I want to start out saying that I’m 100% supportive of my child no matter what life decisions they make. I just need some help understanding and getting used to it all. My 13-year-old, born female, first tells me they want to use they/them pronouns because they are non-binary & also pansexual. I didn’t know what this really meant, so I googled. More recently, they want to change their name to a boy’s name. I’ve asked if they think they might be transgender… I was told, more than likely, no, but unsure. They live with their dad, who is totally against everything LGBT and constantly voices his disgusting opinions. He has no idea that they have these feelings, and they are terrified that he finds out and flips out. I’m a supportive parent, and I only found out by mistake on social media. As much as I want to help them to be comfortable, I don’t know how you get used to going from she to they or them to he. A situation came up, and I was calling them by their birth name (deadname) in the presence of my younger child to not cause confusion. They asked me not to do that, and it was just too hard for me to say it any other way than what I’m used to. This makes me feel like how can I be accepted but so uncomfortable at the same time? I’m looking for other parents who have gone through it and can shed some light on how they adjusted. If you haven’t had this experience, opinions on how you think you would handle it?
When my shy, introverted daughter first came out 5 years ago, at age 24, that she wanted to become a male, it was a huge mental adjustment. I had suspected she was gay, but not transgender.
I/we fully accepted, as have friends and family, their change, and “want” to live a different life. In fact we have a small private “birthday party” to celebrate each year.
In the first year or so, we had to get used to their new name, and being called “he/him”. We slipped up sometimes…how do you not? Years of knowing a person as their name etc, isn’t easily forgotten. A name I had spent so long deciding on, now gone forever.
He has now become so much happier and confident, and has truly become his true self. He has had a mastectomy and takes regular hormones.
There was a time of mourning for me too. My daughter was no longer. Who I thought they were, and who I identified as a mother of a daughter was gone. I had private tears. I look back on photos of my little girl, but them pack them away as “that’s the past now”.
Now, five years later, we are closer than we ever were before. He thanks me all the time for supporting him and loving him unconditionally. I think of him as a man now. He is the best version of himself.
I would highly recommend visiting a psychologist to help you through this. My son still sees a psychologist too, which has helped immeasurably.
As for your ex…he’s just going to have to get used to it, or end up with no relationship with his child.
You sound like a wonderful mum, and I wish you luck and happiness ahead.
I completely get where you’re coming from! My sons girlfriend is non-binary also. Her pronouns are now they/them which I fully respect and use but it still hard to feel connected to this on a personal level. I chalk it up to the fact that I have always felt like a female so I will never truly understand how this feels. They are completely patient with me when I do slip and say “her” or “she” so I feel they understand that I’m acknowledging them and respecting they’re feelings. I dont know if this feeling will ever feel natural but I love them truly and am 100 on the fact that I love and respect them as a human being. You are an amazing mother and deserve ALOT of credit for stepping out of the small minded generation and giving your child their validation.
First, the fact you are trying so hard already means you are awesome. As a member of the LGBT community, the overwhelming majority of us are not expecting perfect responses from our families. Effort is what matters, because it means you care enough to try.
Coming out is a process for LGBT people that takes us years. Don’t expect to have it all figured out overnight when it is someone you love changing your expectations for them.
Third, I think the person you need to be talking to about this is your child. Ask them what they need from you. And believe me, they desperately need you. They don’t have all the answers yet, and they are going to get a lot of wrong answers from others, including their father it seems. So let them tell you how you can make them feel more supported and loved. Tell them you are going to fail too. But make them a promise you will never stop trying. Then keep that promise. If you can do that, you will have done more than 95% of parents raising LGBT children.
Finally, you do not need to do this alone. If you need support (who doesn’t?), look to groups like PFLAG. They have resources and local chapters to help you, and you can lean on a community of people facing the same fears and challenges you are. In time, these other people may become a new family for you to share the absolute joy and humor that can come from watching your child become exactly who they are meant to be. It does get better, for everyone, so long as you keep up that effort. I am confident you will. Cheers.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How can I feel more comfortable accepting that my child is part of the LGBTQ community?
Love your child for who they are!!! My sister is with her bf growing up they were just meant for each other
I’m confused. If your child wants to now have a boy’s name then how does that work with being non binary or pan?
I think that you need to encourage then to come out to their dad, even if you’re present for a whole family conversation. Then the conversations can be had with siblings and other family members…then their new name can be used without casuing a lot of questions.
If they are not comfortable with that yet, then I think there needs to be an understanding about a dead name not being dead around certain people just to protect the “outness” of the issue.
The fact that you’re asking this and wanting to know more already is such a great thing.
Ask him to help you understand better and that you will support him no matter what just need time and understanding so that way in the future they know you are trying to do your best as a parent to be there.
Can they come live with you? It sounds horrible to live with their dad in these circumstances. It sounds like you are trying and of course you’ll make mistakes. Just correct yourself and move on.
Ask questions, be positive and supportive this will be a rough journey. Be honest that your a little out of your comfort zone but you love them and want to learn how to best support them
I have a 16 year old trans son who was AFAB. I have explained to them that there would be times that I’d slip and dead name them (not on purpose but because I’ve called them their birth name/gender for 16 years). It’s a learning curve for sure but I just am as supportive as humanly possible. In my opinion there needs to be understanding, from both the parent and the child. Because it can be hard. I got lucky in the fact that he understands that I’m still learning and that I’m doing my best to be respectful.
Big changes can come with growing pains. Your not being unsupportive by slipping up sometimes. You’ve been calling them by that name for most of their life. It’s going to feel weird to change it and you are likely to slip up. The more you use the new name the less weird it will feel.
They had lots of time to think and be ready for this change, it was a little more sudden for you.
It’s OK to make a few mistakes along the way as long as your always making the active effort to put their feelings into consideration and these situations are never on purpose.
We are human after all.
If they are still uncertain on exactly what they feel about their sexuality, there is a good chance there will be more changes as well. And everyone will need time to adjust, even them.
It’s a scary process to find out who you are as a person, especially when that person may not fit social norms.
Watch Schitts Creek
You referred to your child multiple times as they/them in your post. That’s a huge start. Also coming here and asking for help is huge.
I think what you can do to best support they/them/him is to ask how you can do that and what they need from you.
I call my born daughter now wants to trans to boy dude. It’s gender neutral. They/them or it. Idk we joke a lot about everything and I tell my child not everyone is going to know so you might as well accept ppl will still call you she her or whatever. And transitioning at such a young age for me is a no. When they get older and still feel the same then I will help do whatever they want to transition. 13 is a very impressionable age I wanted to be a boy all my young life til I got older… I support my gay awesome weird child all the way but at the same time I am the parent. It’s hard but just gotta kinda go with the flow… I am bisexual my 16 year old is bisexual this 13 came out as bi then changed to non-binary now trans… my youngest says she’s Batman…
As someone who goes with they/them pronouns and is gender non conforming all you can do is be supportive. Love them and if they want to go by another name accept it and start using it. If they can live in a place of love it’s so much easier. Not sure if their dads place is the right place at this fragile moment.
My 12 year old went through this. She was mostly acting out and testing boundaries. I was supportive and attempted changing pronouns etc. After about a month she was over it. I’m not saying this is true for every child, it just happened to be the case with mine. Right now it’s almost like a fad/trendy to behave that way. Don’t over stress yourself. If it is truly a life choice then the changes will eventually become more normal and natural. One step at a time, you’re being supportive I think that’s really the main thing.
First of all, thank you for being a fantastic mom. I’m sure this is just as confusing for your child. Or maybe not, the younger generation seems to get it more than we older ones do! But you love your child and are trying to find the best way to be supportive and I think that makes you amazing. But your child needs to understand this isn’t something that can just happen overnight, especially with younger siblings that don’t understand. Maybe said child can sit down and try to explain it to them, and you. I don’t know how to refer to the child and I feel like I’m being rude or something this is very hard for older people to handle. In the sense we are always going to mess up and say the wrong thing. All you can do is love your baby and be there for them
Loving your child regardless, educate yourself, get them into counseling so they can find out what they truly want or feel. Correct yourself and call them by their preferred name/pronouns
I found out from my sons friends that he had a boyfriend. After i talked to him about it hes now open with me. Hes 16. He also has friends that are transgender that we have accepted as family. Just have a one on one talk and go from there. I love my kid no matter what or who he chooses to be.
Write down any questions & simply ask them just like u would any other discussion, whats new with you what music like etc, its just you chatting for an interest & a better understanding of you child & above all else just remember its ur child & you’ve handled things like a boss thus far in their life…
I have been through this almost exactly! Feel free to message!
It sounds like he is still finding himself and has his own confusion going on too-
My trans kid is always welcoming to questions as well, it’s a weird process to get used to and find comfort in sometimes but it gets easier.
It takes a lot of talking and understanding, even when you don’t understand.
Just nurture who they are and let them flourish.
See here’s my thing. I’m supportive and don’t really care what people choose to go by but non binary people have a hard time with the people around them getting used to their pronouns or new names. They’re 13 so you be the adult and tell them you don’t wanna confuse the littles or simply tell the little ones their new name. That being said they should also know that it’ll take time to break these habits of saying she and that you mean no disrespect. Just try to immediately correct yourself
My daughter and I have discussed this for several years now. A lot of her friends are Pan, by-nom, lesbians & trans. My husband is like you ex. You need to talk with your child if they are not ready to come out to thier dad they need to compromise when it come to their younger siblings because one will slip or tell him out of spite. Be honest with your child on how you feel, that your trying & if you call them the wrong thing it was an accident.
I sat my daughter & 6 of her close friends down (we were glamping they had no choice). I told them I will support them in their choices, they can ask me anything I’ll be honest. I told them I may call you the wrong thing & I’m sorry. I also asked them to stop labeling themselves, experience life & have fun doing it. Just because you feel one way now in your teens doesn’t mean your going to feel that way in your 20s, 30s, 40s or you might. The conversation went into depth about them, why they feeling a way, their parents, life & society. They made some good points, I nsfe them think. It was a good conversation. They all call me mom & know I’m here for them.
My daughter is 13. She is asexual as she puts it. I love her no matter what but I just don’t get the rush to grow up. How do any of these CHILDREN know what they want in life if they haven’t been sexually or emotionally with another person? Even 18 is still too young. I’ll do what I can to support my girls but I just don’t see the rush.
I’d explain to the younger child that their sibling wishes to be called a different name because it feels better to them. Children understand better than adults and I doubt they’ll be confused.
You just do it.
Tell your younger child their older siblings new name and pronouns.
Can this child come live with you? It could mean the difference between them living or them committing suicide. Their dad sounds toxic and in this kind of situation that can be deadly.
First off, read read your post to yourself. You seem to have this so far in terms of educating, using correct pronouns and acknowledging their birth name is now their deadname. The best route to take, would be asking your child your questions and asking what support from you looks like to them. In regards to your younger child(ren), perhaps you and all your children can sit down and let your non binary child lead the conversation.
I am firm believer that a person does not know what they want sexually until they have had/experienced a sexual relationship and have been sexually turned on by that which they are experiencing. I will fully support my daughter if down the road she ever comes and says she is something other than a heterosexual female. But at her age (11) and even up to 18+ I really don’t think anyone knows what they truly are sexually attracted to.
For you I would recommend having a deep conversation with your child. You have called them by their birth name and gender for 13 years. Your not going to be in the habit of referring to them by their new name or gender preferences overnight. Also I believe it needs to be a family discussion with all parties. If they are fully ready and wanting this change then they have to face the unexpected with the other family members and power through the uncomfortableness of the conversation with everyone involved. They can’t expect you to use their new name and pronouns but their other parent not. It makes for a confusing situation for everyone.
I also think alot of kids right now are in a phase so to speak since everything revolving gender and sexuality is shoved down everyone’s throats right now with politics, tv shows, music, etc. When they are mentally and physically ready for a sexual relationship their current preferences may or may not remain. I do not mean any disrespect towards anyone by saying this either. Acceptance takes time and these are popular topics in today’s world that many children did not know existed until recently with the uptick in awareness and inclusiveness of all.
From an outsiders point of view- your child has been dealing with this for quite some time, while the change is still brand new to you. Maybe have a conversation with them on how they have had more processing time, so you may slip from time to time because you are adjusting. You may also want to talk about the younger sibling and how this change may be confusing for them. Come up with a plan together on how to move forward with the younger sibling and make it clear that you support them and plan to adjust, but may still make mistakes from time to time as we are all only human. You sound like a great momma. All any of us can do for our kids is love them for who they are.
I think you are doing amazing first of all. You love your child. They felt safe to talk to you. When you didn’t understand something, you looked it up. You recognize others who may not be as supportive and you are trying your best. Kudos to you mama! They are lucky to have you.
They are your kid. You love them. Make them realize you don’t care who they marry or whether they wear the suit or the dress. Make them understand you just want them to be happy. It is difficult to accept at first but realize that you want them alive and happy rather than them attempting to take their own life, or taking it. There are more kids like this than you realise. Dad will maybe not understand but I’m sure he loves them enough to want them alive and happy. Eventually they will want school to use they/them and their preferred name. Make a point of doing it now. She/her and their regular name will only make them depressed of their past and the person they are not. Start talking about my child rather than daughter too. You will adjust. It is a shock. You will come through it. You may want to go shopping for boys clothes or a shorter haircut too. Go to thrift stores where you can try on skirts or boys trousers with no one caring. I’ve found them really helpful and they don’t bat an eyelid! Maybe find a gender neutral name you both like so you feel more part of the decision. PM me if you ever want to talk x
My child (Jerah-born female) has recently came out they are non-binary and would prefer to be called Ace. It’s been hard on everyone to remember but we just keep trying. It will take a while but you will get it. And if it makes you feel any better I wrote (she) almost every time during this post and had to go back and change it to they. So there ya go lol
I would have a conversation with them and their younger sibling. That way they can answer questions and it can remain appropriate. They are never too young to understand what’s happening and younger children are more accepting of things like that. Talk to your older child, I’m sure they can offer advice on how to transition to using the new name and pronouns. There is an adjustment. Correcting yourself when you say the wrong pronoun or name goes a long way and shows effort on your part
I’m going through this as well mama! It’s nice to know I ain’t to only one
I’m going to go ahead and just say he is massively confused this is just awful. Too young to make those decisions I’m sorry but not. Thats great you want to be supportive but at this age their brain is developing and they cannot fully think for themselves. Your the parent
It’s a process of re-learning a different name and pronouns, just do your best to remember and correct yourself when you make a mistake.
As far as the younger sibling, explain it to them they will understand. My sibling came out as non-binary and my 8 year old autistic son (who is developmentally closer to 6 ish) was able to understand and eventually make the switch.
Also try to remember that gender and sexuality are not choices, when we come out it’s not because we have made a decision but rather a realization of who we are. I am pansexual (feel free to ask me questions if you still need more elaboration on what it is), I always have been. Just like you never made the choice to be straight and cisgendered, your child didn’t make the decision to pan or non binary/trans. They just are.
And family support is the biggest factor in LGBTQIA mental health, when a child/teen doesn’t have the familial support they need they’re more at risk of suicide or self harm. Because their father isn’t supportive, I would try and get them to live with you I possible, if that’s not possible then you need to support them as much as you possibly can to make up for their father being an ass about it.
Have open conversations with them, and realize with them being non-binary and possibly trans that many things you thought you knew about them, may change as they begin to change and feel more comfortable. Help them do what feels right in the most safe way, such as purchasing a proper binder if they want one, using ace bandages and the like can cause severe bodily harm, make sure to help educate them on proper binder use as well.
Most of all, educate yourself via Google, other non binary people, your child etc. Use any resource you may have, and just be there and love them no matter what changes they go through.
I don’t think she’s at the age to make big decisions like that. I was so confused as a 13 year old. I just don’t want her to regret it later if she changes her mind. And I’m also worried she could get bullied. And nothing hurts worse than being bullied
Transmasc Non-binary person, who is AFAB and the birth giver of amazing children.
Slip ups happen when we change into who we are meant to be in life, this transition is hard on everyone. Getting use to being called by our chosen names pronouns. I still get butterflies when someone calls me Evan and get extremely happy, but half the time I’m still like “who me?”. I’d sit both them and their younger sibling down and let the younger one ask questions for them to answer. This way if you have any questions you can ask them. Also if they’re worried about their dads reaction, I’d probably for safety reasons use their dead name with dad until they’re safely able to tell their dad themselves.
Im no help cause I’d explain there is only he and she male and females I’d be fine if you want to be a male instead of a female but there is no such thing as they or them I don’t understand that at all lol
I’m sorry, some of you will get mad at me but 13 year old. We need to be able to put our foot down and just not support everything. Draw your children closer to God. Second of all a13 year old has all these hormones kicking in, some kids handle it better than others. I would also check for any form of abuse… you are the parent u don’t have to be as hash as their father but ask your child to wait till they are 18 to allow themselves to grow. How many times will names be changed? Imagine at 25 the child comes back to u and asks u why you didn’t say no. This is a war and you are not about to lose it
Please limit online activity for children below the age of 16.she probably watched a Tic Tok and thought it’s cool
Use the name and pronouns that YOU are comfortable with. Personally, I think that 13 is too young to make that kind of decision. It is definitely too young to demand that adults bend to their wishes.
I just found out from my granddaughter the she is bi. She said she knew from 6 grade. No I also have a niece who just change to a male dates a girl. She was confused at a young age but never acting on it till maybe 4 yrs. ago. We can just love them protect them and what ever road they choose it’s a happy one. I will welcome who ever my family member falls in love with. And mean time I want to be more educated. My printer was gay as well. We are not perfect and tho the Bible says other wise about these issues God forgives our sins I hope this is one of them.
My fiance is trans. Just be supportive. Don’t judge. Be there for them and educate yourself.
Don’t be like my fiancés parents who stopped letting her little brothers come over, asked things like “what is HE wearing” or “he has a @#$% so he is still my son”
Obviously yours is reversed but the point is the same.
I’ve heard from many people in this category that it’s ok to skip as long as it’s not done intentionally or out of disrespect
All I know is there is a lot of pressure out there especially on social media and so much attention drawn to the subject. Some kids are so confused because of this. Gotta find the balance because 13 is still young to fully understand who they are and becoming. Their hormones are going crazy. It’s hard to find the balance of being supportive and also trying to steer them in the right direction. Believe me my daughter has been a roller coaster of feelings about who she is. To me I say “she” because that’s what I’m comfortable with for now. Kids need to understand us parents grow up in a different time. I tell her, please you are making things too complicated. Just be you. Don’t put a label on it. I will love her no matter what.
There is a very helpful supportive group on here called LGBTQ+ Moms.
To the people saying they are too young to make that decision your wrong. I knew I was gender non confirming since I was 10. I’m 23 and use they/them pronouns still. It takes a bit to get use to, if you dead name them simply correct yourself and move on. Don’t make a big deal of it!
I haven’t had this with mine But should one of my grown up children come and tell me this I would like to think I would not feel any different towards them. Because they would still be my Son/Daughter and I would hope the love I have for them would still be the same. Your child is your child no matter what.
Love is strong go with it
First hats off to you trying to educate yourself and be supportive of your child. I think it just takes time the more you do it, the more you will get use to it. Maybe have a chat with them and explain that you will try your damn hardest to use the correct pronouns and name however you’ve called your child by their birth name for 13 years and used her/she pronouns and sometimes there might be a slip of the tongue accidentally but that you mean no offence at all and will try your hardest.
I am a lesbian and have been out since I was 12, I first new I ‘fancied’ a girl when I was 8. This could be a phase, but it could not I would just let them lead.
I attended a lgbt youth group when I was younger and it was great it helped my confidence snd to not feel ‘different’ to be around other members of the lgbt community. And I had advice there when I needed it and I made life long friends there too. You’ve got this
Also at 13 they won’t be thinking about how you feel, I didn’t understand until I was an adult my parents perspective/feelings xxxx
Just keep talking to her. Support how they want to be called and see if there are some groups in your area that will help you.
Sound like you are taking the right steps by listening and doing research to help under stand him. As far as pronouns it can be hard to get used too but once you keep with it it gets easy and even the younger kids may start correcting you if you slip lol mine did. As far as dad idk maybe he just doesn’t need to go over there if they are feeling bad about themselves when they leave there.
Personally think you’re doing great mom
Mistakes happen and most trans folk understand its not intentional. Deadnaming is a big no…but I understand the reasoning. Just explain to your younger child that he has asked to be called a different name . Children understand more than we give them credit for…maybe let them discuss it together.
Pity dad isn’t more supportive but fathers often aren’t .
Just keep an open mind. Keep talking to them. Give them somewhere safe to discuss their feelings. Keep being a good mom x
I think as long as your trying to understand is fine. It’s a big adjustment.
You are trying, you are educating yourself…look into support groups for families of LGBTQ+ community. I know locally we have support groups and they have been very helpful to local families in how to best navigate these new waters.
First of all I’ve been down this road with my 16 yr old and I can tell you at 13 its more than likely just confusion and in todays world that seems to be the in or cool thing to do…do not change how you speak to them be supportive but dont encourage when your child is older and understands exactly who they are then move forward this is just my opinion and suggestion continue to educate yourself but be aware that at 13 it’s not a definitive process give it time and let nature take its course when my son got to dating age was when he figured out which way to go and he is part of the lgbtq+ community not saying I fly a flag but I do support him in his choices though I dont agree with them but it’s not my life it’s his to love and live as he chooses
I have no words of advice but I’m so proud of you! I have friends who would have killed to have you as their mom and to be so willing to understand!
Using they and them pronouns means … 2 …. Ummm in the real English language…. So maybe these kids wanting to be called that are needing more education…… these kids hormones are running rampant right now ….
Oh good for you… GOOD FOR YOU! just research it. Talk to people like them and find out how they would have liked their situation to go. My child is also non binary. Pronouns are they and them. It feels a little strange at first. But you get used to it. As long as your child sees you trying and making the effort to love them the way they are… They’ll accept and make room for mistakes and slip ups. I sometimes still refer to my child as sister instead of sibling and her instead of they. It’s only natural. And they get that. My child is 14.
I can’t believe some of the people on this thread!
Keep supporting your child. Please use the name they are preferring to be called, even in the presence of your younger child and ask your younger child to also use that name when referring to them. No need to explain anything other than their original name made them sad. Explain to your child that you will support them and try your best to use their preferred name and pronouns, but that you may occasionally slip up and you are sorry if you do. I have 2 transgender children. Came out within a year of each other about 5 years ago, I no longer slip up on their chosen names, but I do sometimes on the pronouns. Most important thing is that they know you are there for them and support and will continue to support them.
I havent been through this but i think 1. You are clearly trying and thats to be applauded 2. Its a transition for them, you , dad and younger kid. Give it time.
Just called them what you named them, let them except that! Then you put that ball in their delusional corner and leave it there
I as a mother just love my kids unconditionally, will I make mistakes yes as will they , I raised my kids to have respect but not be perfect so I only hope they can understand the same of me . The bottom line is love and respect.
Just have an honest conversation and let them know you are supportive and understanding but it’s a change and change takes time. Just more than anything make sure they know nothing is out of disrespect just simply a learning experience to go through together. Eventually, it will become easier to understand.
My daughter is 13 she came out as bi we totally support her but yes sometimes it is hard she likes to watch things with lbgtq in it and I had to ask her the other day not to watch it with her 5 year old brother. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable but he is 5 and doesn’t understand yet. She understood and we moved on. Good luck momma
It takes time to get used to it. If you mess up, just apologize and correct yourself. Explain that you have spent their whole life with one way of thinking, so it will take time to adjust and you will always do your best. They will understand that this is a change to your worldview, and as long as you are respectful and trying, you’re doing the best you can.
You are doing great so far, just keep it up. Sire they may change how they feel at age 16 and they may not. Either way they will know you love them and are willing to go on their journey of discovery with them. I would sit down and talk about the best way to handle things with their father. That is where I think the biggest concern right now would be. Also with the name change have the conversation on how hard it is for you because of what it took to pick their name. I often have to remind my LGBTQ students of this. They forget picking that name also meant you thinking of their future and when they pick a new one it take can take a lot away from their parents. Sometimes just talking with them on why they chose their new name and what it means to them will help it mean more to you.
First off… how loving of you to want to search ways to better understand and support your child. Absolutely amazing!! I would recommend looking on Facebook for a local chapter of Free Mom Hugs it’s an amazing group of moms who specialize in volunteering/working with those in LGBTQ+ community and I’m sure there’s lots of people just waiting to help!!
Call her by her name you gave to her continue to raise her the way you was raised. They get confused because of school and different friends. Continue your teaching path. Parents are suppose to teach their child.
You need to explain to them that as they’ve had time to be comfortable with themselves and expressing themselves, they need to give everyone else the time to digest and understand and adapt to what also is going on. I don’t have any other advice than a mature conversation that not only transitioning takes time but the effect mentally on everyone involved takes time also
I love the way you are willing to keep and open mind. We are not to judge our kids but to love them anyway.
Just wanna give u props for taking the steps to educate urself on the LGBTQA+ community and calling ur child by their pronouns
She has to understand that she is actually a girl, whether you accept her or not. She was born your baby girl so that’s why you call her by her name
Respect their wishes and show them you fully support them. All you can do. Down the road they will always remember you supported them no matter what! Even if they change their minds, it’s best to show them you support them 100%. A non-supportive family raises the suicide rate in LGBTQ youth. So it is best to show them you are there for them and love them no matter what.
I’ll probably get hate for this, but this is how I feel on the subject, I’ve got 3 sons, 19, 13 and 11, the 19 Yr old is now gay, after dipping his toes in dating girls, good on him, support his sexuality 100%, but alittle while ago, he tried making me call him they/them etc, I tried, I really did, but I kept referring to him as him, by accident, in the end I told him that as much as I’m trying its just not sinking in and I keep referring back to him, I apologised and said I just can’t get used to calling you that. A month later he had changed his mind yet again and wanted me to continue calling him a him. Mind blown. He’s still questioning if he’s completely gay or not, and he’s 19! So I’m sorry but at 12/13 they’ve really no set in stone clue just yet. I didn’t know for sure I liked women and men until I actually slept with a woman, so now I know I am bisexual. It took me until the age of 24 to confirm it. Just go with the flow, no decision is set in stone yet and don’t beat yourself up mentally if you get it wrong sometimes. It’s a huge adjustment not just for the person questioning their sexuality or gender identity but also for everyone in their lives. It’s give and take on both sides, not just all one sided. Goodluck
I really hope I don’t have to go through this with my child
Give her the bible tell her to read it.
I have friends who are nonbinary
It’s a little difficult to remember all the time since I forget a lot
But just keep trying and you’ll get used to it
Correct yourself anytime you slip up
Youll get used to it
Picking a name they like is sometimes having to do with something with their deadname that traumatized or hurt them
So it’s best to try and get used to their name as much as possible
You don’t have to be perfect
But putting in the effort is where it’s all at
That’s where you know someone cares and Is doing their best
They’re trying to figure out who they are and what theyre comfortable with
I’m glad you’re being so supportive
Just try your best
Thats all it is
I’ve never been in this situation yet, all I can say is a child needs to feel comfortable to be themselves somewhere, if not they will grow up not knowing who they are. Mistakes as a ch ikk old are easier to overcome than as an adult
Love is love baby, what people put in their mouth is their business.
As a mom, I don’t understand how this is even a question. I think the sun shines out of my kids ass. Greatest human ever.
You do like my sister and I did with her son / daughter ( born a girl wants to be boy ) my sister told him that she would do her best to support him the best she could ( so we all do ) but you also have to get use to it and make adjustments yourself and get use to it yourself that it dont change tge fact that you love them any less… I told him regardless if he had male parts or girl parts he will always have the nick name the family gave him ( short for the girl name ) rather then the name he would like to be called and he is ok with that… and if your ex can’t handle it maybe this child should come live with you
You are a great mom, continue
Well she’s only 13 and social media, the entertainment industry and even schools and peers are confusing the children. If I was born in the generation I would be confused too. I would keep an eye on her friends and what she’s doing on those platforms. For now do your best and support her but also have a heart to heart with her on other things. She might change her mind later. Right now it’s a scary time for our children.
Might want to point out to them that using the chosen name around the younger sibling is likely to get them outed to their dad. That situation is going to need dealt with sooner or later. Keep supporting them, no matter what the outcome, they will need to know someone cares.
Please give your child time to really know if they feel this way. At that age it’s very young. For kids in school, saying you’re a part of the LGBTQ group is “cool” but I see so many students go back and forth. And you’re right, it’s difficult to use the they/them terms. But at least we try.
I would pray for your daughter and family. Only God has the right answers/path to take and you’ll know what to do when you choose to ask him for his favour, then give it all to him (your worry’s/concerns) to handle and do nothing else but keep faith in that and just watch his amazing good works take care of it all for you. Amen
Your comments about your conversations with your little girl- yes, little GIRL, says that SHE is “parenting” you, instead of the other way around.
My suggestion: you said it yourself- “I want to start out saying that I’m 100% supportive of my child”. Tell her that. Let her know that she will ALWAYS be your child, that you support her in growing up. But also let her know that does not mean that you MUST accept the lifestyle she is now saying she prefers. Separate the two issues, and yes, the ARE separate issues. It will cause friction, of course, but already in your comments you are showing that YOU are letting her be in charge of the household by referring to her as “them”, and “they”. Show her you LOVE her, but not the lifestyle she says she now prefers. Tell her that, like she expects YOU to respect what she is demanding, you also expect to be given the respect YOU deserve as her mother.
The Liberal Left is now pushing its agenda very aggressively on AMERICA’S face. They are targeting our children. I’m sure you heard of the gay men’s chorus in San Francisco which sang a song saying that they are coming after our children to “convert” them. Don’t let your beautiful little girl become a “convert” victim.
Caring enough to ask these types of questions is a great start
Where are 13 year old learning these things? Who’s brainwashing these kids? Wtf
We love our children unconditionally ALWAYS
My daughter is gay and I never once asked myself why, what did I do wrong
Or ever question her decision
I love her more for being real and living her nornal life and not pretending
She will always be my daughter, always have my heart
Always support your child !! Its hard at first, but honestly seeing the reality and start living it, you realize this is their normal
I would just be supportive. Kids are figuring out who they are and whoever that is they need to know we’re in their corner. If you shut this down it will damage your relationship with your child. To me my child is my child he her they them idc
I’ll take the hate…
I suggest family therapy.
Not to “make them normal”. To help them figure out who they are. I am personal friends with 2 ppl who thought they were trans. Started the meds and had surgery…only to decide 4yrs later, they were not. It’s been hard for them.
Children are already dealing with so much. Talking to a neutral party to help them.
I told my son, “If you’re ever not sure, lmk. We’ll talk about it. We’ll see a therapist. We can do the work to see if you’re gay, trans or going through a phase. No matter what, you’ll always be my son. I will always love you. You will always have a home here”
Raising a Generation of Kids that do not know who they are is Crazy !! Teach them what has worked for years , Boy and Girl ,Mom and Dad !!! Some one has failed in that Household!!
My daughter is a lesbian and she even said going by she/her or they/them is ridiculous. I’ve accepted she’s gay but I’m not going to call her anything but her own name. She stated that she is aware that she is a she and her but it’s ridiculous to go by that. I just love her
I think children these days put too much of an emphasis on such things that really dont matter so much as they get older. Unpopular opinion for the more liberal folks, but I dont support incorrect grammar usage or varying ‘gender identities’. It’s confusing and only exacerbates identity issues as well as mental illness, I cant see any benefit using such a blanket statement term when trying to realize individual self worth.
Id love my kid no matter what, but they should be real with themselves. If they wanted to transition when they older that’s one thing but the brain is physically not mature at that age and they shouldnt worry about such life changing decisions like that so young. Encourage self confidence and enjoy life while you can. It shouldnt be more complicated then that.
Currently going through a very similar situation. My 13-year-old daughter believes that she is transgender (first non-binary, but now feels that boy and gay fits her best). I am trying my best to be supportive, but still struggle so much with he/him. I have a 4-year-old son who gets so confused when asked to call his “sissy” by the boy name.
Your discomfort is growth. Continue growing, you’re headed in the right direction. Thank you for being an ally
You’re an awesome mom for supporting them