How Can I Get My 3-YO Daughter to Understand the Importance of Apologies (and Changing Behavior)?

Motherhood
1

shutterstock_1493322494
shutterstock_14933224941000×667 496 KB

QUESTION:

"My daughter is almost 3. When she gets in trouble for something, she apologizes SINCERELY and hugs me or my husband. I don’t think she’s old enough to be manipulative.

The trouble is, the apology doesn’t change the behavior. Example: today, NOTHING would get her to clean up her blocks. We put her on a timeout. She kept trying to go apologize but still wouldn’t clean up the blocks (we tried making it fun, my turn your turn, find all the GREEN ones now, lots of strategies), so we ended up putting her back on timeout every time she defiantly said no. And she would tearfully and sincerely apologize again.

How do I appropriately acknowledge the genuineness of the apologies while teaching her the importance of listening to us/cleaning up/whatever the issue?"

RELATED QUESTION: How Should I Have Handled My Child’s Outbursts?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

shutterstock_204765436
shutterstock_2047654361000×667 526 KB

“If I’m being honest, she sounds like any other 2-year-old. It’s great for kids to start doing things on their own. I clean my daughter’s mess up without asking her to help. I make sure to do it when she’s watching. Every single time, she comes to help. I make sure to praise her every time and thank her. I personally don’t believe an almost 3-year-old understands an apology or how to be genuine with it. I wouldn’t punish her for not cleaning. I would pick up and make her watch. Explain to her the importance of cleaning “If we don’t clean, we can trip and get hurt” etc. It’s all about repetition for children.”

“She’s still a baby. These kinds of things take time. Most adults can’t comprehend the importance of sincere apologies.”

“Ok. Well, first 3-year-olds can manipulate. 2nd, just explain. I’m sure she thinks apologizing makes it all better and that’s how you get done with timeout. That’s not actually how apologies work though, is it? Tell her that she can only say she’s sorry if she plans to make better choices going forward. “I’m sorry means I am ready to make good choices now.” You go in timeout for making poor choices. You can say sorry and get out of timeout, but ONLY when you’re ready to make good choices. If you say you’re sorry, and you keep making poor choices, then that’s not being sorry, that’s lying. “We never ever want to lie about being sorry.” Maybe it’s time to start the steps to an honest apology. 1. You say you’re sorry. 2. You say what you’re sorry for. 3. You say how you plan to fix it. 4. You give hugs and kisses and follow through on your apology promise. You’re technically supposed to go through those after each timeout. She’ll get it fast enough.”

“She is physically unable to empathize until she is about 5. It’s good she at least apologizes but she just won’t get it yet.”

“Oh, sweetie. She’s 2! Give her a break, it’s just blocks! The fact she’s apologizing is massive, keep punishing her and she won’t do that. It’s OK for them to show their independence, say no, not always do everything you ask. Doesn’t mean they’re going to grow up to be messy or defiant, just means they’re still 2 or 3, or 4, or 5. Practise will make perfect on these learned habits. Your really expecting a bit too much from her at such a young age. That’s not to say don’t ask her to pick up toys, most of the time she’ll likely comply. But if she has a burst of independence and says no, don’t make it an all-day standoff.”

“Take her blocks away and make a big deal over it. If she wants them back she has to start picking up her messes. 2-3 is that stage where they test boundaries. They know exactly what they can and can’t get away with. In our house, if you don’t do what you’re supposed to do after timeout, then you get straight back in timeout and sit for exactly how long it takes to change your mind. I ignore them while they throw fits and if they get up, they know they’re in trouble. She’s not sorry because she’s ruling the roost. 3 is old enough to learn. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for. Don’t make excuses for her behavior. There isn’t an excuse.”

“Never tell her ‘it’s ok’ when she apologizes. Tell her ‘thank you’ instead. Then explain why what she is doing isn’t ok. Like ‘thank you for saying sorry, but it’s not ok for you to tell mommy and daddy no, you have to clean up your toys.’”

“The way we did it with my niece, 2 yo, was with an egg. We broke it and apologized then asked her if it fixed the egg. Then we explained that sorry it’s very nice but doesn’t fix what happened which is why next time we won’t hurt the egg and will be more careful! It’s seemed to work so far but kids also learn based on repetition so you might have to do it a couple of times to get the point across! Hope this helps!”

“I tell my girls that they can apologize and apologize but if there actions stay the same the apology means nothing. I then show or tell them how to change their actions.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

23 Likes
2

The apology your daughter is offering is for upsetting you & your husband. What is her objection to cleaning the blocks: does she want to use them later: she doesn’t want to pull apart a creation: she is overwhelmed by the task? Is it a power struggle? (especially now that it’s an issue)

2 Likes
3

what is apologizing to someone for it going to make her stop for? She’s learning she can do whatever she wants as long as she says sorry after. Not many WANT to clean up. Mines 14 and its STILL a struggle. You keep going. You keep telling her until she does it. Punishing her for not doing it doesn’t seem logical “if you don’t clean up, you have to sit there.” at 3 that seems pretty young. don’t expect her to understand or comprehend beyond her age. and don’t think she is dumb either. 3 year olds can get what they want out of you. but you need to expect them to give you what you want to and you keep going until you get it.

4

Time. It takes time. Her brain isn’t mature enough yet. Just keep teaching. She will eventually get it. She’s still so young. :heart:

4 Likes
5

Maybe just keep helping and make a game of it. Favorite snack afterwards…that type of thing.

6

She’s 3… what are you truly expecting from a 3 years old? Understand the importance of apology? At 3?! Take a step back and allow her to be a child. You punishing her all the time for not doing things your exact way is insane. You win some and you lose some with a 3 year old. Chill out.

7 Likes
7

Theu dont have emphy for other people until the age of 3 or 4 apologies mean very little to them at this point. If you say how you feel about the behavior like when you dont help mom pick up it makes me feel…how do you feel about … that hurts my feelings. Makes me sad.

8

Telling her she can apologize by cleaning up and that is the only acceptable apology. Not words but actions. If you want to apologize to mommy and daddy go clean your room. If you don’t apologize by cleaning your room, we will take your toys away for a day. :woman_shrugging:t2::walking_woman:t2:

9 Likes
9

Tell her your going to vacuum everything up, and start vacuuming at this age, she doesn’t realize the vacuum can’t pick up her blocks.
I use to tell my daughter at that age if she didn’t pick up her toys I was going to vacuum them up. She’ll
start picking them up.

10

Kids are very manipulative… Mine is really sweet to me when she needs a favor

3 Likes
11

Start a rewards system. Put in on paper with pictures. But dont do it so she gets a reward every time. Cut something out that she will understand means picking things up and glue it to a piece of paper. Get stickers let her put one beside the pic everytime she does what’s asked. And not after begging her but from her easily doing it. That helps to take the struggle out. Sticker not for going against you but just doing as asked. Pick a number. I’ll just say 2. After she puts 2 stickers beside the pic she can have a sucker or something like that. After say like 20 stickers she can pick out a $5 toy from the store. Rewards system works well. It gives them an easy goal. And visually gives them something to work towards

12

Teach her about actions. Yes she is only 3 but she can still be taught at this age. Maybe time outs aren’t enough. Maybe take the toy away for the rest of the day. Actions have consequences. She can certainly apologize for not listening but she also needs to learn that when you ask her to clean up when she is not using something anymore that she needs to listen. Explain that someone could slip and fall on them because they are just in the middle of the floor.

2 Likes
13

time for a good pop on the bottom.

5 Likes
14

She many be only three but I am sure she can operate a tablet or any other gadget well.
In a child friendly way let her know that when she says sorry she should not repeat the action. She need to know how to be obedient and follow rules or a privilege will be taken away.
You can also explain how herself or any of you can have an accident from toys left around.
Be serious about it .You cannot expect to be instilling and yet having her think it is fun.Both parents must be on the same page. She would know she cannot run to daddy and get away with whatever. If an animal can be trained from small a child can be .

15

An apology is not acceptable without a change in behavior. Try explaining that an apology means she will do what you tell her to do.

2 Likes
16

If she doesn’t pick up her blocks and you end up doing it put them in a bag/tote and put them up. Whatever she plays with and doesn’t pick up and you end up doing it you do the same and then she has to “earn” them back. She is 3 so she is old enough to understand small consequences.

17

Don’t give her the attention when she is cleaning up. Set a timer. Tell her 3 minutes to clean and then you will help ONLY if she has cleaned some part off alone… my daughter is the same way, when I “set” a timer the whole room gets cleaned. It took a week or so for her to understand I will not help unless she does some alone, but it’s worked!!

18

Well she’s only 3. That type of learning doesn’t come for a while. Just keep it up. She’ll get it.

1 Like
19

I’ve come to realize the best way to learn and teach a child is through love and model appropriate behaviors then things fall into place, effortlessly… and with fun. Time out and punishment did not work and showed hostility, sometimes very subtle but not welcomed behaviors

20

uh, she’s 3… she is still a baby. Teaching is fine, showing how to do things fine… not getting that it will NOT always work out, especially when THEY ARE 3… ummm. I kind of feel bad for her, how the upbringing from you all is going to be :grimacing::flushed:

1 Like
21

She is only almost 3. Patience and time since she is a toddler.

22

My son did the same thing for a bit. But I also didn’t punish him and put him in timeout just because he didnt want to clean up his toys. The only time he was in timeout was when he would be disrespectful and talk back… I’d give him 5-10 mins of a break and explain that its time to cleanup so we can do something else thats super fun! You have to get them excited to want to clean up and help. She’s 3 y/o and very intelligent. Its time to sit her down as soon as she starts apologizing and explain to her that just because she says sorry doesn’t mean that everything is okay but thank you saying sorry. Mommy and daddy understand that she’s sorry but its time she cleans up her mess so we can all be happy and play together. As soon as you start explaining why its important to clean up she will want to. You can give examples like oh no! Daddy tripped on your toy and got owie. And pretend dad got hurt on his toe. Then she may understand ooh thats a good reason to clean up. Kids like to have reasons to do something. Thats what makes this exciting. Sing the clean up song and have dad pretend he’s a monkey and shes the baby monkey. Use your imagination! You got this!

23

Just say until we pick up our blocks we can’t do… have a snack, play outside, whatever it is that you gonna do next

24

Absolutely ridiculous :joy:

25

Take the blocks away…if she doesn’t care about them

3 Likes
26

She’s not even 3 yet- I think you are expecting a lot from a little one.

1 Like
27

Hard one there. I think she really is sorry, but doesn’t distinguish the two are together.

28

Apologies don’t mean anything without actions

29

Oh my god what a great question. Following because I have the same issue. “The best apology is changed behavior” isn’t exactly comprehensive on a (in my case) almost 4 year old level.

30

If I’m being honest, she sounds like any other 2 year old. It’s great for kids to start doing things on their own. I clean my daughter’s mess up without asking her to help. I make sure to do it when she’s watching. Every single time, she comes to help. I make sure to praise her every time and thank her. I personally don’t believe an almost 3 year old understands an apology or how to be genuine with it.

I wouldn’t punish her for not cleaning. I would pick up and make her watch. Explain to her the importance of cleaning “If we don’t clean, we can trip and get hurt” etc. It’s all about repetition for children.

10 Likes
31

I tell my girls that they can apologize and apologize but if there actions stay the same the apology means nothing. I then show or tell them how to change their actions.

1 Like
32

“I appreciate the apology but…” or say “thank you for saying sorry but you still have to…” my 2 year old does the same or if I tell her no she tries making me tell her sorry “say sorry mommy” and that’s a hard no. Right from wrong ya know

2 Likes
33

With my kids, when in timeout, timeout didn’t start until they were sitting in the timeout spot. They could cry or whatever while there, but they could not shout or yell. Timeout did not start until they stopped yelling (if they were). Then timeout was one minute for ever year of life. Two minutes for a two year old is a LONG time. After time was up, would always talk about why they were in timeout and explain why it was not okay (we ignore them while in timeout). In this instance, I would continue to put her in timeout and let her out to help with blocks but then put her back in timeout until she helped put the blocks away. But no more than 2 minutes each time…she comes out, then back in timeout when she says no again. Each time, explain that you are in timeout because you made a mess and you are responsible to help clean it up. When she refuses again, same cycle. Repetition and consistency are the only thing that will work. If you let her out just because she apologized, she is only going to learn that she can behave poorly to others, and as long as she apologizes there are no consequences.

5 Likes
34

The way we did it with my niece, 2 yo, was with an egg. We broke it and apologised then asked her if it fixed the egg. Then we explained that sorry its very nice but doesn’t fix what happened which is why next time we won’t hurt the egg and will be more careful! It’s seemed to work so far but kids also learn based on repetition so you might have to do it a couple times too get the point across! Hope this helps!

3 Likes
35

Never tell her “its ok” when she apologizes. Tell her “thank you” instead. Then explain why what she is doing isnt ok. Like “thank you for saying sorry, but it’s not ok for you tell mommy and daddy no, you have to clean up your toys.”

3 Likes
36

When my kids wouldn’t pick up there stuff I told them if I did it it all was going in the garbage and that’s exactly what I did and it did not get replaced

1 Like
37

I made it a part of my son’s bedtime routine… I put up with his toys and blocks being out until his bedtime and then he had a tub that he had to fill with everything off the floor before going up for bed. He got used to it being something he had to do and I tried to make it fun for him, like a game. “see if you can get all the blue blocks before I count to 10” etc. I did help of course until he got old enough to do it alone… It’s hard because they go through that say no to everything stage and I don’t think they really understand that sorry means they shouldn’t do it again at 2 years old. At first he didn’t like tidying up the floor without my help but got really good at doing it himself. Once they go to nursery they are expected to tidy up so it will be easy then but the bedtime end of the day tidy up could work for you :blush:

38

Well, at least she apologizes, that’sa start. My almost 13 year old doesn’t apologize. Ever. And gets in even more trouble for not apologizing when she should. So any advice on that would be helpful

39

she is too young to grasp the concept. take the toys. that is the rule. stick to it. no waivering.

40

Ok. Well, first 3 year olds can manipulate. 2nd, just explain. I’m sure she thinks apologizing makes it all better and thats how you get done with timeout. Thats not actually how apologies work though, is it? Tell her that she can only say she’s sorry if she plans to make better choices going forward. “I’m sorry means i am ready to make good choices now.” You go in timeout for making poor choices. You can say sorry and get out of timeout, but ONLY when you’re ready to make good choices. If you say you’re sorry, and you keep making poor choices, then that’s not being sorry, that’s lying. “We never ever want to lie about being sorry.”
Maybe it’s time to start the steps to an honest apology. 1. You say you’re sorry. 2. You say what you’re sorry for. 3. You say how you plan to fix it. 4. You give hugs and kisses, and follow through on your apology promise. You’re technically supposed to go through those after each timeout. She’ll get it fast enough.

4 Likes
41

She is physically unable to empathize until she is about 5. It’s good she at least apologizes but she just won’t get it yet.

4 Likes
42

A lot of ‘learned’ behaviors come automatically as we’re taught, like, "what do we say? We say ‘yes please’ and ‘thank you’. Kids have to learn that it isn’t simply the right thing to say, but that actions come with consequences. Yes, I was really sorry the time I threw my baseball through the neighbor’s window, but I got grounded for it too!

1 Like
43

Your first problem is thinking a 3 year old doesn’t manipulate. Mine’s been hustling since he was out of diapers lol.

5 Likes
44

as another commenter said, tell her thank you for apologizing. And as another says, they learn by what you do so you can’t expect a child that young to understand how to clean up. but then tell her if I have to pick up your blocks by myself they will be put up and you can’t play with them for the rest of the day. Repeat until she gets it–she will eventually, you just have to be consistent.

3 Likes
45

For my 4yo, I have found that taking away something he loves(toy, tablet, tv time…) When he is not behaving and rewarding him when he is works for us. Every kid is different, just keep trying and be consistent and it will work its self out. Toddlers are like tiny teenagers in how they act. You’re doing a great job mama!

46

She’s still a baby. These kinds of things take time. Most adults can’t comprehend the importance of sincere apologies.

11 Likes
47

I use the Daniel tiger I’m sorry doesn’t always help so we say sorry and then ask how can I help I loved that episode

1 Like
48

She is 3 she doesn’t grasp it fully yet…

1 Like
49

She’s 2. She’s just learning language. Just like please & thank you get you what you want (usually) so does apologising. That’s what she’s learning. Not that it’s respectful. The best way to teach her is to model the behavior. Apologize for your own wrong behavior & change it. She’s not going to catch on immediately but soon that will be the response to mistakes. Apologize then change behavior vs apologize to get out of time out.

50

I’d forget the time out for this, she is fully aware of the consequence of “no” and how to get out of it. Sorry is great if they mean it. Maybe she just isn’t linking the two issues. I’d get a bag and say clear them up or they are going away. If she doesn’t clear them up, put them in the bag and take them.
Don’t tell her that she will get them back if, but when she’s listened about tidying up twice, give her them back and say you can have your blocks because you’ve tidied up now.
And the best advice I got at that age was tell them exactly what you do want them to do. Any time you mention anything else, it’s a thought in their mind. Eg, don’t say, “don’t go near the road” or “don’t hit the dog”. Say, “walk by the wall” or “stroke the dog gently”.
If all else fails though, just remember two year olds are beasts. They just are!
You’ve got this and you are not alone :sparkling_heart:

1 Like
51

If I have to tell them to apologize I then follow up with “and what does sorry mean” … “sorry means I wont do that again” (either I tell them the answer or wait for them to tell me)

1 Like
52

It’s normal. Just keep stressing the importance of it, consistency is key. As she grows older it’ll continue to stick. Gotta remember, she’s just a baby. These things take time.

2 Likes
53

She does seem upset at not being able to complete the task. Some kids will never be able to tidy blocks… I never found timeouts worked. Just explain that you don’t want hugs or apologies, you want her blocks tidied away. Don’t let her hug you until she’s done the task. Give attention for good behaviour, not poor behaviour.

54

Oh sweetie. She’s 2! Give her a break, its just blocks! The fact she’s apologizing is massive, keep punishing her and she won’t do that. Its OK for them to show their independence, say no, not always do everything you ask. Doesn’t mean they’re going to grow up to be messy or defiant, just means they’re still 2 or 3, or 4, or 5. Practise will make perfect on these learned habits. Your really expecting a bit too much from her at such a young age. That’s not to say don’t ask her to pick up toys, most of the time she’ll likely comply. But if she has a burst of independence and says no, don’t make it an all day stand off.

3 Likes
55

She is three, you are literally putting her in time out for something she can not control. You are putting her in time out for being three. Why would she want to clean up? I’m mean again she is three.

2 Likes
56

Shes 3. They are still learning feelings and emotions. Is she sorry when she does it? Yes. Will they do it again? Yes

2 Likes
57

I know this sounds strange. But when that didnt work for me. I put the “toys in timeout” for the day. It really opened my kids eyes that if they can’t clean up or take care of their things they dont get it at all.

2 Likes
58

Just keep doing what your doing. Remain patient and consistent with the follow through. Discipline + love.

59

Say “I don’t want your apology if you are going to keep doing the same thing” make her clean up then apologise

60

Well I am definitely not parent of the year. But teaching her that an “apology” doesn’t mean anything if you don’t fix why you’re sorry. I guess for a 3yr old. “Why are you sorry?”. Probably an idk answer from her, but she knows you’re upset. Tell her why you’re upset. She obviously understands or would not be acting this way.

61

We used to package them up and throw them away. Then we would get them out of the trash after the kids went to bed and hide them in our closet for a while.

62

Take her blocks away and make a big deal over it. If she wants them back she has to start picking up her messes. 2-3 is that stage where they test boundaries. They know exactly what they can and can’t get away with. In our house, if you dont do what you’re supposed to do after timeout, then you get straight back in timeout and sit for exactly how long it takes to change your mind. I ignore them while they throw fits and if they get up, they know they’re in trouble. She’s not sorry because she’s ruling the roost. 3 is old enough to learn. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit for. Don’t make excuses for her behavior. There isn’t an excuse.

2 Likes
63

She’s a bit young… I’ve worked with children my whole life, and one of my pet peeves is when adults tell children to say they’re sorry ;( Most times if you have to tell them, they are either too young, or don’t mean it

19 Likes
64

Just be consistent. Talk about it. She will eventually catch on. Right now she thinks that daying she sorry is a way to get out of time one, children that young tend to forget what put them into time out in the first place. Be consistent. Instead of listening to her say im sorry, ask her if she is ready to try picking up her blocks again. If she says no then she continues to sit there. If she says yes try again and if she becomes defiant again then put her back in time out. And make sure to talk everything out some they know why you did/are doing to them.

2 Likes
65

According to developmental psychology, kids aren’t capable of manipulation at that age. The same goes for malice.
We do natural consequences. In the example you gave, if they don’t pick up the blocks, then the blocks don’t come back out again for a while.

16 Likes
66

I understand what you are going through, I had the same problem with my daughter. She would always apologize, but still refuse to put away her stuff. I would look at her and I could see the apology seemed to be genuine, I just couldn’t understand why she wasn’t doing it. I use to tell her don’t worry about it, I’ll put it away, but I am going to put it away for awhile until she learns how to put them up. After not seeing them for a period of time, whenever I decided to give it back to her, she started to put them up, because she didn’t want me putting them away for a longtime again.

2 Likes
67

I would try the crinkled paper method. Crinkle up a piece of paper then apologize for doing it while you smooth it out. This way she can see a visual that even though the apology is good to make people feel better it doesnt fix the problem. It’s up to her to make sure it doesnt happen again.

6 Likes
68

Little kids aren’t manipulative. They are tiny people who are learning. Time out and an apology is such an abstract consept at that age. If the constant time out repetition isn’t working, why keep doing it? To each their own, but our family doesn’t use timeout because we don’t believe it teaches anything. We practice leading by example. For example, I will say, “ok it’s time to clean up the toys for lunch!” I will then start cleaning up. They usually follow by example and start helping clean up. Sometimes they don’t, and that’s ok. They are just learning. With our 5 and 6 year olds we use natural consequences, such as not allowing them to watch TV or play outside (basically move on to a different activity) until the toys are picked up.

6 Likes
69

She’s 2, its called the terrible twos and threeangers for a reason. They quite literally think the world revolves around them and do what they want. Teaching a two year old, almost three, to pick up blocks is mostly by showing, see how mommy picks up this is what we do after we play. They cannot control their emotions and are naturally contrary thats why they ask for a banana and then get mad when you give them a banana. You need to tailor your expectations to what your child is capable of not the other way around. The fact that she will sometimes pick up and apologize is great, when she doesn’t you can put her in time out for 2 minutes and explain why eventually she will learn to help pick up every time.

3 Likes
70

She’s 3 you can start showing her ways,but again she’s 3.Poor kid always apologizing not so good in my opinion.

1 Like
71

You can teach her to apologize. It might take a little while for her to get it. She’s 3 and she’s probably going to understand how she feels.

72

It’s not that she is being manipulative but little people are not silly and they are very in tune with people so she actually has learned from mummy and daddy if she gives them hugs and apology that seems to work , maybe when she has displayed BAD behaviour she will not be allowed to come to you in this manner in future because that doesn’t make it ok .

73

We teach that apologies are words + changed behavior. At the end of a timeout, we ask our son what he can change to do better next time. Then we accept the apology.

3 Likes
74

Apologies are an abstract concept that children that young dont comprehend fully, hence no change in behavior. It’s normal. They understand the action of saying sorry but they dont comprehend its meaning as it relates to the misbehaving

17 Likes
75

My three year old apologizes like, " I’m sorry for hitting. I will try not to do it again" as an example. We say sorry, we say what we did that we are apologizing for, and we say we will do our best not to behave in that way again.

That’s how we do apologies in my house.

1 Like
76

My children are 6 and 4 and I don’t and will not accept an apology from my two until they can tell me exactly why they are apologizing. At this young age saying sorry means absolutely nothing, it’s just another word they don’t know the meaning of

1 Like
77

You are setting up negative power struggles. Help her clean up the mess, make a game of it, praise her and give her high-fives even if she just puts a few things away. You have to keep things positive, if you overuse time out it is of no value

1 Like
78

She’s 3 - she’ll learn. 3 year olds don’t even understand the importance of food & water let alone the true meaning behind an apology.

79

At 3 they dont know apologies like an adult . teach her opinions…to get good behavior . an award system . example if we put up our toys we can have a treat …reasonable choice equals good behavior. It helps they to learn how to be responsible for own clean up. And dont just use snacks for rewards.

2 Likes
80

Tell her why she has been put on time out and then ask her is she sorry she did… and tell her she can make it better by tidying up and listening when she is being asked to do things. Once she gets used to it always ask why she is sorry and accept a reason never just accept im sorry without one.

2 Likes
81

Do people continually apologise around her, seems odd to me, sounds like she is repeating what she sees

82

My son just turned 4 and avoids picking up his toys. He always wants me to help and then he doesnt do much. I tried punishment, I tried threatening to take toys away, I was going nuts. Then, I decided to make it fun and took advantage of his fun and competitive nature. So I bought an egg timer and told him we would play a game. I set it at :30 and told him whoever picked up toys the fastest wins. Its ccx amazing how clean a room can get in minutes. If the timer goes off and toys aren’t picked up, we reset it. When it dings, it’s like he won a prize. He is so excited. He knows now to get some of the big toys out, all the little ones need to be out if the way and picked up. It works for us now!

83

She’s only two, they don’t think like an adult. They are testing their boundaries, don’t make everything a battle.

1 Like
84

The apology is genuine. She is genuinely sorry that she got in trouble.

1 Like
85

What I did with my son is I would put him on time out until he was ready to pick up his mess. He had to sit quietly bored with his hands on his knees it taught him hes either going to do as I say or do nothing.

86

Tell her to be herself, it’s always better to ask forgiveness then to bend your pride and ask permission.

87

Choose your battles. Get a box, start putting blocks in it while telling her she won’t play with them for awhile, and then follow through. A couple days is enough time. Three is old enough to start teaching, but not ready to learn consequences.

88

I fixed this with my daughters favorite treats. I would eat it in front of her. She would ask for it, I would say I’m sorry, no. If you can’t do what mommy ask, mom can’t do what you ask. It took a few reminders when defiance reared its head but I would say a few times, if you dont listen to what mom wants/needs from you mommy won’t listen to you but you have to stick to it. If you can’t follow through dont start. Follow through is key.

89

3 yrs old is a bit young. Maybe tired. Come back to it. The more you insist. Enjoy your toddler stop making her apologize or you are going to have way bigger problems later.

90

If you don’t pick them up you don’t play with them, this has to follow through with whatever she won’t pick up. Help her, she’s only 3, is it really that big of a deal?
They grow up so fast and you will regret time you could have played and had fun with her.

91

Time out for not cleaning blocks? Seems a lil extreme to me.

2 Likes
92

Time outs never worked for my daughter. I had to remove something she liked & she wouldn’t get it back until she put right her wrong (usually her tablet)

93

3, is a little to young to grasp apologies, it comes out more as a way of getting out of trouble.
My solution is simple, you put the toys away or Ill pick them up and put them in the trash. They are quick to “save” their toys from the bin.

94

Saying sorry is only for parents. They don’t understand until age 7.

95

Choose two dolls or barbies or whatever is her favorite and then have pretend conversations where one needs to apologize. After the apology is said, say what the other is thinking aloud. Do this with multiple examples…like five or so. Then on the next one, create a scenario in which an apology is needed and ask your daughter how she could apologize. If she can answer then you say what the other doll is thinking. Do this a few times. Third round is the same as last, where your daughter apologizes and then ask her what the other doll might be thinking. Then have conversations with her mom and daughter and ask share your concerns in a nonblaming way and see what her concerns are.

96

Try a “clean up” time. There are are lot of “clean up” songs out there. We use them in preschool. Or just sing the song.

97

My wee grandaughter is same says sorry then does same thing again lol just too young I think

98

Try putting the blocks in “timeout” out of her reach. Or take a garbage bag and “throw away” a toy she will not clean up.

99

Tell her you accept her apology but she still has to pick up her toys.

100

Man my almost three year old must be horrible compared to yours