How can I get my child to stop putting her hands on other kids?

Soo my 5 year old daughter is in kindergarten and she’s had her numerous times of getting in trouble with using her hands on other students. Yes she knows she’s wrong for it and tells the school social worker that she’s wrong and wants to say her sorry to the other student when the incident happens. Well this is the 4th incident and she pulled another students hair because she was first in line when’ my daughter wanted to be first in line and now she has no recess for three days at school. What can I do at home to make sure this doesn’t happen again? I already took her dvd player away from another incident with her little sister and she doesn’t seem to really care when she’s in timeout just sitting on her bed


I would consider taking her to her primary care doctor and possibly a therapist if they recommend… I’d definitely recommend professionals rather than social advice… that being said… this is from personal (and professional) experience…
Your baby is going through something outside of these incidents… is something going on at home? Is something going on at school? On the bus to school? Is another child older/bigger than her bullying her? They often will take it out on someone more their size…
Another thought is that she could possibly have (later diagnosed as I’m not sure of the ages they label some of these diagnosis) impulse control disorder. If you notice that she is acts faster than she thinks, I would work through exercises to help her think (of the consequences) before she acts.
Whatever you do, don’t let the school label her before you can get to the root of the issue and help her do better.
Wishing you the best, she’s only a baby still and learning her way.


I’d consider pulling her out of school and homeschooling her. Give her an environment to thrive in instead of punishing her for being in one that she doesn’t.


She’s not associating the loss of DVD player or timeouts with the bad behaviour. I would do storyboarding about how certain actions make people sad and why we shouldn’t do things. “Using her hands” is such a euphemism. Tell it like it is. If she knows it’s wrong to physically hurt people then why does she think it’s okay to keep on doing it? The storyboarding could discuss consequences of hurting people in that you make them sad and no one wants to be your friend. If she thinks it’s unfair she’s not first, then it’s time she learnt life isn’t fair and she needs to realise she can’t always get what she wants. Think less about punishment and more about education.


Maybe she’s having problems with another child at school and her way of reacting to it is to bully others as she is being bullied. That being said, it isn’t right. It could also be as simple as something she’s watching during screen time you aren’t aware of, or if she sees conflict at home she could be mimicking it. Start by having her draw pictures. Just ask her to draw what goes on and what shes feeling when she gets upset at school and go from there.

5 is a hard age specially if they only have limited social interaction befor school, I would take some time and get her to understand when she gets angry and how to deal with those feelings. If her little sister is doing something to upset her make sure you address it so she feels she is being listened to show her that there are more effective methods than violence

Address the feelings she is having prior to the behaviour of putting her hands on another and help her learn to deal with and process those feelings in a more appropriate manner. The school should not be providing a punishment like taking away a child’s time to be active and play and feel free. This can make the physical aggression worse actually.

Sitting on the bed as time out isn’t nothing. Make her stand in corner and don’t let her move her face from that corner. I can bet you she will not like that at all.

My daughter was like this
We had a conversation about it

She needs a lot better supervision so she can be taught how to handle conflicts

You need to figure out why she’s doing it. Sounds impulsive to me. Maybe she has ADHD. These kids she’s hurting may also be making fun of her regularly & she reacts when that anger builds up. Schools like to say it’s unprovoked because they don’t want to deal with the constant teasing & mental torment kids put other through. They’d rather continue causing the pain your child is going through by making her out to be the villain. I’ve learned through having kids in school for 20+ years not to trust ANYTHING teachers or school administration says. Do your own investigation. Find out what is going on with your kid. They’re not going to tell you.


She’s a bully in the making, you gotta be mean to her the same way she is to others. Tell her it’s not cool to treat others badly and reward her for good behavior


Having her do a time out on the bed doesn’t do anything because she can play with toys , take a nap etc . I used to do the bedroom time outs but more often than not they’d be playing or even take a nap . So now time outs are the length of your age . So 5 years old 5 mins time out and what helped me was sitting them in the bathroom on top of the toilet seat and took away all bath toys etc out and it seems to be effective . So I agree find a different place in a corner facing the wall , in the bathroom , sitting in a hallway etc

Jess Heleski ok first of all, not everyone has that option. Second of all, getting in trouble for putting her hands on people doesn’t mean she can’t thrive in that environment. Thats called a consequence for an action.