My bf gets home from work and spends maybe a total of 20 minutes paying attention to our son. Then literally spends about 4 hours or more on tiktok. How do I get him to get off his phone without him getting mad at me? I have tried before mentioning he spends too much time on his phone but I get a mean reaction every time. Please any advice would help. Thank you
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For some of us, getting on our phone when we get home is a way to unwind from our mentally draining day. Let us wind down so we can have time with our family. When we are nagged about being on our phone, that just makes it worse.
If ya have to get him off the phone to be present,how about removing him from your life for a little while
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The phone is an addiction. It’s an escape from life. It keeps your mind busy so you forget about the stress of life. That’s why he likes doing it. You just need to approach it calmly and matter of fact and ask that he try to do better. If he doesn’t after that then it has become a choice and you do with that what you will.
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This is like any other addiction- you need to make him realize that. Hide his phone or lock it up - for a day - ask him to take note how many times he looks for it or thinks about it - 
My hubby is 73, retired and lives on his phone. He is missing the real world, real events, real life.
He worked, always showed up and built his retirement so we can both retire. It’s his life and he has earned his retirement. I just miss him. He follows my FB post.
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If you have mentioned it to him before and he gets an attitude 
if it were me and my husband. He would get his wish to be left alone and play on his tiktok. If your phone becomes more important than your family then you don’t deserve your family until you grow up!
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Start scheduling allotted times just set aside for you n your son with your bf. Try to have the rule no cell phones at dinner or not until your son goes to bed? Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him your goals and what you would like to happen. Compromise and stay diligent. Good luck gal! Some men just need to be told.
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You can’t force a man …they’ll do what’s important too them …if you guys mattered he’d show yall🤗
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Tell him to get off his fkn phone and help you
Go on outings with your son. Take him outside for walks, to the library, etc. Invite him along, and then he can’t say he’s spending time with you if he isn’t there.
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Only thing you can do is talk to him either he’ll stop so much or he won’t and then you will need to see if that’s what you want forever
If he wanted to, he would. 
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If he doesn’t see an issue with being on his phone, then he won’t try and result the issues you’re having.
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Maybe give him alone time when he gets home? Give him like an hour to decompress from work, have a nice dinner together and hang out?
I know as soon as I put the kids down, I play on my phone. Sometimes my husband gets upset because he wants to watch movies but I enjoy my alone time laying in bed doing absolutely nothing but playing on my phone. It helps me relax and let go of the day. Sometimes I fall asleep, sometimes I join him when I’m ready… Depends on how many “hards” I had that day.
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You can’t force anybody to do something they don’t want. If he wanted to spend time with you guys then he would. Nobody needs FOUR hours of wind down time. He chooses to spend that long. Honestly I would tell him that if he doesn’t start prioritizing you and your child then it’s over.
At least he pays attention to his son a little bit. He works maybe he wants to relax and relax his mind for a bit. In the 90s the dads were outside always messing with the cars. I’m addicted to my phone but I’m working on it. If he wasn’t on his phone what would he be doing? Or what would you like him to do? At least he works and comes home to his family
It’s an addiction. Treat it as such.
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I’m sorry but this world has made us believe that we need our phones for everything a people seriously try to normalize it. I see stories like this, men that are in the bathroom for 2 hours on it, an you can’t go anywhere without seeing people on them. Even at dinner! It disgusts me an I make sure my family spends time together and only is on electronics for a limited time… people act literally lost without it and it’s pathetic… put your foot down.
Girrrrrlllllll…
Cut that bum loose.
Start doing shit with your son without him.
Put all of your attention into your son and developing interests outside of “the bum”.
It’s called moving on.
Love him enough to leave him behind while you and your son make wonderful memories together.
It’s obvious “the bum” checked out of the relationship waaayyy back.
Give him enough space for you and your son to have unlimited fun together without him.
You only have one shot to raise your baby boy.
If he wanted to, he would. He’s shown you what he wants to do. Now you get to decide what to do about it, because changing him isn’t on the agenda. I will say that you deserve attention without begging for it. And don’t believe his ‘I’ll change’ when you leave. He won’t. They never do. Go get you some child support and primary custody and move on with your life. I’m sure he will be an unreliable parent if you’re not living together, too, since he can’t be bothered to be a parent when you’re both right there.
Good luck. We women are much stronger than they are. You’ll be ok.
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He’s home on his phone on TikTok after a long day at work not at the bar. Cut him some slack and go sit next to him and watch funny TikToks with him.
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I’ve had to start training the child ask her dad for what she needs from him whether it is time or monetary.
I’m guilty of spending too much time on my phone. I get over stimulated easily and I disappear into my phone. If I’ve been extra stressed in general, it’s worse. I tend to “zone out” in my phone. Literally scrolling and not absorbing anything. It just helps tune out all the “noise” in my own head.
It is completely unintentional and I don’t realize I’m doing it WHILE I’m doing it. But it is an issue that I’m aware of, and when my wife comes to me and says “hey babe, you’ve been spending a lot of time on your phone lately” it’s a gentle reminder for me to be more aware and put in the extra effort to put my phone down and make time for her and our family. She doesn’t come at me accusing or with attitude, and I don’t respond with anger. Most of the time I can genuinely recognize that she’s right and I have been. There are times where I am completely oblivious and will tell her I didn’t realize I was or feel like I was spending that much time on my phone, but even then, I don’t get defensive, it’s more apologetic and I still make that extra effort to be more aware of my own actions.
How you approach the subject can and should have a big impact on how the conversation goes. But if you are approaching him calmly and respectfully and he is still getting angry with you, the phone isn’t the bigger issue.
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There’s videos on tiktok that show how kids are when parents are glued to their phone instead of spending that time playing with them… look them up & send them to him.
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Find another boyfriend that likes you better than his phone.
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Okay, I’m gonna take another take on this and make some assumptions. I’m gonna guess that’s he’s overworked and overstimulated. Coming home from work and going right to parenting when you’re drained mentally is hard. I think a lot of people forget that men have these feelings we get too, they just don’t know what to do with them and don’t show them. It sounds to me like he’s using his TikTok to escape his own mind and settle down. I would suggest talking with him, and don’t say “you do this”, that’s gonna make most people mad. Tell him that you feel like you and the babe are not getting enough time with him and miss him. Would really appreciate more one on one. Maybe give a suggestion for hours like he comes home, greets y’all, maybe takes an hour to unwind and be by himself so he can clear his own mind and then come back to y’all ready to give y’all his full attention. Either way, I hope it works out for you, good luck!
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Other people are exhausting. Maybe he doesn’t want to be bothered. Let the poor child play his games 
If he’s home and not running around be thankful. And maybe after he gets home run an errand so he has to interact with your son.
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He is your bf that’s what he is a boy that is a friend. You can’t change him, it’s about what you will allow
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Prayers for your boyfriend
Make a TikTok of him coming home, kissing the kid, then sitting on TikTok all night 
Since he wants to stay on his phone, offer him to go with but you and baby go do stuff. You and baby go out to dinner, if he don’t want to come he can make his own dinner at home, you and baby go out for walks or to a movie, if dad won’t go dad misses out. Eventually it will get to where there needs to be a choice. Phone or family.
Who cares if he gets mad. Are you not disappointed? Are you not kind of mad? Leave. Maybe then he’ll get his head out of his ass
Stop worrying about making him mad and start communicating. If you cant talk about things (like him being on the phone all the time) then what happens when the big really big problems happen.? Tell him!!!
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Bro that scrolling addiction is a real thing.
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Never ending battle … it’s a way out of doing shit at home
Lol do what i do and bitch and nag eventually my husband got tired of it haha 
If you want, just walk out the door and say you’ll be back later. He has no choice but to do the baby. Or!!!??? Maybe go have a nap, do somethings so he HAS to do the baby. He sounds like he’s still involved, just not up to your standards of involvement? It sounds like he’s providing for you guys, but the proceeds don’t exceed?? Maybe give him a reason. I work an 8 hour night, he works a 13hours day, and we are both stuffed, him a little more than me, but he’s started to hate living in a mess. So if I wash, he drys, he sweeps, I mop. Or, my favourite, “you want the chores or the child” they always choose the child. Chores aren’t there thing 
I think it’s a battle worth having. Maybe find a part time or night job, put in some extra hours outside the home so you have leverage. Work and the baby, he just has work. You win the argument 
Should get a white board and REPORT all your days work, then he’ll have a visual so when you do moan you have physical evidence displayed for his eyeballs to see:sweat_smile:
Maybe give his a list/tasks that are his and only his. You refuse to touch it. Things like: you clean the toilet every morning, rubbish and recycling, folding washing (that day or what ever day you do want to) .
flash him, it works for almost anything
Don’t sweat the small stuff
As he is working
He deserves his downtime
It would be worse if he didn’t work at all and did nothing but gaming all day , every day
Mine spends ALL of his time on his phone literally ALL the time he’s never off it unless he’s sleeping…doesn’t care for anything but his phone
Im not putting up with bullsh-t childish stuff like that.Hes suppose to be a grown man.Put up or shut up .Life is too short to be miserable I Will stop doing all kinds of things for him
So many people saying leave him because he’s spending to much time on tiktok after work 
praying for y’all 
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Ashlee Lambert wanting to spend some time with him isnt clinging on to him. She never said she didn’t work.
Have a little chat with him…i think phons were probably the worst invention ever…they ruined the art of proper communication
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No lie. TikTok contributed to my marriage ending
There’s a lot of factors here. If the baby is a baby-baby, then let’s be honest… they are boring. A newborn basically eats, poops, screams, and sleeps. Tell him you want to do a date Night, or offer to let him pick a movie to watch. If the child is old enough to move around and interact, make a cute bedtime routine that involves him. My husband has been doing the same routine with my daughter since she born and she’s 11yrs old now lol. Sometimes that’s the majority of interaction they have and it’s special to them.
Since Christmas is coming, you can also plan cute activities as well like going to see santa, or going to a local parade. Since he’s spending so much time on tik tok, I’m going to assume he’s young (below 30?), so desiring family time may come with age.
If his job is stressful or labor intensive, the time he takes is probably necessary to wind down.
Tell him to get his lazy no good a$$ off the phone and help with the child or he can get down the road. Screw walking on eggshell, worried about him getting mad, rule your roost. Sounds like dating a potato is better than him.
My marriage ended because of this. 14 hours a day of Xbox and I eventually would NOT STOP bringing up the issue until it ended in divorce. Completely emotionally unavailable for the children unless I made him be a father. He left for someone who let’s him do w.e he wants and had an older child so now he can Xbox all day and night and party with no obligation to his kids whatsoever.
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Maybe find your own hobby or things to do or friends and not cling onto someone the second they get home from work making demands. He’s probably tired from carrying 2 financial burdens wieh no help. Or maybe get a night job with hours after he is home.
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I mean you go get shit on for 13 hours a day and be expected to come home just be happy go lucky, shit don’t work like that. I love my ole lady very much, but I only get 4 hours at home I’m not gonna be up her ass for the 4 hours I get to my self I’m sorry
A bunch of yall are toxic as hell! Let that man unwind. Are you a sahm?
4 hours on tiktok? Yea grow up 
Tiktok is full of a bunch of young girls half naked shaking their shit. That’s not a hobby
I spend a lot on mine soon as I get home from work to be honest, but my reason is at work I don’t get on it not even to check messages I do it on my own time not company time
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Some of these comments are not it. At least he spends 20 minutes with his son? Dont cling to him as soon as he gets home/get a hobby? Wow…who hurt yall? My husband works a very demanding job. Some days he’s gone from 5am til 10pm, but I’ll be damned if he walks thru the door and not give our children attention, or me. Does he play on his phone or Xbox? Yes. But he makes sure he’s spent time with kids, and will ask me is there anything I need? Then if I say no, I gladly watch him play his game. Some nights we both want to be alone, but will be cuddled on the bed, playing on our phones. I get the need to unwind from work, but a mother also needs to unwind from being a parent. A mother also needs to feel wanted and given attention as well. He can come in, spend a couple hours with wife/gf and son, then once the child is asleep, he can unwind at the same time the mom gets to unwind. He doesn’t get to ignore a child just because “he’s overwhelmed”. He doesn’t get to just play on his phone 4hrs straight. That’s an addiction. Not him unwinding. Kids/spouse should always be a priority.
I appreciate all of the extra time you’ve given me in recent months. I’d been struggling to understand (problem here), and you really helped me wrap my head around the solution. You only get so many chances in your professional life to feel confident in what you do, and you work hard to make those moments happen.
If he gets mad at you for asking something like that then he is still super immature. Time to tell him to step up or step away
Take your son and go to park or for a walk anything and just leave your bf out of it. If he doesn’t get it, perhaps you might want to consider if he’s ignoring you and his child now what’s the chances he’s going to suddenly decide to change on his own. Also some men do much better when they can relate to the children at a little older than an infant. It’s a learning experience for everyone. Cut every one a little slack