Getting an eight year old to stop demanding I cook her separate meals because she refuses 80% of the meals I give her. I’m out of patience. My 3 and 4 year old eat basically everything. She just wants starch, salty or sugary stuff, and fruits. She refuses any and all meats and veggies. Wont eat eggs or any kid friendly protein shakes I make. I can’t send her to bed with no food. She screams and cries and says I don’t like her when I try forcing her. I give her the most attention so it upsets me when she says that. Please moms. I need suggestions or anyone whose been in this situation to help. I failed with her by not forcing it when she was younger like I do my boys. So it is partially my fault for this. please be kind with responses.
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She can eat dinner or a sandwich. Nothing else. If she chooses to go to bed hungry then so be it. A person won’t starve themselves.
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My son is 7 I have the same problem. If I cook and he doesn’t eat it thats his own choice and he can miss dinner. He will go to bed upset and without eating and that sucks but its his choice for not eating a perfectly healthy meal.
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A child offered food will not starve themselves. She’ll catch on pretty quick when you stop making her a separate dinner.
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Why can’t you send her to bed without dinner? If she chooses not to eat oh well! My 6 yr old is very picky and tries this often!! We k ow she truly doesn’t like pasta so we don’t make her eat it but everything els she MUST try it. Usually I let her be done after a few bites but no before bed snack or snack the next day after school if she doesn’t finish her dinner!
Also I have done no after school snack and a very late dinner. When I do that she is really hungry by dinner and she eats without complaining
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My daughter does this and we send her to bed without dinner. She gets the choice though, she can eat what we make, or she can starve. She won’t starve to death, but she’ll learn to eat what’s made or go hungry.
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Its the drama of a 6 year old …my daughter swares I love her brothers more…
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My not quite 8 year old tried that a for a while. I was the mean mom and said ok, starve.
After some epic meltdowns 
he eats.
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Shes def old enough to know learn a “natural consequence” “you dont eat youll be hungry later” If mine dont eat they dont get any snacks after that either. Im working on my 3 yo but my 8yo was like that and she quickly stopped now she eats EVERYTHING. If she dont eat save her plate so when she is “hungry” her dinner is there for her to eat before she wants a treat or snack. Currently i bribe my 3yo when he sees his sister get a nice cookie after he will then choose to eat his dinner so he can have that cookie. The only thing im lienient on is meat bc he wont eat it but the rest needs to be eaten.
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Give 2 choices either eat what you make for everyone or a pbj sandwich.
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They eat what I make. And if they “don’t like it” I make them at least try it. My son is hit and miss with certain veggies. He is to eat the amount i put on his plate or no dessert! 9 chances out of 10 he’ll eat it because he wants something sweet lol
Get her involved? Make a menu for the week with her. Have her help where she can to make it. Sometimes positive helps. Not always I know.
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I used to have that problem too. My 7 year old was just plain picky and wouldn’t eat any meat we fixed, well over the summer she stayed at her Nana’s who thought it was cute that my daughter was a “vegetarian” (she may very well be when she gets a little older, at current moment she’s just being a picky poop. Stick a chicken nugget in front of her and she’ll wolf it down) well long story short, there was two straight weeks once she got home of “eat what we fix or go hungry” and she’s chilled out a bit now. I do try to fix at least one side for every meal I know she’ll eat but I’m not about fixing multiple meals. Also look into multivitamins for kids, until your child sorts out their diet.
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So your 8 yr old is the bosssss?
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My 4 year old is like that! I make him sit at that table tell he eats.or he can go hungry i tell him im not maken anything.
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When I was a kid we ate what mom made or we didn’t eat. If she gets hungry enough she will eat!
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My boys started doing this when they were smaller, I had them help me prep dinner. We would do taste test and we would add r remove some spices until we all came in agreement on how it tastes. Now at 9 we plan the dinners for the week. This helped us and yes it took a few extra minutes but every meal gets eatten. If you try this I hope it works.
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Can you incorporate vegetables or meat into something she does like? Like putting small pieces of broccoli in her mac and cheese? Or on pizza? The other kids might like it also. That way everyone wins. (Don’t tell her its on there)If it doesn’t work, I would not let her have her way and get junk food. …she’d have to eat what everyone else is eating. It might take a couple of times because now she’s in a pattern and knows how to get what she wants
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I totally understand picky kids but as a teacher with lots of experience in special needs… her food choice sound very interesting. Perhaps check with her pediatrician. Could be a sensory issue or something else, lots of those babies are really picky about whay they tolerate in thier mouths.
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My 9 yr old is the same wants fruit, sugar, and carbs. She does however love steak so we make her that every weekend on the grill. I make eggs every morning for bfast she does eat them mostly cuz she’s hungry lol I do let her put ketchup or syrup on them however she wants. I try to do pancakes 1 day sausage the next biscuits n gravy but always eggs every day its the main part of our bfast cooked pretty much scrambled or fried. She hates it but eats it. She either eats or shes hungry I have 4 kids i don’t have time or $ to cook separate meals. I do buy her lunchables to make my life easier 
she doesnt get them daily but sometimes. We do some processed food too like hot pockets, pizza rolls, mac n cheese, hot dogs, ravioli Bfast is the 1 homemade meal every day that she HAS to eat and does now without fuss.
A doctor once told me that a child will eat whenever they are hungry . If they only like 4 or 5 different foods then feed them those foods . They will grow out of it . My son only wanted pizza , mac n cheese and chicken nuggets and just about any type of fruit , so that’s what I fed him . Don’t stress yourself out .
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If my kids don’t eat what I serve them for dinner I put it in the fridge for breakfast the next day if they don’t eat it then…then it’s lunch… By then they are normally hungry enough to eat… granted it rarely happens now. But eventually they eat.
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Maybe give her choices or get her involved in cooking. She might like to eat something she’s helped prepare and cook herself
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I would make my kids take a bite of everything. But only made them eat the stuff they like. I won’t eat things I don’t like. We did make them something seperate if I was making something I knew they didn’t like. And I knew they would never starve because there was always snack before bed. They out grow their pickiness in time. They eat things now that I never would or will.
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Can’t send her to bed without eating?
Umm…you sure can and you should, maybe a couple times going to bed with a growling hungry belly will give her a better appreciation for the food you cook and the time you spent preparing it…I promise she will NOT starve
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I always have cup of noodles or sandwich stuff or cereal. There are things my 9 yr old won’t eat when I cook so she can have something else. I don’t force my kids to eat anything they don’t want, never have and they eat just fine. All kids go through fazes where they don’t want stuff. Good luck
I think giving in to her makes her more determined to push your buttons which I think she is doing. Send her to bed and shut the door and say good night!!!
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I wouldn’t cook a separate meal. She eats what’s on the table or nothing. Granted, she can eat the potatoes, veggies, pasta or whatever other side dish there is…
Either she eats what is for dinner or she can be hungry. It’s her choice. When she gets hungry, she will choose to eat. If she’s offered food, she won’t starve. It won’t take long before she catches on and stops demanding her own meals. She’s doing this because it’s working and you’re making her separate meals. If you stop rewarding her behavior then she’ll stop
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Absolutely not. One meal, eat it or not that’s her choice. She will eat if she’s hungry. If she refuses no worries and no snacks
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My stepson tried that because his great grandmother who he lived in her home with my SO until me fed him whatever he wanted. Chips, bacon, popcorn, candy, chicken nuggets and so on…then the witch had the nerve to try to tell me how to grocery shop for him in OUR home. No ma’am. Child can eat what I set in front of him or choose a fruit or veggie to go to bed on. He wont starve but he sure as heck is not going to determine what we eat or i cook at 7 years old. 9 years old and he was whatever. If he truly hates it he doesnt eat it and just doesnt ask for a snack and its all good. I have made it clear to him that if he is truly hungry and didnt eat becausr he didnt like it, he is welcome to healthy snacks but over ky dead body will he get chips or something like that after not eating a healthy meal.
My best friend was like this growing up… her mom fed her potatoes, plain noodles, bagels, and goldfish. Never saw her eat anything else. She turned out fine lol
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I don’t cook a separate meal in my house. Everyone eats what’ everyone else is eating or you get nothing!
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How do you deal with this same exact issue except with a 20 month old toddler that you can’t talk any real reasoning to?
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It’s perfectly acceptable to let them skip a meal, especially at that age. I had this problem with my oldest as well. If you keep giving in, she will keep doing it. When they get hungry enough, they eat. Sorry momma, I know how frustrating it is to deal with!! Sometimes mine still tries it! Big hugs!
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If you know this - just save a headache and make what she eats … she will be fine. Maybe she has a sensory issue … you don’t even know. People say, eat what I make and that’s it is NOT fair. There has to be more issues then that!
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Make her plate, she fusses send her to her room. Tell her you will put her plate away, when she gets hungry enough she will eat it. Don’t negotiate, be firm, calm and consistent. Make some things with each meal that you know she likes, but never cook a separate meal. She will eventually get it. But consistency is the key!
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We have a rule in our house, you have to try one bite of everything on your plate, if you try it and don’t like fine I’ll make you a peanut butter sandwich if you refuse to try it you get nothing snd will go to bed hungry. She will not let herself starve, it may take a while since you allowed her to just eat something else but if you keep at it you can change it
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Mine takes a bite and if she doesn’t like it she can have a sandwich not bowl of cereal
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Cook the family meal. If she doesn’t eat it send her to bed. Eventually she’ll get hungry enough to eat.
My daughter’s first, and best, pediatrician told me and it stuck. “Did she ever die from not eating a meal?” My answer was obviously no. So he said, you make what everyone else is having and you give it to her. If she’s hungry enough, she’ll eat it. If she refuses, she’ll live. And sure enough, after a few times of refusing, she cut the crap.
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Why can’t you send her to bed with no food. She’ll get hungry sooner or later.
Try serving her the same thing as everyone else, but try to include at least one thing that she likes. If she doesn’t eat the rest, fine, but if she’s still hungry tell her she can eat what is in front of her or she’s out of luck. It’s okay to have dislikes, but not okay for her to place demands. Involving her in cooking and creating menus could help too.
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My mother did this eat what’s on table or don’t eat at all
What ever happened to eating what was out in front of you or go without.
I don’t special order cook, but if someone doesn’t like what I’ve made they can have a sandwich or cereal instead.
Also you can have her sit down with you and look a cookbook, preferably a kid’s one and with pics, ask her what looks good/that she might like to make and eat.
Some sneaky tricks with our picky eater (though it’s due to sensory issues), I add veggies to muffins or make like a zucchini cake. You can add pureed baby food veggies (NOT spinach, it’s too obvious) to pasta sauces and they also make frozen veggie tots (like tater tots, but a little healthier).
Sometimes once they get used to the taste and smell they are more receptive to it.
Just keep trying!
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Let her eat what she likes, don’t give unhealthy treats, and leave it at that. Do you have foods you don’t like, or go through phases where a certain food just doesn’t seem appetizing? Kids have preferences just like we do.
You don’t have to make a full on separate meal. If she likes the sides, give her that. She won’t starve or become malnourished. She’s eating… Pick your battles.
Also, you did right by not forcing food.
Forcing food creates unhealthy eating habits.
Fix what she likes I cook 3 dinners my husband my sons and mine we don’t all eat the same things most days on the days we do its just 1 meal
She has a choice, eat what is served or don’t eat. Let her throw a fit in her room. She’s 8 and not the parent. If she wants to make dinner for everyone that is fairly balanced then let her.
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Mine can make a pb&j or a bologna sandwich by themselves and they have to clean up after themselves as well, I always tell them I better find no trace of anything left behind
We just got full custody of my 11 year old son. I was told good luck getting him to eat anything other than frozen meals. Well, in just 2 months of “you eat what everyone eats” he will eat almost everything we cook. On average, it takes 5 tries and 4 months to break a habit. You have to be consistent and not give in, even when you want to just pull your hair out. I had to sit my son down and ask him if repeating the same question has always gotten him his way and he said it did. I was like, not in this house, buddy. We have rules for everyone to follow.
She’d eat or she would go to bed hungry 
if she genuinely doesn’t like something, obviously don’t make her eat it, but yea, daily meals she would eat or sit there and stare at it
8 is old enough to plan and make a simple meal even if it’s a sandwich or frozen burrito. I was raised to eat what was made for dinner or make my own. I raised my kids the same. They are all good cooks as young adults.
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Cook a family meal. Tell her you are not making her anything different than anyone else has and that she may not get up from the table until she finishes everything on her plate. She should be eating at least a small portion of everything
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Starve her to the point she’ll eat anything
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I have a 6 year old like this he would also chock on somethings and throw up with most foods that wasn’t his normal he had his extremely large tonsils taken out did swollow studies he also silently aspirated on liquids which we did not know about it he is in therapy for his eating. Is been about 7 months since we had the surgery and about 6ish since we had started therapy i still make him a different meal but also put what we are having on his plate for him to tough smell and try if we can get him to… therapy is helping he is trying new food and has also learned to like new foods. We haven’t fully mastered the green vegetables but is willing to eat broccoli with ranch he loves ranch if we can get him to try anything dipped in ranch it helps him! The other day he had a bologna sandwich with ranch. His thepoist says its a slow process but any new food that goes in his mouth is progress. Updated to add that some of his eatting problems are sensory issues is one of the reasons we do the therapy
I would save my daughters food amd when she said she was hungry thats what she got 
sometimes she would rather go to bed hungry and i wouldn’t give in. She now eats what is served everyday. I also would bribe her with a “dessert” if she ate all her food or at least all her veggies.
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My kids eat what I make even if they don’t like it. Lol they are just appreciative of the fact that we have food. Show her how people who don’t have food live…she’s fortunate
First don’t give one child more attention then your other children that’s not fair to your other children. Second you obviously spoiled this child to the point that she can control you and you let it happen. You need to put your foot down and be her boss not the other way around. She will eat what you make when she’s hungry enough don’t give in or this behavior will never stop.
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She eats what you cook or she does without. Thats what your going to have to do.She is only doing that because she knows you will give in…
Try enuff, Simple Spectrum prebiotic, Kids Fish oil,Carnations Breakfast Milk. All of these are are vitamins to increase appetite and or just supplements that they need to help them grow and develop well if the child not eating food.
Lol you eat what’s served or you dont eat. after a day or 2 of going to bed hungry she’ll learn. Yall need to stop letting your kids tell you what they are and arent going to do. Lol
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My kid doesn’t leave the table without eating what’s on his plate and if I know he doesn’t like it he only gets one teaspoon of it but he still has to eat that one teaspoon
I was raised that if I didn’t eat everything given to me or didn’t like what I ate, I either sat at the table till it was gone if I didn’t eat it all, or I went to bed without.
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My kids are 6 and 4. If they dont like what i make they can starve until they eat it. Keep in mind i make meals that everyone mostly likes together lol
Stop catering . She keeps at it cuz you keep caving.
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Does she have any other sensory issues? Sometimes kids with sensory issues have difficulty with eating a diverse diet. I’d look into that as a possibility as well.
If she’s 8, make her make her own food! That’s what my brother had to do growing up. He made his own food.
The making them starve doesn’t always work. I had a sibling try that and he actually starved himself. Pediatrician said he was quickly withering away and he was severely malnourished.
If my kids don’t eat the meal I prepare just for them, they’ll just get a slice of bread with a bit of butter and water. I was raised like that, I got better at eating what was made. My youngest however will eat anything on his plate and he’s turning two! My daughter has to have whole wheat (due to some complications with her system) so I try to incorporate that with her meals along with her brother as he gets backed up too. Plus I give them a pediasure if they’re just not feeling well
Maybe quit letting your 8 yr old run your house!? Make her eat what you’re making or starve… if she wants to throw a fit like a 2 yr old over it, don’t give her any extra attention for it!
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I have a 5 yr old that basically lives on peanutbutter jelly and ham and eggs. He REFUSES to try anything. When he first started eating real food. He ate everything then one day he just decides he doesn’t like food anymore. He went to bed twice this week without food before bed and he has started getting toys taken away as well. He eats at daycare a little bit but he won’t eat the same things here that he eats there or at my moms. I don’t understand it at all. So if you figure out how to get them to eat then let me know.
Shel eat when shes hungry. Dont give in. Make her a plate and if she refuses thats on her.
No snacks no other meals- she will get the point eventually
There must be things she likes…maybe make your own chicken nuggets baked or in an air fryer with chicken breast, mac and cheese, plain white rice, bbq chicken…ask her what she wants and compromise with her by making slightly healthy version if it
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If she doesn’t eat it pop it in the fridge for her to eat as her next meal
My 7 year old has sensory issues as well as a health condition. Sometimes she will refuse a meal (about 40% of the time). My rule is, I will make you a pb&j sandwich ONLY…and only after the rest of us have finished eating our dinner.
I’m confused on why you can’t send her to bed with no food. I’ve done that multiple times with my 4, almost 5 year old. Luckily my almost 8 year old is a good eater. But I’ll be quick to let them go hungry idc. The food is offered if you don’t eat that is not my problem.
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My kids was like that, they wouldn’t eat meat now when I make it they actually eat it. I always bribe them with things to such as if u eat u get a pop cycle, or u get ice cream, or pudding, gummies like anything I know they will want for a snack after dinner that works with my kids.b
Stop giving her the most attention. You’re rewarding her tantrums. Tell her that her brothers actually ate the food you prepared for dinner so they get your attention. I’m not saying ignore her, just don’t give her extra time when your sons are actually doing what you ask of them.
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Youre the parent. Eat or go hungry
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If you want xxx you’ll eat xxx.
Very big fan!
Also, I use the one bite rule.
If it’s on your plate you take one bite.
You must chew and swallow.
If you hate it, fine, but you tried it.
No sweets unless you eat!
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At 8 years old, she is playing you. Dont make another meal or make her eat it. But when she says she’s hungry, give her her dinner. Also, she wont die going to bed hungry 1 night. Just make sure she has something to eat in the AM
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My 3 year old is like this. I still question how long he will go this week before he eats and then eventually he does. I just refuse to give in.
Start small. I just always make it available, even if I know they don’t like it. They must try it…tastes change. May begin with her trying a bite of each thing that’s for dinner before she gets her “meal”, move into her finishing a side or entree portion before she eats what she “wants”, eventually requiring her to eat what y’all eat or nothing of the other. There will be plenty she doesn’t like, but it won’t always be that way. She’ll eventually eat a variety of things, you won’t fuss if she don’t like something. She does this because it’s allowed and you engage her and her fits and eventually give in. She’s tougher than you. If she knows it’s not a choice and not open for discussion, you take the fight away. She can have a meltdown, but no more tail wagging the dog. I promise, she won’t starve.
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Take a look at autism.nutritionist on instagram. There’s a lot of great advice for getting picky eaters to try certain foods
She will eat whens she is hungry.
At that age? She wont starve. Eat it or go to bed without is what id say🤷♀️ like some one else said above…dont let an 8yr old run the house, your the parent
I have been here. What we done was had our son help with preparing the dinner, getting the food, washing the vegetables, cutting mushrooms with a child friendly knife, he would then help with mixing the food (adult supervision at all times). He looked forward to tasting what he helped to make, we also brought over a spit bowl (not very nice but we were desperate) if he tasted it and didn’t like it he has his bowl that he could take it straight out of his mouth. If he ate his meal he got a treat. If he didn’t eat what was Infront of him then he knew he would get no treat. We stopped given attention to him not eating. If he said he was t going to have his dinner then we would quickly remind him that he won’t get his treat.
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You 100% can send her to bed without food. My daughter went through a phase like this. I would ask her what she wanted for dinner, make that, she would refuse to eat it.
Your kid won’t starve themselves.
We started a 3 bite rule where she had to try 3 bites if everything on her plate, and I would ask her about what she tasted, the texture, etc. Her hunger strike lasted off and on for 2 weeks and we haven’t had a problem since.
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My just turned 5yo girl does this. I put down the meal and 8/10 times she’ll shove it away and demand I make something else. She’ll claim that she doesn’t like it or say it has pepper 
but in my house, kids who don’t eat their dinner go to bed. I’ll encourage her to eat it but it’ll sit there until everyone else is done and then I’ll tell her it’s bedtime and then she’ll have a mini tantrum and finish her plate. If it’s something new I’ve cooked and she says she doesn’t like it, then I’ll make her a sandwich or noodles but otherwise, bed.
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How about asking her to help plan some meals and make them with you? Maybe some power, within limits, she’ll be excited and might want to eat better
Ask her to help with dinner. Maybe include a side she does like. If she refuses still it’s a pb&j and if she won’t eat that then she sits while y’all eat dinner then goes to bed with nothing.
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Try giving her small portions at a time. So she dont feel over welmed with it. Make her try a bite of everything. That way she at least tried it. Like everyone is saying. Her going to bed hungry won’t hurt her. It’ll be rough with the tantrums but if u push through them. Eventually she will know they don’t get her way anymore. I know its easier said than done. Hang in there. It will get better one day. Just stay consistent.
I managed to get my 7yo to eat everything we did by exposing her to a girl she really looked up to who ate everything that was put in front of her, knowing that that girl ate those things made her at least try them and decide she liked them herself, also making her try things three+ times before she says she truly doesnt like it and switch it for a similar yet different thing
I understand your struggle!! We have 4.5 kids ( due in dec). Our first was always small and we were constantly worried about his weight so we bent over backwards just to get him to eat. Eventually we discovered that if he didn’t like (more like want) what we were giving him he would purposefully get sick all over his plate so we would have to make him something else to eat. We came to the decision when making meals to make one meal for everyone but in doing so make sure there is at least one thing that he would eat. That way there was at least something he would be guaranteed to eat. We did say he had to try everything and now he is eating mostly everything we make for dinner. Keep working on it you got this 
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I won’t make another dinner for my picky eater, so I have some things he can have and get for himself. Granola bars, cheese sticks, yogurt. Then we all sit together and we talk about how much we like what we’re eating and try to get him to try
I was almost like your daughter and didn’t eat any meat at all but loved veggies. It’ll make me sick to my stomach and was so upsetting that my parents forced me to eat awful food. Sit her down with a food chart. Explain to her that she needs a balanced meal otherwise she’ll not grow and have health problems. Tell her she needs to eat a balanced diet and ask her to pick which foods she will eat but it has to be balanced. Then tell her that she needs to start making her own balanced meals and teach her to cook. My parents did that and it worked wonders. She’s 8 and definitely old enough to make her own food.
Buckle down. She needs to see that you are the authority. It sounds like she is trying to manipulate you, making you feel bad so she can get her way. Just explain you love her more than anything, but she had her chance to eat, if it’s bed time she can eat in the morning…if she throws a fit take away tv or toys. It will be tough but you need to stick to it, it will get easier once she realizes you will won’t cave. I have a 8 year old,3,2 and they eat what I make. I will make them try it, and eat at least half of the plate before the get up. If they refuse to eat they sit there, and eventually can bath and go to bed early, or just not have anything but water the rest of the night. If we have leftovers that they prefer they can have that, but beyond that they are eating dinner.
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Counseling please! Eating I see a eating disorder developing!
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I have a 10yr old thats exactly the same. Doesn’t eat vegetables except mashed potato or raw carrot and only eats lettuce and cucumber for salads. Eats no meat other than fish fingers or nuggets. Only meal other than that is spaghetti bolognaise. Ive been trying and he wont even try any other meats. Very plain eater. I just make him what he eats and stop fighting with him now. He eats a lot of dairy with the exception of cheese, and alot of fruit. If your child is happy and healthy I wouldn’t worry about it too much
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Partially your fault? I beg to differ. You have to teach your kids what is acceptable and what isn’t. Baring any medical issues, your kids should be eating what you decide is best for meal times. Stop giving in and put her to bed hungry if she refuses to eat. She sounds smart enough to catch on real quick…
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