I have a three-year-old son that is turning four next month and a seven-year-old daughter that is turning 8 in November. I want to be more patient. I want to understand them more. How do I get them to respect me? To know, I mean business without having to yell and get so worked up? I want them to grow up knowing I did my best. Thank you so much for your time.
Make the emotional connection before you make the lecture. Also give them more choices/ freedoms. My four year old picks out her own outfits now and has access to her clothes. Choices for lunch options etc.
Idk what you do now but getting to their eye level is important in my experience. I try to talk to them eye to eye and show them the respect I want them to give me in return and when they disregard what I say I ask them why. I also discipline my children usually by taking things they like away for a short period of time. Sometimes just for a few ours or a day depending on what they did. My oldest is 9 and is super respectful has great manors and is good in school my 3 yr old is young so his discipline is usually short a few hours long without his favorite toy or show. He is very well behaved. I find talking to them to be key. Communication works on kids as well
Good luck cause if u haven’t made them respect you by now it’s not going to b easy. U take things away you ground them you do time outs .
Set rules, let them know the rules. Make sure there are consequences if they break the rules. Enforce the rules every day. Say what you mean and mean what you say always. Don’t let back talk happen today because you are in a silly fun mood and then punish for it tomorrow because you aren’t in a good mood. Always be consistent. They will learn that you mean what you say. I would tell my kids what was expected of them. They would get 1 warning ( I would say this is your 1 warning ) if you don’t do what I asked then next step is consequence. Same if they asked for something. If my answer was no and they ask again… this is your 1warning. My answer is no if you ask again there will be a punishment. ( they learn no means no). You can even explain that by not listening when you said no they are disrespecting you and you never get good rewards when you are being disrespectful. You have to establish you are the boss first, then you can be less strict because they don’t push the limits as much. Always be parent first instead of trying to be friends. They are gonna love you… although if you are doing it right they all say they hate you at some point
Whoop that butt. Thats how
Get on their level when you speak to them. Don’t stand and speak down to them. Get down on a knee (face to face) use a calm and soft yet deeper and more stern tone. Force your children to keep eye contact with you and make sure you keep their attention when you’re speaking to them. Reward the good behavior. Don’t just punish the bad. When they do wrong, don’t show them you’re mad, but let it be known how disappointed you are in their behavior and explain the lesson you want them to take away from the situation. Seal every lesson with a bear hug and an “I love you”.
I agree communication is key! Kids are super smart, they just don’t know much, so that’s where you come in. Start explaining your reasoning as soon as they’re old enough to understand.
It’s so hard. I am having the same issue. They will not listen to me unless I say the F word. Then they get real scared. I’m trying so hard to have more patients with them but it’s hard when I’m not taken seriously.
Always stick to your word. If you say you’re taking something away, take it away. If you say you will do something, do it. No empty threats. Take a breath before you speak when you’re angry so you make sure to say what you want. Start time outs early (I started my son at 1 year…only for a few seconds and then longer and longer as he got older).
Consequences come early. Consistently. When I tell my kids this long to do something, I mean that they have that long to do as I ask or they will have the consequence. And then I follow through. If I want them to stop doing something, I ask them once. If they don’t listen, they have a consequence. I don’t have to get angry for them to do what I need them to do. You don’t need to “whoop” them. My kids are 17 and 10 and when they were little, consequences looked like timeouts or losing something that mattered to them (TV, dessert, time with friends, a special activity we were planning, etc). Timeouts they went to the timeout spot (somewhere I could monitor them but away from toys and everyone else. They got one minute for every year of age, and timeouts didn’t start until they were quiet and sitting still. The first couple of times you do that, it’s a battle and they sit for WAY longer than they need to…but they get it. At their current ages, they lose privileges. My daughter doesn’t want to lose her phone, my son doesn’t want to lose video games. The biggest thing is that your kids have to know you will follow through with consequences when they act up and they have to know it’s every time and that you ask once. Because if sometimes you ask once and sometimes you ask 4 times, they are going to test that boundary EVERY TIME.
Give warnings and let them know consequences… stick to your word. No need to yell but follow through is key. Like the other mamas said. If you say you are going to do something stick to it. Getting down to eye level and setting clear and calm expectations. Be sure they understand what you said by having them repeat it back to you.
Consistency and follow through. Don’t threaten any consequences that you don’t want to follow through on. Take away privileges. Acknowledge their feelings so they feel noticed but follow through is the biggest thing.
Structure, consistency, limits, boundaries.
Spank there ass when they need it I’m 4ft 9inch my son was my height at 5 I whooped there butts when they needed it if I hadn’t they probably would have killed me lol my son is now 26 has 4 kids 3 are seep kids he’s adopting he still runs from me if I get after him
Be consistent, communicate at that age & explain why, have fun, reward with games or baking together after chores.
Make rules and write it down on a chart. Let them come up with some aswell. Hang it up and every time they dont listen or are disrespectful give a time out or make them do a chore as punishment. It will help set expectations and consequences while also teaching responsibility and they will love it because they get to be included when making the rules! you would be surprised at what rules will come up with… lol, hope this helps
Be consistent and a wooden spoon…keep one in car also.
Supernanny is on lifetime, YouTube and Facebook.
Her methods have helped me tremendously!
Get down to your child’s level.
Make eye contact with your children.
Use a firm tone! ( changing the tone in your voice will let your children know if you mean business.)
Before you go out let the children know where your going. What your doing. Your expectations of them.
Patience is the trick. I yelled slot before and now my 8 yo yells😥 Now if I catch myself getting too worked up I’ll take a step back and calm down instead of totally losing it…if it’s because of mess they are making or something, it can be handled after I calm down because it’s easier to clean the mess in the house then to undue mental damage. Time out is my go to. If they continue to scream and kick or whatever it is the time don’t start until they settle down (one min per year.) I grew up with a teller and I’m a teller and I’m trying to fix that now.
I was told to never tell them : respect me! But to tell : be respectful in your ways! Instead. Also respect is something we earn in our way of acting but they have to act in a respectful way. I found it works on my 12 yo. Now i always remind her to act and speak in a respectful way to me or a teacher instead of telling her to respect them. She does
Not easy not to get angry at your kids so don’t feel bad if there are times that you lose patience and in those age, most kids just don’t listen. Communication, setting limits, constant reminders & being firm will be very helpful. You don’t have to ask them to respect you as their mother, just remind them to respect older people at all times & that includes being sensitive to other people’s feelings.
Try showing them respect.
You’re an awesome Mama Misty…wish you had been around when I was raising Children…OH WAIT …
Set clear rules, and consequences for breaking rules, for example if you make a rule about picking toys up when they are done with them, take the toys away for a week. Stick to the rules and consequences. Consistency is the key if you let something slide they will not expect you to always let it slide. It helps to write down the rules as well as the consequences for not following them down where the children can see them. Also while talking to them talk to them eye to eye, ask questions to see if they understand what you are saying. Don’t do the “go ask your dad, go ask your mom” you and their father also need to be on the same page with the rules and he has to give the same consequences for rule breaking as you do.
Have you considered a Triple P course or Positive Lifestyle Course? Valuable!
Be firm, consistent but fair. Give them the grace you hope to receive. With younger kids, I hold their hands and get at eye level. They need to see that you’re fully focused on them. Give plenty of positive attention too, praise a job well done, even small improvements.
It depends on the kids. My parents drove me through a bad part of town and showed me what life would be like as a kid who didnt listen to their parents. Set me straight.
Remember you are parent, set the boundries and stand by them. Actions have consequences.
Whoop that ass. Not beat them… whoop their ass. There’s a difference
make them understand that there are consequences for terrible decisions.
Most people stop listening the minute someone raises their voice to them. You should teach by example and respectfully speak to them. With my children I believe in choices and consequences, when we were both angry or annoyed we would wait to have conversations, they are very respectful adults today.
You must first show them what respect is before expecting them to show you respect. When they ask yes or questions answered yes/no sir or yes/no ma’am. Require they answer you the same way. Begin with teaching them about speaking respectful before you teach them how to act respectful.
Peaceful parents happy kids is a book that changed me forever! Highly recommend listening to it on audible (free with trial)
Ok but what if you showed them respect and they still don’t respect you. Hell when I was a kid my parents told.me to.do something g I do it. There was no telling g me twice. I have this problem with my daughter she is 15 and there are days I just want to throw in the towel. I have shown her respect and I never get it back.
Throw the slipper at them
Practice the look! I can even give my dog the look and he knows . But I talk to my kids like they are ppl and I listen to them. Start with taking away privilege or something they like doing. I don’t have to raise my voice to mine if I ask them to do something they will do it. If schoolwork isn’t done no games or sleepovers. If they don’t pick up I bag things up and it goes away. I have also been doing this since they were little. If we go to someone’s house they pick up b4 we leave.
When you say ‘no’ mean it. Not No today but ok tomorrow because aunt Sue is here. Smacking their butts won’t kill them & they will thank you much later in life. Mine did !