You’re not overreacting. I’m sure he isn’t working on the yard and house everyday. Options…He can help take care of your children…its his responsibility. Tell him you’ll work outside of the home and he can pay for childcare.
Let him take care of his own needs…less work for you.
Finally…find a new spouse.lol
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It’s not as much about the chores as it is about his lack of care for how you are feeling. Does he show respect and care for you and your feelings on other issues? You shouldn’t have to twist his arm, he should naturally and willingly be concerned for you and want to see this as a “us” issue and not just “your” issue. You both could make suggestions for alternative solutions to serve the entire family. He should care to think of ways, when and how he can help and not just dismiss you. Are there things he needs/wants that you dismiss or do you care to help meet his needs too? In other areas of your relationship, (such as finances, parenting, how to spend free time) do you function as a “couple” or is it “him” and “you?” Perhaps he would consider hiring a housekeeper or Mother’s helper for a few hours a week or perhaps you have a specific time, once a week, that you are “off” from your regular role and leave the house to have some time to yourself to relax and recharge, whether it be just to take a long ride, walk on the beach, meet a girlfriend, get your hair done… He also needs to have the maturity to understand you will be able to give more to the family without exhaustion and resentment if you also make time for yourself. It’s about communication, teamwork and compromise. If he absolutely hates vacuuming (just an example) okay that’s fine, but maybe he can offer to take the kids out or to a park or whatever for “time with Daddy” for a few hours once per week so you can have the house to yourself to complete tasks and have a little break. Just some things for you guys to think/talk about and try. If these don’t work, try again, but the biggest issue is not the laundry, it’s whether he cares and wants to function as a “family” where all members are valued.
He would help or he wouldn’t get dinner or clean underwear to wear on his ass! You can’t help you figure your own shit out. Ask my hubby he know lol! He helps (always has) so I don’t have that issue
Hire house cleaners that also do laundry. Its the only way when doing all the other stuff.
I thought a marriage was all about partnership team work he is a father to your kids so your not asking too much at all even if he helped out by bathing kids or putting them to bed SERIOUSLY…. If my husband said that to me I’d Stop doing anything for him id say well you can do your own cooking,cleaning,washing etc just do it for yourself and kids let him do his own. Maybe then he might think of what you actually do and how it’s having an effect on you…. I cannot stand men who think it’s a woman’s job to do everything in the house and everything with the kids and I wouldn’t stand for it either !!!
It sucks people are laugh reacting. I don’t think he is going to change, especially if you have asked. It is up to you whether or not you want to put up with it or not. I wouldn’t be helping him if he won’t help you. I’d also treat him like a roommate at that point as well. No lovey dovey, kissy kissy. Lol. I hope it gets better.
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Order food out and make him pay a couple nights a week if he doesn’t want to cook.
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Hire a housekeeper every other week. Pay for it out of your mutual account or make him pay half
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Start shrinking his clothes so he doesn’t want you to wash them anymore 
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I think theyre all like this tbh
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Sounds like your husband is trash and you need to take him to the city dump and leave his ass there
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I wish I could help here. My husband has always jumped up to help if he sees me up cleaning. On a weekend that he’s off, we take a few hours and tackle things together. However, I do find that without direction he sometimes just kind of stands not knowing what to do 
. He wants to help but isn’t sure where to start. So I usually just ask, “hey, babe, can you do this for me? Babe, do you mind to do this? Will you (insert chore here). Can you help me get this done?” Stuff like that. Once I get him going, he usually figures out what to do from there. Maybe try that? If it doesn’t feel like a set chore and more like he’s just helping you get some stuff done, he may be more responsive. Mix up what you’re asking him to do too so it’s not always the same thing. I know you shouldn’t HAVE to ask, but if that’s what he needs to get going… 
of course, I’ve also been known to go the “stark raving” route in the past so maybe he’s willing to hop up and help to save his own life
To keep the peace, hire help twice a week. Someone to shop, prepare meals, and do whatever you’d prefer they do. You’d like the help it doesn’t matter who does it only that it gets done to give you a much needed break. Sounds like you need a vacation as well…
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I would stop doing his laundry his dishes and cooking for him and if he would ask why i would tell i am done doing my work for today tit for tat alittle help will not kill him
If asking him doesn’t get him to help, he has no intention to… Just stop doing it, or just clean up after yourself-at some point he won’t like living in his own filth & if not move out & leave him in his sty
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Stop doing all his laundry. Hire help to clean house once a week. He needs to step up and help. If he doesn’t I’d kick him out til he can step up in the marriage. He literally works only 8 hours a day and you work way more plus take care of whole house.
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Get a divorce Just kidding, all jokes aside, you’re not over reacting. He should help when he gets home. You both work 8 hours and everything at home should be shared
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It’s really sad though, my husband won’t lift a finger to help me around the house. Not even if I don’t feel good. Just today I’m thinking about moving back to my hometown. I think I’m done with all of it here. He even using me to pay all the house bills. All I get is my disability.
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Quit helping with outside stuff, quit doing his laundry and every meal you cook should be everything he doesn’t like. He is lazy.
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Stop helping him and say “well you don’t help me so……”
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What nationality is your husband? German and spanish are hardest to prepare for home aid. Have you made cookies or such then put in oven or cupboard then when he is in kitchen ask him to bring them in tv area for family. Do hire help once a week for house cleaning and laundry. Do make you a date out once week alone, have nice lunch while making a list of positive family traits. Enjoy
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If it’s not something that you or your kids use or wear, don’t make it/don’t wash it/don’t pick it up. If he thinks everything is your job, then he can take care of himself. He’s a baby but you’re not his mother
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A couple of people suggested hiring a cleaning service. Yeah, with his money. I don’t get why people think that it is solely a woman’s job to do the domestic work and take care of the kids. This is not the 50’s. And if a woman is working and paying half the bills, then the man can do domestic work. He can also take care of his kids right along with their mother. You see, these are things that need to be discussed during courtship before marriage and children. Now it’s not so easy to put him in his place ( likely out the damn door) because you have ties to him. Personally, I’d be petty and when pettiness fails, hit the road jack, because at this point, he is nothing more than a roommate with access to benefits he should have no rights to.
Like, did she make those kids by herself. No, he helped her and therefore he need to help her care for them.
Do she live in that house by herself? No, he lives there too. Therefore, the domestic responsibility should shared responsibly.
Ain’t nobody got time for that!
My uncle used to say “ don’t no man want no nasty woman.” Well surprise, don’t no woman want or need no lazy man.
Hire a cleaner and leave him w the kids… go out alone an recharge … spa days… mani pedis… alone time in a park w a book… go fishn… whatever u miss doing…
Team work makes the dream work. No reason for any person, in any relationship to not invest effort.
It’s my secret to my long, happy marriage. Compromise. Each person helps. Each person contributes. Each person feels needed and loved.
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Marriage is a partnership and if hes not helping then what do u need him for?
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My opinion is that if you live in the house, you should have responsibilities that are necessary for the running of the household. Husbands, wives and children.
We teach people how to treat us 
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He’s lazy and obviously doesn’t care that you’re over worked and frustrated, since talking to him didn’t work, divorce him. He can take care of everything for himself and see if that suits him better than helping you out with the household that both of you live in. I’m so sick of these men thinking working a full time job is enough yet woman are supposed to work full time, take care of the house, the kids, the laundry, the meals and still have the energy to satisfy them sexually while they put in zero effort.
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No. He’s being selfish
You have three kids, have them do chores.
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Since you run a daycare in your home he might feel like its a mess that your family had not made…maybe Designate a part of your home that daycare kids dont go and then see if he helps out… sounds like you both work long days but your home has kids all over so he might feel like its not his job to help out taking care of what others are using.he has his job and you have yours,its not his job or responsibility to take care of your job just because its in your home…if you worked outside of the home would he share in the responsibility of caring for it?or would it be to you to work and care for the home.
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Throw the whole husband out
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Dont Feed Him until he helps!! Lol
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Good Grief some of these comments are hysterical. Will things be better if you divorce him? Then you may have to do everything yourself and fight in court over custody, child support, visitations, the cost of a divorce, lawyer fees, loss of grandparents, loss of children having both parents in the home. Some men are that way. Its tough , to work a full time job like you both do, raise 3 children and keep things done up. Many of us have been there, done that and got divorced and I promise it doesn’t get better for either of you and mainly the children. Just some FYI. Don’t send me hateful remarks other people. I’m not being rude or judgemental. I hope everything works out for you the way you want. 
Quit doing his laundry, cooking for him and washing his dishes. If you do everything inside then there’s no reason you need to do anything outside
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Sometimes we expect people to do what we would do for them I wouldn’t say stop cooking and cleaning for your husband because that’s your husband I would say stop extending yourself to help him with his job which is probably why you’re more frustrated because you help him and he doesn’t help you let him do his job for his part that he does do and you continue to do what you do and just find ways to cut your work in half if your children are of age make them help you if they go to school all day make sure they do chores when they get home help you cook dinner there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having your children help you with the job instead of putting it on your husband he works you works it just happens that your job is in the home and it’s frustrating doing the same thing in and out in the same environment but with a little time management and a lot less guilt that we women carry for not possibly washing the dishes one night or cooking dinner one night or doing laundry don’t do it every night who says the house has to be spotless who says you have to work 12 hours a day keeping it up.
Sorry mf…Boot his ass out.You better off without taking care of a grown mf
Honestly I think it’s dumb. We are all grown adults. If your spouse needs help, get off your butt and help. This shouldn’t even be thing
Stop feeding him & stop doing his laundry!! Stop cleaning the house!! Problem solved!!
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Stop doing everything yourself.Who contributes to the mess let them help.
When he finds his clothes are limited he would know. If he can’t hear let him feel. Marriage is not a maid service it’s a merger.He has his letters mixed up
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Stop doing his dishes laundry etc. .and for f’ sake why are you trying to help him. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership not you being a second mother to him
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Show your husband this/your post.
You have already expressed yourself to no avail, so is reasonable to ask others for advice.
It’s my feeling that by doing so he will be more than willing to cook/ dishes occasionally as you requested.
I don’t feel the advice from some others regards stopping cooking, cleaning, laundry is neither useful or positive. Same goes for kicking him out lol.
If your children are capable, why not ask your husband to teach them how to do a few chores. Subliminal messaging just might work.
Keep up the great work
Hire a cleaning person to come in a couple times a month. He will get the hint. I would not put up with his crap. He has no respect for you at all.
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If a man did that to me .His stuff would be on the curve.
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Tell him don’t ask him that he is going to start helping. Otherwise leave his p art of the laundry for him to do, leave his dirty dishes and cook only for yourself and your kids. He can fend for himself.
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Definitely not overreacting. He’s lazy and not being a team player.
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No your not over reacting at all,just don’t go above and beyond doing anything .what I’d do is put a chart on the fridge for the days you would like him to help and he’s to do it bottom line.that house and kids are his responsibility also and not just the outside
I used to used to do all of this , daycare and all, including all the yard work while he went out and lives life… he ended up leaving me for his girlfriend and her son. (He was cheating for months) I didn’t make enough money for him. Now I’m in a relationship with an amazing guy and he does so much more than my ex husband ever did in the 15 years we were together. Lol boyfriend doesn’t even live with me yet!! Some people just take advantage of us!! F’k that!!
Thats ridiculous. What happened to having support? He literally does not support you at all. Him doing the outside is what every man does. But know what you do on the daily he should def be helping out more. It doesn’t matter if its the mess from daycare or from your kids. He should he helping you point blank because these are daily chores. Not outside chores that could he done every once in a while. He sounds lazy to me. He needs to be an active spouse and parent. Cut the crap about oh he worked 8 hrs in a day he’s exhausted. Well sometimes In relationships its not 50/50 its 70/30 and right now its 70/30. He does his job and boom done. He’s 30 you’re 70. Def not okay. Put your foot down love 
if you can take care of your 3 kids plus run an in home daycare then there’s nothing you can’t accomplish. Kids are def harder then people make them seem… lol lots of responsibility. You’re doing amazing.
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Nope. He needs to help you out.
Reading stuff like this makes me never want to marry.
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I think husbands should help out
Its not help. Its his house, his mess, his kids. It is his responsibility along with you.
Stop doing anything that is his
He has it too easy and wont realise that until you stop.
Let him take care of his kids and you sit and relax like he is.
Dont put up with it and he will get the message
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Sex for house work… No joke:unamused:
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First: he is very inconsiderate and selfish to adopt this attitude. Dont let him get away with it!
2nd: pick a weekend and go stay at a nice hotel, a retreat, or a friend’s house . Tell him when he gets home on Friday that you’re eshausted, need a break, and will be back Sunday evening after the kjds are in bed. No matter what he says don’t let him talk you out of it. This will give him a very clear hands on idea of what you go through. Dont worry about him, he was raised by a mother and watched how to care for kids by what she did for him.
3. Upon your return, tell him that if that experience with the kids didnt drive home your point about neeing help then you and he need marital counseling.
4. Hire someone to come in and help 3 to 4 days a week and have him pay for it.
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I guess mine is the unpopular opinion, but I was a single mom of 4, so I really did everything. Inside work, outside work worked 2 full time jobs and went to school full time. No help at home, no child support. So I say if you are a stay at home mom, home is your job, not hos. Hes done his job for the day.
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What a punk! It’s 2021 and this little bitch expects a domestic prostitute as a wife?! Wth?!
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Absolutely quit helping him do any outside work. When he asks why, tell him you’ve done your job
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This is why I love being single. I dont want to be some man’s mommy.
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Just make dinner for you and the kids. Just do yours and the kids laundry. Etc.
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He needs to help. Period. If you live there and help make the mess, then you need to help clean it. He gets a break at work and when he comes home. What breaks do you get? Probably zero. He needs to commit to at least one inside chore and help you put the kids to bed.
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Good luck with that!!!
This BULLSHIT is why more and more Men are finding themselves DIVORCED! There are way MORE responsibilities to being a HUSBAND and Father than bringing in a check! Dude’s Lucky his wife is asking for advice, I would have done tossed his LAZY ass out and slapped him with Divorce papers.
That man has been trained to behave that way. Let this be a lesson to all the young women out there playing house, playing the part of the good wife just so that he picks you. You’re setting yourself up for resentment and misery down the line. It’s just not sustainable.
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I had to write my husband lists of everything that had to be done lol otherwise he would do nothing
Not over reacting, I understand what he says about her job making a mess cuz of extra kids and all but she’s still bringing in income (even if she isn’t shes still technically helping with money cuz child care is almost a paycheck alone so she’s saving that) AND RAISING THEIR CHILDREN) SO some help especially after himself(his laundry and dinner) or simply because he should care and love his wife and mother if his children enough to care about her wellbeing and help his PARTNER around THEIR house. And yes I’ve been both married and a single mother who had to do it all so I do get it before anyone gets idea that I was stay at home mom. I worked, my daughter is stay at home mom and people don’t understand that’s not all playing and laying around watching tv and eating ice cream on couch all day and how mentally and physically up all day doing everything for everyone else plus making money watching other kids. She deserves some help and if he had to actually switch roles with her and see what she goes thru I would bet money he’d be running out the door to go to an outside job away from home to get away. I could go on and on. It surprises me this day in age that ppl still don’t get that it’s not this is my job that is yours BUT this is OUR home and OUR family but only ONE(MOM) is expected to do it all. No, a family helps one another, AND CARES about each other, PERIOD!
I was married to one liked that but i work outside the home to and do every thing on the house,til i said no more ,some mens are that way and they dont help you ,i think married is to. help each others i was lucky second husband is the best
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Girl just put in your 8 hrs plus take care of your kids and stop kissing his ass bc he won’t change.
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Get a job outside the house. Put your kids in daycare.
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Stop making his dinner and make him wash his own clothes.
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Simple don’t wash his clothes, don’t wash his plates etc he uses, don’t cook his food then he will have too do it
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send him back to his Momma so she can finish raising him
Better still get rid of the lazy git you don’t need him
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. https://answers.mamasuncut.com/t/how-can-i-get-my-husband-to-help-me-around-the-house/11287
No, but I would go to marriage counseling on it. Some guys just won’t clean.
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I’ve found it’s enjoyable to work side by side in the kitchen. Maybe you two can try that?
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My husband works 10 hours days most of the time. I’m a stay at home mom and he still comes home and helps out if I need it. Your husband sounds like a child.
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Don’t do his stuff. Say I’ll clean up my mess you clean up yours.
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No not really. If it has to do with your work I would definitely clean that up but normal household duties when you both work should definitely have some back up help from your teammate. This sounds like such an easy fix. Marriage counseling. As for dinners do a crockpot or pressure cooker. Lifesaver
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Absolutely not over reacting.
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Don’t clean and don’t do his laundry
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Hire a house cleaner! Honestly, the best solution when both partners are busy and parents as well.
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No you are not overreacting at all! Stop doing his dishes and laundry and make him. He will have to help out then! I know you are exhausted and frustrated.
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I just absolutely could not be with someone with that attitude. My partner helps when I ask for help and most of the time I don’t even have to ask. He says “We both live here”. .
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I would tell him his job doesn’t end when his work day is over. It’s his house and his kids also and he has to pitch in. I would also stop doing his laundry, dishes and making him food and cleaning up any mess he makes cause if he makes it then its his job.
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Let him clean his own stuff.
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Not overreacting. A partner is to pick up the Slack when the other needs help . It’s a team effort on all fronts , no matter the situation.
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He lives there too . He eats so he should be doing dishes, he wears clothes so he should be doing washing. Stop cooking for him and doing his washing. He will change his mind quickly.
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Couple years ago my husband used to work for the sheriff’s office and from the time he left until the time he came home was 13 hours. Saying that he still came home and helped. I was a stay-at-home mom at that point but we had three kids and he could tell some days that I was not okay and he had no problem jumping in and helping. Now we both work 8 to 9 hours a day and we both do everything around the house. Last Saturday he let me sleep in and when I woke up he had already done two loads of laundry and was getting ready to do the third. That Sunday I got up and helped him mow the grass.
I don’t know you and I don’t know your husband but your husband does not sound like he’s being reasonable. Have you tried to get him to help you clean the kitchen and you guys do it as a pair? I have seen somebody say before on another post that they just stopped doing like laundry or the cleaning and then their husband got the point and started helping. I don’t know if that will help you but I see somebody above me said maybe counseling maybe you can see if that will help.
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In past generations, the woman stayed at home and cared for the house and children, while the man worked outside the home. If, in your home, it is necessary for the woman to take on part of the man’s job, then it makes sense that the man takes on part of the women’s job.
I am just being smart here, he should step up and help, and stop the man baby act. It is not the workplace with defined roles, it is a partnership, you should help and support each other, especially if one person is struggling.
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Definitely not overreacting
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Stop doing for him .
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Stop doing it all!!! After a week he’ll get the picture.
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I would stop cooking/cleaning for him. I’m the one who works outside of the home and we split chores once off work.
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Looks like he was raised that when a man works the day hes done…like all dang men do…I laid off dishes and laundry until they was none clean guess what he got off his ass…just saying they will get buy with what u allow them to…good luck
Just hire someone to come in and do the work that he won’t help do. Problem solved.
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Leave all his laundry for him to do. Feed kids before he gets home. Darn you missed laundry call and the dinner bell.
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Do your stuff…and let him do his dishes, laundry and cook for himself when am off I do cleaning cooking have everything done for when she get home from work supper to and I clean up after so she can relax after working
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Stop doing his washing ironing etc let him see exactly how much you do. They only notice what you do when it’s not done. Take a stand
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Get a big dishwasher. Do everyone laundry but his. Tell him he has to do his own.
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