stands up to you about wanting to see his child. There’s not enough information to go on
I think it depends on your child. If your kid is very aware of bad people then be open as you can with her age. Or if she isn’t aware, then just try to explain that some people are like the villains from scooby doo.
I can relate to this situation. It being her father I would absolutely not recommend ever trying to compare him as a “villain from Scooby Doo” nor as a “bad person”. What is the age? If the courts are allowing visits and there hasn’t been any aggression towards her then I’m not sure it is the time if she is very young. If no visits are allowed and your child is wanting to know why, etc then there are ways to explain such as using the words you did in the question. “Unsafe,” can have anger issues and aggression, etc. Really not much to go on here.
Honestly U can’t say anything I’m in the same situation my son will be old enough soon to know what his dad’s like kids arnt silly trust me she will be the one telling U about her dad
Don’t tell her about her dad specifically. Say an unsafe person is someone who hits (specify not spanks but punches, kicks, hair pulling, throws things) out of anger or makes you feel scared like they will hit you when they are mad. Also if anyone says don’t tell anyone or don’t tell mommy, they’re lying, no matter what they say tell the next adult you see.
That’s a tough one. no advice but goodluck.
If he is unsafe are social services not involved? If so they will advise you and if not then maybe you should seek advice there are many womens advice lines out there who can give you the correct advice. Good luck and keep yourselves safe
Just be honest w her
I’d be straight up with her if she is an appropriate age.
How old is the child… I wouldn’t say nothing until she is old enough to understand
I agree this requires more info. Like how old is the child. Is there a history of violence? Has he ever hurt said child? What exactly is his anger issue? I know my daughters dad can make me angry and we yell, but my anger is directed at him, nobody else. I mean if you truly are worried about the safety of your child you need to get the courts involved.
A child will figure out that on their own. I say this bc my kids visit their bio dad every other weekend, while I know an abusive, drug addict felon my kids don’t see that side of him.
Be honest. You don’t have to go into explicit details but let her know something like “I want you to know that so and so isn’t safe to be around alone because he/she has been known to be dangerous to others.” Then give her a plan if something ever happens like he shows up at her school or something so she knows ok if I’m cornered by this person this is what mom told me to do…like run to a house or call the police…
If he’s that unsafe go via courts and do it properly with supervised visits. Nothing to hide if he’s that unsafe.
It will prevent the child going there and everything supervised? You’re also not preventing her from having some sort of relationship with her father then too…
This isn’t an appropriate place to ask this. They need to talk with a professional. I know, it’s an unpopular opinion but this could mean so many things none of us know and none of us are qualified to just say what someone should or shouldn’t do.
How old is she? My daughter us 17 and I told her my mom is toxic to us. Mainly me. I ended up cutting my mom out of my life and my daughter’s life until my daughter is no longer considered a minor child. She knows my mom is toxic but she still loves her.
U all got anger issues
Show her not to put up with it and how to be a strong woman not to put up with it
Im a firm believer in never speaking Ill of the other parent. Especially to the child. Theres ways of saying stuff in a appropriate way. You never tell a child grown up business. You can say things like “daddy has some things hes having to deal with but he loves you etc”
Need more information… and if it’s unsafe why is she there? I’m not being mean just curious…I would give examples of unsafe behaviors but would not want to use Dad or his name. Give examples and resolution to said acts.
Why come to Facebook for that why not seek some professional help…you want to be sure you are getting good advice …any advice given here really isn’t good advice since there is very little info on the specific situation
Write a story book and put her main character, use pictures in your book and read it to her, keep it and one day your child will read it to someone else
How old is the child ? Is this your opinion or is he really an angry /bad person. If he’s so bad , why is the child going over there/want to? Just playing devils advocate.
Do you have a court order saying he is not allowed near the child?How old is the child …Anger issues??? Has he been angry with you and child ,had violence in the home towards you/child …not sure how to answer this one/give opinion…but either way if you truly feel he is not safe for your child to be around then you need to do it the proper way…go to court ask for supervised visits, request he go to anger management take a parenting class or something, maybe don’t say anything to your child yet until you get something in order. .not sure age of child but if they ask maybe just say dad has some things he needs to take care of before he can spend time with child…best of luck to ya
Is he really unsafe or are y’all just toxic? Like, can he be a good parent and you are just too controlling and want it done “your way”? What exactly makes her “unsafe”?
First - as long as there is a court order stating the father is to have no contact - you simply explain that the person has made choices in life that make it impossible for them to be part of your life.
I had a restraining order against my stepmother. She was 18 kinds of bat shit crazy. As soon as my child was old enough to identify people on her own - we showed her pictures of her and simply told her that she made bad choices in life and could harm her.
As she got older we explained more about mental illness and how it causes people to act inappropriately. How to run and scream if she sees her (it happened on the playground at school one day).
We got lucky and she died 2 years ago.
But it really is age dependent and if the court has ordered the person to stay away.
I mean she said anger issues thinking if someone being angry all the time and yelling around a 7-8 year old it’s unhealthy and sadly our system is so broken and when they get to the proper authorities to raise the issues it’s usually to late
I hope you put personal feelings aside and relay the facts. If not, when this child gets older, they might resent you for possibly lying.
Wooow ignore half these comments. Tell her daddy is sick and needs to get better.
I worked for a childrens company/charity that could help in this area.
You need to do this properly and with professional help, not just saying things to your child. It can cause damage that you will have no idea how to fix, And it could only get worse.
If you do need any advice, please message me and I can give you information of the company/charity.x
My father raised me & my mother was unsafe sometimes but he always made sure I had a relationship with her. That’s what real parents do.
I hope this page blocks half of these pos commenting on here.
Some harsh comments on here… If you are assuming she is “keeping her children from her flesh and blood” then surely you can also assume that something has happened that made this mother worried enough about the safety of her child to have to ask publicly. Very hypocritical to assume the father is good and it’s only “personal issues” when you can’t consider all of the unknown factors as to what the father is doing. Don’t attack one parent and then gloat the other- you are doing the EXACT same thing that you are “assuming” this mother is doing. Just move on if you don’t have anything nice to say, c’mon ladies can’t we be better than this? Have you never felt stuck before? You should be ashamed of yourselves.
Depends on how old the child is. If theyre not old enough to understand on their own, I wouldn’t say anything
A lot of people are jumping to conclusions about this mom and it’s sad… Without knowing more of the story they have simply said that the parent was unsafe (which unfortunately happens more often than you may realize). How can you assume she’s lying about that? That’s not an easy situation to be in and to be asking for help to explain that to a child doesn’t sound like she is asking for ways to keep her kid from the father, it sounds like a mom who is concerned about her child’s understanding of their current situation and wants some help in explaining it appropriately. So much for moms helping eachother… So many judgmental people.
The fact that they’re are women on here calling her a liar or even questioning it, IS BEYOND ME. She stated that he isn’t safe to be around and gave a explanation on why and asked how to explain it to a child.
Everyone saying “this is court business” is not actually responding to the question.
I have been through court with my child’s “dad” and still had to explain to my child that his sperm donor in unsafe. Try explaining to them that it makes you scared them being around them or that you worry about them. They don’t need much explanation at a young age. That they can tell you anything anytime, so they understand if anything does happen they can tell you. Unfortunately with the shitty way the court system works the best you can do is document EVERYTHING if you genuinely think your. child is unsafe with them or just don’t let them see them. Feel free to inbox me, I am about to go through court for the third time with my child’s “father” and I would love to help anyone avoid the same situation I have ended up in xxx
“My sweetheart, no matter who it is or where you are… If you’re ever uncomfortable, you let Mummy know. There will be a time when you will confidently know how to handle these moments… But til then… I got you ”
- Children don’t need to be bogged down with logistics… They need to know they’re safe or where to find safety when they aren’t
- She will learn what to do by watching what you do
- Demonstrate the importance boundaries
If they understand what being hurt means then you tell them being around that person can get them hurt or if they’re really little you tell them not to go around that person because that person will give them an owie. My son is about to be three years old in two months and I would probably explain it to him and tell him not to go around this person because it’s not safe and they could get hurt and tell them you know you don’t wanna have any alleys or anything and mommy wants you to be safe, and then I would probably go through how they should act or react if they ever did come in contact with that person which for me would be to tell my child to start screaming for help and do what my mom used to tell me to do which is to say this is not my mommy this is not my daddy somebody help. And if that didn’t work I would explain it how I would explain it to an older child and then I would break it down for him
Look at all of you dumb cunt writing your fkn assumptions down like stupid “pick me” bitches she asked a question and didnt give you her life story so shut the fuck up with all ur assumptions you are quick to judge and assume. Ffs she could be genuinely trying to protect her child from an abuser, did you stop and think that regardless of females that do cry wolf there are men that are really abusers? Just shut the fuck up if you dont have words of support or help then scroll passed the post. It could be you in this situation
I’m having hard time understanding the unsafe part? If he’s unsafe and she is having visits with him she needs to know how to protect herself if he becomes unsafe with her. Not an easy discussion but she needs a heads up.
I’d be very careful about this: it’s crap when the other parent talks bad about the other and its not fair to the child.
Just because you and him don’t get on, doesn’t mean he can’t treat the child right.
If that is something you are unsure how or are uncomfortable doing, take her to counseling. Let a trained professional teach the appropriate coping skills and to identify different things from a third party stand point. Thus if courts are involved, you can not be accused of coaching.
Don’t speak bad of her father to her.she will learn on her own if he isn’t a good person.
Not y’all bashing her for protecting her child 🤦🏼🙄
We all have anger issues. Doesn’t mean we’d ever hurt our children. I don’t think you should tell your child what your opinion is of the father, that’s inappropriate.
My kids basically figured it out on their own. They didnt see it at first but now they see “daddy drinks the adult drinks alot” “daddy sleeps until the middle of the day” “daddy and xxxx(gf but I’m not bringing her in it) never does anything with us” “daddy doesn’t ever call us” but I didnt keep them away bc I knew they would see it. If they ask to call him, I let them. If they want to see him, I let them call to ask. It is usually no, but still. I have kept them away maybe 1 time because he didnt have anywhere for them to sleep, and he didn’t have a safe place for them to stay but other than that it was what kt was
“Anger issues and etc” is not explaining how someone is unsafe. If you don’t want to explain, Facebook isn’t the place for the question. You need to speak with a lawyer if he is truly dangerous and keep your child safe in the meantime. Nobody knows how to explain it to the child because there is no age listed and very little information overall.
How old is the child? I would generalize what you want to say to them like if you are ever around anyone that makes you feel unsafe then explain to them how they can remove themself from the situation.
I say it exactly like that, they are unsafe and to keep the child safe we have to take the necessary steps to stay safe. It’s ok to love that person. Not sure if the anger issues are towards you and domestic violence or all around towards anyone. I wouldn’t say exactly what happened and explain in an age appropriate way. Children know and see it for themselves anyway,if they do have to go with that parent just ask them to let you know if they are unhappy and why.
If he’s unsafe and she is in ANY danger, get a frickin LAWYER involved!
If he is dangerous enough to tell your child should they be around him still? I don’t agree with parents bashing the other parent for a minute or withholding a child from a parent but if he’s genuinely a danger then that’s another story. Don’t really have enough context to say too much but if you think your child’s genuinely unsafe sounds like action needs to be taken in other areas to prevent that x
Just to post again, if she is genuinely unsafe, protect her at all costs and report everything. If you just disagree with her father and have different parenting styles… you will embarrass yourself in court unless you can prove he is actually unsafe. Video and audio proof are extremely valuable in court. Also, an app called “alimentor” is fucking fantastic for keeping records
Okay so my son who is 8 was abused by his sperm donor when he was 3. Court ordered zero contact till my son is 18. He has recently started asking questions. I tell him his dad likes to hurt people and shouldn’t be around children. My situation is different since there was abuse but I try to tell him the truth without doing too much bad mouthing. Short and to the point. I have all the court papers and will show him and answer more questions as he gets older if he asks.
I don’t think some of y’all have any reading comprehension whatsoever
Some you are just plain dumb. “That’s not fair” but the kid being beat when he blows up is fair right.
I had to have this sort of conversation with my 3 and 4 yr old daughters about their bio mom and bio aunt. I told them that her head is not right and until she gets better we cant be around her because she makes bad choices. I also made sure that they know to call/scream for me and dad if they see her. You don’t have to be blunt with younger children just make sure they understand danger and know what to do if they encounter it.
More detail and context is needed to be able to give a good answer to this question.
Is he really unsafe for the child, or are you blowing things out of proportion because you’re buttburt? How old is the child? To much info missing to be able to give a real answer. Unless he really and truly bad for the child, you cannot be the one to say anything negative about the father. The kid will eventually figure out on their own what kind of person their father is.
If he’s abusive to her, she’ll know
I would find a way to say it that doesn’t involve saying he isnt good or safe. When we openly say bad things about our child’s other parent, we are essentially telling them that half of who they are is bad. That half of them is no good! I choose to never speak poorly of my child’s father in front of him and I will not allow anyone else to do so either! It is irresponsible as a parent to make that child hear negativity towards the other parent. They will be old enough eventually to tell them the whole story. Until then, make sure it is laid out gently and with their little hearts in mind! Our main goal for our children is to give them a childhood they don’t have to recover from! Best of luck!
Talk about unsafe behaviors and how mommy,daddy or anyone else should not do these actions and how she should tell a trusted adult if they do. That way you not bashing dad. I’m not sure what behaviors you’re worried about but just include what ever your worried about her seeing or experiencing.
If youre asking how to tell her why she cant go over to his house or see him, just be honest. Tailor it to her age. “This person cant be here because they are naughty, they like to be mean to people and that hurts them. Its not very kind to hurt others right? Yeah, its not safe is it? We dont like to be around mean people its not okay.” Etc etc ive sadly had to do this talk with my son because his sperm donor was physically abusive towards him and always screamed at him.
Depending on how old your child is has a lot to do with explaining. As well as if there is a visitation order in effect, etc. If the child is old enough get her one of the “child cell phones” where you can program a few help numbers that if he looses it she could call
It sounds as if he still has visitation rights, so I’d address those concerns with the court. Im assuming she’s not old enough to understand abuse yet. So I’d say something like, sometimes adults aren’t nice and if you’re at daddy’s house and you feel like he’s not being nice to you or if you get an upset feeling in your stomach call me or go to an adult near by that she can trust. I’d try to figure out which adult she can get to quickly if a situation arises. I’d also come up with a code word, only you and the other trusted adult knows. Like bluefish or something. So when she goes to someone she can say oh I saw a bluefish today and you’ll immediately know somethings up and it won’t alert her father. Good luck
Does she need supervised visits , petition the court don’t blast him on face book
My stepdaughters birth mom is a drug addict and has brought drugs and bad people around her daughter. Shes 7 and we try to be as honest as we can with a 7 year old. We just tell her that her mom is making bad choices when she cant see her. Although her mother has told her straight up what drugs are and that she does them we don’t get into all that with her.
It’s hard. Sadly my bonus son (13) isn’t safe around my girls (current court case) but they still love him anyways. They don’t understand why they cannot be alone with him or why he sleeps in our room while he is here.
For a parent I would not speak ill of them just say that they are going through trouble and need to get better. If a court order is in place sadly you have to follow it unless a restraining order or another court order states it. If you are still married I would be careful without proof of the “unsafe.” This can get nasty
How old is your daughter? I’m thinking using a homemade glitter jar to discuss her feelings first (not necessarily regarding dad) and then explaining how dad is having a really hard time with all his chaotic emotions. (His glitter jar is never settled)
General rule of thumb: don’t speak negatively about the other parent, especially when the child is around
Be frank. “Your father is unsafe” if she asks questions, then answer them. Otherwise there’s no need to overload her with reasons. I would assume if he’s unsafe, then she isn’t seeing him.
Do a search for “Tricky people”. I’ve seen some really good articles. Every kids’ show and many books have villains or “not kind” characters.
I hope that social services is involved and this isn’t a mom trying to make dad seem bad. No advice but good luck mama!
Married, both have kids from bad prior relationships.
We have told our kids (8, 6, & 6,)
Sometimes even adults make bad choices and bad choices have consequences. Unless your concerned about your kid letting the person in the house, or going with them from somewhere its probably ok to wait until they’re older to explain ‘unsafe’
Make it a point that you teach them they never go anywhere with anyone with out your permission teach them to be safe
How old is the child? Kind of depends on that. So, if the child is 5 and under, don’t explain, say " I’ll explain when you get older" if , child is above that, say" he needs help and is unwilling to get it, therefore he can’t be around you" .
Been there, you tell her exactly why he’s not safe. My daughter asked me the same thing a few years ago. I finally had to tell her “Daddy isn’t nice and does mean things to mommy”. I have a no contact order til 2021. I left him when she was 1, she is 7 going on 8. She knows now why daddy isn’t nice. You don’t want that around you’re baby, ever. Idc what anyone says, til they have been in you’re shoes nobody will understand. Good luck! I hope for peace of mind for you as a mommy.