How can I get my MIL to respect my wishes when it comes to my kid?

I need to vent or get advice…idk what…I am just so annoyed…my MIL thought it would be fine to feed my 4 month old mashed potatoes at our Christmas dinner…she never listens when I tell her NO…my baby ended up choking and we had to call 911…baby is fine now thank gosh but it could have gone so much worse…I dont want to cut her off but at the same time I am tired of her not listening to me when it comes to my kid…she also babysits for us while I work and this would mean I need to find a new sitter…how can I get her to respect my wishes? or is it a lost cause at this point?


You’re at a loss. Been there with my ex mil many times. I tried and tried but she never respected my wishes. So I ended up having to cut her off completely. Since she babysits for you she can easily give whatever she wants behind your back and do as she feels while you are not there to enforce the boundaries. She is showing you utter disrespect and disregard by ignoring you. It even has caused you to call 9-1-1 now. I would not trust her with my child. (My ex mil at Christmas one year tried to give my oldest (2years old at the time) a drink of the wine she brought. I wouldn’t let her, she then said “WELL he had some sips of beer on Thanksgiving while you worked and was fine!” He wasn’t fine, he came home puking his guts up and when I asked if anyone was sick around him or if he had gotten into anything she said no. I kept him hydrated and treated it as a virus because I hadn’t known!)


I think you’re at a loss but at the same time wanna hope this was also a wake up call to her. I’m very glad your baby is okay, but I think maybe its time to step away from grandma a bit if she can’t understand that the title of YOUR child will always and 100% trump her grandchild title every time. Knowing your baby is safe and cared for to your specifications will always be better than worrying if your baby is at risk. Get a new sitter and I would hold grandma at an arms reach for a while. And if she gets offended, make the question in her mind “How would she feel if it was her baby choking and nearly being killed by someone who has no consideration for her wishes and parenting and goes against them consistently?”


I honestly wouldn’t trust her to babysit anymore after that. I would need a sincere apology and agreement to follow your instructions from now on before I’d even consider it.
Grandparents are known for spoiling their grandkids. If your baby were older and she’d just snuck him a cookie or something, that would be different…but this is a pretty severe lack of judgement on her part. I know you rely on her so you can work, but if you have any other options, at least until your babe is older…I’d find something else.


Even if she says she will listen she has proven otherwise. Your baby has to come first. Time to find a new sitter.


She will never listen my exs mom still does things I tell her no on. Find a new sitter hun bc that is a lost cause if she never listens snd I can only imagine how it is when ur not around and shes feeding baby.

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Speak up and don’t back down it’s your child. If she can’t respect that then she doesn’t need to be left alone with the child.


Get a sitter and cut her off, your baby is worth so much more

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Lost cause it only gets worse. I think separating from needing the parents to help with the child care helped the relationship to an extent cuz she couldn’t do dumb shit for me to constantly get mad at my husband over. Or say dumb shit for me to correct her over and cry to my husband about. So over 1/2 the fights stopped dead in the tracks.

I would talk first , separate daycare and then move forward to no contact. We did this for a while with mine and she’s came around to a tolerable level most of the time. She gave ours shellfish knowing my husband and I are both allergic thankfully my daughter was fine.

The grey rock method is great for holidays or times when you have to see them after the sever as well. It allows me to be semi cordial while giving them information at a high level.

Get yourself a new babysitter and pay out your ass problem solved

Cut her the fuck off for a while and she how she acts. You’re the mother, she needs to respect you and your rules and boundaries. If you don’t trust her, why the hell would you let her babysit? Find a sitter you can trust. Figure it out.

What is it going to take! She continued to do unsafe things and you still have her babysit. What else has to happen before you take action.

You can tell her ,“my way or the highway.” There is no reason for her to disrespect your rules and the reasons for giving them. If it were meat this point, I wouldn’t trust her. She has to show that she will listen to your rules. She can see the baby without being in charge of the baby. Thankfully your baby is okay now. You can forgive but not forget. Insist that if the baby is ever in her care in the future and the rules are broken, even very small ones, that she no longer sees your child…ever. That is a price she should pay for not listening in the first place. Tell her whatever you need to say to her but have your spouse and witnesses present. If I were your MIL, I would expect that type of action. I hope she already realizes this. I would get a different care taker or childcare center for the baby and MIL could only see baby while someone else was around;“if” she can regain your trust or when your child is older, then maybe she could see your child more. The biggest thing is trust and she proved that she can’t be trusted.

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She fed your 4 month old mashed potatoes despite you telling her not to, your baby choked & you had to call 911. Why would you let her watch your baby anyway, especially after that?


She proved she’s untrustworthy you know the answer already


That woman caused your child to choke which could have led to your baby dying. I would never trust her around my child again and she would be gone. Imagine what she does when you’re not around if she has enough balls to do that when you’re in the same house.

New sitter. She almost killed your baby by not listening to you tell her no.


I wouldn’t cut her off but she wouldn’t be babysitting for me again

The fact that she doesn’t listen and caused a medical emergency means she no longer gets babysitting privileges. She’s willing to put her wants over babies needs. She is not safe, she is not trusted. Find childcare that does listen to the parents.

You do t have to cut her off yet if you aren’t comfortable. But never leave baby unattended. Wear baby at all times if you can.

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I wouldn’t trust her anymore. Yes grandparents love to spoil their grandbabies but that’s just straight lack of respect on her part not to mention dangerous AF! I’d find new childcare, if I can’t trust you with something as simple as food rules then I can’t trust you with my child period. Mine gave my 8 month old preemie coffee! And didn’t understand why I was upset… She didn’t see her for awhile after but she’s never argued with me again; don’t ever be afraid to put your foot down when it comes to your babies

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Maybe the choking episode will scare her straight, either way time to pay for childcare.

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Get a doctor’s order for what she can’t feed your child and if she doesn’t follow it then tell her she’s not going to be able to watch your child if she can’t follow Dr.

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You should never ever trust that women with your baby ever again. Alone or supervised. Find a new sitter mama

That’s right, you cut that kid right out of her life! You punish your kid with your stupidity with never having a grandparent! They will hate you later! I am so sure you are perfect and if anything ever happens to your child, you will find someone to blame it on!


I will assume that the new sitter would need to be paid…is that your reason for hesitating? I love it when you’re married to the result of her raising a child without killing it and still don’t trust her. Poor judgment on the potatoes? Possibly, but I would say she’s punished herself plenty without you adding to the situation. Those of us that survived lead paint, no car seats and drinking out of the water hose are mostly rolling our eyes. But it’s your child, so you do you…:woman_shrugging:

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Your MIL caused you to have to call 911 and you don’t want to cut her off? What you waiting on? Her to kill your child?

She nearly killed your baby I would be cutting her off