This is probably a far stretch, but I need some suggestions. I met my fiance five years ago when my daughter was newly three years old. She has met her biological dad a few times before that, but he was never present. He has no interest in seeing her at this time. She has called my fiance’s dad since before I could remember. We now have a 2-year-old daughter (who looks different than my oldest), and we are getting married this summer. We have decided to sit down and explain things to my oldest daughter because she has no idea that my fiance, the man she has called daddy, is not her biological dad. I am going through a battle to change her last name to match his, her sisters, and soon, mine. I think she should know and we are nervous… I’m hoping to get a book to help explain things but a book for an eight year old. Does anyone have suggestions for a book to explain the difference between bio and stepdads but talking about a stepdad who stepped up and him being her daddy no matter what?
Think you should let it be…Maybe an I say Maybe tell her when she is old enough to understand…Or not at all
This was asked this morning too.so maybe refer to that
She’s just a child. Leave the matter for when she’s age appropriate to handle that kind of load… Let him be dad looks are nothing these days
Maybe look into adoption? As far as not looking alike…makes no difference. (Our 2 look nothing alike. Our oldest looks like me and the youngest looks like hubby).
My daughter is 8 and im not even close to ready for that convo keep doing what ur doing and shell see and understand more when shes older. 
good luck sweets
As a mom who had to go through that when my ex husband left, the only dad sue knew… let it be. My daughter is now 12 and wishes she had not found out. I’d he is raising her as his own let it be for now and wait til she is older. My daughter I had to explain it to her because my ex’s new girlfriend at the time told my daughter “he isn’t really your dad anyway”. I would wait until she is older. My daughter’s father has never been around like your daughters. Wait until she is at least In middle school
Leave her alone wait until she is older
Personally, I wouldn’t do it yet. My husband isn’t my daughter’s biological dad, but he’s been in the picture since she was 10 months old. Our situation is a little different because her bio dad is still in her life, but she calls both of them daddy. She doesn’t realize that my husband wasn’t there when she was born. She is about to be 6 next week but we don’t really plan to explain it until she’s old enough to put two and two together and ask questions. I feel that would be easier than just breaking it to her on our own. Good luck in whatever you choose to do!
We changed my youngest sons name to his stepfathers name (no adoption, just a legal name change) and all we had to do was to sign the back of the birth certificate and have his bio dad sign. Not sure if that’s helpful. Good luck.
I think leaving it alone at her age and everything going on in the world right now is the better of the solutions, if you feel you have to tell her contact a child counselor and ask for help, with the the baby that looks different if she was to question it I would also ask for guidance through a counselor. I’ve been through this my daughter knew from the start but my now husband is her father since she was 8 yrs and her brothers are her brothers she is 18 now , we went through the name change court battle before we got married and while I was pregnant with her brother we never mention that she is a half sibling. Looks are not everything with siblings I was oblivious until I was well into my teens that my oldest brother was my half brother.
Let it be, don’t put that burden on her, all that is gonna do is make her feel different and like the odd ball out. When she is older and has much more comprehension she will most likely put it together herself.
I wouldn’t say anything until
She is older
Don’t act like it’s a tragedy or traumatic. When she asks simply say her biological donor chose to not be around. Her dad picked her to be his first daughter. So many families nowadays are made up blending all kinds of pack members that it’s not a big deal.
Whether or not they are related by blood is not significant right now. He is the man that is raising her and loves her so he IS her father. That is all that she needs to know right now. There will be plenty of time to explain it to her later.
I was adopted at 5weeks old I can’t remember when my parents told me but I knew when I started school…yes it’s different …you know your child better than anyone it’s your choice
Our son has been raised by myself and my now husband since he was 6 months old. When he started to talk his Dad and he agreed he would call him daddy Charley (my husband’s name), because my stepkids mother moved 7 states away without a word when they were very young and they called each of her ‘friends’ dad up to and including her now husband. It broke a little bit of my husband’s heart, so he was overly considerate to our son’s bio-father, and his feelings despite zero involvement from him. Our son usually just calls him Dad now, or Charley (because that’s what 19 year olds do sometimes) but he knows the difference between a dad and a father and that distinction was important. I absolutely would be honest if she asked, but I doing think I’d attempt to lay it out for her right now. If bio-father develops a sudden interest in having a consistent relationship with her and you and her dad are both comfortable with it happening that is when you should sit down with her and have a talk about it. Barring that, I’d hold off until she asks, and she should be told before her little sister, cousins and great aunts so that it doesn’t become something that could cause you all pain
Tou should really wait. It brings more questions, and they end up doubting themselves. Why weren’t they good enough, why couldnt he love me? What did I do wrong. You should wait til she is old enough to actually understand. Good luck, and congrats.
Do NoT let it be!
I explained it to my oldest when she was 8, that Daddy wasn’t the man who made her with me. Daddy is her “real” daddy cause he was here and took care of her. Dave is her bio dad.
Never mentioned Mackenzie being a half sister cause that’s not necessary.
Oldest is 24 now and no regrets in telling her when I did.
It’ll never be a good time to tell her, so do it now.
No you need to explain
8 is old enough. 8 year olds are smart and capable of understanding. 8 year olds can be resilient and handle emotional topics when supported to do so. You know your 8 year old best. I think she may take it better than you think.
I think she’s too young to understand at that age. Your pretty much going to confuse her by saying he your daddy but not biological! I say let it be. Since her dad is not interested in his child she’s a blessed little girl to have someone step in a be daddy. I would get papers ready and get your soon to be hubby to adopt her. Just because someone is a sperm donor doesn’t give him the rights to have that privilege of the daddy!
If you must, you keep it simple and on her level with much love. This is a hard one mama, hopefully you choose the one that’s best for her
Maybe you should of thought of that when she started calling him daddy
Leave it be was my first thought & seems it’s an unanimous answer. Too confusing and not now too much pressure marriage etc. Talkin bout a name change will say it all. Leave well enough alone, she will ask. . .
One’s a sperm donor, the other is her father. At 8 years old she may still recall the random meetings with the donor from 5 years ago, children can be surprising that way but ask her what/if she remembers anything about it. Then you can ask who she thinks her daddy is. Don’t force an option on her.
I think I’d add little bits of information in a general way. About what makes up a family and how many different forms that can take. I wouldn’t have a big talk about it. I’m sure there must be different family groups you know. Gay couples adopting, divorces etc. It sounds like she’s a lucky girl to have a loving dad bringing her up
I have a similar situation. Let it be. If he has taken on the role of dad, than he is dad. My daughter is aware she has a biological father who left but she has her dad who has been with her since 2. She’s now 8. Dad is the one who is there. If the real father has no interest, let it be.
At 8 just tell her that your fiancé is not her real father, but you don’t have to be a father to be a dad, remind her that he loves her just like she was his actual daughter and that is what is important not who helped to make her.
I just posted something similar on another thread. I was in the same situation as a child. My mom and stepdad (I called him Dad at this time) sat me down with a few pictures of me and my dad. And just said this is your dad if you have any questions or want to get in contact with him let’s talk about it. And I just said ok and moved on. I had a dad already I wasn’t searching for another one. And my dad adopted me at 12 and he is still my dad today. Don’t force anything on her just start a conversation.
My kids were 7, 5,and 1 when I got together with my husband. The older 2 called him by his first name, but my 1 year old grew up knowing that he had two dads. (Oh, there’s a funny story about that, but off topic.) He just knew he had a Chris dad, and a dad who sometimes visited. It was fine. Children understand better when things are explained thoroughly. Layman’s terms,or dumbing it down, just confuses them further.
Don’t make it complicated. Tell her that her dad is her chosen dad who picked her and loves her. The man who is her father isn’t around and not her dad. As she gets older she’ll have more questions and want more of an explanation. Or she won’t. Let her guide you through the process. She may be upset and that’s ok. Comfort her and let her grieve.
Ok, so I was actually the child in this scenario growing up. My “dad” is not my dad, my mom married him when I was 3 and had my younger sister. At about 8 or 9 I realized i had a different last name and asked about it. I asked to meet my ‘real’ dad. He agreed to meet us, and I remember nothing about the encounter because he didnt even say 10 words to me. But, to get back to your question. The only thing that she needs to know is that your SO is her DADDY no matter what blood says, and that hes never going to abandon her. That was my biggest fear after finding out, was that I wasnt “really” part of the family because I didnt share the same name and blood.
When my son was 10 I told him he had a different dad when he was born. Then I let him lead the conversation with questions. I answered what he wanted to know.
My daughter was 8 when she found out her older brother wasn’t her dads bio. He was raised by my hubby since 14 months old. We weren’t going to say anything but she heard someone mention his name and asked who it was and my son said it was his other dad. There will be some questions but we just go along with hubby being his dad. Because he really is. He raises him and supports him
I have a bio son that my father and step mom adopted. When he was about that age and my step mom went to a website made her own book explaining it for him to read. She later showed me the book and it was beautiful.
I would start telling the child now that when she was born, you hadn’t met her Daddy yet. She won’t understand that yet, but when she learns about sex and how babies are made she will realize that she always knew the truth so no big reveal will be needed. You can be honest, while still calling him Daddy.
My son called his bio dad, daddy Josh I found it hilarious but he knew that he had 2 dads
My oldest 2 were 11mo and 2.5 when my bf came into their lives. The younger calls him daddy. My oldest calls him by his name 90% of the time. They both call their bio dad by his name most of the time. I’ve explained to them how their last name is the same as mine and bio dad (was married and divorced) because he helped make them. Daddy is who is raising them, taking care of them every day, lives here, helps with homework, cooks dinner, plays with them, etc. Their bio dad is kinda in the picture, but I wouldn’t even consider it part time. Honestly, I wouldn’t make a big to-do about it, keep it simple. She’s a child, yes it’s good for her to know, but daddy is daddy… bio dad helped make her but daddy is helping her become who she is.
I met my now husband when my son was around 18months. His biological dad never bothered and still doesn’t. He’s always called my husband dad as he was just starting to learn to talk when we met. I explained to him from a young age that he has a biological dad that made him and then the person he calls daddy met me and him and chose to love him as his own. We now have 2 little girls together and although they have different surnames ( would love to change his last name but bio dad wouldn’t agree ) to my son they are his full sisters and my husband is his dad. I found just being honest and upfront from a young age has worked. Just be as honest as you can and remind her the most important thing. Your husband didn’t HAVE to love her he CHOSE to 
x
I wouldnt over complicate it. Keep it simple and honest. I have had to approach some really tough issues with my kids (all around the same age as your daughter). I find just being honest and keeping it simple works. And so far I have found their reaction is always better than I thought. But the longer you wait the more likely that could change.
Why would you tell her? That man is her real father DNA doesn’t make a dad being there for that child makes a dad get the bio dad to give up his rights if he’s on the birth certificate and have you fiancé adopt her! Your fiancé IS IN FACT HER REAL DAD! The bio just helped her come into his life so to speak
I don’t think it should come from a book.
Just sit her down and explain to her that he is not her father by blood, but by choice, and that is what really matters anyway.
It really isn’t that hard.
Tell her. Our oldest is adopted. He was an infant when we got him. He has always known he was adopted. When he was 6 he asked me if I was really his mom. I asked him “If you wake up in the middle of the night sick or scared and yell mom who do you expect to show up?” He answered “You.” Then I’m your mom.
That little girl knows who shows up when she yells dad. It’s her mom’s soon to be husband. But her bio dad is her history and she has a honest right to it. If she ever hears the truth from someone else (family and friends know I’m sure) a trust will be broken and she will feel betrayed. If the mom doesn’t know how to tell her then I suggest talking with a child psychologist about how best to broach the subject.
I would wait until you feel she is honestly able to understand what you’re saying. I have a 7 yr old and my SO has been in the picture since he was 10 months old vs bio dad not at all but I can tell my 7 yr old is not developmentally there nor emotionally. I think its important to gauge whether or not they’re really ready.
Whatever you do explain to her that she was so special her new dad loved her so much he wanted all of you to have the same name. So your changing yours her sister and her will all have the same name because daddy loves them all so much he wants everyone to know they belong to him. I truly believe it is all in the explanation. Also say sometime when moms and dads become parents sometimes they aren’t ready and so they pick out extra special people to step in and and her dad picked her daddy to be hers to love and care for her always. Always put a positive spin on things. In the end she will
Appreciate that as is she gets older and looks back. She wo t have negative views of the bio dad and think she is lucky to have a specially picked dad! Good luck kids are resilient have faith.
I wouldn’t personally tell her yet, I’d let her get older so she can really understand. If you do decide to go on an tell her though I would be super careful with my wording! With her being 8 you are going to have to be mindful of how you explain so that she doesn’t misunderstand and think that she’s not as important as her sibling. Just my thoughts
i think its good that they want to be honost with her daughter but at the same time i think the messege that you dont have to be blood related to be family and that she is his daughter cause he is there and he loves her very much and that will never change
Sounds like the deal with my oldest. My now hubby has been around since before he was born but we were only friends. But when my son was about 13 months old we started dating. My son has no memory of anyone other then my hubby. When he was 6 I had his sister and he asked why her name was watkins and not rice like his. And I said thats because daddy’s last name is watkins. And as he asked more questions I gave more answers. I told him his bio dad ran off long before he was born. But the man who raised you has been here since you were a year old and he decided well then thats my dad. Were currently common law but plan on getting actually hitched come october but my son has said he doesnt want to change his name. He likes his name and has had it for 10 years at this point. We told him if he changes his mind just let us know. But he did ask if he would adopt him. Like my hubby has guardianship papers in case something happened to me but we both think its time we make it official so in case something happens their is no court drama about where he goes.
Chances are your daughter has friends at school that have step-parents. You could try to use one of them as an example…you know how so n so has two dads? Isn’t he/she so lucky that she has double the love…then you can go from there. Tell her that some children are born to their mom and dad, some are chosen. She has been gifted to be chosen. She has two dads. And although one dad isn’t in her life right now, hopefully someday he will decide he wants to be. Until then her daddy is there. Simple and basic explanations are best. They will ask questions as they are able to process what they can handle. It will also build a strong base with your daughter that you won’t lie to her about important things.
Just my opinion but at 8 years old I would not tell her, if he is ok with being her dad then I would just let it be for now tell her when she’s older and has a better understanding
I wouldn’t go the stepdad route. I’d stick with “Your dad isn’t actually your biofather. Sometimes those are two different things. He’s your dad, but your genes came from someone else.”
With my son, his father has been in his life since he was 2. His bio father decided to start being in his life at 6 yrs old. We waited until he was 7 to explain. We simply said you have two dads, two moms, and another sister, just that he has alot of people who love him, and thats all that matters. We will explain genetics more when he understands how babies are made.
Don’t say anything unless she asks… Family is family no need to add half or step… I have 3 step that have lived with me for 10yrs… They came way before my 2 bio… And they are all siblings… No step or half. My bio daughter just turned 8 and she made a comment that made me explain her i wasnt her siblings bio mom… All she said was" i always thought they dyed their hair" 
sometimes we adults make a bigger deal about things
My parents had told me by the time I was 5 I grew up with my adoptive father as my dad and never questioned it because he always treated me as his daughter. Never felt the need to meet my bio dad as a child either I wasn’t missing out but I didn’t question why I don’t like my sisters because I already knew they are tall and I’m not. It didn’t bother me at all assuming because I always knew. My son is now 9 and he’s the same he knows my partner isn’t his bio dad and knows if he wants to meet him some day when he’s older he can. Im currently after meeting my bio dad and slowly building a relationship on my terms he hasn’t met my son yet and won’t for a long time. But I’m doing this for me and for my son to see and know that there is a possibility for him to meet his dad down the line too
I wouldn’t tell her because to her that’s her dad regardless it seems and donor doesn’t want her so why ? Just fight for that name change and act like donor ain’t sh!t she don’t need the neg of knowing that boy she’s gotta daddy… but that’s my opinion. Btw my son has a donor and a daddy as well so I know that conflict .
My mom got with my dad when I was three. I grew up believing he was my bio dad until I was 20 years old when my mom finally told me the truth. And help me to contact my bio dad. There’s a whole side to my family I’ll never really know but I’m okay with that, I love the man that I grew up with as my dad and that will never change
I’m just not certain on why the rush to tell her something she cannot fully understand rn and may hurt her in a way she doesn’t know how to explain. I do agree with telling her and talking to her about it but I would give her a few more years so she can have a better grasp on what it is you’re saying right now she could possibly take it as you’re telling her she’s not a true family member
My daughter was 8 when I finally told her that the man she calls daddy isn’t her bio father. It was fortunate that I personally have 2 different dads and was adopted by my step dad. She knows both of her papa’s. Anyway, I have always explained to all 3 of my children that there are Dads and Fathers. Just like there are Moms and Mothers. Dad and Mom are the ones that are there with you everyday as you grow up. They are the ones that take care of you. They are the ones that teach you about all the stuff you want to know. A Father or a Mother are a person that help make up and give you life. Now they can be a Mom and Dad also but sometimes they are not. If your lucky you met someone that is special and they have chosen you to be their kid. Those people are Dad and Moms that are not Fathers and Mothers to you. Those people are very special because you make them special for letting them help you grow up.
I would just sit down and tell her. Some people are saying not to tell her but she has a right to know. When she gets older she will figure it out and be mad at you guys for lying to her. My oldest daughter isn’t my husband’s but he has raised her since she was two. She knows he’s not her dad and that didn’t change anything. I have two kids with him and we are married, my daughter has a different last name and it is fine honestly. We thought about changing her last name but it really doesn’t matter to us that much now anyways.
Listen to the song “‘My girl” by Elvie Shane. It might help
Well for starters my daughter is 8 and her dad has been there and I am dating a guy who she also considers her step dad, she gets along great with bio and step dad so she does know the difference. But in your situation I would just leave it alone honestly until she is of age like 13 to know the differences, bc like you said she only knows your fiancé, keep it that way until she’s a lot older to understand. Bc to me the guy who has been in her life is more important than her bio dad.
Definitely tell her! I didn’t know that my dad wasn’t my biological father until I was older and I was very hurt and mad that I wasn’t told the truth. Be honest and take it slow depending on her comprehension.
My son is adopted. He asked questions at about 5 .I explained to him that his mommy and daddy didn’t know how to take care of him so they gave him to me because they knew I would take care of him and I would always love him. A few years later he asked if I knew his parents, I told him I did and found some pictures of them for him .He hasn’t asked any questions since and he is 15 now.He knows I love him and will always be here for him
I wouldn’t tell her and live normally and if she ever asks then you can tell her or when she’s older tell her. She might develop issues if you tell her now. I did and my daughter did
We didn’t explain it to our daughter until she was 13. That’s when she asked. We always talked about meeting when she was a certain age and how we got married at this age and those things. It wasn’t hidden but we didn’t find it was important. Once we married he adopted her. At 13 she finally out two and two together. She simply said one day “wait a minute…”. We joke about it now, that it took so long for her to clue in
A little different scenario but my son always knew early on in life I wasn’t my boyfriends daughters mother he’s 8 and fully understands her mommy couldn’t care for her and we took her at 4 now she’s 13.
We also explained that that was dad’s daughter and he came from dad and myself so we both are his parents. He understands! We’re not married so she doesn’t call me mom or step mom .
I started dating my SO when my daughter was 2.5 . Her bio wasn’t involved by my choice his choices… I never lied. Always made it clear SO is moms friend or bf… when she was 4 I had my 2nd (his 1st) we always made it very clear it was HER CHOICE what she calls him. It took time but she choose to call him daddy. And to be clear… he IS DADDY. no matter what. We have been /gone through many ups and down relationship and DAD mode has and never will change.
So my best advice is … be honest. Be simple. Dont put much words into the explanation. And make sure. BE SURE that your SO is and will always be there. Even if you guys don’t end up forever.
My daughters are 9 and 11. They’ve known their whole life whoever is apart of their life is step and not bio. But I have been honest with them from day one of understanding. Every child’s maturity levels are different even if they are the same age.Talk to her on whatever level her brain is on. Honesty is always the best method. She’s gonna love you and him both and may cry a minute over the realization but comfort her and let her know you are there for her for whatever question or concerns she has. She’ll get through it on her own pace and Everything will go ok. Just don’t cover anything up.
Tell her the truth , when she’s ready . My 14 year old found out when he was 12 and he doesn’t even care . He doesn’t look at my husband any differently .he’s been dad since he was 11 months old . Nothing will ever change thst . But they have the right to know
Why tell her at all right now? Are you just trying to cause confusion and emotions that cant be handled at this age?
Id tell her cause what if real dad showed up and confuses her before she knows the truth… but then again I think 8 might be too young… you ever think of you tell her she might not want his last name or be adopted. My kids know their father and knows he just covers in and out of our lives when he needs something and my boyfriend now they tell him they are his lol this situation honestly can go so many ways… Good luck
I suggest just sitting down talking to her kids understand far more than we think they do just talk to her about be honest because she will find out one day anyway… Just be honest talk to babygirl you and then you and hubby she will definitely understand praying for you all especially babygirl
Blood doesn’t make family. He is her father. The other…sperm donor, nothing more.
I would wait until she is older most important that he is Dad to her they have a bond. This is your burden to carry right now…just because your nervous doesn’t mean you should shatter her world. I would show her pictures of bio Dad and say he hasn’t seen you since your were small. just know “your bf” is your Dad and he loves you because he chose too.
My 12yr old grand daughter was adopted by her step dad at 3 or 4 years old. She was told all and knows it was her step dad that really loves her and the bio dad too selfish to raise a child. She knows she was chosen by her step dad who is her real dad
I just reached out to a mom group with the same question about my son. They all suggested telling him as soon as possible in terms he can understand and not to make it seem negative in any way. And later he can ask questions as they come along.
Make a book all about her with the story of her life like a scrapbook and dedicate a page about her step dad and how he came in and chose to be her daddy
I have 13 year old who is my stepson but I legally adopted him at 3.5 years old. At 7 years old our son asked his dad to tell him a secret. We were at a Renaissance Festival and my husband had had a few too many beers, he told him he was adopted. I was blind sided when our son asked if he was really adopted. I told him we would talk about it later and it didn’t come back up for 6 months. We finally had the talk with him and explained his bio mom was not ready to be a parent. He is now 13 going on 14 and we haven’t told him the truth about her. We answer questions but are careful how we approach it. We only answer what he asks but we will have to tell him the truth in the next couple of years. Be honest with her when you feel she is mature enough to understand to some degree.
I know of the same situation with a teen boy… but for all the ppl saying “don’t tell her, 8 is to young” I ask then when???
Each family is different but I honestly wonder when is the best age then?
You could explain you need a mom and a dad to make a baby and her dad didn’t make her but that doesn’t mean he’s not her daddy
Tell her the truth. At 8 years old she is capable of understanding the situation. If you don’t say anything (& someone else does) she will conclude that you lied to her & that maybe it’s not something good because you felt the need to hide it from her. 8 year olds are able to comprehend much more than we give them credit for. The most important thing is that she knows she is loved. Good luck to all of you & congratulations on the wedding.
I recommend a counselor to help her understand what is going on. But tell her with her dad. He is her dad. Tell her that she is he daughter because he loves her so much that he picked her to be his!
I personally wouldn’t do it until she was older and better able to understand the situation.
My man and I have been together for 3 years. We met when my daughter was 3. Her dad is the same as yours shows no interest at all in her. Long story short the first day my dude and her met … while I was in the kitchen cooking she asked him if he will be her dad:grin:
… and he has stepped to the plate since day one. We have a 1 year old together now. And I couldn’t be more happier. Just let things work on its in and wait when she’s older. Let her enjoy being his daughter till she questions yall
My 2 girls knew @5 and 6 that my husband was there step father. Since they were 1yr, and 3 months . And then I hav their sister . They never felt any different. And never cared about their boo dad as you call him . To them my husband was and always has been their dad . Not step dad. The bio . Has never been called dad. And they never call their sister,a step sister . They are sisters . She is not too young to understand believe me. She probably already knows… mine really new when they were like 3 &4. But didn’t matter to them . He was always the only dad they needed
In my house growing up my parents never used step anything. I was 6 when I found out and I’m 37. When you both set down and talk to her and let her ask all the questions she can think of and be as truthful as you can and if you don’t have the answer tell her. An don’t close that door after that… She is going to keep asking question as time goes on…
I hated my father for a long time because according to my mom he walked out on me when I was 3. My mother never talked about my father and would never answer my questions but, at the same time never outright said a bad thing about him either. Anyhow, I seen my father when I was in my 20s. He trys to answer questions when I ask but for the most part I don’t care to know anymore. I don’t hate him and his grandchildren are everything to him. I don’t talk to the man that raised me until I was 10 because of his personal demon’s and I don’t want my babies around that.
My long point is when you tell her the both of you should do it together so the both of you can tell her straight up that he is and will always be her daddy and nothing is going to change that.
Children aren’t as dumb as you think. She probably understand more than you think. To her he is her daddy not the sperm donor. If he loves her and she him just explain that he will always be her daddy Children figure stuff out but if they are happy they just go on. Get her name changed and just keep on loving each other
Don’t tell her until she asks. My youngest found out when he was about 9 or 10. Not because we his it or lied but because he straight out asked. He knows his dad is not his sperm donor and honestly he doesn’t care. He has never asked about his sperm donor and doesn’t ever remember seeing him (he was barely a year old when I left my abusive ex and got back with my hubby which is a long story)
I had a great niece who ask if she had a daddy and I said yes honey we all have a daddy no matter to f their not in your life and she had a step dad so she was ok with everything so good luck in what ever you decided
If she has met her biological dad, what was said about that? As far as who he is?
I think she is ready to know so she doesn’t feel betrayed later on.
This is a different, but In my case I had to explain to my daughter that I am not her sibling’s mom. That they share a dad and not a mom. This happened when she was like 5-6 and she didn’t really grasp it. She ended up thinking- she had two moms like her siblings did.
I re explained everything to her- when she was like 8-9 and it went much better.
I think honesty and communication are key here. What we told her is that life gets complicated and people change. Two people can get together and try to form a family, but then they realize they are not suitable for each other and have to go their separate ways- and that is okay!
Best of luck!
Way too young to have this conversation. Wait until they are a little older. You are about to mess that child’s mind up if you proceed right now. From a screwed up 45 year old child of 4 divorces from age 1 to 17.
Tell her that her daddy isn’t the that made, but the lucky dad who chose her, and loves her, and will always be her daddy. That is all she needs to know now.
Lambaroo is a great book, not sure if it suits your situation but a beautiful book none the less. You can YouTube it.
My niece wasn’t told until she was 12 that my brother wasn’t her real dad. The only reason she was told is after 12 years the real dad decided he wanted to see her and for some reason the courts sided with him. It turned her world upside down:
tell her about her dad but i wouldnt change her last name unless she wanted it imo incase for medical reason she needed to find her dad also its been part of her so long she may not wanna change her name
I’d wait until she’s a tad bit older I have been in the same situation with my son and it wasn’t as bad as I had feared in my mind.
From experience, that’s around the best age to explain. I was like 12-13 and I went through a hateful period towards my parents for not telling me sooner.
I agree with making a story book about How you met , how old she was etc . And read the story to her answer any questions
Anyone can be a sperm donor but a daddy is someone who is there everyday and in her life loving her there is no need to rush into anything there will be a time and a place to tell her just my opinion