Someone will tell her better it be you. Just explain to her who is who and why!
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This is a repeat post. Commented on it about a year ago. Iâm pretty sure theyâve worked it out by now.
Maybe he should adopt as well then legally he is dad as well and that might help her with feelings about it all
If her bio father stepped away and doesnât want to be in her life but this man chose to then he is her real father. I wouldnât even try to tell her different until sheâs older and she asks. If she doesnât ask by 18 then tell her.
I had to do this at the beginning of last year because my oldest son was asking questions⊠We made our own book pictures and all, we gently explained in the book without saying it outright that he wasnât his bio dad⊠We began with âmummy met daddy when you were 6 months oldâ and went from there, how we loved him and all the lovely things we did together as a family, he took it really well!
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Yeah I wonât ruin a good thing if her biological father isnât in her life then by all means I would not tell her but if he the biological father does then yeah I can see that happening
My daughter is 8 and my husband has been her dad since beginning. We started dating when I was 9 months preg (dated prior to me getting pregnant) he is all she knows snd we now have 2 other kids together. I will eventually have to have the convo with her however I donât feel she is emotionally ready to have the conversation
i really donât feel thereâs any reason for her to know at this time. itâs not something you should have a sit-down over in my opinion. just answer her questions as they come up and she will eventually make the connection.
This talk should have been said as soon she called him Dad, in age appropriate terms.
The way my kids explain it is hes their real daddy, the one who picked them.
You should have been honest from the start.
You want to âwaitâ until someone else tells her? 
better for her to hear it from you, and to be truthful.
What if she gets sick and you need health info?
What if bio dad has other kids?
What if she comes across someone to marry and finds out its her dad or sibling?
I mean, âhiding the truthâ is lying! Who wants to be lied to all their life?
Donât. Heâs her dad. Thatâs all she needs right now.
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explain to her that she has a father (her bio) and a dad and she is a lucky girl! the questions will come here and there and sheâll understand.
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You tell her and tell her soon
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Personally I wouldnât⊠This man has raised her, she calls him her daddy and plus the bio has nothing to do with herâŠ
I say honesty is the best thing
Going to sound funny go on tik tok listen to the song step by step from brandon Davis music it might help alotâŠ
Family tree.
We made a family tree.
To young it will confuse her & will upset her
Explain that your fiancee chose to be her dad.
She was 3, she should already know. Itâs your fault if she doesnât thereâs absolutely no reason to keep it a secret. Just because heâs not her bio dad does not mean heâs not her dad. Stop keeping important secrets from your kids people!
So, my person and I have 8blinds between us. He has 2 step kids we claim from his first marriage, he has 3 others who are his and his ex wifes, 1 with me and I have 2 from others. When my daughter was 6 she asked him if she could call him dad. Technically we are not married we have been together for 14 years or so. When our youngest was born it was never an issue, everyone looks like themselves. We dont add half or step. The older boys call my daughter their little sister and our son their brother as do my kids call the their brothers. My son knows his dad isnt her dad Iâm not sure when he knew. But he does. Itâs a non issue in our house. He calls Caitie his sister she calls him a brat. Itâs a normal family. Why do they need to know at such a young age??? If when they are older they ask then itâs an easier conversation.
I donât think I would tell her quite yet.
Or both you and fiance tell her
Only you know your kid. If you feel she can handle that, and you seem to want to go about it in a way that fits her and helps her understand, you should. Some kids are more emotionally able to understand. I think for me it would be most important to explain a father is not a dad. A dad is someone who is there. Loves them takes care of their emotional and physical needs. If her step-dad has done that he is her dad. Blood doesnât mean much sadly. My bf has been more fatherly to my 8 year old than her father. She loves her bip dad, but understands that other people love her. And thatâs what matters
Youâre going to destroy her when you tell her. Be prepared. I speak from experience. Iâll be praying for her.
I have two daughters from my previous marriage and now with my fiancĂ© we have a 1 and a half year old, my daughters have always known they have a biological father. He is in and out of their lifeâs (he appears when he wants to and calls when he wants to) but they also call my fiancĂ© dad (they decided to call him that on their own, Iâm not the one to push my girls to call anybody anything). Recently my oldest daughter who is 8 asked me how come they have a father and my fiancĂ© that they also call dad, I just told her she is very lucky because she has two dads, (mom and bio dad once loved each other and we just wanted different things in life and thatâs why we are not together anymore) I would never dare to talk bad about their biological father to my daughters because of their own good even though he doesnât act or is more involved in their lives as I would like. My point is, itâs healthy for kids to grow up knowing the truth with a positive point of view, make them feels safe and to look at the good side on situations. The âbadâ they will figure it out or understand it on their own as they get older
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Listen my dadâs a total prick. I wouldâve loved having what she does
I was in a similar situation except my oldest bio dad left when I was 4 months pregnant & met her Father when I was 7.5 months pregnant & honestly didnât want to date because of her but he was very persistent & was my âbestâ friend until I was ready. 2.5 years later he became her legal Father after we had our son, we decided to get married. He didnât want her to feel left out and and in our state at the time since she did not have a father on her BC he was able to sign a paternity acknowledgement with no testing and her name was changed. 3.5 years later when she started school she would make reference to some of her friends looking like her more than her own siblings. She is mixed with Caucasian and Puerto Rican her Father is African American. We live in a highly Hispanic populated area. But she never really questioned who her Father really was. Until she hit the 3rd grade. Someone at school asked why she was white and her brother was âblackishâ (in his Dadâs words Yellow). She came and asked and at that point we had her in therapy because we had been through family trauma. So we decided to tell her in Therapy. We talked about how some Daddyâs canât be there not because they donât want to be a Daddy, but sometimes itâs because they are still young and make selfish decisions based on Only themselves and no one else so if they canât take care of themselves How could they ever Protect and Love her the way she needed to be? We told her sometimes when that happens people that are ready to be a Daddy and can love her and protect her get chosen to be her Daddy. It does not mean that she is loved any less it just means that she is SUPER Special, because instead of her Bio not putting her needs first and being a mean bad Daddy, He loved her enough to know the damage that could do to her when she was older so he decided to let Mommy choose a New Daddy that would love and protect her, so then that way Both Daddyâs stepped up the way they needed to to make sure she would always have a Great Daddy!
In My Opinion the biggest mistake that women now days do is talk bad or negative about the Bio leaving. âOh He didnât love usâ âOh he didnât want to be with usâ âOh we werenât important to himâ ⊠This causes long term psychological problems that can lead to many horrible mental and self-esteem issues down the road. We have so many girls settling for ANY lover that will show them that love they have been taught their Bio Dadâs never had for them.
As a Mother that struggled Yes it sucks to give the Bio that kind of credit when they donât really deserve it, However a child deserves to NOT EVER FEEL LESS THAN OR NOT WANTED MORE THAN the Bio Dad not receiving credit for their childâs mental health in the future!!!
If youâre wanting her to still see him as her dad and even trying to get her last name changed, why are you telling her so young?
My now 3.5 year old has been raised by her âdadâ since she was newly 1. He also plans to adopt her/give her his last name when we marry. We donât plan to tell her until sheâs probably a teen or adult and capable of understanding that he IS her dad even if itâs not his blood in her veins.
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At 8 years old she would likely be in at least the 2nd or 3rd grade. She must be aware that her last name is different from her soon-to-be stepfatherâs. She is also probably familiar with the idea of stepparents, etc., as divorce is pretty common on television and I am sure she has classmates with similar situations at home. She may already be more aware of things than you think. Maybe bring up the subject of her last name changing once you get married and maybe see what she says or what she may already know. She doesnât need to know all of the negative details, but I donât think sheâs too young to at least start the conversation.
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Its important for her peace of mind that you donât paint a negative picture of her bio dad. Let her decide when she grows what she feels about him. Telling her at 5 or any that he has rejected her is very painful for any child.
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I think having this conversation followed up by including her in your wedding ceremony with him making vows to her as well would help. My oldest knew from the beginning (age 2), but he knows who his DAD is. Heâs now 12.
I am not a big proponent of ever having a âTalkâ with a child no matter what the topic is. Most kids tune out within seconds and miss what you are really trying to tell them. Plus, you are dropping an emotional bombshell on your child with no preparation. Before you sit down and tell her, I would slowly start introducing movies and books about stepparents (positive portrayals of course) and adoption as themes and then after the movies, casually have conversations about different types of families. That way you start to plant a seed and see just where she is emotionally and she might just surprise you and know more than you think. Also, her reaction is going to largely depend on your and your fiancĂ©e. If you make a huge deal about this, and apologize or have anxiety she is going to also. Lastly, it might be a good idea for your fiancee to propose to her also. I have seen this happening a lot lately where if there is a new father coming on the scene, he uses this opportunity to âproposeâ the the child/ren as a way to show that he is making a commitment to them also.
My sister ruined this for me and my husband. We arent angry just annoyed we wanted to wait until she was older but shit happens. Just wait it out she may never ask or want to know.
BE HONEST.
Keep it simple, straightforward, and donât ramble on to cover your nerves.
She can handle it.
Your fears are yours, not hers.
âHoney, you know that x loves you like a daddy. He will always be here for you like a daddy.
We thought it was important that you know that half of what makes you comes from your mother, and half of what makes you comes from your father. The father parts that made you did not come from x, they came from F.â
Stop there.
Answer questions if she has them, otherwise, let those facts sit in her brain.
Let her know you and x are happy to answer any questions.
Tell her often how much you both love her and DO NOT shit talk F.
And later, or earlier, get your hands on Itâs Not The Stork, or a similar, age appropriate anatomy/ sex ed book.
Been in this situation before. DO NOT tell ur child anythg. They will otherwise always know that ths isnt their real das. Theor actions will b dictated by that thought. Anytime ur fiance scolds ger or punishes her for a legit mistake, ur child will perceive that as unfair behavior.
Let ur child grow uo knowing ur fiance as her dad and later when she is in her 20s, then tell her
She is yet to go thru teenage yrs etc
Let it be. Donât bother
Iâm surprised someone from outside the family hasnât told her. People have done it
Thereâs a book called what makes my dad special by c. Selbherr
Itâs explains the first step in explaining the love a stepparent can feel for their child
I was the same as your daughter. Bio dad not known, step dad doing the hard yards.
I knew since I was little that i had two dads. It was kept very simple. That there was a dad who wasnât in my life but helped mum make me, and the dad who chose to be in my life.
Better to know, than find out at 15, 20 or later.
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My daughter had 2 dads. I was with my now ex for 4/5 yrs of my daughters life and her dad disappeared for 2 of those years. She just ended up calling her step dad daddy (at the time she just couldnât say his name, tho we kept trying) he turned into daddy Jason and her bio dad when he came back in the picture became daddy Kevin. She just knew she had father figures and felt her step dad was a daddy figure. Blood doesnât matter. What matters is who is there and who youâre child feels is a parental figure.
Sit her down and explain why he may not have helped make her, he chooses to love her as his own and the fact that he isnât her bio father, he chose to be her dad
If hes happy being called dad why change it
Why say anything unless she is asking questions
I would advice against using words like âbio dad/ step dadâ for one. Keep it simple- remember how dad put a baby in moms belly? Well he wasnât around yet so name put you in moms belly and now mom and dad take care of you but thereâs another dad who helped make you.
Dad is still your dad and always will be, letâs make it official by sharing the last name of blah blah blah. Answer any questions, sheâs old enough for it.
Only tell her if she brings it up. When I had my oldest daughter her father and I separated when she was 6mo old, so she was very much used to living with dad and mom separately. When I remarried I explained to her that there are different types of fathers (father, grandfather, stepfather, godfather) so she had a stepfather and a father. This may be able to help explain that she has a father that has never been around but has a stepfather who has been there his entire life.
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I waited but only because the chances of him or his family deciding to pop in on her life were slim and she was not ready nor capable of understanding without causing her to have issues with it. Unfortunately at 11 my sister decided to spill it to her and she didnât handle it well. She is now 21 and agrees that she wished she had been older and more mature beforehand and that I was right to withhold it from her. But you need to decide whats best for you and your child and you know what she can and can not handle better than anyone else
She deserves to know but quite frankly maybe she should have known all along. Heâs her Dad! Nothing will change that! But sometimes people face hereditary illnesses or challenges. They should know where they come from genetically in order to get to the bottom of those things. Also, telling an older person/teenager can wreck their whole existence, kids can let things roll off their back a little easier. Best of luck!
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My niece was raised by another man and called him dad her whole life. One day she found her birth certificate with her bio dads name on it. And it tore her heart out. She was so upset and felt lied to. Her relationship with her mom was never the same.
So when my oldest turned 10 and I felt he could understand I told him the truth. He was upset at first. But after a couple of days he came to me and thanked me for telling him the truth. And he said he wasnât ready to meet his bio dad & that the man that raised him will always be his dad.
As hard as it is, I think honesty with your children is so important.
It worked for my son, but you do what you feel is right for your daughter and I hope it all works out. These situations are never easy. 
Hello, when i was in the 4th grade my mom sat me down and just told me the truth. I remember telling her that if I had been any younger i wouldnât of understoodâŠany older i probably would of been mad at her for keeping the secret. I think once she hits a certain age it would be a lot easier just to explain it without needing any extra tools.
Donât say anything let it be , ⊠let her enjoy having a dad u donât have to be blood to be a mom or a dad , I donât believe in labels and u shouldnât either , this is a man who stepped up and deserves the label dad , a dad is someone who cares for u loves u , spends time with u and treats u well , when she gets older way older she will know u can tell her then but until then just let it be,⊠kids do t know the difference nor do they care
Reach out to your school counselor for help and guidance. He or she would be a great help and resource. You could make a appointment with them and tell her with the counselor present.
We told Carmen she had a biological father (abstract word for abstract person) and a real father (tangible person). Refused to hide it for fear she wouldnât trust us ever.
I wouldnot say nothing yet and honestly the step dad is her dad the bio was just a contributed dna , a parent is the person who no matter what took care of a child as if they was there own so if there not asking and its only because the other child looks diferent id stay explane that not everyone looks alike
This coming from my son who found out when he was eight⊠he says he hates knowing the truth he wishes he would have never known⊠he was skinny when he found out and he has been doing nothing but gaining weight and he goes to therapy and he is depressed from the knowledge of itâŠ
(Another case) My husband found out from a from his aunt that his dad was not his dad and he also wishes he had never known⊠even though he is black and his dad is Mexican it never crossed his mind that he was differentâŠ
So in my case I would definitely opt for not telling until she asks questions
A Dad is someone who is there for you for good times a bad . Someone who fathered a child and is never around is just a name, My Mom died when I was 4 years old while giving birth to my 4th sister that made us 7 kids with no Mom my Dad remarried when I in 2nd grade we also got 3 more brothers making it 10 kids I loved my new Mom and always called her Mom unlike some of my sisters . Together they had to more girls to make an even 12 kids 6 girls and 6 boys I loved my Mom like she was my own because I did not remember ever being with my first Mom . After graduating from High school I started college and my parents divorced . My Dad moved out and had to quit school and take over the family business delivering carpets I did the delivering and my Mom did the books. I got into a lot of trouble but my Mom always had my back even when everyone else left me. Love is love it does not need a name!
Explain to her that dna doesnt difined who is your dad, this man has raised you he is your dad just know that your bio dad isnt there and this man is. She should know he stepped up and all kids should at least know who their real dad is.
Last names do not have to match the baby will be ok just explain it or not.
I donât think you just change her last name?
Who makes up these stories?
I believe the sooner you tell her the better. The longer you wait the harder it will be.
When my son was 2 1/2, I met my current husband. My son had seen his Bio dad, my ex husband, maybe 3 times. My current husband helped me raise my son, and their bond was instant. When my son, now our son, was 7, I sat him down and explained everything, my current husband wanted to adopt my son. At 7, my son understood more than I thought he would. I let him know of the good, bad and ugly of his bio dad, who at this point, had seen him maybe 7 times in his life, as a little fella. My son barely remembered my ex husband. My son was thrilled to have my husband as his daddy, which he was already calling him that by the age of 4. Ive always said I would never hide anything from my son or lie to him, even if to benefit him. We are a happy family who all have the same last name, and I wouldnât change it for the world.
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Tell her biology makes you a father Love makes you a daddy
My ex husband and I had three kids. He denied and had nothing to do with the youngest. Now at 11.5 we just told her that the man she has thought was her dad her entire life(he got in her life when she was 2 months old), isnât her biological dad. She took it great. Maybe wait until your daughter is a little older. Gives her more time to mature and register the difference in dad and DAD.
Praying for you all 
Kelly Ann McDermott. This is what I was talking about